Haldir's Diary
Disclaimer: Don't own 'em...*covers up my plan of action to own them*..what that? Ummm, nope I didn't see anything....
Author's note: Well here it is, the last chapter, well it is until I finish reading TTT and ROTK. *Runs for my books*. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you to everyone who's reviewed! (Gypsy Rain, Werecat99, Dusk-Singer, padawanjinx, Imbefaniel, CocoBeans, Debby, Cheryl, Foilist, HPandLOTRfanatic, Bulma Greenleaf, HollyHobbit, Sara) Your comments were and continue to be very encouraging and motivating. It's why I added chapter 2 and this one. :D
Day..Does it really count as being a "new" day if the scenery doesn't seem to change?
Are on long trip to save humans. There had better be a BIG reward for this. There's not much water in sight. How am I supposed to bathe? My hair needs to be conditioned every other day. Am conti plating taking some of the drinking supply. They wont miss it, elves have amazing abilities when it comes to endurance.
Feet are sore, think I'm getting blisters. Would ask Rumil to carry me, but I am the leader and have to maintain appearances. Wouldn't look good to be carried. Plus he can barely manage what he's got. I haven't given him much. My pack consists of my mirror, brush, soap, towel, moisturizer, sun screen, book: "The Complete History of Middle Earth"-for on the way. Then there's the extra food, blankets, a couple of change of clothes and other essentials I can't bear to leave behind. And that's just my share. Have no idea why he'd complain about it's weight.
Spotted Orophin among the ranks, trying to blend in. Claimed he was feeling left out. He never could handle being on his own for long. Either way it makes it easier for me to get my revenge on him.
Day...I'm too sexy for my cape, too sexy for my cape...
Scenery still hasn't changed much, though spotted pool of water. Put Rumil's hand in warm water while he was sleeping. Smell not pleasant but reaction was hilarious. His ears twitch when he's upset and he makes this little snorting noise...but that's not all. Pasted his spare pair of underpants shut. Now he has the choice of no underpants with his armor or wet underpants. Let me tell you, no underpants with over decorated armor..not a good idea.
Orophin being very cautious around me after I came at him in the middle of the night looking like the grim reaper. The cape does have potential. He hadn't removed his boots and, very conveniently, they were tied together when he woke. Have no idea how that happened.....
Ah the power!
Later.
Spotted man made structure in the distance. Actually I smelled the scent of many unwashed bodies first, but hey I'm not criticizing *smirk*. Should reach it by tomorrow morning at the latest. Though at the rate these elves are walking, it may be tomorrow evening. Still nothing can dampen my mood. I get to see the dwarf and the brat! Must make sure packages are still in good condition....
Day...I'm off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of, ok ok....
Decided not to pull prank on brothers as we need to look presentable. Plus need to focus on looking intimidating and plotting schemes against the brat. He still has my bow.
Ok, ok. So the real reason is I'm feeling a little sorry for Rumil. He now has a rash, the wet underpants was irritating to his skin. He's now hobbling along, pretending as if nothing is wrong. Though I think I heard him muttering not so flattering things about me.
Later.
Have finally arrived at Helm's deep. Had satisfaction of awing human soldiers with our perfect presence and co ordinated footwork. Eat that humans! Was greeted by Rohan King and wannabe king, who smells worse then when he arrived at Lorien, if that's even possible. Of course Ranger boy chooses that moment to embrace me. No bath water in sight and I get a hug that would squeeze the ugly out of an orc. How am I supposed to concentrate on the battle now? I smell like unwashed armpits. *do not gag, do not gag, do not....Outta my WAY!*
Side note: Mirkwood *cough* pansy *cough* prince showed up with my bow strapped to his back. He did it on purpose, I know it!
Dwarf, oddly enough, tried to stay out of view. Who's afraid of the big bad bath!?!
Day....Simon says jump up and down, Simon says stand on the wall, touch your nose....
Have arranged elves as such: those that have wronged me are on the wall, those who annoy me are not far behind them, those that have been nice to me are at the back. Brothers have been given the task of making arrows foe the elves, inside the keep. Doubt they'll actually stay in there. I tell you I get no respect.
Unwashed wannabe king is on a power trip, probably trying to show up the Rohan king. He's taken to the idea the he is in control of the elven army. He may have been raised by an elf, but his daddy isn't here now! This is my army, given to me by his daddy and I'll never give it up!
Am placed among the rest of the archers.
Gave Dwarf a spray bottle and said it was from the Lady. He used all of it at once. Cannot stop laughing. Dwarf no longer smells bad. In fact smells very pretty. It should last for two weeks-even through many washes. Will avoid dwarf as he now wont stop fingering his axe.
Pansy approached me and asked if we could have a truce. He's sensed my hostility towards him. I agreed and gave him "special" lembas as a peace offering. It should take effect right before the battle starts.
Later.
Orcs have managed to aline themselves along the bottom of the wall an were waiting somewhat patiently. Very inept human couldn't keep a hold on the arrow he had and shot an orc. Thus stating the battle. Have made mental note to remind Rohan king that this is his fault. Uruk Hai smell even worse up close.
