Haldir's Diary
Disclaimer: Still don't own any of the characters, or middle earth.....
Author's note: Wow, I honestly didn't expect anyone to read this. Thank you sooo much for the reviews :D. I hadn't planned on writing any other chapters, but another idea struck me so here it is. Oh and before I forget, this is a little movie verse but, don't panic yet. Bear with me, I do have an idea (I wasn't happy when I saw TTT and saw Haldir die).
Day...I refuse to fill this in!
Fellowship left yesterday and I really wish I had gone with them. Turns out that when I snuck into the tailor's, not only did I coat the human's pants in poison ivy, but I managed to get some on Lord Celeborn's as well. Guess they weren't Leggie's after all.....
At least it explains why Celeborn hasn't been able to sit still all day. Am keeping a low profile.
On a side note: Galadriel hasn't been able to contact Elrond yet. Seems her husband's "dancing" around Lorien is too distracting. Kinda a mix between a can-can and the waltz, must say it's very amusing...
Later.
Galadriel is throwing a party tonight. Supposed to bring hope to the Golden wood that the quest will be successful. Though everyone knows it's an attempt to cover up Celeborn's embarrassing situation as he now has an excuse to move around so much. There's a rumor that Celeborn will teach us a "new" dance tonight. Will go, just in case something interesting happens. Plus I haven't missed a party..well since Rumil was out of diapers.
Day..99 bottles of mead in a tree 99 bottles of meeead! Oh yeah..
Party was fun, well fun from what I saw. Much dancing and drinking. Celeborn's "new" dance had many elves looking like the dwarf right before he fell in the water. Very funny.
Galadriel danced with every male elf. Suspect she was trying to check their hands for signs of poison ivy. Lucky for me I had cloth covering my hands when I went about my ivy business. Spent most of the night standing, with the exception of the "voluntary" dance, on the sidelines as still don't want to draw attention to myself. Though that proved to be difficult when Orophin, in his drunken state, mistook me for Amrina and *shudder* nope not remembering that....
Lord Celeborn is still unable to sit still, despite all the lotions the healers have given him. I don't think that I put that much on his pants, but you never know. Celeborn has launched a full investigation to find out who the culprit is. He's promising that revenge will be swift and painful. He has Galadriel's full support. Guess he accidentally kicked her a few times last night.
Have volunteered to take an extra shift on the borders. I'm so helpful.
Day...There once was an elf named Bill who couldn't sit still on his hill, he-oh never mind.
Was about to head out to the borders when I got the call to see the Lord and Lady. Was hoping it was only to inform the results of Galadriel and Elrond's meeting. No such luck. Apparently I wasn't as sneaky as I thought. One of the tailors reported seeing me "handle" some of the garments. They didn't believe I was there to check out hobbit fashion.
One angry elven ruler is uncomfortable, two angry elven rulers is down right terrifying. I actually think I saw smoke coming out of Celeborn's ears and Galadriel started emitting a green light. She hasn't been getting much sleep due to Celeborn's constant moving. Celeborn saw it fit to describe the rash he has acquired. Not pretty, still feeling sick actually. Will never look at blue cheese the same again!
Am now demoted to dish duty until they think of something better. Rumil finds this all to be very funny.
Day ....Why me!
My hands are in a constant state of pruning and my hair has fallen flat. To add insult to injury Rumil has taken to "visiting". If he knocks over one more dish I'll send him gift wrapped to Mordor!
"Oops! Haldir I swear I didn't see that stack of plates there." Humph. I wonder if elves make for good floatation devices..
Orophin isn't much better. He keeps "forgetting" where to put any dirty dishes he's used during his visits. To top that off he usually has soup or chilli or something else that'll drip all the way down the stacks of clean dishes. Have added him to my "to get" list.
But I have discovered benefits. She-elves are even more captivating when their dresses are soaked with dish water. The material clings and....I think I'd serve better if I "supervised". I'm much better at observing.
Day .... Liberated elf, sort of...
Galadriel and Celeborn summoned me for another "meeting". She's talked to Elrond and they've decided to send elves to help men fight at a place called "Helm's Deep". By the time we get there 10, 000 Uruk Hai will be well on there way, if not almost there. Compare that to maybe 300 men already at Helm's Deep. I believe the plea from Galadriel went something like this: "Men aren't strong enough and Middle Earth will fall if we don't help defeat the evil".
Translation: We need a path outta this hell hole before it caves, please clear the way.
They say that all is forgiven, I've suffered and learned my lesson. Also that I've been promoted (at this Celeborn started coughing, although it suspiciously sounded more like a laugh...) And will be leading the army. I asked if I could bring Rumil. A pack horse would cramp my style and we need to look intimidating and superior here!
Day ..Heading out..
Am all packed for trip to rescue inept humans. Very pleased to hear that brat and dwarf will be there. Wonder how wannabe king is doing. He is after all keeping coming with a king that actually has a kingdom. Might just bring some special things for them.
Was given gifts of armor and cape by Galadriel and Celeborn. Celeborn is having trouble keeping a straight face, though he is finally able to sit still. Guess the cream finally worked.
Armor feels like it was made out of tin foil and the red cape stands out in the dark. Kinda makes me feel like a homing beacon. Politely asked why cape was so different from the others and they said it was so I was identifiable as the leader. If it had been a black cape I might be mistaken for an orc by the humans. Since when did orcs have golden hair?
Sorry, I am working on length.
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