Free?
Freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom. He lay on his back in the sand, the cool waves of the ocean colliding with his feet, creating a fine mist. Each tiny droplet was turned into a tiny rainbow by the fire-hued sky as the sun slowly dipped into the horizon. He was finally free. Free from the hunt, free form the mind games, free from the horrified voices that haunted him and kept him from what should have been a peaceful slumber.
Or was he? Would he still be haunted by those screams and pleads for mercy, or would the voices be calm now that their horrible fate was now avenged? His body ached from the final battle. He needed rest. He wanted rest. He wanted the peaceful sleep the monster had stolen from him so many nights before. He wanted to sleep, but that lingering question in the back of his mind kept him awake. Part of him wanted to sleep, but the other part yearned to stay awake, fearful that those horrid voices would still be there, haunting his dreams and turning them into nightmares, flashbacks from his horrible past.
It was then that he discovered the one thing he needed more than sleep: comfort. He needed someone there to comfort him, someone to hold him, someone to chase away his fearful whimpers, should those horrid voices still cry out to him during the night. You need her, a tiny voice whispered. His mind was silent then.
The voice was right. He needed her, and no one, not even himself, could contradict that. Not now. He had pushed her away before, even though he wanted to hold her close and never let her go. He had to. He had to. He had to push her away, just as he had pushed away the others. It was to protect her. If he had gotten close, if he had allowed himself to love her, he would have lost her. The monster would have torn apart as he watched, just like before. He could not allow that horrible monster to take another life, and he did everything in his power to keep that vow. It was a hard and lonely life, but sometimes, your responsibility to others surpasses your own need for happiness. It was life, and life was never fair. So he kept away from the others, isolating himself to keep them alive.
They had never understood that, they just thought he was someone who could make it alone, someone who never learned to get along with others, or never bothered to. But they were wrong. He wanted to be friends, just as much as they did. He wanted to learn, to laugh, and to love. But he couldn't. He couldn't show weakness. The monster would come if he showed any weakness, and the monster showed no weakness, or mercy. Ever.
But she understood. Or so she claimed. But did she really understand, or was it some futile attempt to gain his friendship? He didn't care either way. He needed her, and nothing else mattered. Even if she didn't feel the same way he did, she would still give him friendship. She would help him to learn and to laugh, and how to get along with the others. Either way, he needed her. He got up. He needed to see her, to hear her voice and gaze into her eyes. He needed her now. He began to walk towards her base. He was confident she would be there. She was always there.
Then he paused, and his gaze focused on his communication unit. He thought, just for a second, of turning it on. Maybe listening to and taking orders would help them accept him, let him become one of the guys. He grasped it in his hand, and then threw it into the ocean's waves, watching it disappear beneath the surface. No matter how many orders he took, no matter how many monsters he killed, his boss would still be an idiot. And no one, not even himself, could contradict that.
Freedom. Sweet, sweet freedom. He lay on his back in the sand, the cool waves of the ocean colliding with his feet, creating a fine mist. Each tiny droplet was turned into a tiny rainbow by the fire-hued sky as the sun slowly dipped into the horizon. He was finally free. Free from the hunt, free form the mind games, free from the horrified voices that haunted him and kept him from what should have been a peaceful slumber.
Or was he? Would he still be haunted by those screams and pleads for mercy, or would the voices be calm now that their horrible fate was now avenged? His body ached from the final battle. He needed rest. He wanted rest. He wanted the peaceful sleep the monster had stolen from him so many nights before. He wanted to sleep, but that lingering question in the back of his mind kept him awake. Part of him wanted to sleep, but the other part yearned to stay awake, fearful that those horrid voices would still be there, haunting his dreams and turning them into nightmares, flashbacks from his horrible past.
It was then that he discovered the one thing he needed more than sleep: comfort. He needed someone there to comfort him, someone to hold him, someone to chase away his fearful whimpers, should those horrid voices still cry out to him during the night. You need her, a tiny voice whispered. His mind was silent then.
The voice was right. He needed her, and no one, not even himself, could contradict that. Not now. He had pushed her away before, even though he wanted to hold her close and never let her go. He had to. He had to. He had to push her away, just as he had pushed away the others. It was to protect her. If he had gotten close, if he had allowed himself to love her, he would have lost her. The monster would have torn apart as he watched, just like before. He could not allow that horrible monster to take another life, and he did everything in his power to keep that vow. It was a hard and lonely life, but sometimes, your responsibility to others surpasses your own need for happiness. It was life, and life was never fair. So he kept away from the others, isolating himself to keep them alive.
They had never understood that, they just thought he was someone who could make it alone, someone who never learned to get along with others, or never bothered to. But they were wrong. He wanted to be friends, just as much as they did. He wanted to learn, to laugh, and to love. But he couldn't. He couldn't show weakness. The monster would come if he showed any weakness, and the monster showed no weakness, or mercy. Ever.
But she understood. Or so she claimed. But did she really understand, or was it some futile attempt to gain his friendship? He didn't care either way. He needed her, and nothing else mattered. Even if she didn't feel the same way he did, she would still give him friendship. She would help him to learn and to laugh, and how to get along with the others. Either way, he needed her. He got up. He needed to see her, to hear her voice and gaze into her eyes. He needed her now. He began to walk towards her base. He was confident she would be there. She was always there.
Then he paused, and his gaze focused on his communication unit. He thought, just for a second, of turning it on. Maybe listening to and taking orders would help them accept him, let him become one of the guys. He grasped it in his hand, and then threw it into the ocean's waves, watching it disappear beneath the surface. No matter how many orders he took, no matter how many monsters he killed, his boss would still be an idiot. And no one, not even himself, could contradict that.