Authors Note – Ok sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry the world has conspired to
prevent me from writing for a long time so I hope people will still read
this!! Thank you to everyone to reviewing me...umm... Fan fic has just died on
my computer so I can't do anything personal but thanks!! As a present for
being so patient I'm gonna stop being mysterious and start explaining! Oh
and Neil is fat because the last time I saw the film I wasn't wearing my
contacts and he looked like a fat blob! Sorry if I've insulted him or
anyone! I can't remember if anyone else had anything to say!
Disclaimer – I recently read all fan fiction is illegal whether or not you include a disclaimer but hey! It's force of habit now! I'm merely making the characters dance a ballet in my head and on paper/computers screen and ballet is an art so forgive me?? Please??
Chapter 6
'Christa, it's just not good enough I need to know, you realise you will never let go and move on until you can talk about it. Christa this important to me, Come on tell me Chris.' She had known this moment had come, to be honest she had been expecting it from the moment she entered the long driveway into the Kellerman resort, her face marked and her body weary. Even so she made one last attempt to avoid it, to hug her secret to her, somehow protecting it and herself from the harsh criticisms of the outside world.
'It's raining' she said as the first dribbles of water trickled down the window, slowly coursing their way to the bottom regardless of the dirt that smeared their path. Johnny sat down on the bed he looked at Christa intensely and remained silent for so long that she turned to face him.
'I remember the last time, you said those words to me, the last time you were trying to hide something from me.' His voice was dull as if the life had simply dripped out of him with the rain. ' You said I couldn't help you then and maybe I didn't but it's different this time Chris, give me a chance.' There was none of the enthusiasm, the zest for life that anyone who knew Johnny associated with him, all there was, was the pain of that long ago encounter, gone but never forgotten.
*****************************Flashback********************************
The young girl had moved from her post at the door, she no longer leapt to it when she heard the slightest sound, was no longer sobbing for her loss. She just sat. Staring. It could have been an hour or it could have been five, she didn't notice, would never know, didn't care.
The door swung open violently and she heard a shuddering crash as it hit the wall, Johnny was in a bad mood. She knew that she had to move now, move or he would realise something was wrong, and if that happened then she might tell him and then she would let her mother down, and then her mother would never call her a good girl again and then she would never be called crystal again and then...and then... It never occurred to the child as she pulled herself of the ground and tried to force a smile that she wouldn't see her mother for years, that she would never be her mother's good girl even when she did return all she could think about was making the ghost of her mother happy.
Johnny was in a bad mood, Penny wasn't interested in him she had just told him it was over, he was boring and the new dance instructor was her true love. She had dripped it in honey and told him that it wasn't him 'it's me' she said but he knew it was because he wasn't enough for her; he wasn't good enough for her. He hadn't wanted to come home, to see his mother trying on her new ridiculously priced dress while at the same time saying they didn't have enough money to buy anything nice to eat, to see his little sister stare at her with eyes brimful of hero-worship, picking up the clothes their mother cast down in her hurry to find a 'nice' dress. He knew he as being unfair to his mother, to both of them but he didn't care, he just wanted to be alone right then.
The girl walked smiling fiercely as though her life depended on it, towards him. She started speaking to him, babbling but he didn't listen he just smiled and nodded and glanced about for his mother, surprised to see her shadow but not her. She had stopped speaking and was staring at him expectantly, as though waiting for an answer.
'I'm sorry Chris, What did you say?' before she could repeat herself he spoke again, trying to prevent the avalanche of words he knew his sister was about to launch into. 'Where is she?' he asked, he didn't call her mom, or mommy, he couldn't remember a time when he had, but he knew Christa understood him. She glanced around guiltily, she seemed to search for something in the air behind him as he became puzzled by her absence of a reply. 'Christa?'.
'She went shopping' his sister replied looking almost pleased with herself. It was then that he noticed the tearstains on her cheeks and the swollen red eyes. She looked pleased with herself apart from the sadness in her eyes. It was well past eleven, there were no shops open and hadn't been for hours.
