The Wolf of Change
Chapter 11 - Explanation
Remus avoided his fellow Gryffindors for the rest of the day, trying to work up excuses or reasons as to why he'd been avoiding them, and as to why he hadn't told them...why he couldn't trust them... However, he could no longer put the meeting off when a special bell sounded to announce the Hallow'een Feast.
Sheepishly he joined the crowd of students and staff filing into the Hall through the main doors, keeping his head down to avoid unwanted attention. The one time he looked up, he looked up to see Dumbledore's terribly serious gaze on him. And he knew from the grave expression that had replaced the jovial one that Dumbledore knew, or guessed, that Remus had been the one causing all the trouble.
He slipped onto the end of the Gryffindor table, next to Peter and opposite Sirius. Their expressions were as grim as Dumbledore's.
The general banter and excitement of the students was quelled when the Headmaster stood up slowly and tapped his gold spoon on the crystal goblet in front of him. "Before we begin, I have a very serious issue to address. As you all know, quite recently, some paintings have been vandalised, as has the school's new Whomping Willow. We believe that these incidents are related, and also we think we have an idea of who has been disrupting our peaceful term."
Remus cringed and looked intently at the empty plate before him. His mouth was dry; he was sure Dubledore was about to expose him to the whole school in one way or another.
"Therefore," the old wizard continued. "I shall not trouble you further on that subject, but I would like to express my extreme disappointment in you all. I had expected a far more mature treatment of something so dangerous as a Whomping Willow. From now on, expulsion will be the only option to those who go near it, and barrier spells will be put around it to further discourage the more foolish of you. That is all. Now you may enjoy yourselves - happy Hallow'een!"
As the pumpkin-themed feast appeared before them, Remus couldn't force his eyes or head to raise. He could feel the eyes of those who had so recently considered him a friend all fixed upon him. Sirius was the first to speak. "I've just got one question I want you to answer for me, Rem'; Why?"
Slowly, painfully, Remus lifted his head, then his eyes to Sirius' face. The expression of torment twisting his features shocked Sirius, who put his knife and fork down with a little clatter. "It can wait." He said hoarsely.
"Thanks." Remus whispered, shakily pouring himself a goblet of pumpkin juice, all the time aware that their eyes still hadn't left him. And wouldn't until they got answers.
* * *
The meal seemed to last ten times longer than it actually did to the group of Gryffindors at the end of the table, whether because they were waiting for answers or dreading giving them. Their silence however, wasn't noticed by many due to the novelty of the food that night - everyone was mostly intent on eating as much as possible.
As the school started leaving the hall (a lot more slowly than they'd come in) Remus wondered if he'd be able to lose himself in the crowd and sneak away to somewhere where questions wouldn't be asked. This was proved impossible though, when he saw Lily and James walking to his right, Sirius to his left, Martin behind him and Peter in front. He almost laughed then - it was like they'd expected him to try and sneak off. Just proves how I've lost their trust. He thought ruefully, feeling like a criminal being marched to his death.
Upon entering the Gryffindor common room (still mostly empty) James motioned for Remus to go up the steps to the dorm. Lily approached him then and said, "James, I can't go in the boys' dorm!"
"Course you can Evans...if you don't mind, Rem'?" Remus shook his head absent-mindedly. "I know it really seems like we're forcing you into this, but it's just coz we're worried. If you don't want to tell us we don't mind."
Remus looked up at him. Behind his round glasses and the strands of hair, James' expression definitely qualified as a worried one. Remus sighed. "Somehow, James, I think you guys would mind if I didn't tell you. And...and I'm guessing it'd bug me too."
As they filed up the stairs Remus had a sudden stupid urge to burst out laughing - it all seemed so ridiculous! Mere minutes ago he had been desperate for a way out of the upcoming conversation, but just now, the opportunity had been given to him to escape.and he had refused it. Why did I do that?
