Chapter 8:
Nathan shook in her arms, his cold, damp body wavering against her. "I wish he would just go – just disappear," he muttered into her hair, "because I can't leave him." Her heart broke at every word, at every syllable that got stuck in his throat as it tried to worm its way out. She pulled gently away from his embrace, never letting going, but surveying his features. He was still completely soaked. His Nike jersey clung to his shoulders and chest. Little droplets of water and dirt spiked his hair. And his eyes were welled up with pain and disappointment. His pain was so physical and substantial, and she wished with everything in her that she could just absorb it like the liquid rain running down his face. She reached for his cheek, her finger landing on a raindrop and blocking its path.
If only it would be that easy to fix him, she thought to herself. She had never met anyone like him before. The pain was so real it surrounded him. Sure, she had known people prone to hurt. Luke, for instance – but Luke's pain was enclosed by so much love. Karen, Keith, and herself would never let it get out of control. But Nathan…but Nathan, she sighed, it hurt her to see him ache with no safety net, no back-up support. It hurt so much she felt like she couldn't breath. It had gotten completely out of control for him, and now she understood that she would be that net for him. He would fall and she would catch him.
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when you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held you hand through all of these years
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She gently moved him onto her bed. He sat on the edge, his head still reaching about the same level as her standing one. God, he's so tall, she thought, slightly distracted. Pulling her mind back together, she realized that he was still shivering. The clanging waters and winds had torn through parts of his shirt and his skin was covered in goosebumps. She wanted to take care of him. She knew what she needed to do and she didn't hesitate as she reached for the bottom of his jersey.
She pulled the drenched fabric over his head, to his surprised eyes. After dropping the shirt, her fingers traced back down the line of muscles on his chest. A faint voice in her head told her that she should reach for one of the abandoned towels on the ground, but for the life of her, she could not remove her fingers from his chest. In her whole life, she had never expected Nathan Scott to be the one on her bed, to be the one that she would… consider. But now, as he sat on the edge of her comforter, confusion blanketing his features as she drunkenly laced her nails down his midsection, she couldn't picture anyone else.
He needed her. But as much as he needed her, she needed him. He always spoke about how she changed him. What was always let unsaid was how much he had changed her. She was no longer on the sidelines of life. She finally had someone to hold onto – someone who would hold back onto her.
Forcibly, she removed her hands from his skin, taking a step back. She silently scoffed at how afraid she was earlier that day. She was scared that she would go too far with Nathan because it was too soon, too real, too unexpected. They hadn't been together long enough, she had thought. But, she recognized, it wasn't about time or place. It wasn't about age either. It was about the person. It was about knowing that it was right.
She boldly reached for the hem of her own shirt, tugging it over her head. She stepped back into the crook of his legs, her hand reaching for his cheek. She wanted him. She wanted him to forgo all the shit he was going through just for tonight. She wanted to feel him under her, over her. She wanted his warm mouth to take her along with him.
She looked at him, her eyes determined as she leaned in for kiss. He groaned under her as her tongue slipped gently into his mouth. The kiss deepened as she tried to make him understand what she wanted. Coming to life, his hands winded down the back of her skin steadying on the small of her back. He jerked her closer to him. She moaned as she lost balance, tumbling on top of him.
This felt so good, she thought as his hands played with her exposed midriff, sending a quaking feeling to her core as his fingers dipped lower towards her waist. His mouth was now nipping at her chin, slowly trailing down the exposed skin of her neck that he could reach from below her. She was ready to explode, and she knew she still wanted more. She reached for his belt, snaking her fingers under the loop. He wrenched himself away, looking up at her with a mixture of shock and tentativeness.
"Haley?" he whispered, the question ladled with meaning. But his hesitance only spurred her attack as she unloosened the belt, her eyes never once leaving his.
She was doing this. Not because the time was right. Not because the situation was right. But because it was all right.
Nathan was right.
She lowered her head once again to taste his lips. Her hands still steady at work on his belt. The winds outside whipped against her window, warning of destruction and dismay. She didn't worry. Frankly, she didn't even notice. Her mind couldn't linger on everything being ripped apart when so much was coming together inside.
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you still have
all of me
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