CHAPTER 2: RANTINGS IN THE DARK
"Episssssode III, my Precious! They've stolen my Preciousssss...."
"Shut up," Boba Fett said viciously, and kicked the Fanboy tied to the end of the fibercord emerging from his gauntlet.
It whimpered and shrunk away, then started ranting again. "Epissssode III...birth of Vader, my preciousssss...Republic falls...Sifo Dyas revealed to be--"
"Shut up!" Fett snarled, louder this time. "I don't want to hear about it." He and IG-88 had been tracking the Deranged Fanboy for months now, ever since they had found out about its connection to the One DVD. Evidently, the Fanboy had been unfortunate enough to view the film in its entirety, and had been driven mad by the sheer absence of continuity with the EU.
Fett had used all his skills to track down the Deranged Fanboy. Now he had to use all of his willpower not to kill it. They still needed it for questioning. For now, he was taking it to Dengar, who had been assigned to guard it.
"My preciousssss...Episssode III...death of Mace--"
Fett perked up. "What was that?"
The Fanboy whirled around to look at the Mandalorian warrior. "Windu...Jedi massster...very unexpected...killed by...." Its bloodshot, hungry eyes widened in recognition. "It issss him! The Bounty Hunter! God of fanboysss everywhere! My PRECIOUSSSS!"
Fett blinked. Okay....
"BOBA FETT!" the Fanboy screamed. "Object of worsship! Adoration! Must have piece of Boba Fett, my Precioussss!" It lunged towards him. Fett jumped back, just in time to avoid the Fanboy, who was foaming at the mouth. "Give me jetpack!" it screamed.
"No."
"JETPACK!"
Fett pointed a finger at the Fanboy in an scolding gesture. "Now listen here--"
"MUSSST HAVE PIECE OF BOBA FETT!" The Deranged Fanboy opened its mouth and latched onto the bounty hunter's hand.
Fett stifled a cry of pain. "Why you little--!" He tried to pry it off of him, but it refused to budge.
"Boba Fett's finger, my Preciousss...." it mumbled, despite the foreign object in its mouth. "Invaluable part of every Fanboy'sss collection...."
Fett used his free hand to pull out his blaster rifle. With a twinge of regret, he remembered that he wasn't allowed to disintegrate the Fanboy. Finally he used the butt of the rifle to beat the Fanboy over the head. It let go, moaning, and started rolling around on the ground.
Fett inspected his hand disdainfully, noting the blood there. Time for the annual rabies shot, I suppose. He kicked the Fanboy. "Get moving! I've got an appointment to keep."
The Fanboy hopped along the ground, its knuckles dragging. "Episssode III, my Preciousss...interesssting thingsss happening to Boba Fett...."
The bounty hunter turned around and shot the Fanboy a lethal glance, the same that had silenced countless lesser lifeforms before him. With a whimper, the Fanboy shuffled after its famous captor.