Author's Note: My first Inuyasha story, a one-shot which was inspired by ep 38 and the way he longed for Kagome's forgiveness after their first disagreement about Kouga. I wrote this as I saw that repeated in ep 47 as well, until Kikyo appeared and I just saw that Kagome and Inuyasha argue to the point of her getting fed up enough to jet when Kouga is involved. So I came up with this. I must say I haven't seen any other eps but those on Adult Swim so I haven't yet seen the entire storyline so please take this as a tie in to those eps. The title is the Japanese word translated as "Longing For". I do not own Inuyasha, its story or characters, they belong to Rumiko Takahashi
O KOIMOTOMERU
The summer sun flooded the clearing with bright yellow rays that bathed the landscape in vibrant greens and a myriad of color that were wildflowers strewn randomly about. White butterflies hovered above the grass, their shadows like dark dots on the verdant carpet that surrounded the ancient dry well that stood center stage, its weathered wood sides dark contrast to the light filled field. A lone figure, donned in bright red haori and hakama and sporting a radiant shock of silvery white hair sat at the foot of the well, as if waiting for something or someone to emerge from its shadowy depths.
Inuyasha sat forlornly, his arms resting on the side of the Bone Eater's well, sighing periodically as his dark brooding thoughts contrasted with the sparkling sunshine. His heart was heavy with the burden of wondering if after this last fight, Kagome would decide to never return. It was a fear he lived with each time she left after one of their arguments. But this time he could not shake the feeling that this may have been the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back and his own obstinate and abrupt temper might have driven her away for good. The young woman from the future had a temper to rival his own and unlike the women of the feudal era he resided in she was not afraid to voice her opinions or defend herself. She never failed to infuriate him yet at the same time, he was drawn to her as to no other, for her compassion, her kindness and her beauty that shone like a diamond from within her pure heart.
The hanyou sighed deeply as he studied the dark cavern that was the portal to the Japan of the future, a world that he visited on occasion and found to be peculiar, with its steel wagons that sped about at amazing velocities and foodstuffs that were miraculously cooked in less than five minutes. He knew that it was a world of wonders beyond his scope yet Kagome had chosen to leave that time of comfort and convenience to be a part of his world, a world of dangers that he even doubted at times that even he could protect her from. One time he sent her back there to shield her from the ongoing battle with Naraku just to have her return to join him in the fight, her own well being a nonentity. By his side, as she always was, she never hesitated to join the fray no matter how dangerous.
"Stupid girl," Inuyasha grumbled aloud to himself for he was alone, he made sure. "Why does she have to be so difficult. And what did it mean, that I'm exhausting? I just want to find all the shards of the Shikon No Tama like everybody else. And to defeat Naraku."
He continued in his solitary soliloquy. "But I'll be damned if I go after her this time. The way she fussed and fawned over that worthless, cowardly fleabag wolf and then snapped at me. The simpleton just got in the way of my Tetsusaiga and he paid the price. Although," he said with an unpleasant smirk, "If he had died it wouldn't have broken my heart. That strutting fool has his nerve claiming Kagome as his every time he shows up. I'd like to slit him in two." His claws curved into deadly talons to illustrate the point.
Inuyasha's thoughts became even darker as Kouga's arrogant visage floated before his mind's eye and juxtaposed with the scene he had come upon in the back room of the hut. After he confronted her Kagome had fled Kaede's hut in tears, as once again he had been cruel in his jealous diatribe, berating her bitterly and accusing her of being a hoyden. Her reaction to his baseless accusation was frightening in the way she did not retort at him but instead took off in tears. He felt immediately remorseful and ran after her, the saline scent of her tears making him feel even more guilty. . . .
Flashback:
Inuyasha peeked through the bamboo shade as Kagome knelt and gently applied antibiotic ointment on gauze to the wounds on Kouga's chest, that part of his leanly muscled body exposed as he lay on a pallet. His raven head rested on Kagome's rolled up sleeping bag in the inner room of Kaede's hut that was used for storage. A single candle lit the room dimly as the darkness of the night enveloped them.
