~*After the Beep*~
A fanfic by Setsumi-san
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Quotable Quotes: "...You like me! You really like me!"-Sally Field
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Setsumi-san: You like me! You really like me! (sniffles happily) I'm so happy because this story and my other one, "So Close, So Far", have the same amount of reviews. They're both in a fight to see which ends up being the second most popular one of my fics. [drags Lee Pyron from "So Close, So Far" and Faust (who is here by reviewer requests) and puts boxing gloves on each of them] Now all I need is for "Eye of the Tiger" to be playing in the background. =p
Faust: (looks mildly annoyed and prepares some morphine in a needle for the author) Hold still for a moment.
Pyron: -_-' Don't mind them. Simply read on.
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HAO'S ANSWERING MACHINE: THE PROLOGUE
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As Asakura Hao was walking in a crowded city on his way to another Shaman Fight he frowned at all of the ignorant humans. These mortals were such leeches on the beautiful Earth. The air reeked of pollution, his ears hurt from the traffic's noise, and people rushed everywhere like worker bees.
"Disgusting," he murmured under his breath.
He sat down on the sidewalk for a moment, closed his eyes, and tried to clear his mind. There was no sense in trying to get to one's destination when one was distracted by one's surroundings. He envisioned himself in a beautiful meadow at midnight looking up at the sky with stars as far as the eye could see. Yes, this was how he would make the world.
Then he was brought back to reality by an obnoxious voice.
"Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good."
Hao opened his eyes to see a man yammering on into his cell phone and twitched in annoyance.
"Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good," he repeated.
Oh, THAT did it...
"SPIRIT OF FIRE!" Hao called.
With a mighty bellow of flames, the entire city was roasted then and there.
"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Wait a minute...why isn't that phone burning?" he asked himself.
It was true. The cell phone the human had been talking into was apparently fireproof. It was the only thing in that had survived the inferno. Curious as to how something humans used could be so strong, Hao picked it up.
The rest is history...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
/Hao's voice messages/
Hao's voice: The soon to be Shaman King is not here right now, so say what you must after the tone. If you want to be a part of my harem, let me remind you that I only have two requirements: You are a powerful shaman and you have unconditional loyalty to only me. If this is Kyouyama Anna, I'm still holding the position of Shaman Queen/Number One Wife just for you. You know that you want me, dear. If this is Lyserg Diethyl, leave me alone. You're just going to have to accept the fact that I have VERY pleasurable dreams about burning your parents up EVERY night. *snicker* Did I tell you how your mother screamed? Ooooh, it gives me the shivers. MUHAHAHAHAA!
#BEEP#
Message 1: HAAAAAOOOO!!!!!!! You have dreams like that about my mother?! YOU SICK FREAK! Mark my words, Jeanne-sama will soon have the power to beat you! When she does she will pound you into the ground with a fingertip, scoop your eyeballs out with a spoon, break your neck in ten places, shove you in the iron maiden, let me shoot my pendulum right up your a$$, then finally cut off all of your hair and weave it into a victory belt! SEE WHAT KIND OF DREAMS YOU HAVE THEN!!!!!
#BEEP#
Message 2: HiHaoit'sHorohorotellingyouthatI'vejusthadlotsandlotsofcoffeeandwaswonderingifyou'dliketocomeoveranddoartsandcraftsbecauseit'sanicesunnydayoutsideandtheLimaBeanKingtoldmethathewantedmetomakeamemorialtoalloftheworld'svegetablesthathaveeverbeeneatenoutofmacaroniandglitterandstuffsoIneedtoborrowagluegunifyouhaveone. (takes a breath) Justrememberthatonlyyouandmecansavealloftheworld'svegetablesbecausenooneelsewillhelpmeandtheytrytotakeawaymycoffeeorsaythatlimabeansdon'thaveakingbutthey'rewrong! THE LIMA BEAN KING LIIIIVVVEEES!!!!! HE SPEAKS TO ONLY MEEEEE!!!!!!
#BEEP#
Message 3: Hao-sama?! Er, it's Nichrom. I'm sorry, I thought I had reached Marion Phauna's number. Does she...even own a phone? You see, I needed to talk to her because...because...well...I didn't really need to talk to her...I want to talk to her...she's a very nice person...and...Ihavetogobye!
#BEEP#
Message 4: Asakura Hao, if I could slap you over the phone I would. I do NOT want to be your "Number One Wife". This WILL stop. Everything: the lucrative phone calls, the harassment of Yoh-which only I am allowed to do-the pictures and the love letters stinking of your cologne will ALL stop if you don't want your own ex-shikigamis after you. Go back wherever you came from and stay there.
#BEEP#
Message 5: It's Horohoro again! THE LIMA BEAN KING KNOWS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING!!! (starts to sing) He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're a-wake! He knows if you've been bad or good so build him a royal palace! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! The Lima Bean King shall have his royal palace with his Coffee Bean Queen and they will rule the world with their army of corn people!!! Then, I shall capture Ren and make him the court jester! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!
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Faust: "Corn People?"
Setsumi-san: Give Horo-kun a break. He's been drinking coffee for days on end, remember?
Faust: (nods) True, very true.
