Unrequited
By Mayhem777
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing, or the band Seether, or their song "Driven Under
Warnings: Domestic Abuse, Violence, Swearing, Major angst, and Suicide.
Just for your information, the text Written in bold italics is the song lyrics
Pairings: 6x9, 4x9
Fine Again (Noin's POV)
It seems like every day's the same
and I'm left to discover on my own
Why, why did he do this to me, that's all I can think about as I drive away from his house, tears streaming down my face. Zechs yelled at me again, but this time he lost it. When I tried to argue back, he punched me in eye. He was going to do more but I ran out of the house as fast as I could. So here I am now, driving to the only person I can talk to, Quatre Rababa Winner.
It seems like everything is gray
and there's no color to behold
I arrive at his doorstep and knock on it gently. I try to conceal my eye, why, I do not know. I can tell I'm still crying, but I don't care, I need to talk to him, he's the only one that will understand my pain. The door opens and I see his tired face. But when he sees my tears, his eyes immediately snap open. He puts an arm around my shoulder and leads me into the house.
They say it's over and I'm fine again, yeah
Try to stay sober feels like I'm dying here
He sits down next to me and gives me a cup of tea. After a short period of silence I tell him about the argument between Zechs and me. I was about to tell him that Zechs had hit me, but I broke down. I can't tell him, I don't want him to hurt Zechs. He puts his arm around me and looks at my face. I quickly put my hand over my eye in an attempt to cover it up. But he must have noticed something, he reaches for my hand, but I move away. He puts his hand on my shoulder and squeezes it gently. He tells me that he won't hurt me, and that he only wants to help.
And I am aware now of how
everything's gonna be fine
one day, too late, I'm in hell
For some reason those words reassure me, I feel like I can trust him with this. He gently removes the hand from my face, and sees the bruise on my eye. The look on Quatre's face is one of pure horror; He stands up and begins pacing back and forth, all the while yelling and cursing Zechs name. I slowly get up and place a hand on his shoulder in an attempt to calm him down. But it doesn't work; he then tells me he's going to confront Zechs. I start to panic; the last thing I want is a confrontation.
I am prepared now
seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well
I begin to plead with him; I try to tell him to let me talk with Zechs first. Quatre just looks at me like I've lost mind. He tells me that he's not going to let me near him. I try to justify Zechs actions by saying that he just lost his temper. But all that does is make Quatre madder. As a last resort I beg him not to get mixed in with all this, but he doesn't listen. He just tells me that he won't allow me to see Zechs. I can feel my voice start to rise; I yell at him that he doesn't dictate my life. Quatre then slams his fist into the table.
I feel the dream in me expire
and there's no one left to blame it on
He tries to tell me that Zechs doesn't love me, but he doesn't understand. He doesn't understand Zechs and me at all. He tries to tell me what love is, but his point is cheap coming from him. He never loved someone in his life, so what would he know? I decide that I've had enough of his him; I storm out the door and get into my car.
I hear you label me a liar
cause I can't seem to get this through
As I'm driving back to Zechs, I still can't believe what Quatre said. I came to him looking for comfort and assurance, and what I get is ignorance and judgment. Who does he think he is telling me what I should do about Zechs? I know that Zechs can change; I just need to give him time. I'm sure that one day, everything gonna be fine again, just like it was before. I pull up into my driveway and walk to the house.
You say it's over, I can sigh again, yeah
Why try to stay sober when I'm dying here
As I step into the house, I see Zechs standing there. His arms are crossed and he looks angry; I slowly walk up to him. He asks me where I've been, and I tell him at Quatre's. He grits his teeth and grabs me by the hair. He gets in my face and yells at me for running off. I try to squirm free, but he pulls even harder. He continues to yell at me, saying that I've been cheating on him with Quatre. He then starts calling me a whore and a dirty slut. I try to speak up in defense, but he slaps me hard across the face. I fall to the ground, my face burning with pain.
And I am aware now of how
everything's gonna be fine
one day, too late, I'm in hell
At that moment, I hear the front door burst open. I look and see Quatre standing there, his face full of rage. He runs over and knocks Zechs to the ground. He then begins to punch him repeatedly in the face. As he starts kicking his ribs, I run over and yell at Quatre to stop, he gets off of him and backs away. I looked at Zechs; I can see that his nose is broken, and that he is bleeding profusely from the mouth. I kneel down to him and ask him if he's okay. From behind me, I hear a loud noise. I turn around and see Quatre walking out, leaving behind a huge break in my wall. I can't believe that Quatre did that; this is none of his business. I leave Zechs for a minute and run after Quatre in the pouring rain.
I am prepared now
seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late; just as well
I can see him in walking to his car; I yell his name. He stops immediately and turns around. I run up to him and look him square in the eyes. I yell at him as loud as I can. I tell him that he's ruined everything between Zechs and me. He yells at me back, saying that all he was doing was helping me. We yell at each other some more, he keeps asking me why I still defend Zechs. I tell him that I still love him. He then explodes with anger; he tells me that I'm nothing more than a lowly dog to him. At that moment I lost whatever control I had, I bring my hand back and slap Quatre as hard as I can.
And I'm not scared now
He staggers back a bit, clutching his cheek. I scream at him; I tell him that he has no right to judge Zechs and me; I tell him that we can make it work despite our problems. His face is seething with anger. He tells me that it wouldn't work because Zechs didn't love me. How can he still say that to me? He never loved a woman in his life, so what would he know. I tell him that and he immediately responds with the most shocking thing I've ever heard.
"GODDAMN IT NOIN I LOVE YOU!"
