Episode 29: If You Give Up On The One Person You Promised You'd Never Give Up On...

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Goten: I stood there at the park I had taken her only a couple days ago when everything started. Only a couple feet away. She was leaning against the darkness of the tree. Her hands in fists by her sides tapping the bark behind her. Her head down in sadness. My heart, in a million pieces just watching her stand there knowing I did this to her. I caused her this much pain. "I HATE YOU...I HATE YOU...I hate you..." that's all that repeated in my mind. I slowly took a couple steps figuring out what I was going to do or say...

"Please leave Goten." She stayed facing forward keeping her back against the tree with her arms crossed.

"Bra..."

"I'm not in the mood to talk to you. So please, I just need to be alone."

"I'm sor--"

"Don't say it. Just go."

"But I need to talk to you."

"Goten, I promise I'll talk to you but not now. Give me some time please. It's all I'm asking."

"Ok. I'll be waiting. Even at 4 in the morning, it doesn't matter whenever you're ready."

Without a response back I turned around and started walking away as I heard her crying quietly to herself. I shut my eyes angry at myself for doing this. I opened up my eyes and continued walking off slowly. I know she needs time but I want to talk to her now. I want to finish this. I want her to forgive me, or at least talk to me now. I can't bare seeing her like this until she's ready to talk, I can't even stand another second knowing she feels this way.

'Goten, it's up to you. Whatever you do though, no matter what, even when the road gets hard never give up. Trust me, she hasn't fully given up on you either. She WANTS you to do something to ease her pain, sure I'm there to help along the way but she really wants YOU to take care of it.'

I couldn't bare it any longer. The longer I did, the more and more hurt I felt just being away from her. I wanted to be with her, I wanted to hold her in my arms, I wanted to kiss her over and over, I wanted her to look at me and smile for once. I'm supposed to be the one to fix things. I'm not giving up. I began running toward her. I faced her placing my arms on the sides surrounding her as she peered up to look at me with tears in her eyes.

"Goten I told yo-!"

"I know, I heard you, but I don't care what you told me. I can't stand another moment like this. I can't stand to know that each second that goes by you're hurting so much inside by me."

"Did you expect me to be jolly?"

"No, but I just want to talk to you at least, let me know how you're feeling. I love you and that's the truth. I want to fix things between us. Even if it takes years and years to fix our relation-"

"Stop there Goten. First of all we don't and never had a relationship. Second, I simply asked for you to wait till I was ready to talk to you but you can't even give me that. Third, you want to know what I'm feeling? You say the truth is that you love me?"

"Yes."

"Well right now, the hardest thing about love is believing it even exists."

"..." What was I supposed to say? I can't say I'm sorry, she's heard it enough and doesn't even care.

"...you know I thought that love was supposed to make you happy and have all these exciting emotions inside. I was getting along with everything just fine. I took every relationship one step at a time and never let them get to me, but then to face the fact that I had found someone who was capable of completely destroying the wall I had set for myself leaving me weak and vulnerable. Laying all my feelings and love out on the table for you to just step on. Do you know what that's like?"

"Bra, love may be exciting and make you feel great, but not everything comes with a silver lining. The road is long and journeous but there's always bumps along the way. That's why there's always a risk when it comes to love."

"Don't lecture me. Everyone experiences and handles love in their own way. Just because I've never been in love doesn't mean I DON'T know how to handle it. I know there's risks in love, I know it's not just always as fun as I'd like to believe it to be. The worst part about it was I risked it with you!"

She shoved me, taking a step back. Her eyes looking at me with hurt. For once I looked away, I couldn't handle it. A couple eternal seconds of silence flew by before I looked back up at her as she looked as well.

"Whatever. I can't deal with this right now. I can't talk to you." She walked off as I walked behind her.

"Bra." she just continued on walking...

"You know I need to talk to you, so let's get this over with Bra." She threw an energy blast that nearly hit me and walked faster

"Why are you doing this? I just want to fix all of this now. Let's get this done." She stopped dead in her steps. I kept distance behind her waiting for an answer. She turned around fiercly.

"WHY ARE YOU IN A RUSH TO FIX THIS? You caused this! I can't act like this doesn't affect me! I can't act like I don't care and just continue on like we were before this. NOTHING WILL EVER BE THE SAME!"

"Don't you think I know that? But I can't go on another second knowing you're still hurt, so please Bra let's fix this."

"Why Goten? Do you just want to get this over with so you could feel better about yourself and not feel guilty when you go back to Paris is that it?"

