Chapter Thirty-Three
It's too bad that short stories don't have commercials. Not only could they rake in a lot of extra money for poor English majors that way, but it would also give us poor overworked and under-partied authors the opportunity to allow important plot events to happen without the audience having to actually see them. And, more importantly, the audience, upon seeing that commercial and coming back after the break, wouldn't be allowed to get mad.
As it is, I just hope you'll forgive me.
When Dana Flint and Captain Melanie Cash stood up inside the Big Top, they noticed something strange. It was completely empty, apart from a single ring in the lit center of the tent. In it, stood Jack and a man.
What you missed while Dana was telling that wonderful story outside was Will charging into the tent, and slashing and bashing and dashing about with his shiny sword - all that to be tied up by a weight-lifter after, who stood with the bound and gagged William to the side of the tent and out of the spotlight. Such a shame.
Carly and little Milton were caged in another corner of the tent. Both were pouting in a tear-jerking manner. Apparently Carly's afternoon of marveling at the trapeze was cut short. However, the little waif did not appear to be completely unhappy. She and Milton had been caged with the circus' Bengal tiger, and were seated comfortably against its happily-snoozing side.
Carine and Jones, and Matthew and Gibbs had been Officially Forgotten About, being as they haven't been mentioned for many chapters, but they'll probably make another appearance ... presuming there is a story to return to.
Finally, and standing in the way of our heroines and their Jack, was a fire-eater. This was no ordinary fire-eater. On his bare back he carried a metal backpack, which was connected by a hose to the stick in his hand. When Dana and Melanie entered, he shot some into his mouth and 'Roar!' went a stream of fire into the air. I'll bet it would be super impressive to see. I really hope you've got a good imagination.
So.
"I see you've returned, Miss Flint," the ringmaster said. As Melanie and Dana drew closer, they could see that he was an averaged sized man with pale skin and blue eyes. He appeared to be extremely hairy. Dana guessed that if one were to go to Edmonton with such a person, that person would probably leave ridiculous amounts of hair in the shower. She would have to yell for him to clean it out.
"The only reason that I've come back," Dana called to him, "is to retrieve what doesn't belong to you. Are you all right, Jack?"
Jack was smiling. "Nary a worry about me, lovies. Ol' Jack's perfectly perfect. I begin to suspect that I have merely been used as bait for this final and dramatic showdown between Melanie and the ringmaster. I've been a little bored to tell you the truth. Good thing this bloke here doesn't know how to use me compass." He winked. "He still thinks it's broken!"
They all had a good laugh at the ringmaster's expense. His face became red. It was Melanie's turn to address him now. "I challenge you," she cried, "to a fight to the death, ringmaster Mike!" Ringmaster Mike pulled a sword from the sheath across his back, and stepped out of the ring to meet Melanie's blade.
And that meant that Dana got to fight the fire-eater. That battle wasn't hard. She pulled out a gun, while he was warming up his fire device, thought better of it and pulled out her left gun in order to give herself more practice on her weaker side. The fire-eater was desperately pressing the button on his device to make it work, but there was something wrong with the fluid. Dana took her time, fired a clean shot at the fire-eater's chest, and sent him down to meet ol' Hob. Well, she would have if they had been on the ocean ... but it sounds nicer to say that than to say 'she shot and killed the bugger.'
Melanie and Ringmaster Mike clashed sword against sword. Both were titans with their weapons. Both had finesse and skill. But, during the close of the battle, Melanie looked away from her opponent for one instant and into the eyes of Jack Sparrow, who was swaying in a slightly drunken manner in the spotlight.
Their eyes met, and it cost Melanie.
Well, it didn't cost that much. Ringmaster Mike disarmed her cleverly, and she was left standing without a sword. There was a very tense moment when all eyes were upon the mistress of the Yellow Dart and sweating with worry about what she would do. And then she did it, proving beyond all fear of contradiction that she could indeed defend herself without shot or sword.
She kicked Ringmaster Mike in the crotch.
The force of it sent him flying backwards. Quicker than quick, and never one to be outdone, Dana scooped up the fire-eater's backpack device, pumped the button, and aimed a stream of fire squarely at the Ringmaster as he sailed out and through the wall of the tent and set him ablaze.
There was a great hooray, and everything went back to normal.
~
"I have a new song," said the newly Remembered Jones. "Would everyone like to hear it?" Everyone gathered around the table at the Not-Exactly-a-Pub cheered 'aye', including Captain Jack Sparrow and his new first mate Melanie Cash. Don't ask questions.
To the tune of 'Hey, Ho to the Bottle I Go,' Jones began this fantastic song:
"If ye seek those with a pirate's heart,
Ye'd best find the crew of the Yellow Dart.
If not emptying pockets or on the sea
They'll be drunk with Caaaaaaptain Melanie!
The Captain's sword and Dana's gun
Make sure the exciting scenes are won!
Hot guys times two,
And a birdie too,
Wish you were here?
Of course you do!"
And so it was that the cast and crew of the Yellow Dart passed on into legend - never to be forgotten. Well, at least until Melanie's next birthday.
