"Oh my god," I breathed. "That was the best I've ever had."
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy? Expect nothing less."
I reached for another piece of chocolate, but he slapped my hand gently. "Hey!"
"I've a feeling we'll need this again soon. Best not to use it all at once."
Sighing, I had to agree with him. "I feel better already."
"Aye, me too."
We eyed each other cautiously.
"More rum, love?"
"Rum's not really my thing," I admitted. "But I do admit, it goes better with chocolate than beer."
There was a knock at the door and Gibbs let himself in, Anamaria trailing behind.
"We've searched every nook an' cranny, Jack," she said. "Nothing."
"Inside job, Sparrow. I told you so."
He shot me a look.
"Captain. Captain Sparrow, alright? Jeez."
"She's right," Gibbs put in. "We've got us a killer on board."
"I hate when that happens," Anamaria sighed. "Bloody pain in the arse when they do that. I s'pose it were over somethin' stupid, like a game of cards or a Tortuga whore."
When all heads turned in my direction, I realized it was probably because I made a funny noise. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "What?"
Sparrow patted my hand. "There, there, love."
"Don't patronize me, Sparrow –"
"Captain!"
"Captain Jackass." I got to my feet, which was quite a task considering I was pretty drunk and the dress was so friggin' heavy. "Am I hearing this right? Your staff kills each other for kicks? Just another day at the office?!"
"First of all," he said, getting to his feet and advancing towards me. "They're a crew, not a staff. This is a ship, not a boat. Not an office. And yes. Sometimes they kill each other. We're bloody pirates!"
"Oh."
"Oh," he echoed. "Is that all you have to say?"
It turned out that it was.
************************
"It was an accident. I didn't mean to puke on you." If I had any idea I was going to puke, I would have made sure to do it on the dress. But no, the dress had escaped completely unscathed. Figured.
He shot me a look. "Disaster just follows you around like a puppy, doesn't it?"
"Things happen."
"I'm sure." He shot me another look. "Somebody was actually foolhardy enough to propose to you?"
Now it was my turn to glare. "Twice."
"Twice?"
"Can we not discuss Morelli, please?"
"Morelli. Does Morelli have a first name or do you disrespect him, too?"
"It's Joe and I didn't disrespect you. I just called you Sparrow, which is your name, isn't it?"
"Joe Morelli. Is he an upstanding gentleman back in New Jersey?"
I snorted at this. "Morelli men are trouble. He's no exception, even if he is a cop."
"A what?"
"Police man."
Sparrow did a double-take. "And he lets you wander about in men's clothing claiming to be a bounty hunter?"
"Hey! I don't ask Morelli for permission on how to live my life. Besides, I happen to be a pretty damn good bounty hunter. I always get my man. Well, unless he's dead, which happened once or twice, but I brought the body in. They pay you for dead bodies, too, as long as you didn't kill them."
Sparrow blinked at this, digested it and then asked, "And if he's foolish enough to actually marry you, are you going to give up being a bounty hunter?"
"I am not discussing this with you!"
"Ah. So he asked you to stop –"
"That is none of your business!"
"Probably not, but it's certainly interesting."
"Are we going to sit here all night with you whining about me puking on you and discussing the men in my life or are we going to start investigating the murder?"
"Men? There's more than one?"
"Don't even go there, Sparrow!"
"Captain, love. It's Captain, savvy?"
Being from the Burg and being the offspring of Italian and Hungarian parents, I know quite a few rude hand gestures. I demonstrated one for Sparrow.
"That's very unladylike, darling." And then he demonstrated one for me.
It was one I hadn't seen before. And I'd seen quite a few. Probably, it wasn't obscene enough to make it to the obscene gesture library of the 21st century. Still, it was interesting.
Sparrow was grinning now, pleased with himself. "Don't tell me I've managed to render you speechless?"
"That'll be the day, Captain Crunch."
"Captain what?"
"One of the very scary pirates we have back in New Jersey."
"Is that so?"
"Damn skippy."
He looked skeptical. "All right, pet. You win. Let's go investigate. But remember –"
"Yeah, yeah. It's your ship. You're Captain Jack Sparrow. Anything else?"
"Yeah," he said, imitating me. "Don't do anything stupid."