He was already regretting the decision as he followed Sirius through the door to the dorm. He sat down heavily on the end of Peter's bed, facing Sirius, who leaned on the foot of James'. The others arranged themselves on either side of Sirius, all looking embarrassed and awkward. James opened his mouth to say something, stopped and turned around to Remus' bunk, picking something up off it. He turned to face Remus, a wolf- skin cape in his hands, complete with stuffed head and yellow glass eyes. Again he hesitated before speaking, a frown troubling his forehead. "I.we. Peter found this on your bed. After.after you ran off today. It's the one that everyone said the, ah, vandal.um. Yeah. That you wore, right?" Remus stared at the lifeless eyes and gaping mouth, the lacquered tongue and stained teeth. He shrugged. "So I'm told." "So you're told?" Lily repeated, her frown mirroring James'. Remus took a deep breath and let it out in a tired sigh. "I don't remember anything of what happened when I.did those things. Because it wasn't me." The small room burst into noise, exclamations of frustration and confusion being vented by Martin and Sirius especially, who were generally the most hot-headed of the group. "Remus, how can you lie to us so blatantly?" Sirius asked, raking his hands through his hair. "Okay, let me explain! Do you want me to explain?" "Yes!" Lily assured, before Sirius could make another inappropriate comment. "There was this painting I saw on the way to Defence Against the Dark Arts once. It. It interested me. And later I saw it in one of those weird back corridors the stairs dump you on at times." They were all listening attentively, but Remus couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt with every word whilst he knew that they listened to only half-truths. He was determined to keep his big secret from them yet. ".And er the painting was of this weird guy who-who was a--" It's okay - I'm talking about Colonel Collins, not me. "He said he was a werewolf." Remus tried to scoff at this, but his voice quivered slightly. "And then he took out his wand and said this curse, and I don't remember anything that happened whilst I was cursed. I only know I woke up in places, and everyone's talking about the awful stuff that's just happened!" His voice had risen despite his best efforts over this last speech and he felt the corners of his eyes begin to prickle. Lily gasped. "That sounds just like the Imperious Curse! That's one of the Unforgivable Curses!" "Well I wouldn't go that far!" Martin exclaimed. "I can forgive him if he didn't know what he was up to!" "No!" Lily sounded exasperated. "It means that the person who performs the curse is unforgivable." "Oh." Martin didn't sound too interested. "How come you didn't tell Dumbledore or someone?" James asked thoughtfully. "I.guess I blamed myself. I thought he'd be angry." Once more he had control of his voice and his emotions. "But you just said you didn't do it." Peter piped up. "So how could you blame yourself?" Remus fidgeted a little and plucked at the red velvet bed throw he was sitting on. "I.uh must have thought I was weak for succumbing to the curse or stupid for getting wound up with this idiot picture." "I still don't understand how a painting could perform a curse." Lily said. "Me either." Remus said warily. It would be typical if they didn't believe the one bit that was true. He thought ruefully. "Why don't you show us the pic?" Sirius suggested. "Surely it can't curse us all. Maybe we could research the curse too, try and find ways of overcoming it." "I think you should just go to Dumbledore." Peter said. "I agree with Peter. This could be really serious." Lily assented. "He said he had a suspect anyway." Remus said quickly. "He'll probably come to me!" Sirius, James and Martin agreed with Remus, so Lily and Peter had to be satisfied for the time being with this compromise. In the end, as Lily left the room and later as Remus curled into his sheets, he felt that he was very lucky to have completed the day with all friendships still intact. He could almost forget the particulars that he had not mentioned, so sunny was his disposition at the time James put the last candle in the dorm out on Hallow'een night.
Chapter 11 - Explanation
Remus avoided his fellow Gryffindors for the rest of the day, trying to work up excuses or reasons as to why he'd been avoiding them, and as to why he hadn't told them...why he couldn't trust them... However, he could no longer put the meeting off when a special bell sounded to announce the Hallow'een Feast.
Sheepishly he joined the crowd of students and staff filing into the Hall through the main doors, keeping his head down to avoid unwanted attention. The one time he looked up, he looked up to see Dumbledore's terribly serious gaze on him. And he knew from the grave expression that had replaced the jovial one that Dumbledore knew, or guessed, that Remus had been the one causing all the trouble.
He slipped onto the end of the Gryffindor table, next to Peter and opposite Sirius. Their expressions were as grim as Dumbledore's.
The general banter and excitement of the students was quelled when the Headmaster stood up slowly and tapped his gold spoon on the crystal goblet in front of him. "Before we begin, I have a very serious issue to address. As you all know, quite recently, some paintings have been vandalised, as has the school's new Whomping Willow. We believe that these incidents are related, and also we think we have an idea of who has been disrupting our peaceful term."
Remus cringed and looked intently at the empty plate before him. His mouth was dry; he was sure Dubledore was about to expose him to the whole school in one way or another.
"Therefore," the old wizard continued. "I shall not trouble you further on that subject, but I would like to express my extreme disappointment in you all. I had expected a far more mature treatment of something so dangerous as a Whomping Willow. From now on, expulsion will be the only option to those who go near it, and barrier spells will be put around it to further discourage the more foolish of you. That is all. Now you may enjoy yourselves - happy Hallow'een!"
As the pumpkin-themed feast appeared before them, Remus couldn't force his eyes or head to raise. He could feel the eyes of those who had so recently considered him a friend all fixed upon him. Sirius was the first to speak. "I've just got one question I want you to answer for me, Rem'; Why?"
Slowly, painfully, Remus lifted his head, then his eyes to Sirius' face. The expression of torment twisting his features shocked Sirius, who put his knife and fork down with a little clatter. "It can wait." He said hoarsely.
"Thanks." Remus whispered, shakily pouring himself a goblet of pumpkin juice, all the time aware that their eyes still hadn't left him. And wouldn't until they got answers.
* * *
The meal seemed to last ten times longer than it actually did to the group of Gryffindors at the end of the table, whether because they were waiting for answers or dreading giving them. Their silence however, wasn't noticed by many due to the novelty of the food that night - everyone was mostly intent on eating as much as possible.