She dabbed the concoction from her era she called antibiotic on his wounds and then fluffed up the sleeping bag to make him comfortable, her tender ministrations appearing intimate to the amber eyes observing her from behind the shade.
"There you go, Kouga-kun. The antibiotics will help the wound heal. Now get some rest."
The wolf youkai gazed up into Kagome's lovely face, his pain-filled cerulean eyes grateful. "Arigatou, Kagome, koishii," he gasped as he succumbed to the pain and lost consciousness. Kagome blushed at the endearment while Inuyasha seethed, his claws bared as he yearned to rip the wolf leader to shreds.
KOISHII! What right did that mangy wolf have to call Kagome koishii! Inuyasha was livid and he barged into the small chamber.
"You sicken me with the way you fuss over that flea bitten wolf!" Inuyasha snapped, his eyes gold slits as he glared at Kagome, his jealousy driving him into a fury of epic proportions.
"Inuyasha, Kouga was nearly killed. He was trying to help us with another of Naraku's attacks and he was hit by the edge of the Tetsusaiga," she stated calmly as she gathered her first-aid items and placed them in her yellow bag.
"Well tough for him! If he doesn't know to get out of the way when I'm in the middle of a battle then he deserves whatever he gets! I'm gonna kill him one day anyway."
Kagome came up and thrust herself into his face. "When are you gonna realize that Kouga's on our side? He wants to get Naraku as much as we do, his whole pack was slaughtered by Kagura. His help is what made us victorious this time."
Her declaration of the truth did nothing but stoke the fires of his fury. He snorted derisively, "Oh yeah, he was a big help. Especially when he turned tail and ran."
"Wolves have a survivor instinct. When faced with an enemy that they can't beat, they take off. He who fights and walks away, lives to fight another day." Kagome was waxing philosophical and it infuriated the half dog demon further.
"Why must you always defend that coward?" Inuyasha snarled, his eyes glittering. "You constantly make excuses for him just because he tells you he loves you. What a load!"
Kagome's sable eyes darkened as she sniffed. "He, at least, declares himself for me. Not like others who have nothing but demands and insults."
"Oh and I suppose you're referring to me?" Inuyasha said sarcastically. He pressed on recklessly, his jealousy goading him on. "That's why you coddle him isn't it? Feh, your affection sure comes at a cheap price."
"What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded hotly.
"Figure it out."
Kagome was now getting angry. "Inuyasha, your jealousy is beginning to become ridiculous," she snapped.
He laughed bitterly, "I ain't jealous, wench. In order for me to be jealous, that wolf would have to have something I want which he doesn't. A fool woman who is taken in by any bit of manure and gives her affection so freely disgusts me. You're no better then a common trollop."
Kagome gasped and looked as if she were slapped. Her eyes pinned him and he immediately regretted what he said as without a word, she gathered her things and exited in due haste.
In the outer room, Sango, Miroku, and Shippo all watched as Kagome left without a backward glance or a word. Inuyasha came out and the trio pounced on him like three hungry alley cats on a hapless mouse.
Miroku's resigned admonition came first. "Alright, Inuyasha, what did you say to Kagome now to make her upset enough to jettison."
"I don't have time to waste on explanations," the hanyou grunted and folded his arms. "Look, you three can take me to the woodshed when I get back, I gotta go after Kagome." And he took off after her.
Sango sighed as Shippo muttered disgustedly, "What an ignoramus!"
Inuyasha sprinted to the forest named for him hopping from tree branch to tree branch, his heart pounding as he remembered the look in Kagome's eyes after his vicious remark. Baka he berated himself why can't you keep your big mouth shut?
He was nearly to the clearing where the well was when he picked up the twin scent of Kagome herself and her tears. Dammit I did it again! I made her cry and I can't stand it when she cries. Sure enough, his keen eyesight spotted her in the light of the rising moon, sitting dejectedly at the base of the well. His ears twitched as he heard her sobs.
