This is an AU spun off from a prompt I received on tumblr:
Post ESB, a father-son engineering team start working on the Executor and Vader... Vader has some feelings about it. Luke starts getting com messages at 3 am that amount to, "See these two Luke? This could be us Luke."
It's a short, cracky thing that was a fun way to get back into writing casually after taking a break in the bloody aftermath of Whumptober. Naturally, as with most crack, it will require some suspension of disbelief.
Hope you enjoy!
12:51 ICT
We have much to discuss.
16:12 ICT
Who's this
16:13 ICT
Your father.
Your promptness in replying to communications leaves much to be desired.
17:25 ICT
No way
17:26 ICT
Leaving one unanswered for over three hours is simply impolite, especially if that person is your father. I am unimpressed with your curtness and use of punctuation as well.
17:26 ICT
You're lecturing me about my grammar
Seriously?
17:27 ICT
It reflects poorly on you, and on me as your father, even if you were kidnapped and thus raised by people who clearly neglected developing your sense of propriety
17:28 ICT
I have no idea what you're talking about
I literally defected to get away from you and this poodoo
Just stop messaging me and let me sleep
17:30 ICT
You most certainly did not betray the Empire to get away from me. We had not yet met, my son, and I am aware that you did not know the truth before I enlightened you of it.
17:32 ICT
The hell are you talking about?
If this is another attempt to get me to come back to working for the Imperial Army, Dad, I swear…
17:34 ICT
You swear what?
17:36 ICT
I thought you'd run out of stupid ideas by now.
17:37 ICT
Are you trying to convince me that you are not Luke Skywalker?
17:40 ICT
You think I'm Luke? What? Luke's dad is dead.
17:42 ICT
Lying to me is pointless.
17:50 ICT
I'm not lying
Seriously
Who the hell are you? Trying to pretend to be Luke's dead dad?
That's cold, man
17:52 ICT
Your continuous attempts to convince me will not work.
17:55 ICT
Then we'll be here all day
I'm not Luke kriffing Skywalker
He's my boss
I literally joined the rebellion a few weeks ago, I'm just a pilot
18:06 ICT
Do not lie to me. I am aware that this is the comlink frequency of Commander Luke Skywalker. There is no space for error in this.
18:07 ICT
Newsflash, sleemo, there's always space for error!
Which is obvious because you've got the wrong guy
Now piss off and stop bothering me
18:10 ICT
There is no space for error. You are Luke Skywalker
18:11 ICT
Why are you so sure?
18:17 ICT
Because I have already verified the contact details of all other pilots in your squadron. It is evidently you, by process of elimination.
18:20 ICT
…you're telling me you know it's me because you already accidentally messaged every other Rogue?
18:21 ICT
I was vetting and verifying the comlink frequencies ISB were able to source. Now, I am using them.
18:23 ICT
Seriously?
This is my life now?
18:25 ICT
There is no use in denying it. There is no use in denying our connection, Luke.
Luke.
Luke, it is incredibly childish to ignore me like this.
23:01 ICT
Flying for my life isn't childish
Sorry I can't text and fly at the same time
Tell your men to stop targeting me and maybe I'll improve
23:01 ICT
You should not be flying. You should be sleeping. It is the beginning of the night cycle.
00:02 ICT
You do know that different planets are on different time zones, right?
Not everyone's chained to Imperial Central Time.
Besides, you think fighter pilots sleep?
00:03 ICT
You should sleep.
00:04 ICT
Then stop messaging me in the middle of the night
And then complaining when I don't answer for hours
00:05 ICT
What I have to discuss with you is vital.
It cannot wait.
00:09 ICT
So, the space battles can wait
But chatting with you can't?
00:11 ICT
I am pleased that you agree.
00:12 ICT
You haven't interacted with many people outside of work in a while, have you?
00:13 ICT
I am far too sensible to do so.
00:15 ICT
Right
Alright
Not unpacking that
I was being sarcastic, for the record
I don't agree
I think that sleep and food and talking to my friends are more important than talking to you
00:20 ICT
You are incorrect.
00:23 ICT
You cut off my hand
You automatically get demoted in my priorities list
00:26 ICT
When Count Dooku cut off my hand, seeking him out and seeking revenge instantly became my second priority.
00:26 ICT
You fought Count Dooku?
Of course you did
If that was your second priority, what was your first?
Oh, now you're the one ignoring me?
00:37 ICT
That is irrelevant to the conversation at hand here.
00:39 ICT
This isn't a conversation
This is harassment
00:41 ICT
I must agree. Your behaviour is quite distressing to me.
00:43 ICT
Bastard
00:43 ICT
As is your language.
00:44 ICT
You've gotta be kidding me
00:45 ICT
I do not kid.
00:46 ICT
Yeah
I've noticed
00:48 ICT
This remains irrelevant to the current conversation.
