Haldir's Diary
Disclaimer: I don't own anything relating to Middle Earth or the characters within. Nor am I making any money off of this.
Author's note: I've read so many of these diary things, and they're so well written. They've inspired me to do one of my own. The concept of LOTR character diaries obviously isn't mine. I'm just putting my own spin on someone's brilliant idea.
Hope you like it, please review and tell me what you think. Parts you liked, parts you didn't like, any way I could make it better. :D
Day .... please, when was the last time an elf kept track of what day it was.....
Am sitting at the border waiting for the fellowship, who Lady Galadriel assures me is coming today.
I asked her how she knew; she said her mirror never lies. It may not lie but it's not always accurate either.
Later.
Fellowship has still not arrived.
Day, oh for crying out loud!
Saw fellowship in the distance. Threw Rumil out of the tree...so he could get a better look.....ok so they were moving slowly and I was getting bored of waiting. Plus you should have seen how he landed. I never knew an elf's body could twist like that.
Fellowship finally entered woods. Let them get deep into woods before my guards and I surrounded them. Wanna be king not amused, apparently he thinks we took too long. He should talk.
Took count of fellowship in case we loose any in the river. Need to know how many I might have to replace.
Fellowship consists of 2 filthy men (who probably don't know the meaning of the word "bath"), 4 short people, 1short walking furry cloak....oh wait that's a dwarf ...ick ..and 1 brat, I mean elf, from Mirkwood who thinks he's a better archer than me.
Please the only reason he won that competition was because he sneezed when I went to take my shot. Elves with allergies suuure.
Next day.
Almost at the city. Had minor issue earlier with the dwarf not wanting to be blindfolded. He thinks we'll do something to him. Dwarf obviously overvalues himself as it is common knowledge that elves don't mate with anything that has more than 4 percent body hair. The dwarf is running on 78% .....
Wannabe king of many names, or should that be ranger with an identity crisis? Either way he's decided that the entire fellowship will be blindfolded. I decided to lead Mirkwood brat, I mean prince, so that he could be tripped, I mean lead, as well as possible.
Didn't last long as Galadriel sent message that fellowship could walk without blindfolds.
Total number of trips: 8
Warned wannabe king that he is not to smoke anywhere in or near the city as we are still recovering from the last time he indulged his habit. Lord Celeborn's study still has singe marks.....
Day...do I really have to do this?!
Brought fellowship before the Lord and Lady. Got to see Mirkwood brat, um prince, put in his place about the balrog incident before leading the fellowship to their quarters. It's just a pavilion on the ground, apparently no one wanted to give up their talan.
Later.
Came back to see if the fellowship needed anything. Caught wannabe king smoking his pipe, but pretended not to notice as he hurriedly shoved it behind his back. Made my inquiry as ranger pretended he hadn't been doing anything. Continued to stay and ended up in staring match with him. Had to end it as smoke started filling the glade. Was extremely satisfying to see ranger run off with his posterior in flames.
Later still.
Found out ranger faced intense lecture from Celeborn for smoking in Lorien. Just wait until Galadriel finds out the ranger extinguished himself in her water dish, um mirror.
Yet another day (biiig surprise there..)
Aragorn can't sit due to his "condition", and yes Galadriel did find out. He now has to clean the alter the mirror rests on-every little bit of it. Took extreme pleasure in making sure he cleaned the lower parts. I didn't know humans could make faces like that when they're in pain. Quite funny.
Mirkwood brat has taken to informing everyone that he is the best archer. Have challenged him to a competition.
Later.
Had competition...sort of. Was completely prepared for distraction tactics-except for the one that had pebbles used as projectiles aimed at my rear. Got my revenge though as I "accidently" shot the brat in the foot.
What? I'm not the best archer remember? I'm expected to miss every now and then.....
Next day.
Galadriel approached me and said she knew that I shot the brat, prince, on purpose. I asked her how she knew and she responded by saying that her mirror shows her many things. Amazed at it's level of accuracy, I asked her if she had finally replaced the batteries to it.
She took my bow so that it could be a parting "gift" for the Mirkwood brat. Do you know how long it takes to make a bow of that quality?!
Really hope that the mirror didn't show her the poison ivy I spread over the pants of the other human's change of clothes...
On a side note: the rest of the fellowship has noticed that those of their company that stay around me end up visiting the healers. They are now avoiding me. Oh well they leave tomorrow anyway.
Day....oh who cares...
Fellowship left today, and along with them my bow. Am a bit sad as they proved to be quite amusing and am almost tempted to follow them, if only to retrieve my bow. Was there to present cloaks to fellowship and helped the dwarf into the boats Celeborn gave them. Tried not to laugh as he slipped and fell into the water. Honestly I couldn't have done better if I tried, oh wait, I did. Discovered that dwarves look liked drowned wargs when wet.
Need to figure out ways to get Galadriel to send the fellowship help. The thought of tormenting them further is the most fun I've had in...well a long time. I hear that she is about to go and talk to Elrond about the elves involvement in the war against Sauron. Should prove to be interesting....
Well that's it. Hope you liked it. Please review. Oh, and by the way, for those who want to complain about what Haldir did to the fellowship. I have nothing against any of these characters, I actually like all of them, but the opportunity to torment them was too much to resist :D