He leapt down from his perch and walked slowly to her. "Kagome."
She did not even look up as she said in a small voice. "Why are you here, Inuyasha? I thought that you find me disgusting."
He lowered his head as he stepped up to her in a penitent manner. "Kagome, I-I'm,"
She held up a hand wearily. "Save it. I'm not interested in anything you have to say at the moment. I'm heading back to my time and I don't know when I'll be back." She grabbed her knapsack and lifted one leg and then the other to sit on the edge. Before she dropped herself in, she turned and regarded Inuyasha with the pain evident in her sable eyes.
"As I said once before, Inuyasha, at times you're just too exhausting." And with those words, Kagome jumped down as the pink light flashed like a bolt of lightning and she was gone.
End Flashback
Inuyasha sighed heavily as he rested his chin on the well and his heart beat with the chill of longing for Kagome and her effervescent personality, which endeared her to everyone but most especially to him. He would never admit it but having her near had become as natural and as life sustaining for him as breathing. He remembered their encounter with Jinenji, the kind but beleaguered mutant demon who just wanted to be accepted. Kagome in her gentle acceptance had given the gargantuan being a taste of that ever-elusive feeling of belonging. Her warmth reached out to Jinenji as it had to him and little by little broke the icy barrier he had erected around his heart. Even his beloved Kikyo had never made him feel as welcomed and wanted as Kagome did. Always supporting him and loving him unconditionally as his human mother did.
Three figures emerged from the depth of Inuyasha's Forest and shook him from his reverie as they drew up to the well. He groaned inwardly as the high pitched voice of the kitsune cub demon reached his ears first.
"Inuyasha," Shippo demanded. "What are you doing here at the well again?"
"I think it should be fairly obvious," Miroku stated urbanely. "He's awaiting Kagome's return."
Inuyasha sneered, "It appears once again that none of you have the slightest inkling of what the word 'privacy' means."
"Oh, we understand the word," Sango said. "But we are just as anxious for Kagome-chan's return. She's an important part of our group and we miss her just like you do."
"Feh, what makes you think I miss the wench? She's a nuisance when she's here, always getting into trouble and requiring me to rescue her. I'm glad she's gone." He sat with his arms crossed, hands in his sleeves.
"Inuyasha, you're such a liar," Shippo admonished. "You've been camped out here since she left and don't try to deny it."
Miroku stood at one side and said as if it was an after thought, "By the way, Kouga recovered from his wounds in record time. He departed this morning for his den."
"Hmmph! About time," Inuyasha scoffed. "Any longer and I would've been tempted to go and finish him off. Then we'd be through with that mangy wolf always comin' around."
"And sniffing around Kagome," Sango finished with a knowing glint in her coffee eyes. Miroku nodded as Inuyasha bristled and blushed.
Later that afternoon, the sun was journeying toward the western horizon to bid farewell to the day. The orange-gold light lit the clearing and painted the Bone Eaters well and the silver haired hanyou standing sentinel in its warm glow as he got on his knees and stared down into the well for the umpteenth time that day. He sighed as he waited for the bright pink light that seemed to be a long time coming.
Inuyasha then was filled with a gnawing hunger not for food, a yearning to see the piquant face, hear the musical laugh and sweet voice that was Kagome, his Kagome. For she truly was his, she had become his gradually as she mended the wounds in his heart left by Kikyo's betrayal and then her rejection. The night by the Sacred Tree, where she had bound him fifty years before he had hoped she had sought him for protection but once again, she mocked him and left him as her soul gatherers bore her up and slithered away with the priestess in their grasp. Yet he continued to persist in offering his life to Kikyo to repay her for when she gave up hers. He held her cold body close and tried to convince himself that she was the same but he was kidding himself. Then when Kikyo departed there was the hurt face of Kagome who had witnessed the tender exchange, a sight that would always haunt him. She had fled to her time again and he thought that it was the end then returned to tell him that she would always stay by his side, no matter what. Her declaration had mended the final wounds in his heart and indelibly etched Kagome's name there. He would die to protect her if necessary and the idea of any man or demon claiming her was enough to make his blood boil.