Completely random thought: Did you know that Uruk Hai could keep a beat? I didn't, made mental note to increase training for elves. Will not be shown up by things that have never seen a toothbrush!
Lembas has now taken effect. He can look at it this way: now can say he is able to do two things at once. And it is helpful to him. How many elves do you know that can pass gas to the tune of the "Lay of Luthien". Uruk Hai are trying to avoid him. Those that come near can not claim consciousness for long. I'm so good. *grin*
And Later Still.
Have almost had my sword knocked out of my hand twice now. These Uruk Hai are stronger than they look. Have discovered that, in a pinch, day old lembas makes for a deadly discus. Almost cleaved the Uruk Hai armor in two. Must remember to thank the bakers.
Uruk Hai turned into pyromaniacs and blew a hole in the wall. Pansy was unsuccessful in stopping the runner, big surprise there. It's been raining a lot, ranger will finally be clean!
Even Later Than That.
"I'm in charge, everyone listen to meeeeee" Wannabe king has ordered everyone to comeback. We're losing. I now know why I was sent to the ugly piece of rock that the humans call their fortress. Will get them back if I ever get released from Mandos.
And a Little Later Than That.
Was right, will not make it out of here. Was ambushed by two Uruk Hai, one after the other. Honestly, what sort of a creature hacks an elf in the back. Hope the trip to Mandos is first class as don't want to deal with in flight peanuts. They're not even seasoned!
Day..twilight zone...
The Halls of Mandos, I must say it's all very... don't quite know how to describe it. Unreal would be one way. All of the presences of elves gone before were so sorrowful. It was seriously cramping my mood. But it didn't last long as Mandos called me in for an immediate audience. That in itself had me worried. Either I'm more important than I thought or he took those pranks a little too seriously....
Later.
I'm so happy I'm almost willing to swear of doing any more pranks. Almost. Turns out that....well let me just take you there...
"Haldir do you know why you're here?" Mandos asked.
"Cause I died?" I looked at him hoping that it hadn't been a trick question. It hadn't.
"Well at least you're coherent. Most take a few years before they can form any ideas of where they are or why they're here." He said wryly. "Yes, you died. However, there is a problem."
I gulped. Here it comes, 5000 years of cleaning the outhouses of the dead...
"Manwe, has requested an immediate audience to explain this problem and to sort it out. So off you go." And then he held the door open for me. Great as if I wasn't nervous enough.
The trip was fairly short and in no time I was before Manwe. Another unreal experience. But awe inspiring too. He started off with the same question Mandos did. Obviously there is a serious break in communication over there. Or they wanted to take pleasure in reminding me of my death. However, I responded just the same.
"I'm here because I died sir, um my Lord." Did I mention I was nervous?
"No need to be nervous, and call me Manwe or, as my wife knows me, Peter." he chuckled. I became confused.
"I desire that fate play out as it already has. You are dead and it is my will that you remain so. What do you think of this?" He looked at me and I could feel my emotions being searched.
"I didn't realize that I was allowed to question your decisions." He laughed.
"You're not, but I needed to see how you would react. I resolve-" he was interrupted as the doors to his chambers opened. Someone with an even greater aurora entered.
"Peter, it was not my will that he die at Helm's Deep, yet you have seen fit to allow this." Manwe, um Peter, looked away, clearly uneasy.
"John, it is what has already happened. I let your creatures do as they will-without interference." My confusion reached new levels. Who was John? They must have sense my growing anxiety for they both turned to me.
"Haldir" Manwe/Peter got my attention "meet Eru, or John as I call him." My eyes widened and I fell to the floor, not daring to look up. Eru/John chuckled.
"Rise child, I will not have my children fear me." I looked up into the face of the wisest being I had ever seen.
"You were not meant to die at Helm's Deep, yet it has come to pass. That I will not change. I will, however, give you a choice. Be returned to Arda or reborn on Valinor. Not much time has passed since Helm's Deep. What say you?" He looked at me awaiting my answer.
"If I choose to return to Arda, may I still, at a later date, sail west?" I needed to know I had an option of leaving the world of humans, the thought of staying with them forever..I think I'd rather see Mandos again...
Eru/John laughed as if reading my thoughts. He probably was.
"Yes. You will still be an elf and therefore still have the option of coming to Valinor. Though I encourage you to make friends with the humans, should you choose to return. You are all my creations and it pains me to see so much strife between my children."
I thought for a moment. I could handle going back. I could even handle being...friends with them. Well as long as they promised to bath at least once a day. I sighed.
"Then my Lord Eru, um John, I wish to go back to Arda." He nodded. The room lit up in a blinding light. When it died down I was in the middle of a field. I looked ahead and could clearly see a city. Minas Tirith.
End....for now...
Well that's it. I hope no one is offended by the above scene. My concept, for that, was that Peter Jackson play the part of Manwe and J.R.R. Tolkien play Eru. Made sense to me, seeing as how Mr. Tolkien created the story "Lord of the Rings" and Mr. Jackson made the movies. It also gave me a way to bring Haldir back....cause he didn't die in the books!!! *looks at Peter Jackson*
Again please review and thanks for reading :D