The Scent of Despair
Written by Catrina Winner
Author's Note: Well, here's the next chapter! I hope you all find it interesting… It's extra long! I'm trying to get better at these chapters for you loyal fans. Please, as always, review, and, again, as always, I'm very sorry for the delay… Enjoy!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Chapter Twenty-Two
Kagome gazed forlornly at the brown dirt that surrounded her feet. Pebbles speckled the ground almost cheerfully, catching the early morning rays of the sun and reflecting them in splashes of color. Dappled patches of sunlight danced through the leaves of the God Tree, playing against the dew hanging heavily on the grass. The sharp green blades were not close to the mounds of dirt that Kagome's blue gaze rested on, though. The pebbles here did not sparkle quite so brightly, nor did the sun shine with such relaxed ease. Everything about this area was darkened with what the young female felt inside of her. The world was shadowed through her eyes now, the heavy nets of inescapable sorrow pulling her down, drowning her with wave after wave of hurt.
Kagome brushed her fingers against the two headstones. Neither was elaborate. Simple and plain; that's how her mother and Grandpa had lived their lives. It was so hard to imagine that they were gone – and yet, there were the two rocks, reading their names in dull kanji script. "Loving mother and dedicated daughter" was chiseled in her mother's and "Gentle father; strong shrine keeper" in her Grandpa's stone. Kagome could almost bring herself to smile at the inscription on her Grandpa's tomb. He knew well enough that Kagome's mother had taken care of the shrine. Kagome had often assisted too, until Inuyasha. Suddenly everything in her life had been flipped upside down.
Leaning back on her heels, head propped up in her hands, the schoolgirl heaved a long and heavy side, laden with the call for happiness and comfort. There was none of that to be found in this world. And no way to return to the safety and cheer in Inuyasha's realm. None of this made sense to her. She dropped one of her hands to rest flat against the grave of her mother.
"Mother..." she whispered, "I'm so sorry... That I wasn't... I wasn't here for... you and for... for everyone... I've let you down... and..." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I was trying so hard! I just wanted you to be proud of me and I just forgot about everything that I was supposed to do for you! It was only me that I cared about... and now there's nothing left here..." The girl paused, her tears spilling down her cheeks and stared at the shimmering air before her. "You were my mother... my mom... and just because you might... you might not be here with me in flesh, I know you're here in spirit. I've learned a lot about wandering spirits with In.... him... over there... so... I don't want you to be one of them, Mom... and Grandpa... neither of you two can turn into empty... emp... There's no reason!" The miko felt anger well up inside her, realizing that her family's souls would be seeking closure because she had not been there for them. She had been in the Sengoku Jidai, thinking of nothing but herself and trying to get closer to Inuyasha.
What a stupid girl that I am! I never thought twice about the possibility of this happening. Never even dreamed of it! Does that make it any less possible? I've seen just about every impossible thing happen! Why didn't I use my brain? So stupid... So... stupid...
Somewhere, deep inside of herself, she heard her own mother calling out to her. Unsure whether or not it was a spirit or just the utter exhaustion, Kagome closed her eyes tightly, trying to respond to the voice with her own miko powers, to coax it out of wherever it lay hidden.
Kagome, my dear, don't be worried about us… Kagome gasped and her eyes flew open. It was her mother's voice! There, before her, were the two souls of the family she had been longing for so deeply. Dimly she could make out her mother's outline against the sky. Her Grandpa's shape was easier to discern, perhaps because of his size or his power as the shrine's previous guardian.
"Ma.. Mom...? Grand... pa...?" Kagome's words were jammed in her throat – she was going to get her chance to say goodbye, to repent! Tears flooded to the surface and brimmed in her eyes. Her grandfather chuckled and Mrs. Higurashi smiled gently. Gathering all her courage and strength, Kagome tilted her head so she could see the two spirits better and poised her question.
"Why are you still on the... living... side...?"
Her mother did not lose that kind expression, only shook her head. Her Grandpa snorted and waved his cloudy hand in her direction, sending icy chills down her spine. "'Cause we have something very important to tell you and not much time to tell it in, young lady! For once, I'd advise you to listen very closely to this old man... old dead man, at that. We're all the wiser over here, you know!" he snapped.
Mrs. Higurashi nodded with him and then jumped into the story before the elderly man could snatch up his chance. Above, the trees rustled in a faint breeze, but nothing else stirred. No birds, no animals, and no sounds from the rest of the human population. It was as if Kagome was all alone in the world, caught up in a secret dream that no one could wrest her from... if she was even willing to leave.
"Kagome, my daughter," her mother began. "We have a small amount of time to tell you things of great importance and I need you to listen closely. These things are the only holds left on your Grandpa and I. We would very much like to stay with you, but we cannot, and I believe you realize it, no matter how set against it you are. I want you to listen to these last words we have for you well." Kagome nodded and drew herself into a more comfortable position, making sure she never lost eye contact with her dead family's souls. She was still unsure as to whether or not they would vanish the moment she looked away and she did not think she would manage to survive losing them twice in such a short time.
