It Feels Like A Dream
Disclaimer: None of the characters belong to me, unfortunately!!!
A/n: This story is for my grandad who passed away on 13th October 2003. As you'll notice, this is mainly based on that day, and how my grandma and I reacted. Like my other story, 'I Never Meant To' I find it helps to do this, allows me to put my feelings down and things like that.
This story is AD/MM and all those present know about Dumbledore and McGonagall. If you don't like AD/MM well sorry, but really they're a bit like my grandparents, and it's kind of fitting.
"No, no we can't leave him, he can't be left alone, its not right."
"I'll stay with him, he won't be on his own Professor." Minerva just nodded, and took one last glance and allowed herself to be led away.
Harry stared at the man lying on the bed, he hadn't noticed before, but he looked different. He couldn't precisely say what the difference was, but he seemed younger, in some way. The wrinkles that Harry had grown accustomed to seem to have vanished, he couldn't decide if this was true, or if his eyes were playing a trick on him. As he reached for his hand, he noticed that the warmth that had been present beforehand was slowly leaving. Professor Snape had removed the warming spell, at the distressing scene they had encountered. Without the spell, Harry realised just how cold his headmaster was becoming. It all seemed so unreal, like a dream that didn't want to end. He couldn't understand how this could happen, it shouldn't have happened! Not now, not when he, and so many other people needed him most. As Harry grasped his hand he lent forward, and began to quietly whisper to his former Headmaster.
"Sir, I know your there, I know you can hear me, I just wish you could open your eyes. It would make Professor McGonagall so happy, but I know that it won't come true, I know that no matter how hard I wish, you won't come back to us." The tears that had remained unshed in Harry's eyes were finally beginning to fall.
"I don't know what to do Sir. I really don't know, how I can I go on with the war against Voldermort when I have neither you or Sirius by my side. You've left me sir, and without your guidance, I don't know what to do. I need your help, I need you by my side when I eventually defeat him, and I can't do this without you. Why did you have to go, why now, this shouldn't be happening! Do you know how upset everyone is out there? Professor McGonagall is absolutely distraught, she keeps telling people you're still alive, she knows, and I know it's not true, but in one way we both know it is. You're there Dumbledore, you're here right here in Professor McGonagall's, mine and everybody else's heart, and mind.
You had such an impact on all our lives, and now you've left them, but not really, not truly, because we all have our memories of you, that will be passed on from generation to generation. You may have left your body, but your spirit and the memory of you still remains with us." Harry gave a small chuckle through his ears.
"You know Professor, I think I'm beginning to sound a bit philosophical right now. I know others will want to come in and talk to you, but I just want to say one more thing, so I hope your still listening up there.
"I'm going to make you proud, not only you, but my mum, dad and Sirius. I'm going to make the four of you so proud, I promise you that. I just might need a little help on the way." I soft knock warned Harry of someone about to enter, and indeed it was followed by the quiet click of the door, and both Hermione and Ron came into the room.
"Are you alright Harry?" Ron asked, his voice unsteady. Harry's back was turned to them, allowing him the opportunity to quickly wipe away his tears.
"I'm alright Ron, just having a chat, how is Professor McGonagall?"
"She's not good mate. She doesn't seem to be able to take in that he has passed away, but then again, I'm finding it quite difficult to let it sink in." Harry nodded, understanding fully what Ron meant. Harry stood from his chair, and bent down close to Dumbledore's face.
"Goodbye Sir, you know I'll miss you," he whispered, before turning away and heading towards the door. As he passed Ron and Hermione, he felt Ron's hand go to his shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze before both nodded to each other and Harry left the room.
Once the door to the room had clicked and closed, Hermione and Ron headed towards the two vacant seats next to the bed. Tears were streaming down Hermione's face once again, and the odd teardrop silently fell from Ron's eyes.
"All right Sir?" he said quietly. "We've come for a bit of a talk, I'm not sure you can hear us, but I hope you can."
"We want to thank you for everything" Hermione managed to say in a shuddering voice.
"When we say everything we mean everything. You've done so much for us, helped us through everything, we just really wanted to tell you how much we appreciated your help."
"We may not have shown our appreciation much, but we have a lot to thank you for, and I want you to know just how grateful we are that you were there for us."
