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Chapter 26: Confessions to an Outsider
Harry pressed his palm to his sweaty head as it throbbed with pain. He awoke with his scar burning every evening for a week. Each time the pain was increasing, and he felt strongly the urge to discuss matters with Hermione. Though she had no previous premonition before, he was convinced at some point she would have vital information to impart about the fight against Voldemort.
Harry had accomplished much in Occlumency over the years and diligently attempted to clear his mind, releasing any strong emotion, prior to sleeping. That was one good reason he had attempted to avoid relationships and attachments because they encouraged strong feelings. But then there was Ginny.
The tall well-muscled Man-Who-Lived quietly rolled over in bed as he regarded her delicate sleeping form. The beautiful red-haired girl at school who had mercilessly tried to get a foolish boy's attention for years had finally in womanhood succeeded. Now that he could no longer deny his love for Ginny Weasley, it was a struggle at best was he fought the will to be near her every second he wasn't at work. Ginny was an independent witch to say the least. She gave the outward appearance of being still, but her mind was always in motion, her insides almost squirming to jump out of her skin. She was studious and cunning but discretely so— she tried to keep her grades and interests pretty much to herself over the years. People might have been surprised to know that Ginny could've given Hermione a run for her money on grades and Transfiguration. In the end, Ginny would up working for the ministry. He brushed a lock of hair from her face and admired the smattering of freckles that adorned her nose and pale cheeks. She was as fiery as her hair, and he wondered how she had managed to stay at 12 Grimmauld Place for a week and a half without leaving, while he performed his duties as an Auror.
Hermione told Harry a long time ago, she had disagreed with his opinion that he should disconnect himself from all attachments. They truly did have a huge row in their last year at Hogwarts, which resulted in their joint decision to make it appear they weren't friends any longer. Hermione had agreed if only to protect herself from being identified as one who could be used to manipulate Harry. Hermione had vehemently argued that Harry's strong emotions, while making him vulnerable and somewhat more difficult to successfully shut out Voldemort from his thoughts, may also help him retain his own humanity. A civilized thoughtfulness that Voldemort lost when he lost compassion. Hermione's words still rang in his head often, as he reconsidered her position.
"Dumbledore said, Harry. You told me he said you possess a force of love in such quantities where the Dark Lord has it not at all! How can you shut off such a powerful part of yourself? Emotion isn't weakness! It's the decisions you make with those feelings and experiences which are important."
Harry had been stubborn. He thought Hermione couldn't understand what it was like having Voldemort manipulate him through his mind. Just like when she knew no one would understand, didn't want them to understand, and decided to keep her most horrible visions a secret until they nearly destroyed her.
Ginny was good for him. She did understand, and he let her in a bit, after finally realizing in his fifth year how affected she had been by Tom Riddle's calculated mind control. She was patient. She gave him space, had the temper and leadership qualities that her mother possessed (Molly was the definition of a strong-willed witch, ranking right up there with McGonagall). She didn't push and permitted him to keep secrets when he needed. That, frankly, shocked him. Most people he'd known, especially Ron and Hermione, nearly pried information out of him "for his own good." (And not to mention kept him out of a fair amount of danger that way.) He loved Ginny. Now his attempts at distancing himself from those he loved wasn't working anymore.
He missed Sirius. That grieving had never really been complete. Having Remus there helped. Harry couldn't help but remember the old photograph of the members of the Order of the Phoenix that one of the OOP members had shown him so many years ago. Half of the people in the photo were dead, killed during the fight. His parents, their closest friends. It pained him to think how many more people he would lose, his closest friends, old schoolmates perhaps, their parents slaughtered in front of his eyes.
Those thought brought him back to Hermione. Back to the future battle. Harry's skin tingled with the anticipation of it. He had to speak to her. He lay the lightest of kisses on Ginny's cheek and turned to throw on a robe. The clock read 2:36 a.m. Geez. She's gonna kill me. They had had late night sessions before. But lately, he had given Hermione a bit more space after the Lucius mess. They really hadn't processed it yet.