Mrs. Higurashi continued, "The best way to begin this type of story would probably be with your demon friend. You may have noticed that we were not very disturbed or upset when you brought that boy home with you. We knew he would be coming. We knew because my father's sister, your great-grandmother told us that it would be so. Of course, we were both a bit surprised that she was right, but trusted in her, though we knew everything that would come with the responsibility we were picking up."
"Then... you... knew...that...that... you were going to... to..." Kagome stopped, her eyes wide and staring at these two souls drifting in the wind before her.
"Yes, Kagome, we knew. But that didn't change anything," her mother replied in that soothing tone of voice she possessed. "Hush now, my daughter, we have very little time left. We will tell you a story that has been passed through our family through ages untold. Almost four hundred years, now, I believe."
Her grandfather leapt into his tale-telling mode now, keeping it amazingly level for what Kagome expected from him. "There was a time, long, long ago, when demons and humans roamed the planet together. And there were two particular beings that set out to alter the course of time together, though they did not realize what their destinies held for them at the time. Two young and innocent children, thrown together in the most incredible circumstances, spent much of their time fighting for their very lives. Adventures that many would not dream up in a lifetime happened quickly, pushing them to their limits. And slowly the boy and the girl found that they were falling in love with each other. The boy held too much pride to speak about it openly; his past hurts crowding his mind. And the girl guarded her emotions from the boy with a fierce passion, afraid they were too different and terrified he would never accept her for what she was. A human."
Kagome gasped out loud, gaining a disapproving glance from the Grandpa Ghost. This story... It's about Inu... Inuyasha and I! We're that girl and boy and... She swallowed hard, staring up at her Grandpa. If this is a story that was passed down through our family... Four hundred years ago! That's when the Sengoku Jidai was! What connection could my Grandpa and mother have with this all, though...? How could they have been any part of my destiny? I didn't want this to happen! Kagome's mind whirled with questions, but she dared not to voice any of them, terrified her family would vanish before her very eyes.
Her Grandpa continued, his voice slightly slower and his outline a bit dimmer, "Well, let me tell you that this boy and girl where finally facing their final battle. There was blood and screaming and crying and all the things that happen in the last encounter with evil. This battle was fought with humans and demons alike, brought together against a common enemy by a little girl and her half-breed love. Our distant –very distant – human relatives fought that war aside the girl and boy... Are you listening, Kagome?"
Kagome had been searching her mind, picturing all those that had stood with them against Naraku. Shippo, Kouga, the wolf pack, a few of the villagers from that surrounding town, Inuyasha, I think Sesshomaru was there for a time, Kirara, Miroku... and... Sango and Kaede... it's them! It couldn't be anyone else! I'm related to Sango... and Kaede?! And they're related to each other?! All this time... Is this my destiny, then...? Is that where I truly belonged...? To change time and... Her grandfather's patient insistence snapped her out of the reverie she had drifted away in and she centered her attention back on the ever-waning light of his soul.
"That's better. Now, you listen, or we'll just up and leave, and see how you handle yourself then. Without us, you can't find out how to help yourself! After all, you're just a poor helpless little thing now, with your brother to take care of and those blasted social services people slamming on your door all the time. Bet their poking around your school or somethin' even now, as we speak. Why, that reminds me of the time I had to exorcise the demon from beneath a school's water heater. Now, let me tell you that it was a vicious little creature and..."
Mrs. Higurashi cleared her throat loudly, an odd thing to hear of a ghost. Kagome blinked in surprise, but settled down as her grandfather began his previous tale again.
"Anyway, this boy and girl suddenly found themselves without much to do. Sooner or later, they would have to face those feelings that kept drifting between them. But, they still had the smallest part of their quest left. The girl granted the wishes of those few that had protected her so well, expecting she could create a happy ending where everyone else failed. Of course, in these kind of stories, you know well enough that a happy ending would never happen until the very end." Boy, did she know. "Finally, the quest was done, the wishing all cleared up. The boy told the girl and the girl told the boy all about those feelings when they managed to get away from all those silly little blocks. They were going to get married, I suppose, when the girl was whisked away, taken from the boy in a mere eye blink. No one knew if she was ever to return, but the boy, in his foolish love for her, risked his own life to rediscover hers."
Kagome's interest increased as they reached the part of the story she was yearning to hear. The part where her mother laughed and shook her awake and her Grandpa mumbled how she never listened to his stories anyway; not even the interesting ones. Where Sota came bounding into the room and told Kagome Inuyasha was waiting outside, and, boy, was he mad! But her grandfather just stopped his tale and sighed. Kagome nearly cried out, instead turning towards her mother as she picked up, wishing; hoping so strongly for everything to turn out right.