Setsumi-san: As a parting note let me say that I don't own the lyrics/tune to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", I mean no harm against/don't own the Verizon Wireless guy, and hoped you liked the Nichrom/Mari hints. Review, please. ^_^
A fanfic by Setsumi-san
************************************************************************************************
Quotable Quotes: "...You like me! You really like me!"-Sally Field
************************************************************************************************
Setsumi-san: You like me! You really like me! (sniffles happily) I'm so happy because this story and my other one, "So Close, So Far", have the same amount of reviews. They're both in a fight to see which ends up being the second most popular one of my fics. [drags Lee Pyron from "So Close, So Far" and Faust (who is here by reviewer requests) and puts boxing gloves on each of them] Now all I need is for "Eye of the Tiger" to be playing in the background. =p
Faust: (looks mildly annoyed and prepares some morphine in a needle for the author) Hold still for a moment.
Pyron: -_-' Don't mind them. Simply read on.
************************************************************************************************
HAO'S ANSWERING MACHINE: THE PROLOGUE
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
As Asakura Hao was walking in a crowded city on his way to another Shaman Fight he frowned at all of the ignorant humans. These mortals were such leeches on the beautiful Earth. The air reeked of pollution, his ears hurt from the traffic's noise, and people rushed everywhere like worker bees.
"Disgusting," he murmured under his breath.
He sat down on the sidewalk for a moment, closed his eyes, and tried to clear his mind. There was no sense in trying to get to one's destination when one was distracted by one's surroundings. He envisioned himself in a beautiful meadow at midnight looking up at the sky with stars as far as the eye could see. Yes, this was how he would make the world.
Then he was brought back to reality by an obnoxious voice.
"Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good."
Hao opened his eyes to see a man yammering on into his cell phone and twitched in annoyance.
"Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good. Can you hear me now? Good," he repeated.
Oh, THAT did it...
"SPIRIT OF FIRE!" Hao called.
With a mighty bellow of flames, the entire city was roasted then and there.
"MUHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!! Wait a minute...why isn't that phone burning?" he asked himself.
It was true. The cell phone the human had been talking into was apparently fireproof. It was the only thing in that had survived the inferno. Curious as to how something humans used could be so strong, Hao picked it up.
The rest is history...
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
/Hao's voice messages/
Hao's voice: The soon to be Shaman King is not here right now, so say what you must after the tone. If you want to be a part of my harem, let me remind you that I only have two requirements: You are a powerful shaman and you have unconditional loyalty to only me. If this is Kyouyama Anna, I'm still holding the position of Shaman Queen/Number One Wife just for you. You know that you want me, dear. If this is Lyserg Diethyl, leave me alone. You're just going to have to accept the fact that I have VERY pleasurable dreams about burning your parents up EVERY night. *snicker* Did I tell you how your mother screamed? Ooooh, it gives me the shivers. MUHAHAHAHAA!
#BEEP#
Message 1: HAAAAAOOOO!!!!!!! You have dreams like that about my mother?! YOU SICK FREAK! Mark my words, Jeanne-sama will soon have the power to beat you! When she does she will pound you into the ground with a fingertip, scoop your eyeballs out with a spoon, break your neck in ten places, shove you in the iron maiden, let me shoot my pendulum right up your a$$, then finally cut off all of your hair and weave it into a victory belt! SEE WHAT KIND OF DREAMS YOU HAVE THEN!!!!!
#BEEP#
Message 2: HiHaoit'sHorohorotellingyouthatI'vejusthadlotsandlotsofcoffeeandwaswonderingifyou'dliketocomeoveranddoartsandcraftsbecauseit'sanicesunnydayoutsideandtheLimaBeanKingtoldmethathewantedmetomakeamemorialtoalloftheworld'svegetablesthathaveeverbeeneatenoutofmacaroniandglitterandstuffsoIneedtoborrowagluegunifyouhaveone. (takes a breath) Justrememberthatonlyyouandmecansavealloftheworld'svegetablesbecausenooneelsewillhelpmeandtheytrytotakeawaymycoffeeorsaythatlimabeansdon'thaveakingbutthey'rewrong! THE LIMA BEAN KING LIIIIVVVEEES!!!!! HE SPEAKS TO ONLY MEEEEE!!!!!!
#BEEP#
Message 3: Hao-sama?! Er, it's Nichrom. I'm sorry, I thought I had reached Marion Phauna's number. Does she...even own a phone? You see, I needed to talk to her because...because...well...I didn't really need to talk to her...I want to talk to her...she's a very nice person...and...Ihavetogobye!
#BEEP#
Message 4: Asakura Hao, if I could slap you over the phone I would. I do NOT want to be your "Number One Wife". This WILL stop. Everything: the lucrative phone calls, the harassment of Yoh-which only I am allowed to do-the pictures and the love letters stinking of your cologne will ALL stop if you don't want your own ex-shikigamis after you. Go back wherever you came from and stay there.
#BEEP#
Message 5: It's Horohoro again! THE LIMA BEAN KING KNOWS WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN DOING!!! (starts to sing) He sees you when you're sleeping. He knows when you're a-wake! He knows if you've been bad or good so build him a royal palace! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! The Lima Bean King shall have his royal palace with his Coffee Bean Queen and they will rule the world with their army of corn people!!! Then, I shall capture Ren and make him the court jester! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!
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Faust: "Corn People?"
Setsumi-san: Give Horo-kun a break. He's been drinking coffee for days on end, remember?
Faust: (nods) True, very true.
Setsumi-san: As a parting note let me say that I don't own the lyrics/tune to "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", I mean no harm against/don't own the Verizon Wireless guy, and hoped you liked the Nichrom/Mari hints. Review, please. ^_^