My Kagome, where are you now? Inuyasha spoke quietly to himself. What are you doing this moment? Are you in that pretty pink room of yours, doing your homework? Or are you laughing that laugh that is like the peal of a delicate bell with your friends. Is your face lit up with that smile that's like a sunbeam? Or are you crying as the pain I inflicted on you attacks you anew? If you only knew that the cruel words I spoke to you in a rash moment are burning inside of me as well, would you come back to me then, Kagome?
Do you want to know the truth behind why I said what I said to you, Kagome? The thing that drove me to hurt you with my words? When you were tending to Kouga's wounds and he thanked you, he called you "koishii" and I snapped. How dare he call you that! You're NOT his "koishii" you're MINE! And you didn't deny it, which was like rubbing salt in a wound. But I couldn't take it out on him so I took it out on you. Forgive me
His musing was interrupted by the bright flash of pink-white light at the bottom of the well and jumped to his feet as Kagome's sweet scent assailed him. . .
While Inuyasha was in the warring states era that same day mentally lambasting himself, Kagome had spent her time behind closed doors in her room sprawled on her bed moping about as well. The hanyou's harsh words were ringing in her ears, the echoes of which were beating against her heart in waves of pain. The fact that he could deliver such words and with such contempt after everything they had gotten through together made her blood run cold. She got up from her bed and sat at the vanity, staring at her reflection
"Why should you be surprised, Kagome?" she asked her image. "Inuyasha's made it no secret that once all the jewel fragments are collected and the jewel is whole, he wants to become a full-fledged demon. It's quite natural for him to be cruel even to me it's my fault the jewel shattered in the first place. He's made it abundantly clear I'm just a shard detector." Tears began to flow as that thought drummed in her head.
She sighed deeply as she shook her head at her face. "C'mon get a grip, Kagome. He never even once gave you any sign that he had any deep feelings for you. He's in love with Kikyo, always Kikyo. Yet why does he react so when Kouga tries to hit on me? Not that I'm interested in Kouga but I admit he's good-looking and his attention is flattering."
Kagome propped her elbows on the vanity and rested her chin in her hands. "He is absolutely the most infuriating, exhausting person I have ever met. Let him try to find the shards by himself for a change, I'm staying put."
The ring of the telephone interrupted her thoughts as Souta's voice called from the base of the stairs. "Hey Kagome, ya got a phone call. It's a guy."
Kagome got up with a quizzical frown on her delicate features and opened her door to enter the hallway now who would be calling me? I haven't been in school enough for any guys to notice me, let alone get my phone number. She descended the stairs and took the cordless from Souta's hand, ignoring her younger brother's knowing smirk.
"Hello?"
"Higurashi-san," the adolescent tenor on the other end could belong to only one person.
"Hi Hojo," Kagome said brightly as she inwardly groaned. She had forgotten about Hojo, who was unfazed by anything that was attributed to her frequent absences. "How are you?"
"I'm fine but I'm concerned about your scurvy. I want to bring you a gift, may I come over?"
Okay now I've got a Vitamin C deficiency. Gramps must've been reading about seafarers. "Oh that's very sweet, Hojo but,"
"Great. I'll see ya in about an hour. Bye."
Kagome sighed as she put the cordless phone back on the base. No matter how she tried she just could not get annoyed at Hojo. His persistence in wanting to help her was a clear indication that he cared and they had not even gone on a complete date yet. But he was undaunted in his pursuit of her, even with other girls drawn to him. She headed back upstairs to her room to freshen up for Hojo's visit.