'Christa, tell me the truth, it's very important, where is your mother?' she turned from him and stared at the wall opposite him, the paper was a strange yellow colour where it should really have been cream and it was peeling. She looked down at her feet and then spoke.
'It's raining' she said. He knew, he just knew at that moment and he headed towards the stairs, she followed him unable to catch up with his huge strides as he leaped up the stairs two at a time. He never knew why she followed him up the stairs; she just climbed them and stood outside their mother's bedroom. He was inside, gazing, he knew she was gone, forever. Maybe not forever but he didn't care what difference did it make?
He threw the doors of the wardrobe open and stared at the empty hangers in neat rows. This had been planned he thought as he looked, this wasn't spontaneous she had planned it. He suddenly felt nauseous and overwhelmed, he turned and hurried out the room staring wildly round him but seeing nothing. She was outside, her eyes wide with emotion. She needed support and reassurance, she needed someone to hug her and tell her everything would be all right but he couldn't offer her it. He was too lost in the storm of emotions that were shaking his very soul. He ran out and leant against the front door, unaware he was standing in the place where his mother had said her last words to Christa, unaware that the rain was driving down and the wind howling, unaware of the world. He closed his eyes and tried to make sense of the situation, tried to think about it rationally tried to be calm. He wandered over to the fence separating the house from its neighbour and sat down. He felt lost and angry. Angry that his mother had left him with so much responsibility, lost because at seventeen he was still a child himself. As he sat in the storm, the rain wetting his cheeks, he started to cry, silent tears indistinguishable from the droplets of rain, only tasting much bitterer. He heard a creak and felt a small hand slip into his. His sister was beside him; Christa still had faith in him. He looked at her and though it was beyond him to smile he stood up.
'We can't have you getting wet now can we?' he said deliberating making his voice light. He held her hand and walked back through the doorway towards the rest of his life.
********************************End*********************************
'She came back' was all Christa said to him. She just stared her eyes as wide as they had been that night nearly 10 years ago, he looked down at her and waited for her to continue, the time for encouragement was over, the revelations were about to begin.
A/N – Oh yeah I remember ...feedback! Please! : ) it would be appreciated! And I promise personal thank yous! Oh such a temptation!!
Disclaimer – I recently read all fan fiction is illegal whether or not you include a disclaimer but hey! It's force of habit now! I'm merely making the characters dance a ballet in my head and on paper/computers screen and ballet is an art so forgive me?? Please??
Chapter 6
'Christa, it's just not good enough I need to know, you realise you will never let go and move on until you can talk about it. Christa this important to me, Come on tell me Chris.' She had known this moment had come, to be honest she had been expecting it from the moment she entered the long driveway into the Kellerman resort, her face marked and her body weary. Even so she made one last attempt to avoid it, to hug her secret to her, somehow protecting it and herself from the harsh criticisms of the outside world.
'It's raining' she said as the first dribbles of water trickled down the window, slowly coursing their way to the bottom regardless of the dirt that smeared their path. Johnny sat down on the bed he looked at Christa intensely and remained silent for so long that she turned to face him.
'I remember the last time, you said those words to me, the last time you were trying to hide something from me.' His voice was dull as if the life had simply dripped out of him with the rain. ' You said I couldn't help you then and maybe I didn't but it's different this time Chris, give me a chance.' There was none of the enthusiasm, the zest for life that anyone who knew Johnny associated with him, all there was, was the pain of that long ago encounter, gone but never forgotten.
*****************************Flashback********************************
The young girl had moved from her post at the door, she no longer leapt to it when she heard the slightest sound, was no longer sobbing for her loss. She just sat. Staring. It could have been an hour or it could have been five, she didn't notice, would never know, didn't care.
The door swung open violently and she heard a shuddering crash as it hit the wall, Johnny was in a bad mood. She knew that she had to move now, move or he would realise something was wrong, and if that happened then she might tell him and then she would let her mother down, and then her mother would never call her a good girl again and then she would never be called crystal again and then...and then... It never occurred to the child as she pulled herself of the ground and tried to force a smile that she wouldn't see her mother for years, that she would never be her mother's good girl even when she did return all she could think about was making the ghost of her mother happy.
