The Reason
~jimmySLOTH aka MEG iSHiDA
Sorry guys, I know I haven't finished 'I've Seen More Spine in Jellyfish' yet, but I thought about this new story and I decided that I couldn't wait to write it, and so here we are yet again... heh. Well. I hope you like this one too...
This time you might want to download the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank. It's not necessary to the plot line or anything, but I think you all out there might enjoy it. Er, thanks...
[x][o][x][o][x]
I'm not a Perfect Person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue Learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know...
[x][o][x][o][x]
I looked at myself in the mirror. Sometimes, I just couldn't stand what stared back at me. I was ugly. Not necessarily on the outside, but I FELT ugly. I thought I was honestly ugly. My soul is ugly. Everything about me is ugly. I honestly don't know what he sees in me.
He is beautiful. Everything about him is beautiful. His smile, his body, his soul and his spirit. It's all beautiful, and here I am, so ugly, so full of everything that he doesn't need. It's true, he deserves better than I can give him. I love him. But he deserves better.
Anyone deserves better than me.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you...
[x][o][x][o][x]
Where was he? He was supposed to be here an hour ago. A whole hour. I shook my head, hoping it was just a stupid traffic jam, hoping he wasn't in trouble. It wasn't like Yamato to be late. He was actually usually early and I would be the late one.
I grinned softly. I don't know what I would do without him. I love him. He's beautiful, he really is. I know he doesn't think he is, he always rolls his eyes at me when I tell him that. He doesn't know how much I love him, and if he did I doubt he would believe it. I don't think I even know how much I love him.
I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number quickly.
"Hello?"
"Yamato?"
There was an awkward pause. "Taichi, I... I'm sorry, I forgot about today. I got kind of ... busy. Is there any way you can forgive me?"
I stared down at the ground. I knew he couldn't see me, but I was blushing slightly. "I can forgive you, don't worry about it. What are you doing?"
Another awkward silence. "Nothing."
"Doesn't sound like it."
"I SAID NOTHING!" he snapped. I could hear him sigh lightly as he apologized. "Listen, 'Chi, I can't do anything today. I'm sorry for yelling, really, I didn't mean to yell. I'm just..." he trailed off. "I'm just busy, okay? Can we leave it at that?"
Something was wrong. I could tell. It was just one of those connections you had with a person, just something that made you realize you were really meant to be. "Yamato, you can tell me if something's bothering you. Don't hesitate."
"I know."
I smiled, yet again aware that he could not see me. "I love you."
There was slight hesitation. "I love you, Taichi. I love you." It sounded like Yamato was savoring those words. Why would he be doing that? We had our whole lives ahead of us. Sometimes I don't understand him...
But I love him... God do I love him.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I'm sorry that I Hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And All the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
[x][o][x][o][x]
I looked guiltily in the mirror one last time. I prayed silently to myself.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry mom, for not being the star son you dreamed of. I'm not like Takeru. I'm not good at sports, I don't have an interest in girls, I don't have many close friends. I'm sorry dad, for not being there for you on call. I didn't know you needed me the way you did. I would have been there, I swear, but I didn't know.
I... I'm sorry Taichi. I could never be the one you dreamed of. I couldn't be the perfect guy, the guy you deserve. I don't know why it had to be like this. It would have been better if you had never met me. I have to admit I needed you. I STILL need you. You were always there for me no matter what. If I could turn back time I would have made the same selfish mistakes, I confess. You tell me that I steal your heart away... I wish you wouldn't use that terminology. I love you. That's all I ever did, was love you. I didn't even expect anything back, and yet somehow you loved me too. But I will always love you. Even though I shouldn't, and even though you should, could, and would be happier with someone else. I love you. I'm sorry.
I raised the knife to my wrist. It was time to leave.
It was finally all over.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to Start over new
And the Reason is You...
[x][o][x][o][x]
I couldn't quite place it, but something was wrong. I didn't know how or why, or even what, but something was wrong.
Something was very, very wrong.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
[x][o][x][o][x]
I should have gone back to Yamato's, I should have, I should have!! I knew he would do something like this!! WHY DID HE DO THIS? WHY DID I NOT GET TO SAY GOOD BYE? I NEED HIM! I LOVE HIM! THERE'S NO ONE ELSE, NO WAY THIS CAN BE OVER!!
I screamed out in pain as I clutched onto my sister. "HE CAN'T BE GONE, FUCK YOU! HE CAN'T BE! HE CAN'T BE DO YOU HEAR ME?"
Hikari held me lightly. "He's gone, Taichi. You need to accept this."
I sobbed into the shoulder of her jacket. "No, no, he wouldn't do this to me, why would he? Why would he do this, We had each other! I loved him, HE'S NOT GONE!!"
"Taichi, you can't get over this unless you accept the blatant truth. Yamato Ishida is gone. He committed suicide. He's gone, Taichi, He's gone and he will never be coming back."
I shoved my sister away. "HOW CAN YOU BE TAKING THIS SO LIGHTLY?! I LOVED HIM HIKARI, I LOVED HIM AND HE'S GONE!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE TO ME? I NEED TO BE WITH HIM, HIKARI! I NEED TO TOUCH HIS FACE, Oh god, oh god.."
Why?
I loved you.
And you left me.
I Loved You.
I Loved You.
Son of a Bitch. I loved you. I still love you. I will always love you. No matter where you are, Yamato, no matter where you are. And I can be strong because of you. I can be strong and I can continue through life. You taught me how to be strong, remember? I owe you everything. I owe you everything. I love you. I still love you. And I always will. Just promise to be ready when we meet again.