"Bra, I'd never do that! I'm NOT going back to her! I want to go back to you! I want to fix this now so hopefully the sooner it's fixed the sooner we can be together so I can live happily with you not her."

"So you think that saying 'I love you' will get me to come running back to you! I'm not your bitch Goten!"

"I NEVER DID AND SAY YOU WERE! and I never intended on saying I love you if I didn't mean it Bra. I'd never use it just so you'd come running...I DO love you. Whether you'd like to believe it or not I DO!"

She turned around and walked off again. It was like a stupid cat and mouse game!

"Why do you keep running away when I say that? YOU KNOW the ONLY reason you're running away is because I confessed my love for you and you're afraid that if you look at me and truely see and hear me say those words to you, you're afraid you'll fall in love with me again and you don't want to because you think you'll get hurt again. Just admit it. You love me! Of all places Bra! You WOULDN'T have stopped here if I didn't mean ANYTHING to you!"

She stopped in front of a tree, placing one hand on the tree and the other on her face. I walked slowly to her. I stretched my hand out by her arms... nervous if she would back away or not. I finally placed my hands on her arms, she lowered her other arm onto her face, slowly I began rubbing them. I could hear her quietly sobbing to herself. My eyes grew with fear and started tearing up. I've never had to fight so emotionally hard for someone in my life. I tried to keep a low profile and held hard on my tears so they wouldn't fall, which I KNEW would make my eyes look bloodshot from holding them in and hurt from the pressure. Minutes of silence passed and she turned around, pushing my hands from her arms. She looked me straight in the eyes.

"Goten, I hate you. Did you not hear me the first time? I do NOT love you. Don't you understand that?" Her voice trembled. I tried looking deep down in her eyes hoping to see her soul to see if she meant it seriously. Maybe I'm just so in love with her I can't believe what she's saying.

"If you believe that I can just fall in love with you after I look at you and hear you say those words, then look at me and beleive what I'M telling you..." I stared passionately into her hurtful eyes trying to understand her...

"I hate you. Try to understand that everytime I say these words they hurt because you can't accept it. That's enough Goten, you're just making my heart hurt more. Please, go..." Her eyes filled up in tears and I could feel my soul dying inside me...

"...Bra, if I ask you something can you PLEASE answer me...truthfully?" I tried asking without sounding like I had been crying.

"..."

"Do you really hate me? To the point that I can't even be in the same room with you?"

"..."

"Bra, please?" Still, she said nothing in return. Just stared then looked away.

"Bra?" I caught a tear falling on her cheek. With my hand still placed on her face I slowly turned it to look at me. Still full of hurt and tears.

"When I say I love you, I mean it. I do. I don't know how to show and prove it to you but I do. Even if you think it's too early for me to say it, it's true... so if what you say is true, and you really do hate me, then I'll leave you alone... all you have to do is say how you feel and I'll go or stay."

"..."

"Ok, um... here." I grabbed her wrist, opening up her hand and I took the small planner I had in my back pocket, placing it in her hands and let go. She gripped it in both her hands enclosing to her chest.

"The day you told me to get one I did. Everything's in it. Black is what's planned. Red is what really happened. Um, when you decide what day you're ready to talk write it in there and give it back to me..." I shook furiously as I was leaning closer to kiss her on the cheek. Slightly she moved to the side. Ouch! not even a kiss on the cheek.

"I love you, till that day... I'll be waiting." I moved away from her face looking at her one last time. I turned around and started walking off...

Bra: I wiped the tears off my face as I watched him walk off slowly in the dark. Then I looked at the planner... funny he'd remember even getting one in the first place. I opened it up...

Tuesday, June 12
-- Pick up my baby 3 at noon
-- Swimming with my sexy baby
-- Movies, dinner, house
- 2:30 Schedule mistake, she leaves again
- 5pm Scheduled to meet at movies...

I continued reading on...reading everything that we had done together it was all here... but this entry was different, it was written more as a journal entry rather than a listing of things to be done...

Friday, June 22
I just came back from sleeping next to her... Bra 3... there's something about that woman that makes me never want to leave her. Holding her in my arms, it's a reality check every time. I can't believe she's in my arms when I hold her, I can't believe every time our lips meet, I can't believe anything when I'm with her because I always think I'm in a dream. But it's all real! That's the best part of being with her! She's everything I described I want love to be and feel! But is this too early for me to say? I just got out of a serious relationship. I wonder how she feels, it's been so long since I felt this way about someone. Maybe one day I'll know it's love. I can't wait to see her again. I could spend every night with her and wake up to see her pretty face every morning...