He rubbed his ring and disapparated to Hermione's flat.
***
Hermione rolled over after another lovemaking session, out of breath and half-blind as they recovered. They were quickly learning each others preferences, what heightened their arousal, what tones of voice to use, when not to speak at all. She found her mind already wandering to future adventures, wondering what Severus might be willing to try. She was a bit hesitant at making some of her naughtier desires known. She imagined there might be some rather ugly memories from revels which may quite effectively destroy his libido if he connected her wishes to negative experiences.
She loved the way he held her tightly to him, weaving her hair around his long experienced fingers. Her heart still pounded against his chest as she sighed relief and comfort into his shoulder, kissing his neck and collarbone.
"Love, how do you do that?" A loud groan and another fierce hug made her grin as her talents were so vocally appreciated. The challenge this evening was to try and remain as quiet as possible. They failed miserably.
She heard a distant voice and footsteps above. God, Harry.
Severus's eyes popped open in surprise at the distracting voice in his head. Potter's here? Dammit.
"Apparently. Sorry it's such bad timing. I won't be terribly long." She kissed him slowly, passionately and left his weakened form in the enormous four poster bed. He grabbed at her playfully as she slid off. She put on her nightgown and robes, taking her wand. She performed a charm to make some sense out of her unruly hair. It was perfectly clear she had been up to something. She snickered as she remembered Snape's words so long ago, and looked at him sideways. I've been up to something alright.
Hermione touched her ring to acknowledge him and ascended the wooden steps up to her bedroom. Harry was already pacing, wondering where she'd gone off to and was startled to see the door raise the rug of her bedroom. Funny, never been shown that room. She emerged in a long gauzy white robe and gown, her hair… well it's Hermione all right, but her face is so pink. And was that a…
"Hermione? Did I interrupt something?" He blushed furiously as he noticed what must have been a love bite.
"Actually, you did, kind of. It's a long story. We need to talk anyway." She walked with assurance into the kitchen and started a pot of tea. "Have a seat?"
She never had to tell Harry this before, he was over here all of the time. He used to sleep over, and they'd stay up until three in the morning talking or watching movies. Now he felt like a guest.
"What's up?" She asked innocently, avoiding the obvious questions that he would eventually brave to ask.
"I wanted to catch up with you. I hadn't seen much of you since the hearing. How are you holding up?" He smiled with a grin as he felt he already knew the answer.
"Pretty well. I suppose you'd like a recap of the actual events at Malfoy Manor?" She changed the topic.
"Wouldn't hurt me to know. I'd been worried sick about you. Malfoy's only just coming around you know, still out of it. What happened?"
Hermione summarized the events of the evening, all of it. She carefully described the elemental magic involved and outlined her wish to train other witches to do this, as well as her reservations about wielding so much raw power.
"I'd been meaning to discuss this with Ginny. I'm so sorry I didn't before. Maybe it could've helped her in the alleyway," she said with genuine regret.
"Hey, wait a second! That's what you did in your first vision! You d-didn't have a wand." His eyes darted around as he recalled the dream. "You were so far away I didn't even notice. Holy cow!" At first his expression was surprised, then changed to one of awe.
She smiled but also worried him with her next sentence. "It requires a good deal of self control Harry. One which we may not trust every witch or wizard to have. I went out on the Quidditch pitch to practice and nearly flattened the stadium, trees, everything. Can you imagine the sheer destruction the wizarding community could cause, hell, Voldemort could cause if he knew how to harness that?"
Harry shuddered to think but it was too large to comprehend; immediately his mind was racing with thoughts of who they should include. Who they should tell. "Have you talked to anyone else about this?"
Hermione winced and knew Ginny kept her confidences. "I talked to Ginny about it."
"Ginny didn't mention anything!"