Please, just please be ready. I know I will.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
~
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
[x][o][x][o][x]
~jimmySLOTH aka MEG iSHiDA
Sorry guys, I know I haven't finished 'I've Seen More Spine in Jellyfish' yet, but I thought about this new story and I decided that I couldn't wait to write it, and so here we are yet again... heh. Well. I hope you like this one too...
This time you might want to download the song "The Reason" by Hoobastank. It's not necessary to the plot line or anything, but I think you all out there might enjoy it. Er, thanks...
[x][o][x][o][x]
I'm not a Perfect Person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue Learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know...
[x][o][x][o][x]
I looked at myself in the mirror. Sometimes, I just couldn't stand what stared back at me. I was ugly. Not necessarily on the outside, but I FELT ugly. I thought I was honestly ugly. My soul is ugly. Everything about me is ugly. I honestly don't know what he sees in me.
He is beautiful. Everything about him is beautiful. His smile, his body, his soul and his spirit. It's all beautiful, and here I am, so ugly, so full of everything that he doesn't need. It's true, he deserves better than I can give him. I love him. But he deserves better.
Anyone deserves better than me.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you...
[x][o][x][o][x]
Where was he? He was supposed to be here an hour ago. A whole hour. I shook my head, hoping it was just a stupid traffic jam, hoping he wasn't in trouble. It wasn't like Yamato to be late. He was actually usually early and I would be the late one.
I grinned softly. I don't know what I would do without him. I love him. He's beautiful, he really is. I know he doesn't think he is, he always rolls his eyes at me when I tell him that. He doesn't know how much I love him, and if he did I doubt he would believe it. I don't think I even know how much I love him.
I picked up my cell phone and dialed his number quickly.
"Hello?"
"Yamato?"
There was an awkward pause. "Taichi, I... I'm sorry, I forgot about today. I got kind of ... busy. Is there any way you can forgive me?"
I stared down at the ground. I knew he couldn't see me, but I was blushing slightly. "I can forgive you, don't worry about it. What are you doing?"
Another awkward silence. "Nothing."
"Doesn't sound like it."
"I SAID NOTHING!" he snapped. I could hear him sigh lightly as he apologized. "Listen, 'Chi, I can't do anything today. I'm sorry for yelling, really, I didn't mean to yell. I'm just..." he trailed off. "I'm just busy, okay? Can we leave it at that?"
Something was wrong. I could tell. It was just one of those connections you had with a person, just something that made you realize you were really meant to be. "Yamato, you can tell me if something's bothering you. Don't hesitate."
"I know."
I smiled, yet again aware that he could not see me. "I love you."
There was slight hesitation. "I love you, Taichi. I love you." It sounded like Yamato was savoring those words. Why would he be doing that? We had our whole lives ahead of us. Sometimes I don't understand him...
But I love him... God do I love him.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I'm sorry that I Hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And All the pain I put you through
I wish I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear
[x][o][x][o][x]
I looked guiltily in the mirror one last time. I prayed silently to myself.
I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I can't do this anymore. I'm sorry mom, for not being the star son you dreamed of. I'm not like Takeru. I'm not good at sports, I don't have an interest in girls, I don't have many close friends. I'm sorry dad, for not being there for you on call. I didn't know you needed me the way you did. I would have been there, I swear, but I didn't know.
I... I'm sorry Taichi. I could never be the one you dreamed of. I couldn't be the perfect guy, the guy you deserve. I don't know why it had to be like this. It would have been better if you had never met me. I have to admit I needed you. I STILL need you. You were always there for me no matter what. If I could turn back time I would have made the same selfish mistakes, I confess. You tell me that I steal your heart away... I wish you wouldn't use that terminology. I love you. That's all I ever did, was love you. I didn't even expect anything back, and yet somehow you loved me too. But I will always love you. Even though I shouldn't, and even though you should, could, and would be happier with someone else. I love you. I'm sorry.
I raised the knife to my wrist. It was time to leave.
It was finally all over.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to Start over new
And the Reason is You...
[x][o][x][o][x]
I couldn't quite place it, but something was wrong. I didn't know how or why, or even what, but something was wrong.
Something was very, very wrong.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know
[x][o][x][o][x]
I should have gone back to Yamato's, I should have, I should have!! I knew he would do something like this!! WHY DID HE DO THIS? WHY DID I NOT GET TO SAY GOOD BYE? I NEED HIM! I LOVE HIM! THERE'S NO ONE ELSE, NO WAY THIS CAN BE OVER!!
I screamed out in pain as I clutched onto my sister. "HE CAN'T BE GONE, FUCK YOU! HE CAN'T BE! HE CAN'T BE DO YOU HEAR ME?"
Hikari held me lightly. "He's gone, Taichi. You need to accept this."
I sobbed into the shoulder of her jacket. "No, no, he wouldn't do this to me, why would he? Why would he do this, We had each other! I loved him, HE'S NOT GONE!!"
"Taichi, you can't get over this unless you accept the blatant truth. Yamato Ishida is gone. He committed suicide. He's gone, Taichi, He's gone and he will never be coming back."
I shoved my sister away. "HOW CAN YOU BE TAKING THIS SO LIGHTLY?! I LOVED HIM HIKARI, I LOVED HIM AND HE'S GONE!! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS FEELS LIKE TO ME? I NEED TO BE WITH HIM, HIKARI! I NEED TO TOUCH HIS FACE, Oh god, oh god.."
Why?
I loved you.
And you left me.
I Loved You.
I Loved You.
Son of a Bitch. I loved you. I still love you. I will always love you. No matter where you are, Yamato, no matter where you are. And I can be strong because of you. I can be strong and I can continue through life. You taught me how to be strong, remember? I owe you everything. I owe you everything. I love you. I still love you. And I always will. Just promise to be ready when we meet again.
Please, just please be ready. I know I will.
[x][o][x][o][x]
I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you
~
I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you
[x][o][x][o][x]