Chapter Three: Vacation

Standing in line at the checkout on a warm and sunny Monday morning with a basket full of groceries, Sara couldn't help but feel relief from her outburst the Friday before. After she had stopped talking, she demanded to be let out of his office or she would scream something he'd regret. After his tactless confession, she was beyond feeling sorry for herself. She finally couldn't stand it anymore and wanted out. Wanted out of it all and when she left his office, she had immediately gone to Director Cavallo and asked to use up a weeks worth of vacation time.

Cavallo had given her the time off to relax and collect herself in hopes she wasn't going to quit. He was in on the gossip going around the lab and he'd been informed of Grissom's less than subtle way of commanding his troops the past few months and was willing to give any of the team some leeway until things settled down.

Knowing it was the only way to gather her wits, Sara had taken on a new hobby and taken time to catch up on much need sleep, mostly with the help of her prescription sleeping pills.

Stacking her bought items into two large brown paper bags, she casually looked over at the other checkout. Taking a double take, she gathered up the rice and bread, not hearing the cashier calling her name.

"Hey Sara."

Snapping out of her momentary lapse of reality, Sara pulled out a few bills and handed them over. "Sorry Joan."

Joan, a cashier for 12 years, smiled at her frequent customer. "No problem." She opened the till and deposited the money, then absently sorted out the change. "How's work?"

Dragging her thoughts to her friend, she shrugged and offered a small smile. "Busy as usual, but I'm taking time off."

Joan gave a mock shocked gasp and grinned. "You, taking vacation, never." She placed the change into Sara's open hand. "$5.34. Well, you have a good rest, you here."

"Thanks Joan. Bye."

~*~

Walking down the street with both bags in her arms, Sara kept her eyes straight ahead so she didn't knock into anyone. After a while, and her path was clear, her thoughts wandered back to the store. She had to take a second look when she saw Grissom standing at the other checkout.

What was he doing there? She kept asking herself. He lived on the other side of town, closer to the lab than either of the team and she knew for a fact that no one on the team lived close to her apartment. She had arrived so suddenly in Vegas that she took the only available place that was close enough to the lab that it wouldn't take more than 20 minutes to get in to work without having to break into an 8 hour sleep.

Although 8 hours was a rare occurrence, she still didn't want to give up time by herself. She valued her privacy as much as anyone, if not more. And seeing Grissom in the same store, shopping for groceries, was more than a surprise as she had never seen him in the vicinity of her side of town. She knew that Brass and Warrick lived closer to Grissom than any others at the lab. Even Greg and Nick lived close enough to visit, but Sara was the only one out of the area for visiting by any workmates.

Maybe he was working a case and stopped at the closest store? Nah, that would be a million to one, but, it could happen.

~*~

Tuesday rolled in and Sara had managed not to break anything in boredom and had finally cleaned her cooker. After a busy morning of tidying and dusting, she grabbed a beer from the fridge and sat out on the balcony to watch the sun shine down on the apartments around hers and listen to children playing, mingled with the sound of busy traffic.

Early the next morning, waiting for the mailman, Sara chatted to her neighbour about the landlord's apartment being vandalised buy youths a few days back.

Mrs. Yuki Jamal was cackling with laughter. She sat on the garden bench in the courtyard of the apartment complex and happily discussed anything with Sara.

"Mr Graves was positively outraged when the youngin's spray painted his front door the next night." Yuki laughed.

Sara chuckled. "He's not the nicest of landlords, but I bet that was an expensive clean up job."

Yuki nodded and gave a final laugh with an ending sigh. "Poor man."

"Yeah." Sara sighed too, reclining back to look up at the blue sky.

Yuki shifted a little before speaking. "How's work? I haven't spoken to you in a long while."

Sara shrugged. "I guess it was busy for a while there."

"Not anymore?" Yuki inquired.

"No." Sara smiled faintly. "I took a week off to rejuvenate."

