4/21/04
I had a perfectly normal day...until I got out of school after detention. The teacher in charge of detention had a doctor's appointment, so I only had 45 minutes today. When I left the room, Jack was standing outside, waiting for me.
"Oh, hey, Jack! What're you doing here?" I asked.
"I uh....I got home and realized I forgot my math book, so I came back and I figured I should wait for ya, since I didn't really have anything else to do." Jack said, kind of nervously.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Let's go."
I just shrugged, and we walked to his car. When we got in, I waited for a couple seconds, and then I realized that Jack wasn't starting the car – he was just sitting there, staring at the wheel, with a blank look on his face.
"Hey! Earth to Jack! What are ya doin'? I'd like to be home before next Christmas!"
"Racetrack?" He asked hesitantly. "Er....I gotta talk to you."
*Oh, //great//*, I thought to myself. "What's the matter?" I asked.
"All right, well, I'm only telling you this because I trust you, more than anyone else in our group of friends. We've been through a lot together, us living so close together and all, and even though I've only known you for a year, I feel like I can talk to you about anything."
"Same here, Jack, but spit it out! You're makin' me nervous!"
"Okay, well, remember how I was a little miffed about the whole Specs and Blink?" I nodded. "Well, the truth about that is that I was just scared."
"Scared? What do you mean?"
"Yeah. Um." He took a huge breath and continued. "I've been having this thing lately. It used to happen whenever a pretty girl walked by, or whenever I met up with one of my girlfriends. It was that feeling in the pit of my stomach...you know that funny feeling, right? Well, the thing is, uh, well.....that doesn't happen anymore. Well, not with girls. Lately....um....it's been happening when I see....guys."
"So.....what you're saying is that you're....you're....you're...." I stammered.
"I think I'm gay, Racetrack."
"You're....you're...." I couldn't really formulate a sentence correctly.
"GAY. I'm gay. Well, at least, I //think// I am. I still haven't fully figured it all yet. I need a little more time to think about it. I, uh, I'll understand if you don't wanna be friends with me anymore." I stared out the window, blankly. Jack waited a few seconds, looked up at me, and then looked away. "I understand. I guess you won't wanna hang around me anymore. I'm sorry, I just thought you'd understand and support me, since I thought you were my best friend. That's fine. I'll just take you home now...."
"Jack, wait."
"Yeah?" he asked, with a hint of hope in his voice. He looked at me, and for the first time, I noticed that when he looks at you, it feels like he's looking right through you...like he's reading your mind. Why hadn't I ever noticed that? I've never seen anyone with eyes like his. Those big, expressive, beaut....
And that's when I realized that I'd just been staring at him for about 20 seconds without saying anything. *Snap out of it, dumbass*, I ordered myself. "I...uh...I..." I had completely forgotten what I was about to say. I finally remembered, and all I could say was, "Um....I don't know."
"All right, Race. Just think about it. Take your time. It's not really that huge of a deal. And besides, it's not like I'm saying I like you, or anything."
"WHAT?!" I cried, taken aback.
"I don't! Calm down! That's what I'm sayin' – I don't!!
"All right...uh, can we go home now?"
"Yeah, sure." Jack sighed. He started the car, and we rode home in silence.
When we got in my driveway, I was feeling a little guilty, so I said "Jack – look, I'm not saying I'm mad at you or anything. I just need time to sort things out. What would you do if I sprung something like this on you all of a sudden?"
"Okay, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah, alright. Later." I got out of the car and went inside my house. When I got in, my mom stopped me from going straight upstairs. I hate how mothers always know when something's wrong....
"Hi, honey! What's wrong?" She asked, looking worried.
"Nothing, mom, I'll be okay. I just need to think about things...."
"All right, dear, but if you need to talk, you know where I am, okay?"
"Thanks, mom. I'll be down for dinner." And with that, I went upstairs, into my room.
And here I am.....god. Three friends have told me they're gay in three days. My life is insane. And I still can't get over what happened when Jack looked at me....something was different than usual. Maybe I was just imagining things....but...why did I get so caught up in his eyes? Gah....that's like, something a //gay// person would do. I'm not like that. At all.