"I asked her not to." A hand on Harry's arm begged patience. "I can only teach a woman to connect with the earth in this way, but I suspect men won't be much different."
"And what's the incantation for me?"
"You never studied."*
Harry rolled his eyes. Just tell me know-it-all.
"Water."
"That's it?" He scoffed.
"Don't joke, it's not as easy as you think." She scolded.
"All I say is 'water'?"
"I take it back, maybe men can't do it. Never mind. Beg your pardon." She was mocking him now, as she took her prim posture up a notch and snatched his teacup up from him to fetch more tea.
"Sorry 'Mione. Just seems too far-fetched is all."
Hmmph. Wanna hear far-fetched? You haven't heard anything. But she wouldn't tell him that. For the umpteenth time in seven years she wished she could be totally honest with her best friend.
"You'll see. I'll talk with Ginny tomorrow about setting up a time. I think we should consider talking to Dumbledore, McGonagall, Sibyll, Professor Sprout (she'd be an excellent choice) and Molly Weasley." She thought for a moment. "I think the more important method to learn is that of growth. The wisteria that grew all over the Greenhouse? That happened overnight. Now you tell me, how can we use that against Voldemort?"
Harry frowned when she mentioned him. Her discussion brought him full circle to the reason for his visit this evening.
"My scar has been hurting, Hermione. A lot. More than usual. I was wondering…" She peered at him wide eyed in anticipation of his obvious question. "I was wondering if you'd had any visions, of what happens next."
What happens next? She'd been thinking exactly that earlier in the day.
"I know I told you that the future's not set. Yadda-yadda. But I've been thinking a lot about that too. I feel like we're close. I know that's vague, so don't give me that look. I'd been meaning to pay a visit to Sibyll and see what she has to say." Hermione's brow furrowed with concern as the wheels of her mind whirred with the possible solutions.
"Harry?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think it would be okay if… I touched your scar? Maybe it would help me get a better glimpse… I've been trying to focus on having premonitions during the day now."
"Is that why you look so well rested?" He teased and sipped his tea.
"Stop that." She reddened visibly.
"So there is someone! I knew it, knew it, knew it! Who?" He leaned forward eagerly, hands on his knees.
She thought for a moment to herself. Is it okay if I talk to Harry about us, Severus? We hadn't really discussed talking about this yet…
She looked at Harry with an odd expression as she waited for a reply.
A murmured groan showed her she had interrupted his sleep. Why not? He'll eventually find out anyway, and I gather I'll be seeing more than I'd like of him around the flat…
She snickered a bit as she thought of how Severus was struggling to maintain what privacy he could in a home that was frequented by Harry, Jake, Remus and Liam. She'd have to work on that.
"Harry, I did have a premonition, quite a while ago. Though only recently did I decide to see how it played out." She let a bit of silence hang and torture her friend until it slipped out. "Severus and I… we're engaged."
"Bloody hell." At first she thought he wasn't happy, then he exclaimed, "Hermione that's great!" He hugged her fiercely and she was stiff with shock as she realized he wasn't being sarcastic at all.
"I can't believe you're taking this so well. You think so?" She beamed.
"Severus is a good man. I've worked with him a bit more than he'd like I'm sure. But I've seen enough to know he'd do right by you."
"Thanks. He is a good person Harry."
"Gosh, how long have you known?"
"Seven years."
"Merlin, Hermione! Seven years? Geez, we were in school, why didn't you tell me?" he slapped her half-playfully on her arm.
Hermione gave him a glare and a shake of her head. "You've gotta be joking! You know what you would've said then?"
"Okay, you're right, you're right. Wow, Ron's gonna flip. Wait until Ginny hears."
"First of all, we don't want the Daily Prophet to know just yet, secondly, Ginny already knows— well, kind of suspects I bet."
"Wait a sec, you told her and not me?" It was almost a whine that reduced his maturity considerably as Hermione fondly recalled the youthful connection, the reasons why Harry was her closest friend.