"Ah, yes." Yuki grinned and patted Sara's hand. "What about this man you were so hung over a while back?"

Sara sighed and lowered her head slightly. "He's not in the picture anymore."

Sensing something wasn't right and that her neighbour wasn't telling the whole true, Yuki shuffled closer and took Sara's hand in hers. "Would you like to talk about it?" She offered.

Smiling and laughing lightly, Sara shook her head and glanced a the elderly lady. Yuki had lived at this apartment complex longer than most living here now. She might have even lived here since the landlord bought the place. She was a nice lady that was spending her retirement on whatever she liked and loving every minute of it.

Sara had to admire her friend. She knew what she wanted and went for it. Not like her. After working for more than 40 years in the sales industry and put money away, Mrs. Jamal was now a widow, mother of three and grandmother to many grandchildren.

Yeah, Sara decided, that woman had it all because she wasn't afraid to go out and get it. No hold ups because she was afraid of what others would think.

Yuki's voice broke through Sara thoughts gently. "I've known you since you moved here Sara, you can tell me anything, you know that, right?"

"Yeah." Sara sighed, rubbing her free hand dry on her jeans. "I guess I was too late," Huffing a sad laugh, she corrected herself. "More like, I was barking up the wrong tree."

"What happened sweetie?"

Feeling like a little of the emotion from the past 3 months come back, she shrugged and sniffled lightly, trying to force the tears back. "Sorry." Sara apologised as she wiped her cheeks.

Yuki smiled softly. "That's ok. Crying helps."

Sara chuckled. "I've not stopped crying since this happened Yuki. I guess I should be over it by now. I'm a grown woman and I'm balling like a teenager."

"It's not easy to give up on love, believe me, I know."

Sara looked at her friend and sighed with a smile. "Thank you for understanding. I haven't talked to anyone who'd understand."

"I'm always here if you need to talk." Yuki offered, giving her a bright smile and squeezing her hand reassuringly.

~*~

Later that day, close to dark, a knock on Sara's door alerted her to a visitor. Though she barely heard the knock, as she was in her spare room, she caught a loud thump and headed for the door. Checking the peephole, she couldn't see anyone on the landing. Frowning, she turned and headed back towards the spare room.

Another knock.

Stopping, Sara sighed and went back to the door. Pulling the door open, she looked through the gap that the chain allowed. "Hello?"

"Sara."

Recognising the voice, she stared out across the courtyard. "What do you want?"

"Can I talk to you?"

"About what?" She asked, turning the door handle nervously.

"Work."

Listening to the honesty in his voice, she unhooked the chain and pulled the door further open. Only when the door was open did her visitor make themselves seen.

"A case?" She inquired as she stepped to push the door closed.

"Yes."

"Have a seat." She offered, moving to grab her empty plate and glass from the coffee table.

"Sara."

"Give me a second." She called from the kitchen. "What case?"

"Oh, uh, the Willows Case."

Sara stopped rinsing off her plate. "That was a cheap way to get into my home Grissom."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just-needed to talk to you." He stammered.

"What else is there to talk about? We've established that Catherine left. You talked about how much you love her and what she did, but why does this have anything to do with me, Grissom? Please-enlighten me." Sara rattled sarcastically as she stood in the entry way to her kitchen, looking at him standing in her living room.

He looked up slowly. "Sara, I know you hold feelings for me. I've known, for a long time-"

"Is this going somewhere?" She interrupted, not wanting to hear any of this.

"Yes, I think." He paused.

Waiting for him to continue, she folded her arms across her chest.

"Look," He began again. "Since Catherine and I started seeing each other, I thought you would have got the message-"

"The Message!?" Sara snapped.

"Yes-"

"I can't believe this." She growled in disbelief. "You are telling me, now, that you got together with Catherine because of me?"

He nodded, but then changed his mind and shook his head. Then he sighed and started pacing, running his fingers roughly through his hair. "It wasn't like that."