THE DAY MY WHOLE WORLD DIED!... it's over, she saw me. Marron gave me a reality check with a couple yells and slaps. I deserve more if you ask me. I want to die now, I'm not even afraid at this point. The only thing I'm afraid of is facing her. How can one moment change everything forever? How could I have been so blind and stupid I didn't even realize Bra felt this way about me until I read the note... HOW DO YOU FIGHT FOR THAT ONE THING THAT CAN MAKE YOU TRUELY HAPPY WHEN YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAUSED THAT LOVE TO BE SO SAD IN THE FIRST PLACE?...

Goten had written on and on for the next 3-4 pages... with words and feelings I hadn't realized he was going through, nor had I even thought he was going through...I ran as fast as I could to Goten.

"GOTEN!"

He stopped and turned around as I ran into him holding his planner. I pushed it onto his chest as he took hold of it when I let go.

"Did you think you'd get me back with some slick words written in here?"

"Bra?"

"No, look... I have to let you go. I have no choice. I understand you're hurt but you have to let me go too, even if you don't really want to... you have no right to say you're hurting, it was your decision to sleep with her Goten."

"Bra I--"

"Goten, stop, no more apologies. I just need you to let m-"

"NO! BRA THAT'S ENOUGH! You've stopped me too many times, give me a chance to say something and explain myself."

"EXPLAIN WHAT? Goten there's nothing LEFT to explain."

"I can't let you go. How do you let go of a person you just learned to love? Maybe you can do that but I CAN'T! Everyone's allowed one mistake Bra, ONE MISTAKE! I've made mine and I won't do it again! I-LOVE-YOU that's all there is to it, I'm not saying it again. I've told you too many times Bra! THERE'S NO ONE ELSE! YOU'RE IT FOR ME!"

He yelled it at me... I couldn't believe he yelled at me. It was like a reality check, like he was REALLY tryint to prove a point or something, I couldn't tell. Maybe it was me, but I could see tears forming in his eyes while he said that too, either that or it's just because I started tearing up uncontrollably. He slowly took me in his arms and let me cry onto his chest... helplessly, I wrapped my arms around him.

"I'm sorry for making you cry like this, but there's only so much I can do to convince you and I can't do anything else. You should already know how I feel about you. I don't feel the need to repeat myself."

"And you think that's easy for me to accept? The more I tried hating you the deeper I realize how much in love I am with you... and for you to tell me over and over again how much you love me and how you feel how am I suppose to continue hating you when you tell me that."

He slowly rose one hand up, cupping the back of my head in his palm, his thumb between the edge of my jaw and ear.

"...so... you never... you never hated me..."

"Goten, I hate what you've done to me and it hurt me so much to say I hate you over and over again hoping you'd go away. Each time I said it I was afraid you'd really leave me and I'd never see you again, but I didn't know how else to handle this...this love. I couldn't shield it away beacause of you. It feels wrong to forgive you like this so easily, but I can't hold back anymore Goten."

"You've been in love with me this whole time, but tried hating me because of the risk of me loving you back..."

Gently he tilted my head back as my tears were clearing up, I could see in his eyes... he got closer and closer, not stopping what I knew was going to happen. I froze... my eyes shut, I felt him come in closer, stopping once as our lips were lightly touching, I felt him breathing heavily, then finally... he pressed his soft lips on mine... I caved in. My tears releasing, not of saddness but of happiness... of being in love. He squeezed me harder, deepening the kiss. Then slowly and surely releasing looking me in my eyes.

"I'll never make the same mistake twice Bra. I love you way too much to hurt you again." He said keeping our foreheads linked parting from my lips.

"I love you too...Goten." I scooted myself up, covering the gap between our lips... nothing would ever be the same from this point on. But I'm in love with this fool and this is where my life is going to begin...Our lips parted and we held eachother in our arms just trying to hold the moment. Maybe I'm the fool for taking him back, but if that's the case, then let me be a fool just let me be a fool with him. He scooped me up into his arms.

"Let's get you home sweetie. It's just about 4am and your father's probably worried." He flew up with me in his arms heading toward my house.

"Who cares? He probably thinks I'm sleeping at Marron's anyway. I'd rather stay here with you." I convincingly said pulling myself to kiss him.

"You and I both know how exhausted we are from tonight. Besides, I'll always be with you." I smiled lastly as we flew into the night...