As the school started leaving the hall (a lot more slowly than they'd come in) Remus wondered if he'd be able to lose himself in the crowd and sneak away to somewhere where questions wouldn't be asked. This was proved impossible though, when he saw Lily and James walking to his right, Sirius to his left, Martin behind him and Peter in front. He almost laughed then - it was like they'd expected him to try and sneak off. Just proves how I've lost their trust. He thought ruefully, feeling like a criminal being marched to his death.
Upon entering the Gryffindor common room (still mostly empty) James motioned for Remus to go up the steps to the dorm. Lily approached him then and said, "James, I can't go in the boys' dorm!"
"Course you can Evans...if you don't mind, Rem'?" Remus shook his head absent-mindedly. "I know it really seems like we're forcing you into this, but it's just coz we're worried. If you don't want to tell us we don't mind."
Remus looked up at him. Behind his round glasses and the strands of hair, James' expression definitely qualified as a worried one. Remus sighed. "Somehow, James, I think you guys would mind if I didn't tell you. And...and I'm guessing it'd bug me too."
As they filed up the stairs Remus had a sudden stupid urge to burst out laughing - it all seemed so ridiculous! Mere minutes ago he had been desperate for a way out of the upcoming conversation, but just now, the opportunity had been given to him to escape.and he had refused it. Why did I do that?
He was already regretting the decision as he followed Sirius through the door to the dorm. He sat down heavily on the end of Peter's bed, facing Sirius, who leaned on the foot of James'. The others arranged themselves on either side of Sirius, all looking embarrassed and awkward. James opened his mouth to say something, stopped and turned around to Remus' bunk, picking something up off it. He turned to face Remus, a wolf- skin cape in his hands, complete with stuffed head and yellow glass eyes. Again he hesitated before speaking, a frown troubling his forehead. "I.we. Peter found this on your bed. After.after you ran off today. It's the one that everyone said the, ah, vandal.um. Yeah. That you wore, right?" Remus stared at the lifeless eyes and gaping mouth, the lacquered tongue and stained teeth. He shrugged. "So I'm told." "So you're told?" Lily repeated, her frown mirroring James'. Remus took a deep breath and let it out in a tired sigh. "I don't remember anything of what happened when I.did those things. Because it wasn't me." The small room burst into noise, exclamations of frustration and confusion being vented by Martin and Sirius especially, who were generally the most hot-headed of the group. "Remus, how can you lie to us so blatantly?" Sirius asked, raking his hands through his hair. "Okay, let me explain! Do you want me to explain?" "Yes!" Lily assured, before Sirius could make another inappropriate comment. "There was this painting I saw on the way to Defence Against the Dark Arts once. It. It interested me. And later I saw it in one of those weird back corridors the stairs dump you on at times." They were all listening attentively, but Remus couldn't help feeling a twinge of guilt with every word whilst he knew that they listened to only half-truths. He was determined to keep his big secret from them yet. ".And er the painting was of this weird guy who-who was a--" It's okay - I'm talking about Colonel Collins, not me. "He said he was a werewolf." Remus tried to scoff at this, but his voice quivered slightly. "And then he took out his wand and said this curse, and I don't remember anything that happened whilst I was cursed. I only know I woke up in places, and everyone's talking about the awful stuff that's just happened!" His voice had risen despite his best efforts over this last speech and he felt the corners of his eyes begin to prickle. Lily gasped. "That sounds just like the Imperious Curse! That's one of the Unforgivable Curses!" "Well I wouldn't go that far!" Martin exclaimed. "I can forgive him if he didn't know what he was up to!" "No!" Lily sounded exasperated. "It means that the person who performs the curse is unforgivable." "Oh." Martin didn't sound too interested. "How come you didn't tell Dumbledore or someone?" James asked thoughtfully. "I.guess I blamed myself. I thought he'd be angry." Once more he had control of his voice and his emotions. "But you just said you didn't do it." Peter piped up. "So how could you blame yourself?" Remus fidgeted a little and plucked at the red velvet bed throw he was sitting on. "I.uh must have thought I was weak for succumbing to the curse or stupid for getting wound up with this idiot picture." "I still don't understand how a painting could perform a curse." Lily said. "Me either." Remus said warily. It would be typical if they didn't believe the one bit that was true. He thought ruefully. "Why don't you show us the pic?" Sirius suggested. "Surely it can't curse us all. Maybe we could research the curse too, try and find ways of overcoming it." "I think you should just go to Dumbledore." Peter said. "I agree with Peter. This could be really serious." Lily assented. "He said he had a suspect anyway." Remus said quickly. "He'll probably come to me!" Sirius, James and Martin agreed with Remus, so Lily and Peter had to be satisfied for the time being with this compromise. In the end, as Lily left the room and later as Remus curled into his sheets, he felt that he was very lucky to have completed the day with all friendships still intact. He could almost forget the particulars that he had not mentioned, so sunny was his disposition at the time James put the last candle in the dorm out on Hallow'een night.