"It's different Harry, she knows a lot of things. She notices a lot of things. I think she guessed back in school."
Then it started to sink in. "Whoa. Did you say engaged? Isn't this kind of sudden?"
"No, when meet someone I instantly know." She rolled her eyes and gestured with her hands with a swoon. "I make plans. Why wait? Hell, Harry this doesn't happen to me every day!" She said sarcastically.
He laughed. "I guess you had a bit of time to digest it. How long has Snape known?"
"That's getting bit personal. Not long, but our relationship has grown over time. We've stayed in contact over the years."
"Even the four years you dropped off the map?" He shot her a narrow look. Maybe he was still a bit sore about that.
She winced. She hadn't really spoken to Harry too much during her schooling. It was a obligation at the college. Severus had been an exception. She had continued research that included him, and he'd been a graduate. "Yes."
She decided to change this awkward conversation. She still couldn't discuss her schooling with Harry, though he kind of deduced she'd been studying something abroad. "We need to talk to Ron, Harry. We've kept far too much secret from him and I hate it. He's done nothing but give me his quiet unquestioning support and we did exactly what we said we wouldn't do..."
Harry nodded. "Leave him out."
"No more excuses, Harry. It's eating me alive. We can't say it's for his protection anymore. You should see him. He's got some wicked skill with a wand, Harry. I was so impressed… You'd be proud."
"Let's call him." Harry said matter of factly.
"Are you mad? It's four in the morning at least! Does he even have a telephone?"
"He has a cellular. Don't look at me like that. S'not that outrageous!"
She glared. "This is Ron we're talking about."
"Okay, maybe it is. He just got it last month. Hey, I was frustrated! We get to use the ring thing, I just wanted to be able to 'ring' him too sans owl or Floo. Anyway, if he's too far I can't get a good signal."
He dialed the numbers on the small handheld pad, and Hermione stopped him. "Let's just use my phone ok, save your battery."
They dialed in her bedroom and a groggy Ron Weasley picked up the phone on the fourth ring.
" 'Lo?" A loud yawn came across the phone. "Harry? 'Zat choo'?"
"Yeah. I'm at Hermione's. We want to chat with you."
"Now? At four in the morning? Are you mad?" Another yawn. "Wait. We? Did you say Hermione?"
Now he was awake. Bloody hell.
"Let me come get you Ron, you can't Floo here, or apparate here yet. Be right there."
Hermione shook her head, put on coffee and changed the wards to accept them both.
A few minutes later a disheveled pajama clad Ron stood in her front door. "'Mione!" He gave her a big bear hug. "Been worried sick bout 'choo I have."
"Hiya, Ron. Come in." It was a regular slumber party reunion with the three of them. She handed them each a mug of coffee and they summarized the highlights of what he'd missed.
"Ron, I know I haven't seen much of you and I'd like to apologize."
"We'd like to apologize…" Harry added.
"You knew! You knew all along where she was and you never told me!" Ron was getting redder by the minute and was beginning to stammer.
"Things haven't been easy for me, but I regret not including you Ron." Tears threatened to fall as she continued with her apology. "I thought we were protecting you, but now it's totally out of hand. I hope you'll let me make it up to you by being straight with you now."
There was a painful silence as they waited for Ron to decide if he would even allow for explanation.
"Alright spill." This better be good.
Shocked could not possibly describe the look on Ron's face as Harry and Hermione related her premonitions, mind reading, oblivates Harry cast on her in school, the pursuit and stalking by Lucius Malfoy, and the plans for discussing the benefits and liabilities of the use of elemental magic in the fight against Voldemort.
Ron was more patient than he should have been and hid any deep resentment he might have felt. Truly, Dumbledore had urged discretion and wanted Hermione to keep her talents amongst a small group only. After a number of 'Bloody Hell's' and several well-placed colorful metaphors, Ron was up to speed.
Then she added the bit about Severus.
"Ron, I've also been seeing someone."
