CHAPTER 7: THE COUNCIL OF CRADOSSK

"Friends, allies, bounty hunters from distant lands," said Cradossk formally, "you've been summoned here to answer the threat of Skywalker Ranch."

He sat down, coughing. "Kast, do you have the DVD?" There was absolute silence. Cradossk looked around in confusion. "Where is he?" Kast kept his cool and remained silent.

Cradossk was beginning to look frantic. "Does anyone have the DVD?"

"I do!" Kast said, standing up. He placed it on the pedestal, glancing around to make sure no one tried to steal it before he got paid.

"Ah, Boba," Cradossk sighed in relief, "you always save the day, don't you?" He turned to the others. "Well, anyway, as you've probably all heard, we've found the One DVD, the instrument of the Flannelled One. If we don't act quickly, this will mean death to all of us bounty hunters."

"Father," Bossk said, standing up, "I have an idea. Why don't we watch the DVD and use it to our own advantage? If we know the contents of Episode III, perhaps we can change it and send it back. Star Wars could be a bounty hunter-ruled universe once and for all!"

Madak, who had been sitting next to a rather handsome and youthful bounty hunter named Jigwit (also known as "Jodo Is Great--Who is That?!?"), shook his head in disgust. "You cannot watch it! None of us can! Only the Flanneled One himself can view the One DVD without being driven mad, since he has no regards for the EU anyway."

Bossk snarled. "And what would a mercenary know of this?"

Dengar jumped to his feet in fury. "That's no mere mercenary, you stupid &#%&#$! He's Boba, son of Jango, and you owe him some respect!"

A gasp of awe went around the room, soon followed by growls as twenty heads turned to look at Kast. The bounty hunter sunk down in his chair, trying to hide. "Well," Kast muttered, trying to sound brave, "I'm better than that old fossil anyway."

"Boba!" Cradossk exclaimed in surprise. "Traveling around in disguise again, are we?" He glanced over at Kast. "Then who is this?"

"Jodo Kast," Dengar said in disgust. "Won't you ever learn? You stupid piece of *$#@*#!"

"Now, now," said Cradossk, "we're all friends here." All of the bounty hunters rolled their eyes, except for Zuckuss, who was currently feeling rather friendly. Of course, that was about to change.

"The One DVD must be destroyed!" IG-88 proclaimed.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Zuckuss growled, and leapt from his chair like a wild beast. He pulled out his blaster and began to shoot the DVD. After several minutes of this, he stopped to check out the damage. There was none. Furious, he pushed the DVD off the pedestal and began to jump and and down on it. Not a scratch appeared.

For lack of anything better to do, Zuckuss ripped off one of his breathing tubes and aimed it at the DVD, hoping the rapid stream of pure methane gas might damage it. Within seconds, his eyes rolled backward and he collapsed. Jigwit rushed forward and pulled the dizzy Gand back to his seat.

"The One DVD cannot be destroyed, Zuckuss son of—-" Cradossk paused. "Zuckuss-son-of-some-Gand-somewhere by any mortal means. It must be taken to Skywalker Ranch and thrown back into the cutting room in which it was created! One of you must do this!"

There was a dead silence.

"Why don't you do it, buddy?" Dengar muttered.

Bossk was almost laughing, he was so terrified. "One does not simply walk into Skywalker Ranch. Have you heard about the security there?"

Cradossk smiled. "That's why we're sending Kast."

Kast leapt to his feet. "What?!?"

"As the only bounty hunter who has to dress like Boba Fett to get a job, I think you're the most expendable one here."

"But to be sure you don't fail," IG-88 said, "I'll go with you and watch your every move." Kast shuddered.

Fett narrowed his eyes. He had no doubt that Kast would hand the One DVD over to the Flannelled One without a fight. After all, Kast was never going to be in a movie. Indeed, it was Fett himself who was most threatened.

"If by my life or death I can keep you from screwing this up," Fett said in a threatening tone, "I will." He pulled out his blaster rifle. "You have my EE-3 to make sure of that."

Dengar stood up. "And you have my blaster cannons."

Zuckuss, adopting a recklessly brave personality, cried, "And my methane!"

Bossk looked at them all suspiciously. "You carry the fate of all movie bounty hunters everywhere, Kast. If this is indeed the will of my father, then Trandosha will see it done."

Greedo, who was hiding in the bushes, couldn't take it anymore. "Ha!" he shouted, for lack of anything else to say. "Mr. Jodo's not going anywhere without me, especially since IG-88 threatened me!"

"Quioto! Quioto!" a new voice shouted, as 4-LOM and Boussh came running.

"Yes," 4-LOM agreed, "you'd have to seen us home frozen in carbonite to stop us."

That's not a bad idea, Fett thought, dreading the months he would spend with them.

"Nine bounty hunters," said Cradossk thoughtfully, looking them over proudly. "You shall be called--ah, nevermind. It would be too unoriginal."