Setting: Hogwarts, "Goblet of Fire" timeframe.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters and names belong to JK Rowling and Warner Bros. No copyright infringement is intended.
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A grin spreads across his face and he laughs, sending shockwaves through my heart. Why can't I make him laugh like that? Why can't I get one of those special smiles, reserved for those close to him?
My deepest desire is for him to stop thinking of me as Ron's little sister. I would even settle for a friendship like he had with Hermione. Anything but this indifference. It's like I don't even exist.
Sure, he says hello to me in the corridors, but in a brotherly sort of way, as if he were just checking up on me. I have enough brothers, I don't need another one. I need him.
If only he would look at me, just once, like I was someone special. But how? How could I possibly hope to gain the attention of the great Harry Potter?
The valentine I sent to him during my first year is an embarrassing memory. How could I have been so stupid? Mushy words and singing cupids are not the way to win him over, no matter what the girls in my dorm say. It might work on other boys, but not on him.
If only he knew just how much I love him. If only I could convey the true depth of my feelings. But what would I say? How could words possibly express what's in my heart? "I love you" hardly seems adequate.
I know he's preoccupied. All of the Champions are. I should leave him alone. But still, my heart feels weighed down, swollen with the feelings I'm holding inside. I think I may die from the pain, the sheer agony of knowing that he's within reach, and yet miles away.
If I tell him and he returns my feelings, I will be complete.
If I tell him and he pities me, I don't think I'll be able to bear it.
Indecision is eating away at me. It all comes down to the risk. Is it worth the broken heart? Is he worth it?
The answer in my heart is a resounding yes! And yet, the fear is still there, so tangible that I can almost taste it.
I could do it now. Just walk up to him, tell him I want to talk privately.
My legs won't move. My body isn't connected to my mind anymore. Fear overcomes me, and I sink back into my chair, hiding behind my book. A tear falls down my cheek and I push it away.
There's always tomorrow.
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