Aside from this, I've had this constant feeling lately. A feeling like things are about to change....or something big is gonna happen. But I don't know what, or when, for that matter. Well, I guess things have already begun to change, seeing as I just found out this stuff about my friends. But that's not it...it's something else....something different. Wow, I am making no sense. I'm probably just tired. Hah.
Damn, the phone's for me. Gotta go.
7:15pm
My parents think there's something seriously wrong with me now....I was spacing out all through dinner. I'm just glad I didn't end up telling them everything, since my mom's really good at getting me to tell her things. Hah. But I wasn't really listening to her much. Or dad. I was just staring off into space, thinking.
Oh yeah, the phone earlier. That was Spot. He made me feel horrible, but not intentionally. I feel awful for Jack now.
After about 10 seconds of being on the phone with Spot, he said, "Did you notice anything unusual about Jack today?"
"Uh....what do you mean?" I asked.
"He was acting really weird in school today. You didn't notice?" he asked, surprised.
"Oh...no, I didn't."
"Are you kidding me? Oh, well, I guess you would know what I'm talking about if you were there after school at Skittery's locker. Jack was a nervous wreck! He was practically shaking, but he insisted he was fine. I figured you might know what's going on, since you talk to him more than we do."
I felt horrible after that. It really made me think. Jack went through all that, just to get a really stand-offish reaction from me. I talked to Spot for a little while longer, and then I went over to the window, where I had a perfect view of Jack's front porch. And there he was, sitting on the steps, just staring off into space. And that's when I decided that I'm going to talk to him tomorrow morning before school about this whole thing. I don't know what I'm going to say yet, but I wanna let him know that I'm fine with him being gay. Even though I'm not really sure about it yet.
All right, well, I better do my biology homework, since apparently, I'm failing that class. My mom says it's my whole attitude towards that class, but seriously, who cares about the organs of an earthworm? I don't.
**********
All righty, that's another chapter!
Grr, I was going to have shoutouts, but I'm waaay too lazy right now. Psht! Oh well. Hope you guys like it so far.....time to REVIEW! :D
I had a perfectly normal day...until I got out of school after detention. The teacher in charge of detention had a doctor's appointment, so I only had 45 minutes today. When I left the room, Jack was standing outside, waiting for me.
"Oh, hey, Jack! What're you doing here?" I asked.
"I uh....I got home and realized I forgot my math book, so I came back and I figured I should wait for ya, since I didn't really have anything else to do." Jack said, kind of nervously.
"Hey, are you okay?" I asked.
"Yeah, I'm okay. Let's go."
I just shrugged, and we walked to his car. When we got in, I waited for a couple seconds, and then I realized that Jack wasn't starting the car – he was just sitting there, staring at the wheel, with a blank look on his face.
"Hey! Earth to Jack! What are ya doin'? I'd like to be home before next Christmas!"
"Racetrack?" He asked hesitantly. "Er....I gotta talk to you."
*Oh, //great//*, I thought to myself. "What's the matter?" I asked.
"All right, well, I'm only telling you this because I trust you, more than anyone else in our group of friends. We've been through a lot together, us living so close together and all, and even though I've only known you for a year, I feel like I can talk to you about anything."
"Same here, Jack, but spit it out! You're makin' me nervous!"
"Okay, well, remember how I was a little miffed about the whole Specs and Blink?" I nodded. "Well, the truth about that is that I was just scared."
"Scared? What do you mean?"
"Yeah. Um." He took a huge breath and continued. "I've been having this thing lately. It used to happen whenever a pretty girl walked by, or whenever I met up with one of my girlfriends. It was that feeling in the pit of my stomach...you know that funny feeling, right? Well, the thing is, uh, well.....that doesn't happen anymore. Well, not with girls. Lately....um....it's been happening when I see....guys."
"So.....what you're saying is that you're....you're....you're...." I stammered.
"I think I'm gay, Racetrack."
"You're....you're...." I couldn't really formulate a sentence correctly.