"Hermione's right, we may have made some wrong decisions or silly mistakes, but no matter what, you were there, through everything. I just want you to now how much you mean to me…"
"And me. We're both going to miss you Sir, I wish you were able to see us graduate, and allow us to make you proud. Just promise you'll watch over us all." Hermione stood from her chair, and bent over, placing a soft kiss on Dumbledore's forehead. "We'll all miss you, but hopefully you already know that."
They both vacated the room, and were quickly replaced by Severus Snape, at the request that Dumbledore be left alone. He approached the bed slowly and quietly, not really believing what he saw. He lay there so peaceful and unaware at the grieving that was taking place in the other room. He sat down, and stared, stared at him for a few minutes, before looking away. The silence that had covered the room allowed the whisperings, and cry's to be heard from the room next door, the sudden clashing of china upon china came through the closed door as Minerva tried to busy herself, and her mind by making a new round of tea, the muggle way. He could hear the voice of Xiomara trying to stop her, and get her to sit back down. Once again he turned back to the bed, looking intensely at the Headmasters face. Like Harry he noticed the sudden smoothness of his face. He sat their staring, not sure what to do what to say. He'd seen death many times before, but this, this was different. This was Albus Dumbledore, the one man he and everyone else had thought was immortal, and invincible. No one had expected this to happen, he always seemed so healthy, so alive, and full of childish spirit. Yet that had not lasted, and could never be replaced. He opened his mouth to speak, but before the words left his mouth the door of the room quietly opened, and Xiomara, popped her head round the door, seeking approval to enter. As he nodded his head she entered slowly, eyes flitting all over the room apart from the bed.
"How's Minerva?"
"She, she told me to go away, she's taken this badly Severus, she doesn't seem to know what to do with herself. She says she wants to be left alone, but then she changes her mind, and doesn't want anybody to leave. The Weasley's have left, trying to give her a bit of space." Severus nodded his head, looking back to Xiomara; he noticed her eyes staring at the opposite wall.
"Xiomara?"
"Yes?" she asked eyes, not moving from its intense stare at a spot on the wall.
"You do realise that even if you don't look, it is unfortunately still true." She nodded her head and slumped into the chair next to him.
"I just don't believe it, his gone, I keep expecting the world to collapse, I mean without him, well I don't know… and poor Min, I just don't know how to help her. You Mr Dumbledore, what do you think you're playing at leaving us like this?" Her voice was strong, masking the tears that threatened to fall. "What are we going to do with Minerva, her world's been tipped upside down, you've gone and left her, and she's so upset she doesn't know what to do without you, and neither do I." She felt a protective arm go round her shoulder, as her tears began to fall. A heart-wrenching cry pulled them both out of their thoughts, as Minerva gave into her overwhelming grief. Xiomara immediately pulled out of his embrace, leaping from her seat at the sound of her friend in such pain. She walked to the door turning back to the body of Dumbledore.
"Albus, you better look after her." Snape followed slowly behind, stopping to leave a message for him.
"Headmaster, I just want to say thank you, thank you for giving me a second chance, you'll never know how much I really appreciated it." Giving Dumbledore's hand one last squeeze, he left the room, to see what state Minerva was in.
As he entered the room, he saw Minerva crumpled on the floor, surrounded by Poppy, Xiomara, and Harry. He could hear the slight thud on the carpeted floor, as she banged her fists against it, and her mumbled speech voicing the question he was asking himself 'Why?' He looked over to Remus on the other side of the room, he sat slumped in an armchair near the fire, the look on his face was a defeated one, the grief from the passing of his best friend was yet to have left him, but his weariness of both was beginning to show. With one last look at Minerva; he headed over to the chair next to Remus'. Lowering himself down, he spoke quietly.
"I think we should get the children back to their common room." Remus nodded his head, and began to move them before turning back.
"Perhaps not Harry, Minerva needs him." Severus nodded at this, and both moved towards Ron and Hermione who were sitting backs leaning against the wall. After a quiet discussion with Hermione and Ron, both teenagers slowly eased themselves up, and were escorted back to the common room.
Xiomara looked up as she heard the snap of the door closing. Surveying the room she noticed that the four occupants had left, her attention was immediately turned back to Minerva as another sob shook her body.