"I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, savvy? Expect nothing less."
I reached for another piece of chocolate, but he slapped my hand gently. "Hey!"
"I've a feeling we'll need this again soon. Best not to use it all at once."
Sighing, I had to agree with him. "I feel better already."
"Aye, me too."
We eyed each other cautiously.
"More rum, love?"
"Rum's not really my thing," I admitted. "But I do admit, it goes better with chocolate than beer."
There was a knock at the door and Gibbs let himself in, Anamaria trailing behind.
"We've searched every nook an' cranny, Jack," she said. "Nothing."
"Inside job, Sparrow. I told you so."
He shot me a look.
"Captain. Captain Sparrow, alright? Jeez."
"She's right," Gibbs put in. "We've got us a killer on board."
"I hate when that happens," Anamaria sighed. "Bloody pain in the arse when they do that. I s'pose it were over somethin' stupid, like a game of cards or a Tortuga whore."
When all heads turned in my direction, I realized it was probably because I made a funny noise. I seemed to be doing that a lot lately. "What?"
Sparrow patted my hand. "There, there, love."
"Don't patronize me, Sparrow –"
"Captain!"
"Captain Jackass." I got to my feet, which was quite a task considering I was pretty drunk and the dress was so friggin' heavy. "Am I hearing this right? Your staff kills each other for kicks? Just another day at the office?!"
"First of all," he said, getting to his feet and advancing towards me. "They're a crew, not a staff. This is a ship, not a boat. Not an office. And yes. Sometimes they kill each other. We're bloody pirates!"
"Oh."
"Oh," he echoed. "Is that all you have to say?"
It turned out that it was.
************************
"It was an accident. I didn't mean to puke on you." If I had any idea I was going to puke, I would have made sure to do it on the dress. But no, the dress had escaped completely unscathed. Figured.
He shot me a look. "Disaster just follows you around like a puppy, doesn't it?"
"Things happen."
"I'm sure." He shot me another look. "Somebody was actually foolhardy enough to propose to you?"
Now it was my turn to glare. "Twice."
"Twice?"
"Can we not discuss Morelli, please?"
"Morelli. Does Morelli have a first name or do you disrespect him, too?"
"It's Joe and I didn't disrespect you. I just called you Sparrow, which is your name, isn't it?"
"Joe Morelli. Is he an upstanding gentleman back in New Jersey?"
I snorted at this. "Morelli men are trouble. He's no exception, even if he is a cop."
"A what?"
"Police man."
Sparrow did a double-take. "And he lets you wander about in men's clothing claiming to be a bounty hunter?"
"Hey! I don't ask Morelli for permission on how to live my life. Besides, I happen to be a pretty damn good bounty hunter. I always get my man. Well, unless he's dead, which happened once or twice, but I brought the body in. They pay you for dead bodies, too, as long as you didn't kill them."
Sparrow blinked at this, digested it and then asked, "And if he's foolish enough to actually marry you, are you going to give up being a bounty hunter?"
"I am not discussing this with you!"
"Ah. So he asked you to stop –"
"That is none of your business!"
"Probably not, but it's certainly interesting."
"Are we going to sit here all night with you whining about me puking on you and discussing the men in my life or are we going to start investigating the murder?"
"Men? There's more than one?"
"Don't even go there, Sparrow!"
"Captain, love. It's Captain, savvy?"
Being from the Burg and being the offspring of Italian and Hungarian parents, I know quite a few rude hand gestures. I demonstrated one for Sparrow.
"That's very unladylike, darling." And then he demonstrated one for me.
It was one I hadn't seen before. And I'd seen quite a few. Probably, it wasn't obscene enough to make it to the obscene gesture library of the 21st century. Still, it was interesting.
Sparrow was grinning now, pleased with himself. "Don't tell me I've managed to render you speechless?"
"That'll be the day, Captain Crunch."
"Captain what?"
"One of the very scary pirates we have back in New Jersey."
"Is that so?"
"Damn skippy."
He looked skeptical. "All right, pet. You win. Let's go investigate. But remember –"
"Yeah, yeah. It's your ship. You're Captain Jack Sparrow. Anything else?"
"Yeah," he said, imitating me. "Don't do anything stupid."