Summary: OotP Spoiler-One potions class Hermione got bored and took out a Sharpey marker. Before you know it Hermione and her red-headed friend are high…in Snape's class…at 10 at night. What. A. Day…ONE SHOT! R/Hr
Dedication: To Frozen In Time for making me write this and helping provide the motivation for it and for being my Sharpie Budders! You rock! She persuaded me to post it though I don't think I can write good comedy. You be the judge of that!
Love At First Sharpie
"The uses of the powdered dandelion seed can be used to," Snape's voice seemed to drone on endlessly in its hypnotic wave.
It was the golden trio's 7th year and they had all changed a bit. Ron was a bit more focused but still his old procrastinating self always pleading with Hermione to help him and Harry on another paper or study for some test. Harry had grown a tad bit remorseful and filled with sorrow and grief after his godfather's death in his 5th year. He had gotten better over the long months of his 6th year and finally had cheered up in his 7th with the help of Hermione and Ron.
"Harry," Ron whispered as he nudged Harry in the shoulder getting a glare from Snape. "Harry."
"What?" Harry whispered back.
"Look at 'Mione, I think she's gone loony," Ron said as he pointed at Hermione. Hermione was seated at on the edge of the chair and she was edging closer to her pencil pouch. Her hand groped inside the pouch and pulled out a black Sharpey.
"What's she doing?" whispered Harry.
"What is that?" asked Ron. This whole time Snape's eyes had been watching them for any suspicious movements that could deduct points.
"It's a Sharpey. In some cases, if inhaled, it could cause someone to go crazy and act really hyper," Harry explained.
"Do you think she's actually going to smell a marker?" asked Ron. Harry shrugged and they continued to watch Hermione, they're ears only half listening to the instructions for the potion they were to brew in a few moments.
Slowly, but surely, Hermione slipped the cap off, and raised the marker to her nose, deeply inhaling the scent. She smiled, content, and lowered the marker. Then again. She raised the marker to her nose, inhaled the scent, and smiled.
"Well, that pretty much sums it up. 'Mione's gone mad," Ron said as he looked back at Snape and tried to understand what was going on in the class.
"I think all these late night advanced classes have gotten to her. Poor thing, it's practically ten at night!" Harry whispered, glancing at the clock.
"She needs some sleep," Ron said as they both looked over at her.
Hermione was giggling now. She kept sniffing the marker and giggling. Harry and Ron were staring at her, stupefied. What was so funny about that?
"HAAAHAAAHAAA!"
Everyone stopped. All eyes were on Hermione. The sudden outburst was unexpected, especially from the top-of-the-class student.
"Looks like Granger's finally lost it. I never doubted her lunacy," Draco teased. Crabbe, Goyle, and a bunch of Slytherin chuckled.
"'Mione, everyone's staring at you," Ron whispered into her ear.
"St-st-staring? At little ole me?
HAAAHAAA! Oh my god, Ron! Guess what? Oh my god! HAAHAA! I just saw-you're mum!
And she was a big old-cow! And she was all YELLOW! A yellow cow! HAAAHHAA!"
laughed Hermione rocking back and forth in her chair.
"She's gone insane," said Ron.
"Oh yeah," agreed Harry.
"Ms. Granger, I shall not tolerate this sudden outburst in my class. Now please contain yourself and twenty points from Gryffindor," Snape stated.
"Twenty points? Why only twenty? Why not all of the points! Just shake 'em all outta Gryffindor! Just shake 'em!" Hermione cried as she started to laugh again. Ron and Harry stared at each other. What was so funny?
"'Mione? What's the matter?" asked Ron.
"The matter? The matter! That's like-MATTRESS! HAAAHAA! Oh my god, Ron, you're hair's RED! RED HAIR! HAAHHAA! Who's ever heard of red hair?" cried Hermione.
Ron attacked the Sharpey marker and inhaled the scent.
"What's so funny? I don't get it," Ron said. All of a sudden he started chuckling.
"Harry! You're eyes are green! LIKE GRASS! YOU'RE GRASS, HARRY! And the only way someone can get grass in their body is if they eat grass! And only cows eat grass! HARRY, YOU'RE A COW!" cried Ron as Hermione and he clutched each other and doubled over onto the floor in laughter.
"Harry's a-a-a COW!" echoed Hermione.