"My sweet little girl... There is more to the story, and I can see you are waiting for it. We are running out of time here and must be on our way to the afterlife or risk wandering this living world forever. My dear, dear daughter, we knew that we had to go in our car to shop that day. We knew to leave Sota behind and we knew... oh, the things we knew from that story. When we died, we realized everything was so true and you would be here soon to protect Sota. Now, through our deaths, we know the end of your story. But we cannot tell it to you. Kagome, you are not done with your obstacles... Far from it, in fact... Yet you are so close to your end. Live for your brother, my dear, and live for our memories. Yes, we were related to those humans you were so close to in the other world... Imagine them as having a little part of us inside and find comfort in their souls. We will always watch over you in the other realm and wait for you to join us."
The two souls had turned a wispy, milky color and Kagome could only tell they were still there from the strange shimmering of the air before her. She stood up quickly, reaching her hands to caress the glittering patch of sky.
"I'm so sorry for being so selfish all this time! I just wanted to make you all proud. I won't disappoint you Mom... Grandpa. I'll take care of Sota and Buyo and never let any harm come onto them!" Tears slipped down her cheeks slowly as she stared at the ever-clearing sky before her. "I wish you could be here... It's so hard without you, without Inuyasha... I'm sorry... Sorry..." She fell to her knees, sobbing.
A light brush of air over her hair was like a touch of an angel – Kagome knew it was her mother's soul touching her. "Kagome..." her voice said, ever so softly. "Your Grandpa and I are more proud of you than I think you could even begin to understand. You were – and are – everything to us. I know your destiny is hard to bear, but always remember our love for you and our pride in everything that you have and will accomplish. We will always live in you, love."
Kagome looked up. The sun was bursting through the tree branches, lighting the two graves and the light, clingy mist around them in a supernatural way. Just above each of the mounds she could see her mother and grandfather smiling down on her. The picture burned into her heart. "Good...bye..." she choked. Both the souls smiled again at her, so softly and gently. And then they were gone.
A rough hand on her shoulder startled Kagome up from her position. Sota was looking down at her with worried eyes. "Kagome!" he said, his voice slightly shrill. "Are you okay? You've been out here for hours! When I came... you looked like you were asleep, but I couldn't wake you up and... and I was... a little scared... But only a little," the young boy said. Kagome stood and brushed the dirt from her knees.
"I'm sorry, Sota. I was just saying goodbye… Everything is going to be okay now," she said, smiling through her tear-stained face. Sota gave her an odd look.
"Kagome, are you okay? You
seem to be acting funny. You were all
sad before. Are you happy now?" he
asked, in all his childish innocence.
Kagome grinned her apprehensive brother and knelt until she was level with his face. "Sota, I saw the spirits of Mom and Grandpa." Sota's eyes lit up. This was obviously good news.
"Are they coming back?" the boy asked excitedly. Kagome swallowed hard, realizing she had guided Sota down the easiest path to jump to conclusions. Her mind whirled as she tried to think of the simplest way to disarm the situation without reopening the wounds their family's death had opened so widely. She hugged him tightly, feeling his body slump in submission and recognition. Whispering close to his ear, she tried to explain as plainly as she could.
"I guess I called for their spirits, and they were both there… In fact, they told me a story about Inuyasha and I. Sota, they knew that the car would crash. To be honest, both believed it was their destiny. So, really, this entire mess is my fault," suddenly Kagome realized that she was taking all the guilt onto herself. There was nothing else she could do. It was her fault that her grandfather and mother had followed their destiny straight into their own deaths. There must have been some reason – not just to discover the end of Kagome's "story", she was sure of that.
She pulled back and looked at Sota's face. He was upset again, that much she could read easily in his eyes. "Listen… I think that this could have been changed, but both Mom and Grandpa somehow… wanted this. They knew it was their time to go so… so destiny's wheels would keep turning, I suppose. I'm as angry and upset about this as you are, Sota, and probably handling it much worse than you. Both of us are going to have to be strong again… sometime. For now we can grieve, I think, but all things that Mom and Grandpa told me were both frightening and… well, they made sense, too. Did you know you're related to Sango? And Kaede?"
Sota scrunched his nose up. "I'm not related to that old lady… Even if she is nice, I guess. But the demon-hunting one is nice. I like Kirara and Shippo more, though."
Kagome smiled. "I can see a resemblance between Kaede and Grandpa, though Mom and Sango are easier to compare. Now I guess I can understand why the two of us "bonded" so fast. She liked you, too, Sota."
He grinned a little, as if he were still unsure if his smile was going to work. Kagome extended her arm, standing again. Sota took the offered hand and the two of them strolled into the house. Sota eagerly began to speak of dinner.
Kagome nodded along with her brother, smiling as he spoke. Things are going to work out somehow… I know it.
Somehow.
The Shikon Jewel pulsed lightly around her neck.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
And, finally, you have another chapter! Please accept my apologies, this chapter really came out late. I do hope that you enjoyed it enough that you'd feel like reviewing… Because I love reviews! Anyway, keep an eye out for that next update! I'm sure it'll be here… um… sometime. Eep.
Well, review, and thanks for reading!