Johnny was in a bad mood, Penny wasn't interested in him she had just told him it was over, he was boring and the new dance instructor was her true love. She had dripped it in honey and told him that it wasn't him 'it's me' she said but he knew it was because he wasn't enough for her; he wasn't good enough for her. He hadn't wanted to come home, to see his mother trying on her new ridiculously priced dress while at the same time saying they didn't have enough money to buy anything nice to eat, to see his little sister stare at her with eyes brimful of hero-worship, picking up the clothes their mother cast down in her hurry to find a 'nice' dress. He knew he as being unfair to his mother, to both of them but he didn't care, he just wanted to be alone right then.
The girl walked smiling fiercely as though her life depended on it, towards him. She started speaking to him, babbling but he didn't listen he just smiled and nodded and glanced about for his mother, surprised to see her shadow but not her. She had stopped speaking and was staring at him expectantly, as though waiting for an answer.
'I'm sorry Chris, What did you say?' before she could repeat herself he spoke again, trying to prevent the avalanche of words he knew his sister was about to launch into. 'Where is she?' he asked, he didn't call her mom, or mommy, he couldn't remember a time when he had, but he knew Christa understood him. She glanced around guiltily, she seemed to search for something in the air behind him as he became puzzled by her absence of a reply. 'Christa?'.
'She went shopping' his sister replied looking almost pleased with herself. It was then that he noticed the tearstains on her cheeks and the swollen red eyes. She looked pleased with herself apart from the sadness in her eyes. It was well past eleven, there were no shops open and hadn't been for hours.
'Christa, tell me the truth, it's very important, where is your mother?' she turned from him and stared at the wall opposite him, the paper was a strange yellow colour where it should really have been cream and it was peeling. She looked down at her feet and then spoke.
'It's raining' she said. He knew, he just knew at that moment and he headed towards the stairs, she followed him unable to catch up with his huge strides as he leaped up the stairs two at a time. He never knew why she followed him up the stairs; she just climbed them and stood outside their mother's bedroom. He was inside, gazing, he knew she was gone, forever. Maybe not forever but he didn't care what difference did it make?
He threw the doors of the wardrobe open and stared at the empty hangers in neat rows. This had been planned he thought as he looked, this wasn't spontaneous she had planned it. He suddenly felt nauseous and overwhelmed, he turned and hurried out the room staring wildly round him but seeing nothing. She was outside, her eyes wide with emotion. She needed support and reassurance, she needed someone to hug her and tell her everything would be all right but he couldn't offer her it. He was too lost in the storm of emotions that were shaking his very soul. He ran out and leant against the front door, unaware he was standing in the place where his mother had said her last words to Christa, unaware that the rain was driving down and the wind howling, unaware of the world. He closed his eyes and tried to make sense of the situation, tried to think about it rationally tried to be calm. He wandered over to the fence separating the house from its neighbour and sat down. He felt lost and angry. Angry that his mother had left him with so much responsibility, lost because at seventeen he was still a child himself. As he sat in the storm, the rain wetting his cheeks, he started to cry, silent tears indistinguishable from the droplets of rain, only tasting much bitterer. He heard a creak and felt a small hand slip into his. His sister was beside him; Christa still had faith in him. He looked at her and though it was beyond him to smile he stood up.
'We can't have you getting wet now can we?' he said deliberating making his voice light. He held her hand and walked back through the doorway towards the rest of his life.
********************************End*********************************
'She came back' was all Christa said to him. She just stared her eyes as wide as they had been that night nearly 10 years ago, he looked down at her and waited for her to continue, the time for encouragement was over, the revelations were about to begin.
A/N – Oh yeah I remember ...feedback! Please! : ) it would be appreciated! And I promise personal thank yous! Oh such a temptation!!