00:50 ICT
And what the hell is relevant to the current conversation?
What do you want?
If you ask me to join you again I am throwing my comlink in the trash compactor
00:50 ICT
You must join me. Together we can destroy the Emperor and bring peace to the galaxy. I know that is what you crave, my son.
Luke.
This is immature.
10:12 ICT
Seriously?
I thought these messages would stop when I got a new comlink.
10:13 ICT
You wasted a perfectly good device by discarding it so.
10:14 ICT
I dunno, Omai made a happy belching sound when she ate it
10:15 ICT
Omai?
10:16 ICT
Do you not name the dianogas that live in Imperial trash compactors
Of course you don't
You guys are just cold
10:20 ICT
I recall you were almost murdered by a dianoga once.
10:21 ICT
Omai told me it was probably a form of baptism
Whatever that means
Omai tried to do it too but I'm stronger now so she gave up
I feel really bad about that other one
It probably died on the Death Star
10:24 ICT
It most certainly did
10:25 ICT
:(
10:26 ICT
We must return to the issue at hand, however. You must join me.
Luke, this is growing frustrating.
You begin to anger me.
15:34 ICT
Use your anger, bastard
Only your hatred can destroy me
And all that
15:36 ICT
Indeed. I have already destroyed several training droids and incompetent officers in my rage. If you embraced the frustration you clearly feel towards me, it would similarly bolster your strength.
15:40 ICT
Thanks
But no thanks
15:42 ICT
Your insolence will not save you from the Emperor. Only the darkness will.
Luke, this truly grows tedious.
21:08 ICT
I respond to you more promptly than some of my Rogues respond to me
Also
Fighter pilot
Gotta fly and shoot some Imps
Gotta sleep regularly
21:10 ICT
My analysis of your responses indicates no regular sleep periods. This is not conducive for ensuring high performance.
21:13 ICT
That's the life of a Rebel, remember?
You work pretty hard to make it stressful and chaotic
Make sure we're not performing highly
21:20 ICT
Your Rebellion should care for you better.
21:21 ICT
Maybe you should maim me less.
21:23 ICT
One incident does not make a pattern.
21:25 ICT
Do you really not realise what's wrong with that?
Seriously?
You got your own hand chopped off
You don't even care?
You just did it
You're Darth Vader
Why am I surprised
21:30 ICT
It was necessary to deescalate the situation. The Jedi use this tactic often.
21:32 ICT
It was necessary to cut off your son's hand?
Alright
That's it
21:35 ICT
Luke, do not be immature.
Luke.
Luke, I am sorry. If that is what you want to hear.
I should not have cut off your hand. It was… a less than ideal way to resolve such a dispute. You are my son, and I am your father, and I held the responsibility of defusing the situation without either of us getting hurt. I knew much than you did not. I was the one who allowed the situation to get out of… hand.
23:45 ICT
Out of hand? Seriously?
23:46 ICT
Luke!
I am pleased that you replied.
I should have done better, and I intend to in the future, if you would give me another chance.
23:50 ICT
What the hell was that
23:51 ICT
I offer you my deepest apologies.
23:52 ICT
Seriously, what the hell is this
23:54 ICT
You are my son. I l
I care deeply for you.
Please ignore that. I mistyped.
23:57 ICT
You can't be apologising, admitting you're wrong, and admitting to a typo
I think I'm dreaming
I think I'm dead
What the hell
00:00 ICT
I will never allow you to die. I will protect you.
00:02 ICT
You know, bringing up the hand thing is getting really tiring
00:04 ICT
I apologise once more.
00:05 ICT
I'm getting suspicious, once more
00:07 ICT
There is nothing to be suspicious of.
I remain concerned about your sleep cycle. Humans, especially of your age bracket, are recommended to get at least eight standard hours per night.
00:10 ICT
You know, the fact that you always respond within minutes whenever I message you means your sleep cycle is pretty sus yourself
Do you ever sleep?
00:12 ICT
I do not require it. Meditation sustains me.
00:14 ICT
I meditate pretty often as well
It can be exhausting
Doesn't do what sleep does
00:17 ICT
You simply do not understand the power of dark side meditation.
00:20 ICT
You're like when the holonet used to break on the farm and we'd have the news reporter saying the same thing on a loop
00:21 ICT
News reporters deal with truth.
00:22 ICT
Imperial ones? Yeah right
00:24 ICT
Luke, we must talk. Your anti-Imperial rhetoric concerns me. I am worried you may have been radicalised.
00:27 ICT
…
…
I'm literally a wanted terrorist
00:30 ICT
That is also concerning.
00:32 ICT
I blew up the Death Star
00:33 ICT
I must applaud you for that, and I am proud of you for it, but I fear that even if your actions were noble and impressive your motivations were not sound.