"Huh! Hojo's such a sweet guy and so thoughtful. Why can't Inuyasha be like that?" Kagome fumed as she leafed through her closet for an outfit. I bet he wouldn't even notice if I wore my prettiest dress. But he sure noticed when I wore the priestess outfit that time. . . .
Flashback:
She had begged Kaede to show her where she could take a bath. After slaying the demon crow and saving the small boy it had made off with, she felt filthy, covered in blood. The elderly priestess tried to discourage her, saying the air that day had a bit of a chill but feeling grungy Kagome was unconvinced so Kaede took her to a pool by the stream. Kagome stripped and entered the frigid water, shivering as she took the plunge. Yet unknown to her, a hanyou with dog ears was watching her intently from a tree on an overhang obscured slightly by some branches.
She immersed herself into the water, swimming so the flow of the water over her body could cleanse her the best she could without soap. She emerged from the water feeling somewhat cleansed when she felt that she was not alone.
Up on the overhang, Inuyasha was watching her intently, taking in her state of undress replete with bare bosoms exposed completely, shining like soft white globules in the bright sunlight. His amber eyes studied her as she let out a shriek and dove under the water as she cried the command that activated the rosary around his neck.
"Sit, boy!"
"Uhhh!" Now it was Inuyasha's turn to shriek and he fell face down on the ground as Kagome scampered behind a bush to get covered.
"Just what do you think you're doing? You hentai!" She berated him as she hurriedly dressed in the red hakama and white kimono that Kaede had supplied.
Of course he denied it after hesitating and then having tied her hair back, Kagome stepped out and Inuyasha did a double take, his eyes wide as he saw an apparition from the past.
"Kikyo."
End Flashback
Just because I look like her I always have to be content to take a back seat to Kikyo but if another guy shows interest in me and I don't turn him down, I'm a slut. Damn you Inuyasha! Kagome sighed deeply as she spotted a red mini sundress and in a pique of rebellion, decided to put it on for Hojo's visit. When dressed and her hair pulled back she stared critically at her reflection in the full length mirror and said wryly, "At least Hojo won't think I look like anyone else but me."
"Hey sis, Hojo's here," Souta's voice called up to her.
Kagome sighed and squaring her shoulders, headed down to receive her visitor.
About two hours later, Kagome was at the door waving good-bye to Hojo as she carried the large basket of oranges, tangerines, grapefruit, and other citrus fruit into the kitchen where her mother was chopping vegetables for dinner. She placed it on the table with a thud.
Mrs. Higurashi looked up from her work and commented, "My, my that's a lovely fruit basket, Kagome-chan. Did Hojo bring that for you?"
"Hai," Kagome replied as she fingered the basket thoughtfully. "Gramps' latest disease for me is scurvy."
Her mother laughed as she continued matter-of-factly, "Hojo certainly cares a great deal for you."
"Uh-huh," Kagome agreed as she sighed again, her mind five hundred years in the past.
"But he isn't Inuyasha," Mrs. Higurashi stated.
Kagome sighed again as she asked, "Am I that transparent?"
Her mother smiled lovingly as she pushed the vegetables aside to take her daughter's hand. "Itoshii, I know when you're upset. You're not one to hide your feelings. I knew when you came home yesterday that the two of you had a fight."
Kagome felt the tears sting her eyes as she admitted, "Oh Mom, he's so impossible at times. He jumps to conclusions and accuses me wrongly without giving me a chance. Kouga the leader of the wolf demons was hurt and I just wanted to take care of his wounds. Inuyasha's so unbelievably jealous, he just won't listen to me."
Mrs. Higurashi stood up and came over to her daughter, kneeling down and wrapping her arms around her. "Oh Kagome, we seem to have a penchant for attracting men who are insanely jealous. Your father was the same way about me."
Kagome's sable eyes widened. "Really, Mom?"
"Uh-huh. If another man so much as looked at me, he'd want to call them out," Mrs. Higurashi reminisced. "One time, he nearly got arrested for his behavior, he was really difficult and heaven help the poor guy that hit on me, he wanted to kill him."