It's too bad that short stories don't have commercials. Not only could they rake in a lot of extra money for poor English majors that way, but it would also give us poor overworked and under-partied authors the opportunity to allow important plot events to happen without the audience having to actually see them. And, more importantly, the audience, upon seeing that commercial and coming back after the break, wouldn't be allowed to get mad.
As it is, I just hope you'll forgive me.
When Dana Flint and Captain Melanie Cash stood up inside the Big Top, they noticed something strange. It was completely empty, apart from a single ring in the lit center of the tent. In it, stood Jack and a man.
What you missed while Dana was telling that wonderful story outside was Will charging into the tent, and slashing and bashing and dashing about with his shiny sword - all that to be tied up by a weight-lifter after, who stood with the bound and gagged William to the side of the tent and out of the spotlight. Such a shame.
Carly and little Milton were caged in another corner of the tent. Both were pouting in a tear-jerking manner. Apparently Carly's afternoon of marveling at the trapeze was cut short. However, the little waif did not appear to be completely unhappy. She and Milton had been caged with the circus' Bengal tiger, and were seated comfortably against its happily-snoozing side.
Carine and Jones, and Matthew and Gibbs had been Officially Forgotten About, being as they haven't been mentioned for many chapters, but they'll probably make another appearance ... presuming there is a story to return to.
Finally, and standing in the way of our heroines and their Jack, was a fire-eater. This was no ordinary fire-eater. On his bare back he carried a metal backpack, which was connected by a hose to the stick in his hand. When Dana and Melanie entered, he shot some into his mouth and 'Roar!' went a stream of fire into the air. I'll bet it would be super impressive to see. I really hope you've got a good imagination.
So.
"I see you've returned, Miss Flint," the ringmaster said. As Melanie and Dana drew closer, they could see that he was an averaged sized man with pale skin and blue eyes. He appeared to be extremely hairy. Dana guessed that if one were to go to Edmonton with such a person, that person would probably leave ridiculous amounts of hair in the shower. She would have to yell for him to clean it out.
"The only reason that I've come back," Dana called to him, "is to retrieve what doesn't belong to you. Are you all right, Jack?"
Jack was smiling. "Nary a worry about me, lovies. Ol' Jack's perfectly perfect. I begin to suspect that I have merely been used as bait for this final and dramatic showdown between Melanie and the ringmaster. I've been a little bored to tell you the truth. Good thing this bloke here doesn't know how to use me compass." He winked. "He still thinks it's broken!"
They all had a good laugh at the ringmaster's expense. His face became red. It was Melanie's turn to address him now. "I challenge you," she cried, "to a fight to the death, ringmaster Mike!" Ringmaster Mike pulled a sword from the sheath across his back, and stepped out of the ring to meet Melanie's blade.
And that meant that Dana got to fight the fire-eater. That battle wasn't hard. She pulled out a gun, while he was warming up his fire device, thought better of it and pulled out her left gun in order to give herself more practice on her weaker side. The fire-eater was desperately pressing the button on his device to make it work, but there was something wrong with the fluid. Dana took her time, fired a clean shot at the fire-eater's chest, and sent him down to meet ol' Hob. Well, she would have if they had been on the ocean ... but it sounds nicer to say that than to say 'she shot and killed the bugger.'
Melanie and Ringmaster Mike clashed sword against sword. Both were titans with their weapons. Both had finesse and skill. But, during the close of the battle, Melanie looked away from her opponent for one instant and into the eyes of Jack Sparrow, who was swaying in a slightly drunken manner in the spotlight.
Their eyes met, and it cost Melanie.
Well, it didn't cost that much. Ringmaster Mike disarmed her cleverly, and she was left standing without a sword. There was a very tense moment when all eyes were upon the mistress of the Yellow Dart and sweating with worry about what she would do. And then she did it, proving beyond all fear of contradiction that she could indeed defend herself without shot or sword.
She kicked Ringmaster Mike in the crotch.
The force of it sent him flying backwards. Quicker than quick, and never one to be outdone, Dana scooped up the fire-eater's backpack device, pumped the button, and aimed a stream of fire squarely at the Ringmaster as he sailed out and through the wall of the tent and set him ablaze.
There was a great hooray, and everything went back to normal.
~
"I have a new song," said the newly Remembered Jones. "Would everyone like to hear it?" Everyone gathered around the table at the Not-Exactly-a-Pub cheered 'aye', including Captain Jack Sparrow and his new first mate Melanie Cash. Don't ask questions.
To the tune of 'Hey, Ho to the Bottle I Go,' Jones began this fantastic song:
"If ye seek those with a pirate's heart,
Ye'd best find the crew of the Yellow Dart.
If not emptying pockets or on the sea
They'll be drunk with Caaaaaaptain Melanie!
The Captain's sword and Dana's gun
Make sure the exciting scenes are won!
Hot guys times two,
And a birdie too,
Wish you were here?
Of course you do!"
And so it was that the cast and crew of the Yellow Dart passed on into legend - never to be forgotten. Well, at least until Melanie's next birthday.