Haldir's Diary

Disclaimer: I've checked several times, but each time it says that they're still not mine. I maintain that it's a typo….

Author's note: I have nothing against Theoden either (in fact got a little teary eyed during the scene he died) but somehow I just can't resist picking on him just a little. This is officially the last chapter. I'd really like to thank all the people who reviewed this story, both past and present. You guys really helped me continue to plug away at this, even when nothing was really coming in the way of ideas.

Day..coffee anyone? Or the early bird gets the worm…

Day started off with a very early morning meeting. It seems someone sent out a missive to start the meeting almost 3 hours before dawn (the meeting was originally scheduled for dawn). No one was happy to know that they could've had at least 2 extra hours of sleep. Most (except the elf, darn elven abilities)came in bleary eyed and kinda like living zombies as bedtime was only two hours ago. Advisors are starting to be very suspicious of me, have no idea why though (just because elves are masters of art doesn't automatically make me the guilty party here!)…

Decision was made to go to the Black Gates and present ourselves as bait to Sauron and give the hobbits a chance to destroy the ring.  Aragorn will lead Gondor as pretty much everyone recognizes him as King (guess that means no more pranks for him either); Eomer will lead Rohan as the previous king was turned into a pancake by his horse (see what you get when you don't love your animal?).

Was approached by "Nature Boy" and have now "volunteered" to go with them. I believe it went something like "you will go and solidify the presence of the elves in this war." Personally I think he's been paying too much attention to those advisors, who say that I'm a nuisance and will destroy Gondor. The nerve of them, I wont destroy Gondor!

Have decorated Prince Leggy's pack (and change of clothes) with pretty pink ribbons. I think it suits him, really brings out his eyes *smirk*. Knowing where the tailors keep shop paid off-not my fault he left his clothes with them, after all elves can alter their own clothes.  

Day..everyone loves a road trip right?

Set out for Morder this morning (I still can't believe I'm doing this, I'm over a thousand years old, you'd think that by now I'd have found a better past time) and would you believe that I've been given the task of carrying a banner. Elves in servitude, what is this world coming to. Wannabe king has been keeping a close eye on me as of late, so have been unable to pull any pranks been receiving quite a few glares from the pansy *smirk*. Will up my "sneak factor," no human is going to get the best of me. Must make mental note to really make advisors pay.

Later

Have put burrs in the boots of several humans while we were at a rest stop. Humans are now dancing their way to Mordor as that was the last rest stop until we get there. Interestingly enough these humans have rhythm. Wanna be king seems impressed at their moral, if he only knew…

Side note: this trip eerily reminds me of the journey to Helm's Deep, am seriously contemplating going back with the excuse "I'm sick," which isn't too far from the truth-this place stinks! However, the scenery does change, it went from sorta dead to really dead.

Day..how many orcs would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck orcs…

Arrived at Black Gates, where Wannabe king gave a moving speech about how we had to fight and shouldn't be afraid-he just forgot the part that says that most of us wont be going home. He then, with a party of four (if you don't count the two hobbits on Eomer's and Gandalf's horses), tried to challenge and bait Sauron to come out (buddy he doesn't have a body, how did you expect him to open the door?). Well Sauron didn't come out but he sent the welcoming committee, and it really got messing (it's gonna take me weeks to get this orc blood outta my hair, I'm sending "Nature Boy" the bill). Orcs and Goblins abounded and much blood was shed (human and orc…and a couple of goblins), many limbs went flying (mostly human and orc) and many nails were broken (mine *sob*).

Just when we thought it was all over some kinda rumbling could be heard and Sauron's tower toppled (really have to get Frodo and Sam a gift, wonder if they'd spaz if I got them jewellery… *evil grin*). Orcs looked puzzled for a second and then the earth crumbled beneath them finishing off what we had started (I could've taken them all single handedly though, I just thought I'd give everyone else a chance…)

Are now headed home

Day..rumphrr mmmeeehhh gooo!!!!

Amh trynn to geehht ouht ofh here, amph innophent I swere….

Day..it wasn't me!!

Was tied and gagged for trip back to Gondor after several people's pants seams came undone (humans, they just can't take a joke). Wannabe be Ranger, formally known as Wannabe king, insisted on getting to Gondor "with as much speed as the Valar permits." He thought my "antics" would slow us down.

I came and fought orcs in an attempt to save Middle Earth and this is the thanks I get?! Geez see if I ever help again.

Am currently hiding out as many men discovered that it was me who had been flirting with their women (I can't help it if women find me irresistible). Have also paid advisors for their "courtesy" towards me. They wont be able to sit for a while after they sat on the pins I placed in the cushions of their chairs. Must get ready for Wannabe Ranger's coronation.

Later

Was placed beside advisors, who are not giving me friendly looks, I guess they're still sore about all the pranks I pulled on them (ha ha sore!). Was pretty nice ceremony if I do say so myself, but Arwen actually chose the Ranger (what's he got that I don't-besides facial hair?). Of all the elves she chose him! I could've tolerated it if she had chose the elf brat, but a human?! Why!?!

In other news Denethor's only remaining son (formally known as pin-cushion boy) found love in the Halls of healing. He'll marry Eomer's sister in a couple of weeks; it's good to see the good guys come out on top.

Have found out that Galadriel will be sailing West, with Elrond, shortly. Celeborn will be staying and holding down the fort in Rivendell (more like keeping an eye on Elrond's remaining offspring, who are still undecided about the whole sailing issue, you think I pull pranks? You haven't seen these two…). Was given a choice of where I'd like to go, west with Galadriel, Rivendell with Celeborn or (get this) remain in Gondor. Yep you read that last part right. Aragorn-sorry it's Ellessar  now, just add it to his list of names, offered to let me stay here. Apparently he thinks my advanced (I'm choosing not to take offense) years and "boundless" energy would be good for teaching children. I think I'll take him up on it, me a teacher, just think of all the possibilities….

Later Still

Will accept teaching position after an extended camping trip. A water bucket wired to the door spilled on newly crowned king of Gondor, he's completely drenched. Arwen likes it, but he's not too happy about it. He wasn't supposed to be done his meeting for several hours, how was I supposed to know that he'd get to the door before his advisors?

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