Kagome said incredulously, "Really? I don't remember Papa being so passionate about things, he seemed so easygoing all the time."
"He was," her mother agreed. "Except when it came to me, he hated when other men would pay attention to me. I guess he felt insecure about some things in our relationship. Then I talked to your grandmother and she told me that his father's death when he was a boy shattered him so that he hated when other men tried to see her. Then I understood completely."
Kagome's face showed enlightenment. "I see." Suddenly, it all became clear Inuyasha had a similar thing happen when his mother died and left him all alone. He told me all about being abandoned after she passed away and rejected and making his own way in the world. I now understand his insecurities about our relationship. She glanced at the late afternoon sun and jumped up. The sun would be setting soon and she had to get back, she hated returning to the feudal era when it was dark and since that was the time Naraku's demons roamed about it was not safe. She flew upstairs and hurriedly packed her yellow knapsack then ran downstairs again.
Mrs. Higurashi was waiting by the door with a bag of the fruits that Hojo left. "Here Kagome. Take these fruits to your friends." She handed the bag to her daughter and then hugged her. "Don't worry, everything will work out fine."
Kagome hugged her mother back. "You're the best, Mom. Thanks." She ran out the door and to the well. Inside, she slung her legs over and jumped down where she was immediately enveloped in the pink-white energy that transported her through the wrinkle in time that took her back through the centuries. . . .
At the well, Inuyasha saw the light and shot to his feet as the overstuffed yellow knapsack came flying out and landed on the grass, nearly hitting him point blank until he leapt back. He felt a mixture of relief, joy and annoyance as a raven head peeked up.
"Careful, you almost killed me with that thing!" the hanyou snapped gruffly as he stood with his arms akimbo as he watched Kagome climb out of the well.
"Sorry, I didn't know," Kagome said as she stood up and regarded him. "Besides, what are you doing here, anyway?"
"Uh, n-nothing," Inuyasha stammered as a blush spread on his cheeks. "So you came back, huh?"
Kagome looked at him strangely. "Why wouldn't I? We have to keep looking for the jewel shards don't we?"
Inuyasha lowered his head. "Y-yeah. I just thought what with our argument and all and the way you left, that you wouldn't come back."
Kagome pinned him with her eyes, an unreadable expression in them as she said truthfully, "The thought had crossed my mind but then I realized something and came back." She turned and began walking through the forest toward Kaede's village and Inuyasha picked up her knapsack and followed.
As they walked along in silence, he pondered what she meant by "realized something". Curiosity not only killed the cat it was driving the dog hanyou crazy. Finally he could stand no more and grasped Kagome's arm yanking her back as he demanded, "What did you realize?"
She turned and faced him with the sweet serenity of someone who had been enlightened. "I realized that people do things for reasons that are a mystery to others but are totally justified."
Inuyasha sighed, not any more informed than he was before and pressed irritably, "Would you stop talking in riddles and tell me straight what the hell you're talking about."
Kagome sighed as she responded, "Inuyasha, I realized I have a responsibility to all of you. To Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and especially you. And that no matter how angry you make me, I have to return till all the jewel fragments are collected. And that you have your reasons for acting as you do toward me and I won't hold it against you."
In the face of her unconditional acceptance and forgiveness, the hanyou was humbled. Inuyasha lowered his head contritely, his anger gone. "I owe you an apology. What I said to you the other day was wrong and I'm sorry."
Kagome's sable orbs widened as she heard him utter words she never thought he was capable of. She saw in that simple statement how difficult it was for him to say it and how vulnerable and sincere he was. In the depths of his amber eyes she saw an agony that relayed to her that he had been and still was as upset about what had transpired between them as she was. She stepped up to him and encircled him in her arms, as his arms wrapped around her tightly, his hand cradling her head against the fire rat fur of his haori. Then she said the words that shook the anguish from his heart like the release of a heavy burden.
"You're forgiven."
END