"No!? What was it like Grissom?"

"You know that we would never have worked out. Not then, not under the circumstances." He muttered.

Sara swallowed back the tears and tried to keep her voice from travelling throughout the apartment complex. "And now?" She inquired, glaring at him. "You have had Catherine and now she's gone, you want me to fill in the gaps!?" Her voice rose with harsh anger suddenly.

"No!" He yelled. He turned to her and tried to catch his ragged breath. "I love Catherine. No one could every replace her."

"Who are you trying to convince, you or me?"

"Sara, I'm trying to explain, not hurt you." Grissom snapped, quickly shutting up when he looked up and caught her eyes.

Staring at him, she nodded. "Too late for that." She told him on a sob.

Both fell into silence as they let their words sink in. Grissom moved to sit down on the couch while Sara sat on a stool standing against the breakfast isle. Grissom drew in a deep breath, telling Sara he was about to speak again.

"I've known Cath for a long time, long before we even met. I knew from that moment that you held something, for me. I, just didn't know what it was."

"It wasn't a stupid crush Grissom." Sara said sternly.

He nodded and clasped his hands together. "I know that now." He sighed. "Then, it was hard to grasp what it was. I was confused, but also flattered. It's not everyday a young beautiful woman walks into my life. Especially one that isn't grossed out by what I do for a living."

"Grossed?" Sara questioned. "I was grossed out!" She huffed and tried to hide her smile. "I was so grossed out that I knocked over your jar of cockroaches when you ate that grasshopper."

Grissom chuckled and nodded. "I guess you were grossed out, a little."

Silence fell once again as both remembered that moment in the lecture hall.

"What now?" Sara asked quietly, still not sure what's going on.

"I don't want you to distance yourself from me, or the rest of the team."

She nodded slowly, still not sure. "That's not what I was doing."

He looked at her and frowned. "Sara, you haven't joined any one of us for breakfast after shift since Cath left."

"Let me guess, you don't know why?" She sighed.

"I'm trying to understand."

Sara shifted on the stool. "Griss, haven't you noticed how Nick's treating me?" She watched him think about this for a few minutes and when nothing came, she glared. Great! "I guess not."

"I'm sorry. I've been pre-occupied lately."

She nodded. "I hadn't noticed." She whispered icily.

That set him off and Grissom pushed himself to stand. "This isn't about Catherine!"

"This is about Catherine!" She snapped back. "This is always about Catherine!"

"That's not true." He argued.

Sliding off the stool, she moved forward. "This is about any woman in your life Grissom. Can't you see that!? Yes, I'm upset and even feeling a little stupid right now-" She paused, then continued with a shake of her head. "No, change that. I'm upset and feeling really fucking stupid, even pathetic, right now."

Grissom watched her closely. "You are not stupid Sara. If anything, I'm the idiot. I've really messed things up."

"And now it's turned around and bitten everyone in the ass." Sara added with a mock laugh. "I was thinking that after the little 'confession' in your office last week. And now, it's confirming my thoughts. You messed things up, but I'm the one suffering here, not you." Her voice turned soft, almost silent as she finished speaking.

"I guess we both mess up someplace." She added as an afterthought.

"It wasn't because I never wanted you." He told her gently, moving forward to try and comfort her.

"It's just, you never felt the same way, that about right?" She asked him, looking at him.

Grissom nodded stiffly. "I can't help what I feel."

"Neither can I." Sara sighed sadly.

Reaching out his hand, he touched her cheek and brushed away a tear. "I really am sorry."

"Me too." She closed her eyes and breathed in his closeness. "Griss?"

"Yeah?"

Feeling his warmth, she sighed on a deep breath. "What are you doing?"

There was silence for a long time before he said anything. "I don't know." He admitted and before he knew what was going on, he had leaned in and kissed her.

Sara's eyes remained closed as she relished in his kiss, though her brain was telling her that this was one, humongous, contradiction in everything they had just argued about.

TBC