A/n
One of my oldest fanfics.
During S05E13 „The diamond of the day".
The gift
He already knew. He knew and couldn't marvel at how this dubious façade of lies had persisted for years. He realised that, to some extent, he himself had given permission for it.
From the beginning, he had felt that Merlin was... different. He couldn't define it. Whatever he tried to say about him, he always ended up with that one term: "different". It was probably the most accurate. It encapsulated everything. It finished the subject.
"There's something about you", Arthur would often say.
"You're a riddle".
And lo and behold, the riddle was solved, although nothing continued to add up. In fact, it disagreed even more than before.
Magic? After all, Merlin was the total negation of a sorcerer. Skinny, clumsy, constantly tripping over his own feet and bringing upon himself every possible misfortune from which he had to be pulled. He behaved like a servant. He was... no, certainly not an ordinary servant, but this uncommonness of his wasn't really about anything supernatural, anything magical.
If he was so powerful, as Gaius said, why didn't he reach for power? Nothing stood in his way. He could have done it at any time, without looking at anyone. He, meanwhile, humbly cleaned shoes and polished the armour. He did as he was told, and if he objected, it was either for very important reasons or out of spite.
Warm, hearty, loyal, brave, unyielding and yet somehow strangely gentle. A bit... out of this world. But certainly not a sorcerer. These were not characteristics of sorcerers. And yet... the facts couldn't be denied. Merlin was a sorcerer. A sorcerer who had triumphed over the Saxons, even though he would normally have let himself be beaten into unconsciousness by any bandit. At times Arthur felt like starting to shout that this was someone's idiotic joke, or just a stupid dream. In his heart, he still hoped that he would wake up and laugh about it, maybe even with Merlin. The absurdity of the situation exceeded all limits.
He longed to ask hundreds of questions. As a result, he remained silent, watching Merlin from under half-closed eyelids.
That sad, weary face, the loving and caring gaze... How good person do you have to be to posses such great power and remain yourself.. How you must be... powerful. Most seemingly calm, good people would surely lose their minds, overwhelmed by a sense of superiority. It came to Arthur in an instant and almost electrocuted him. Merlin was a sorcerer, and at the same time probably the best of people he knew. He wanted to believe that he knew him even though he had missed such an important detail.
„I'm the same person", Merlin said.
And he was telling the truth. Yes, he harboured magic, only that in the final analysis it was not Magic that decided anything, but Merlin. He was by all means unique. For this uniqueness, Arthur loved him. He asked himself if he would change anything if he could go back in time. The answer was briefly. No. Perhaps only his own behaviour.
He couldn't imagine another Merlin, couldn't imagine life without his friend. His initial fears had disappeared completely. Gaius said the truth, he had nothing to fear, though he had to admit that fate had played quite a trick on him. For years he had fought magic, and in this time magic had protected him. Though no… Merlin protected him using his gift. He was a gift himself, unfortunately not appreciated as he should have been.
Now he approached and carefully tried to hand him the water. He could have killed him in the process. He always could. He had some really solid reasons for doing so. Just being the son of Uther Pendragon would have been enough for any sorcerer.
„Merlin… Whatever happens", Arthur began. There were hundreds of endings to that sentence in his mind. None seemed appropriate, but he had to choose something. And so be it. It's the nature of words, apparently. They can't always encapsulate what one wants to express. .
„Shh, don't talk".
Of course, Merlin sensed his confusion perfectly and probably wanted to spare him this. But not this time. There are situations that require words, even if words don't seem quite right.
„I'm the king, Merlin. You can't tell me what to do".
Well, yes. In truth, he didn't expect any other answer from himself.
„I always have. I'm not going to change now".
„I don't want you to change. I want you...to always...be you", Arthur said. He wished he were alive to see to that personally, but if he died, Merlin must remember that. Camelot, the world musn't be allowed to lose the priceless gift that this complete idiot.