"Really? When on earth have you had time? You've been holed up in this cage for forever it sounds like. Who is the lucky bloke?"
That painful declaration was truer than he knew, but she forced herself to relax as she remembered the worst was over.
"It's someone you know… Don't get mad." His skin was starting to get prickly with anticipation of her statement. She grimaced and braced herself for the curses which were sure to fly now. "It's Severus Snape." She closed her eyes playfully and opened a single eye, all while chewing her lower lip.
"Holy shit woman!" He stood straight up out of his seat. His mouth hung wide open in surprise. "That slimy git… and you?!"
Hermione remembered all too well the teasing comments made behind Snape's back while at school, but winced in thinking how much it must have hurt him, especially when he was still a student. "Ronald Weasley! Stop that right now!" That shut him up. She was scolding him like his own mother. "I love him. He's a good person and he cares for me. He treats me well. You needn't worry about that. But I don't want you to ever criticize him like that again. He doesn't deserve it."
"B-but he was horrible to you, to all of us! C'mon 'Mione," he pleaded. See reason. She's gone nutters.
"That was a long time ago, Ron. He helped me more than you can know— getting control of these abilities, working on research together. He's sacrificed a great deal, not being able to live publicly. Be real."
"Yeah, Ron," Harry piped up in Snape's defense. "Think of how many charades he's had to play. He was here for Hermione the night Malfoy attacked her. I should've seen it in his eyes then. He was worried sick about her. He really does care for her." Harry put a reassuring arm on Hermione's shoulder in support. Ron looked at her and reluctantly nodded.
"Alright then. But if he ever…"
"He won't."
"And he better take good…"
"He will." She interrupted again with a smile.
Another long silence as she poured another cuppa.
Then Hermione's jaw clenched and decided, 'in for a penny, in for a pound' and related the concerns about Grumple. Both Harry and Ron were clued in then. Now Harry felt like the one out of the loop.
"Shit. No wonder you had to disappear straight out of my office. Are you okay?" Ron asked running his fingers anxiously through his hair.
"I am now. No doubt this Grumple thing is going to blow up soon enough. Can't figure out how we're going to uncover that though, lots of money in play. Have you heard anything on your end Harry?"
Now that we're being all straight with each other, "Truthfully, no. There were wild rumors flying around, but is seems only speculation. As you can imagine Fudge has been spectacularly unhelpful."
"I can imagine, believe me. How are the Aurors doing on potions? I can whip up a few more here if you need."
"That couldn't hurt. Especially if we're headed in to the battle as soon as I think we are. I feel this thing is picking up a bit of momentum. Can't you? Maybe I'm just being paranoid…"
"Your not Harry. Trust me. I've been feeling it too."
Author's Notes:
* "You never studied." What movie is that from? Tick-tock, tick –tock- will let you know next chapter.
Many thanks to reviewers: (and by the way, flamers are rewarded with improved writing… still looking for a beta. I may have recruited one, we'll see.)
Alaya~ Hope I didn't keep you waiting! Here it is! More in a few days.
Karen~ Yeah, she's a cool girl. Have you read stregabreva's works or Riley's Pawn to Queen? Talk about powerful. Girls kick arse!
angelcrystalgrl1~ Oh yeah! Thanks for reading!
Doubleme~ Yay! Glad you this so. J
Ezmerelda~ Thank you! I'm going out of town Friday, so I hope to have 27 up before the 16th!
redlady27~ More Pringles. And more of the old Snape we know. Bless him, he's such a possessive guy. A man's gotta have some strengths and weaknesses. And patience ain't one of his strengths. Watch closely how it will interfere with his ability to read Hermione.
Disenchanted Glow~ I swear, I have written a response in an upcoming chapter just to address your question. Liam and her mom did travel together. Many thanks for your observations, I do wish to tie up loose ends, and unanswered questions. Will try to make it happen in Chapter 27. And isn't Kaatal cool? Wow, I wish I could "move like they do."