"Min perhaps I should get you a dreamless sleep potion?" Poppy asked as she held her friend.
"No! I don't want nor need one." Her reply was met with a raised eyebrow from both Poppy and Xiomara.
"Poppy's right perhaps, you'd be better…"
"I said no!" The subject was put aside for the moment as silence enclosed the room. "I want to see him again!" Minerva pulled herself up, heading towards the door.
"Do you really think that's a good idea Min?" Xiomara asked from he position in front of the door. "I don't want to see you upset yourself anymore."
"She's right Professor, perhaps tomorrow, the healers aren't taking him until tomorrow."
"I wish to see him now!" She removed her wand from her pocket, "and if you do not subtract yourself from that door Xiomara I may resort to something I will later regret." At these words her passage to Dumbledore was unblocked, Xiomara making the wise decision after seeing the look in her eyes. Entering the room, Minerva headed towards the bed instead of the chairs that had previously been taken. Taking her normal position up on the left hand side of the bed she lay next to him. Enfolding his hand in hers she began to speak softly.
"Oh Albus, what am I going to do? You've left me to look after myself, your professors, and the children. How am I going to do this? I can't take up this challenge, I need you with me, by my side I need you Albus, why did you go and leave me? What am I going to tell everyone, they'll all be so shocked, you were always the invincible Albus Dumbledore, the man everyone was afraid of, even He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. How are we going to deal with this on-going battle without you? The Order is likely to fall apart, and me, well I think I've already fallen apart. I know you'd tell me to be strong, but I can't I can't be strong, knowing that your not here to help me do that. We've been together for so many years, more years than I've been on my own, I'm not used to this Albus, it all seems so, so unnatural. You should be here with me right here, telling me everything will be ok, reassuring me and comforting me like you always did.
What happened to your plan Albus, you always said we'd die together. Not to worry about anything, because we'd be together, no matter what, we'd always be together. You told me so many times, that you'd never leave me, and I promised I'd never do the same, but look at us now I'm here, and your God knows where. Always together you said, live together and die together! I told you many times the only way it'd happen was if we died side by side during a battle, or perhaps one of those muggle accidents. You never agreed, just said the same thing over and over again. 'Don't worry Minerva, we'll die together, I won't leave you.' Being the foolish one I am, I believed you, I believed you Albus, and I think even you yourself did, but it hasn't happened, and now I'm sitting here without you. It didn't come true, no matter how much we believed in it, it didn't come true.
Oh I don't know what to do without you Albus I wish you were to tell me, instruct me on what I should be doing, making all the arrangements. We'll have to tell the school tomorrow, and the papers. They'll all want to come to the service, you were a respected man, and your going to be missed so much. I haven't contacted Aberforth yet, nor Anne. I think someone will be doing that shortly." Another sob racked her body. Pulling herself towards him, she wrapped her arms around his body laying her head on the beard that use to act as a second pillow.
"Albus? I hope you know how much I'm going to miss you, and how I love you with both my heart and sole." Tears began silently falling down her face, landing on his beard as she began to fall into a light sleep.
A/n: By the way Anne, who is mentioned is my own character, and will be Dumbledore's sister, she'll feature in another chapter. I'm sorry if its all a bit jumpy, and if the grammar's bad, but it was quite hard to write, so please excuse any big mistakes. Also I intend to carry this on for a few more chapters, may be short ones, depending on schoolwork, and how difficult it gets. Please read and review, and please no flamers, I know it may not be good, but it's from the heart.
I'd also like to thank my reviewers:
Insaneflautist: I'm rather honoured to be reviewed by you love reflections in the water, it's a great story. I'm glad you liked reading, and just want to thank you for saying all that stuff and reviewing.
LinZE: Glad you liked it, I like your work too J
Isabelle3: sorry to hear about your great grandma, I know from all this that saying sorry isn't really enough, but there's never anything else you can really say. I was really close to my grandad too, and it feels so bizarre, I mean the longest I was ever away from him was 2 weeks, so how to cope with the rest of my life is really scary at the moment.
crystalunicorn14: I'm definitely continuing as you can see, I'm sorry it made you cry, I think but I'm glad it touched you that much, you say about hoping he'd wake back up, that was exactly the same thought I had with my grandad.
Dumbledore's Quill: Thanks, glad you liked it.