THE AUROR
Chapter 4
The Auror sat there for a long while.
Only trying to clear her mind and forget what had just happened. Only wanting it to all go away, for her to be able to start again, right from the beginning. Maybe get sorted into a different house so that she'd stand out less. Hufflepuff maybe, be just another boring Hufflepuff, the Marauders and everything about them a mystery that would never concern her.
She curled her legs up onto the chair, hiding her face in her hands and shrinking into her cloak. There was a soft knock on the door. "Go away!" She pleaded.
An apologetic voice replied, "Oh, sorry...I was just wondering about this homework that Professor Lupin set me, and he's busy, so I just wondered if you could help...? Seeing as you teach Defence Against the Dark Arts too and, and everything..."
"Sorry, I'm busy too. Come back tomorrow and I'll help." But the interruptance of the student had been enough to bring the Auror back down to reality...with a very hard slam. So hard that she felt she couldn't go on, that maybe she could do what she had been planning to do back then. But as she regarded the knife she knew that Severus had been right. It had been then or never. She couldn't do it now. Finally losing the self-control she had prided herself upon since then, the Auror slid off the chair and sat on the cold stone floor, sobbing quietly to herself.
* * *
Remus Lupin leant against the door after closing it, unable to move. Of course it was her. He should have guessed from the scars. He shivered at the memories that flooded back, but unlike the Auror, he allowed the memories to come - facing them as they tried to break him down.
Whether he shivered from the good memories or the bad, he wasn't sure. But there had been a lot of both, and she had always had that kind of effect on him, whether intentionally or not. He remembered how happy he'd been around her, like she could light up the whole day, no matter how terribly it had been going. And he cursed himself once more for not telling her. Not telling her sooner.
~~~
Remus sat on a tree stump, watching them approach through the snow. Sephy and Lily were giggling about something, and Sirius and Charlie were quite obviously making fun of James again. Peter was observing with his usual restraint.
Snape and his group of bodyguards were just on the edge of his vision, too. Sniggering dangerously over a pile of snowballs. "You guys, look out!" Remus shouted with a smile as the first of them whizzed at Sirius' head.
Soon there was a fully-fledged snowball fight playing out in front of him, but he didn't join in. Madam Pomfrey had fixed him up pretty well after last night, as usual, but he wasn't feeling up to a snowball fight. He sighed when he saw that Sephine was the first to notice his absence.
"Remus..." she said impishly, an evil grin still playing across her face as she approached him. "Why aren't you joining in? We need your help and advice..." She crouched down in front of him, leaning her elbows on his knees and putting her chin in her hands.
He couldn't help but smile at her. "I'm not feeling so good today - late night doing Potions essay. And you guys are doing very well without me."
She made a derisory noise. "Potions. Ick. Well I suppose it'll be an early night for you today then." That customary perfect eyebrow was raised, and that wry grin was inviting him to play along with her mischievous games.
He laughed at her expression, as he always did, and stroked a wisp of auburn hair out of her bright blue eyes, which closed in pleasure at his touch. I need to tell you...but I couldn't bear it if I did and you left me for it. He thought sadly.
"Why so sad, Remus?"
Ha. Not getting anything past you, am I? "Oh I was just thinking how much I'd love to join in..." He said with his own roguish grin, before brandishing a snowball he'd been hiding.
She laughed in between the shriek at the cold, and tried to get back at him, but he caught her hand and kissed her gently on the nose. "Got you."
She smiled and kissed him back. "Got you yourself." ~~~
Remus smiled fondly at the memory, remembering it like yesterday, even though it had been from when he was seventeen. If only he'd told her. That thought kept repeating itself again and again, tormenting him with what-ifs and could-haves. But then he remembered her reaction when she had found out. She hadn't seemed scared or disgusted...yet Madam Pomfrey had told him that she'd left the next day. Was she just that good at hiding her emotions?
* * *
Oblivious to Remus' thoughts of her self-control, the Auror had completely lost all of it, and had flung herself onto her four-poster, drawing the curtains and collapsing into uncontrollable waves of anguish.
Even Snape, stopping to hear if she was doing anything untoward, was alarmed at the complete breakdown she seemed to be suffering, and placed a simple silencing spell on her door, so as those who walked past would not be disturbed.
It wasn't until near midnight when the Auror began to notice the funny feeling that she got when the phoenix reached the end of its life. Stopping her sobs for a moment, she frowned, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her hood was down, and her hair was plastered to her blotchy, wet cheeks, her eyes blood-shot and wary. She moaned and collapsed onto the bed again, letting the transformation take place.
The phoenix would have been ruffled and fluffed up...had it any feathers. As it was, the normally dazzling creature could have been any plucked bird, sitting mewling to itself on the bed covers. It gave a cough, and smoke rose from its beak, giving way to another coughing fit. Finally overcoming that, it struggled to the edge of the bed and flopped onto the icy floor.
With a slight whoosh, the phoenix burst into flames, the familiar heat consuming it. After a final screech of protest and pain, the bird died, disintegrating into a pile of black ash at the foot of the Auror's bed.
A couple of minutes passed before a tiny chick emerged shakily from the remains of its predecessor. It looked around in confusion then began to shriek for warmth and food, blinking its bulbous eyes at the bright light of a new world.