I must assure you,
you're never gonna get away
Those words echo in my head as I stand there speechless. He then tells me that he's been in love with me for years, but he never wanted to create a conflict between Zechs and himself. Now it's so clear to me why he's been acting this way, he jealous. He wants me so bad that he'll say anything to drive Zechs and me apart. So I tell him that I can't just leave Zechs just because he loves me. His once soften eyes now burn wildly with rage. He yells that he's tired of trying to help me, but it's the last words that he says that gets me the most.
"YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO HIM; YOU WANT TO PUT UP WITH HIS ABUSE? FINE, FUCK HIM AND YOU LUCRENZIA NOIN, I'M DONE WITH YOU!"
He then grabs me and kisses me roughly on the lips.
And I'm not scared now
He runs to his car and drives off, leaving me in a state of shock. I slowly start to walk back to my house, my mind still racing. So many things have happened, that's it's impossible for me to comprehend. As I walk through the door I see Zechs standing there, fist clenched. His face is still bruised up but he is no longer bleeding. He tells me that he saw me kiss Quatre outside. Before I can speak he runs over to me and punches me hard. As I fall back he grabs me by the hair and holds me up. He yells that if I'm going to act like a slut, then that's how I'll be treated. He then throws me roughly onto the floor. As I fall, I hit the small table by the door, knocking off some of the things on it. He then takes his hands and begins ripping off my clothes as I scream for him to stop. I tried to break free but he slaps me hard, almost knocking me unconscious. He tore off the rest of my clothes and begins to pull down his pants.
And I'm not scared now…
I plead and beg for him to stop, but he ignores my cries and roughly enters me. I screamed in pain, and he slaps me again. I can taste blood on my tongue as he pounds into me harder and harder. The pain intensifies with each minute that passes. In desperation I grab his arm and dig my nails into his skin. He wraps his hand around my throat and squeezes hard. I can feel my body start to fade into unconsciousness. I no longer feel pain, and darkness begins to creep over me. I move my arms around and feel an object of some sort. I grab it and with the last ounce of my strength, hit Zechs in the head.
I am aware now of how
everything's gonna be fine
one day, too late, I'm in hell
I feel the hand on my neck loosen, and air rush back into my lungs. I pull myself out from under Zechs and look on in horror. Zechs is lying there dead in a pool of his own blood. Buried deep into his head, is a letter opener that had fallen off the table. As I stare at him a million things run through my mind at once. I had just murdered Zechs, and even though it was in self-defense, I had just killed him. Stinging tears run down my face. I feel sick; I turned over and vomit on the floor. I run to the bathroom, clean myself up, and put on a new set of clothes. I looked back over at Zechs body and a painful realization comes over me. Quatre was right all along, if I had just listened to him, none of this would've happened. Now Quatre hates me, and Zechs is dead, and it's all my fault. I need to see Quatre; I need to talk to him. I take one last look at Zechs, and run out the door in the rain.
I am prepared now
seems everyone's gonna be fine
One day, too late, just as well
I just keep running; my whole mind filled with anger, guilt, and shamefulness. I am so stupid; I could've prevented it all. I still don't know exactly why I'm going to Quatre's. After the way I treated him, he's not going to want to see me. My mind thinks back to the last words he said to me.
"YOU WANT TO GO BACK TO HIM; YOU WANT TO PUT UP WITH HIS ABUSE? FINE, FUCK HIM AND YOU LUCRENZIA NOIN, I'M DONE WITH YOU!"
I know I deserve every bit of it; I was so ignorant of the truth. I just pray that he will find it in his heart to forgive me. Though I know I don't deserve his forgiveness.
I am prepared now,
seems everything's gonna be fine
for me, for me, for myself
In the distance I can see Quatre's house. My body is about spent; my legs were getting weak and I begin to feel dizzy, but I have to get to Quatre. I run up the steps and open the door. My mouth drops and my legs stiffen as I struggle to comprehend what I am seeing. There before me is Quatre, gun pressed against his temple. He just stares at me, I search his eyes for any emotion, but I see none. A tear runs down his face and he opens his mouth,
"Noin"
I try to say something but before I can, he closes his eyes and pulls the trigger. His blood splatters all over the wall and he falls to the ground.
For me, for me, for myself
I yell and rush over to Quatre's body. I gently cradle his head into my hands and cry aloud. I press his head to my chest and hold him tight. I can feel his blood pouring into my lap, but I don't care. I bury my face into his hair and weep. I gently stroke his neck and his whisper name repeatedly.
For me, for me, for myself
As I cradle his limp body, an overwhelming feeling of guilt washes over me. It's all my fault, first Zechs, and now Quatre. I'm solely responsible for both of there deaths; I murdered them. As I look at Quatre's pale face, I see the work of my actions. How can I live with myself, knowing that I killed off something so innocent and so pure? Quatre, all you ever did was try to help me, but I spit in your face. Oh god Quatre.
I am prepared now, for myself
I look in Quatre's hand, and see the gun. I can't live like this; I've lost what I have to live for. I take it from his hand and look at the chamber, it's empty. As I look next to him, I see a small box with bullets. I take out a bullet and put it in the chamber. I look back down at Quatre's face. I run a finger over his cheek and gently kiss his lips.
I am prepared now, and I am fine…again…
Oh god I'm sorry… I'm so sorry Quatre. I killed you… I killed you with my blind ignorance. I should've listened to you from the beginning, but now it's too late. I'm such a fool for not seeing it sooner. I should've known that the one person that could've made me happy was right in front of me the whole time. Quatre…I love you, oh god I do. I hope that I'll see you again on the other side, so that I can say this to you in person. Please forgive me Quatre, I'm so sorry. I close my eyes and hold the gun up to my chest. I pull the trigger and let the darkness envelope me.
The End