"Cow! Cow! Cow!" cried Ron.
"What's the matter with Granger and Weasel? They seem mad. But aren't they always? I wonder if we should send them to St. Mungo's," Draco said.
"Ms. Granger, Mr. Weasley, get back in your seats and be quiet!" Snape bellowed.
"'Ron! Look! It's the Cookie Monster!" Hermione giggled as she pointed to Snape. Snape's expression was one of a confused teacher amidst many kids with low IQs.
"PURTY! PURTY! PURTY! PUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…PLE!" Ron chuckled.
"Butterfly butterfly fly fly away! Come back some other DAY! YAY!" Hermione sung.
Ron then got up on the table and began to sing to Hermione:
"School's just begun!
And the skies are blue!
The roses are red!
And I love yyooouuuuu!"
"I love you, too Ronnie! You're my little puppy!" Hermione cried as she tackled Ron to the floor and embraced him.
"I will not allow this kind of behavior in my class! Both of you, OUT!" Snape bellowed.
"Geez, what's got your knickers in a knot?" asked Ron.
"OUT!" Snape bellowed again.
"Fine, fine!" Hermione cried as she grabbed Ron's hand. "No, wait! We don't have to listen to you! We can do what we want!"
Hermione grabbed Ron's other hand and began to spin around singing Ring around the Rosies.
Harry grabbed the Sharpie and inhaled deeply.
"That smells so good!" Harry exclaimed as he jumped onto Draco's table and pulled Draco up with him. "Sing with me: The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout!"
"What's the matter with you, Po-" began Draco but Harry shoved the Sharpie in front of him and Draco breathed in.
"GO ITSY BITSY SPIDER!" he cried as Harry and Draco began to do the movements with their hands and sing the song.
"Potter! Mr. Malfoy! Off the desks!" yelled Snape.
"THERE'S NO MR. MALFOY HERE! MY NAME IS SHINY!" cried Draco.
"AND MY NAME IS…UMM….CHANDELIER!" cried Harry.
Hermione and Ron began to sing a different song now and Harry and Draco joined in. They all held each other's hands and swayed from side to side singing: This Land Is My Land, This Land Is Your Land…
Snape no longer knew what to do. He decided to see what was so special about the Sharpie. He grabbed it and sniffed it cautiously.
"Nothing's happening. I don't understand how this has caused all of you to become such loud animals," Snape said.
All of a sudden, Snape got wild.
"EVERYONE COME ON AND DANCE WITH ME! PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN, PUT YOUR LEFT HAND OUT, PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN AND SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT! DO THE HOKEY POKEY AND TURN YOURSELF AROUND! THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!" Snape cried,
Soon Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Snape were all doing the hokey pokey in Potions Class at 10 at night.
After a few minutes the Sharpie marker had been passed around and everyone was dancing the hokey pokey. Then the whole class joined hands and began to walk around Hogwarts singing This Land is My Land.
Hermione and Ron detached themselves from the line and walked off into the nearest broom closet.
"That was so much fun! Snape's actually having fun! We are so good!" Hermione squealed.
"I know! We're great actors and actresses," Ron said. "That was a brilliant idea of yours. That Sharpie marker really made the class more interesting."
"When you sung that song, the last line, was that acting too?" asked Hermione. Ron blushed.
"Nope, that was real, Mione, I love you," Ron finally said.
"HOORAY!" Hermione cried as she embraced him and said I love you back.
"Now let's go party! They're lighting fireworks and drinking Bud Light! We can't miss a drunken Snape!" Ron cried as they both raced outside to join the fun.
Snape had a Bud Light in his hand and ten empty cans lying near his feet. He was dancing on the table to Oops I Did It Again.
Hermione jumped on another table with Ron and they began to dance, too. Hermione smiled as she patted the Sharpie in her pocket.
Ah, the magic of the Sharpie…
~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A/N-I wrote this when I myself was real hyper off of a Sharpie marker (a blue one) so if it's real weird blame the Sharpie!
Thanks Frozen In Time for being a Sharpie budders!
AND THANKS IN ADVANCE TO ALL MY READERS AND REVIEWERS! CONGRATULATE YOURSELF BY HAVING A SHARPIE MARKER PARTY AT SCHOOL! WOOT WOOT!