* * *
Chapter 4
The Auror sat there for a long while.
Only trying to clear her mind and forget what had just happened. Only wanting it to all go away, for her to be able to start again, right from the beginning. Maybe get sorted into a different house so that she'd stand out less. Hufflepuff maybe, be just another boring Hufflepuff, the Marauders and everything about them a mystery that would never concern her.
She curled her legs up onto the chair, hiding her face in her hands and shrinking into her cloak. There was a soft knock on the door. "Go away!" She pleaded.
An apologetic voice replied, "Oh, sorry...I was just wondering about this homework that Professor Lupin set me, and he's busy, so I just wondered if you could help...? Seeing as you teach Defence Against the Dark Arts too and, and everything..."
"Sorry, I'm busy too. Come back tomorrow and I'll help." But the interruptance of the student had been enough to bring the Auror back down to reality...with a very hard slam. So hard that she felt she couldn't go on, that maybe she could do what she had been planning to do back then. But as she regarded the knife she knew that Severus had been right. It had been then or never. She couldn't do it now. Finally losing the self-control she had prided herself upon since then, the Auror slid off the chair and sat on the cold stone floor, sobbing quietly to herself.
* * *
Remus Lupin leant against the door after closing it, unable to move. Of course it was her. He should have guessed from the scars. He shivered at the memories that flooded back, but unlike the Auror, he allowed the memories to come - facing them as they tried to break him down.
Whether he shivered from the good memories or the bad, he wasn't sure. But there had been a lot of both, and she had always had that kind of effect on him, whether intentionally or not. He remembered how happy he'd been around her, like she could light up the whole day, no matter how terribly it had been going. And he cursed himself once more for not telling her. Not telling her sooner.
~~~
Remus sat on a tree stump, watching them approach through the snow. Sephy and Lily were giggling about something, and Sirius and Charlie were quite obviously making fun of James again. Peter was observing with his usual restraint.
Snape and his group of bodyguards were just on the edge of his vision, too. Sniggering dangerously over a pile of snowballs. "You guys, look out!" Remus shouted with a smile as the first of them whizzed at Sirius' head.
Soon there was a fully-fledged snowball fight playing out in front of him, but he didn't join in. Madam Pomfrey had fixed him up pretty well after last night, as usual, but he wasn't feeling up to a snowball fight. He sighed when he saw that Sephine was the first to notice his absence.
"Remus..." she said impishly, an evil grin still playing across her face as she approached him. "Why aren't you joining in? We need your help and advice..." She crouched down in front of him, leaning her elbows on his knees and putting her chin in her hands.
He couldn't help but smile at her. "I'm not feeling so good today - late night doing Potions essay. And you guys are doing very well without me."
She made a derisory noise. "Potions. Ick. Well I suppose it'll be an early night for you today then." That customary perfect eyebrow was raised, and that wry grin was inviting him to play along with her mischievous games.
He laughed at her expression, as he always did, and stroked a wisp of auburn hair out of her bright blue eyes, which closed in pleasure at his touch. I need to tell you...but I couldn't bear it if I did and you left me for it. He thought sadly.
"Why so sad, Remus?"
Ha. Not getting anything past you, am I? "Oh I was just thinking how much I'd love to join in..." He said with his own roguish grin, before brandishing a snowball he'd been hiding.
She laughed in between the shriek at the cold, and tried to get back at him, but he caught her hand and kissed her gently on the nose. "Got you."
She smiled and kissed him back. "Got you yourself." ~~~
Remus smiled fondly at the memory, remembering it like yesterday, even though it had been from when he was seventeen. If only he'd told her. That thought kept repeating itself again and again, tormenting him with what-ifs and could-haves. But then he remembered her reaction when she had found out. She hadn't seemed scared or disgusted...yet Madam Pomfrey had told him that she'd left the next day. Was she just that good at hiding her emotions?
* * *
Oblivious to Remus' thoughts of her self-control, the Auror had completely lost all of it, and had flung herself onto her four-poster, drawing the curtains and collapsing into uncontrollable waves of anguish.
Even Snape, stopping to hear if she was doing anything untoward, was alarmed at the complete breakdown she seemed to be suffering, and placed a simple silencing spell on her door, so as those who walked past would not be disturbed.
It wasn't until near midnight when the Auror began to notice the funny feeling that she got when the phoenix reached the end of its life. Stopping her sobs for a moment, she frowned, catching a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Her hood was down, and her hair was plastered to her blotchy, wet cheeks, her eyes blood-shot and wary. She moaned and collapsed onto the bed again, letting the transformation take place.
The phoenix would have been ruffled and fluffed up...had it any feathers. As it was, the normally dazzling creature could have been any plucked bird, sitting mewling to itself on the bed covers. It gave a cough, and smoke rose from its beak, giving way to another coughing fit. Finally overcoming that, it struggled to the edge of the bed and flopped onto the icy floor.
With a slight whoosh, the phoenix burst into flames, the familiar heat consuming it. After a final screech of protest and pain, the bird died, disintegrating into a pile of black ash at the foot of the Auror's bed.
A couple of minutes passed before a tiny chick emerged shakily from the remains of its predecessor. It looked around in confusion then began to shriek for warmth and food, blinking its bulbous eyes at the bright light of a new world.
* * *