00:35 ICT
Why are you talking like this?
00:37 ICT
I believe we should meet to discuss in depth what led you down this path and how we can try to understand each other again.
00:40 ICT
We've never understood each other
I became a Rebel because your men murdered my family
Burned them alive for a couple of droids they bought without knowing they were of any value
I'm not meeting you
I shouldn't be talking to you at all
You're a monster
00:50 ICT
I understand your frustration. Many children feel this way about their parents at some point in their lives.
00:52 ICT
You're actually insane
00:53 ICT
Insults may come naturally when you are upset, but please understand they can be hurtful.
00:55 ICT
Says the guy who chokes his own officers for fun
I'm 23
I'm not a teenager
Stop condescending to me like I'm one
Stop acting like a father when you have no sort of authority over me at all
01:10 ICT
I understand you must be upset. I sympathise with this. I do not intend to condescend, but I am your father, and have only your best interests at heart.
Can you understand that, Luke?
Can we talk about this?
09:54 ICT
No.
09:59 ICT
Your silence made that clear enough.
I appreciate you are finally correctly using a full stop at the end of your messages now, however.
10:02 ICT
You took a whole five minutes to respond to that
Giving up on me?
10:10 ICT
Never. I am in a meeting that I unfortunately must pay attention to, this time.
10:12 ICT
Wait
You mean you were in meetings while messaging me before?
10:20 ICT
Of course. I naturally dropped everything in order to reply.
10:22 ICT
Not sure if I'm touched
Or creeped out
Leia would go for creeped out
10:25 ICT
Princess Leia is wrong.
10:26 ICT
Oh, that never happens
10:28 ICT
I have left my meeting. We must speak.
10:30 ICT
Your meeting finished that quickly?
And no
What part of no don't you get
10:33 ICT
I adjourned the meeting for later. They will wait. You have proven that you will not.
You do not understand your own importance.
10:35 ICT
Having a massive bounty helps with that
10:36 ICT
You do not understand. You must come to me. We must speak properly.
10:40 ICT
No
Again
No
10:42 ICT
This bickering is pointless. We have not even addressed the true reason that I originally got in contact with you.
10:45 ICT
You mean spammed all my Rogues' comlinks with cryptic messages about destiny until they were convinced Wes was pranking them?
10:45 ICT
There is a new mechanic on the Executor.
10:45 ICT
So?
10:45 ICT
When we are docked, we are able to allow civilian mechanics and companies on board to work on repairs we ordinarily do not have time for. The company Sinan and Son's are especially useful civilians in these times.
10:46 ICT
I genuinely have no idea where you're going with this
10:47 ICT
They are not a big company. It is just Mr. Sinan and his son. They have been working together for eighteen years, since the son was a boy. As a team, they are exceptional.
10:47 ICT
Where is this going
I'm not going to join the dark side
I'm not going to join the kriffing Empire
10:48 ICT
I would like to work on ships with you. You are a skilled pilot and mechanic. We have that in common. I would like to repair a ship with you, as Mr. Sinan does with his son.
10:49 ICT
…what?
10:51 ICT
Mr. Sinan is peculiarly brave. He noticed my hesitation around him and young Antur. When asked, I was unable to hide that my son was a Rebel. He suggested that I message you.
10:52 ICT
Seriously?
Someone spoke to you willingly
And you talked to them willingly
You were that desperate and moony-eyed?
What am I supposed to believe, you wanted to know me sooooo bad that this one father-son duo came on board, and you broke down?
Can't believe you're taking military advice from a random mechanic
10:55 ICT
I am taking parenting advice from a successful father.
10:57 ICT
Is that why you're talking like a self-help book?
10:59 ICT
I do not know what that is.
11:01 ICT
Didn't expect you to
11:01 ICT
He has advised me on how to react to certain messages and moods of yours. He tells me that parenting teenagers is particularly difficult. That is the source of most rebellion in children.
11:02 ICT
Again
Not a teenager
11:03 ICT
Naturally, I could not share the entire situation with him, but he has been most helpful in assisting the Empire while he carries out this job.
11:04 ICT
And we're back to the Empire
11:05 ICT
I sense increasing scepticism and fatigue from your messages. Nonetheless, I will reiterate: I would like to repair ships with you.
11:10 ICT
…repair ships?
That's all?
11:10 ICT
That is all.
11:12 ICT
No… training
No dark side
No death or destruction
11:13 ICT
I intend only for us to fix a ship together. Life is far simpler when you are fixing things.
11:14 ICT
Yeah
I know
11:20 ICT
Would you like to join me in this, then?
Your long silence concerns me, but Mr. Sinan has advised me that this is a particularly major step for you. I shall await your response.
If necessary, I will cancel a meeting with the Emperor to field your message.
I hope that we can fix things together.
12:31 ICT
Where should we meet?