"GAY. I'm gay. Well, at least, I //think// I am. I still haven't fully figured it all yet. I need a little more time to think about it. I, uh, I'll understand if you don't wanna be friends with me anymore." I stared out the window, blankly. Jack waited a few seconds, looked up at me, and then looked away. "I understand. I guess you won't wanna hang around me anymore. I'm sorry, I just thought you'd understand and support me, since I thought you were my best friend. That's fine. I'll just take you home now...."
"Jack, wait."
"Yeah?" he asked, with a hint of hope in his voice. He looked at me, and for the first time, I noticed that when he looks at you, it feels like he's looking right through you...like he's reading your mind. Why hadn't I ever noticed that? I've never seen anyone with eyes like his. Those big, expressive, beaut....
And that's when I realized that I'd just been staring at him for about 20 seconds without saying anything. *Snap out of it, dumbass*, I ordered myself. "I...uh...I..." I had completely forgotten what I was about to say. I finally remembered, and all I could say was, "Um....I don't know."
"All right, Race. Just think about it. Take your time. It's not really that huge of a deal. And besides, it's not like I'm saying I like you, or anything."
"WHAT?!" I cried, taken aback.
"I don't! Calm down! That's what I'm sayin' – I don't!!
"All right...uh, can we go home now?"
"Yeah, sure." Jack sighed. He started the car, and we rode home in silence.
When we got in my driveway, I was feeling a little guilty, so I said "Jack – look, I'm not saying I'm mad at you or anything. I just need time to sort things out. What would you do if I sprung something like this on you all of a sudden?"
"Okay, I understand. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"
"Yeah, alright. Later." I got out of the car and went inside my house. When I got in, my mom stopped me from going straight upstairs. I hate how mothers always know when something's wrong....
"Hi, honey! What's wrong?" She asked, looking worried.
"Nothing, mom, I'll be okay. I just need to think about things...."
"All right, dear, but if you need to talk, you know where I am, okay?"
"Thanks, mom. I'll be down for dinner." And with that, I went upstairs, into my room.
And here I am.....god. Three friends have told me they're gay in three days. My life is insane. And I still can't get over what happened when Jack looked at me....something was different than usual. Maybe I was just imagining things....but...why did I get so caught up in his eyes? Gah....that's like, something a //gay// person would do. I'm not like that. At all.
Aside from this, I've had this constant feeling lately. A feeling like things are about to change....or something big is gonna happen. But I don't know what, or when, for that matter. Well, I guess things have already begun to change, seeing as I just found out this stuff about my friends. But that's not it...it's something else....something different. Wow, I am making no sense. I'm probably just tired. Hah.
Damn, the phone's for me. Gotta go.
7:15pm
My parents think there's something seriously wrong with me now....I was spacing out all through dinner. I'm just glad I didn't end up telling them everything, since my mom's really good at getting me to tell her things. Hah. But I wasn't really listening to her much. Or dad. I was just staring off into space, thinking.
Oh yeah, the phone earlier. That was Spot. He made me feel horrible, but not intentionally. I feel awful for Jack now.
After about 10 seconds of being on the phone with Spot, he said, "Did you notice anything unusual about Jack today?"
"Uh....what do you mean?" I asked.
"He was acting really weird in school today. You didn't notice?" he asked, surprised.
"Oh...no, I didn't."
"Are you kidding me? Oh, well, I guess you would know what I'm talking about if you were there after school at Skittery's locker. Jack was a nervous wreck! He was practically shaking, but he insisted he was fine. I figured you might know what's going on, since you talk to him more than we do."
I felt horrible after that. It really made me think. Jack went through all that, just to get a really stand-offish reaction from me. I talked to Spot for a little while longer, and then I went over to the window, where I had a perfect view of Jack's front porch. And there he was, sitting on the steps, just staring off into space. And that's when I decided that I'm going to talk to him tomorrow morning before school about this whole thing. I don't know what I'm going to say yet, but I wanna let him know that I'm fine with him being gay. Even though I'm not really sure about it yet.
All right, well, I better do my biology homework, since apparently, I'm failing that class. My mom says it's my whole attitude towards that class, but seriously, who cares about the organs of an earthworm? I don't.
**********
All righty, that's another chapter!
Grr, I was going to have shoutouts, but I'm waaay too lazy right now. Psht! Oh well. Hope you guys like it so far.....time to REVIEW! :D