Chapter 10
And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
~Nickelback~
5 Days Later...
Two weeks ago, things were perfect. For the time being, spike stayed at our house (though Giles feared for our safety. He often had my mom stay over at his house, keeping her "busy" with things I so don't wanna know). Two days after I was released from the hospital, we became intimate again, and again, then intimate some more... Oh come on let's face it; he's totally hot and the pregnancy's made me all horny- but only for him. Up until five days ago, my life resembled close to a utopia. Well, for a slayer anyway.
Spike began helping the gang out on patrols and stuff. Then we started going over baby names. William Rupert Wordsworth if it's a boy ( yeah, Wordsworth I know. Sounds really uptight), or Joan Constance Summers if it's a girl ( Constance was his mother's name). But soon after, things went straight to hell all because I had to question him. It started out innocently enough but...
"So, how exactly do you curb your urges to go hunting?"
"Well, there's many answers to that pet. Helping your Scoobies out with slaying gets rid of all of the pent up energy to kill, especially with the more challenging demons. And I told you, I only go for the challenge. Killing weak, insipid humans day after day is in no way a challenge. 'Sides, I can get human blood when I nick blood bags from the hospital."
"Well yea. But don't you just miss-"
"Hey, look at me." he said with his eyes full of... I couldn't tell. "'S not the only reason. Because of you I couldn't- I've known for a long time now that if I were to go back with the killing of innocents and what all, it would hurt you. Honestly I don't give a sod about bloody humans. Well, 'cept you obviously, and Joyce, the lil' bit and maybe Red... Anyways, I wouldn't hurt you 'cause I love you."
"What?" something I've been waiting to hear, but I still couldn't fully comprehend it. Seep down, I knew he cared, and that I could trust him with my life and the people around me. But I was too damned stuck on the "no soul" thing. I was a fool. I should have known better. I do now, but now may be too late.
"What what? 'Bout me loving you?"
"Spike, it's not possible."
"What? well 'scuse me. Am I not supposed to have real feelings just because I don't have a soul? Is that it then! Just because bloody Angelus was a crazy, psychotic bastard, I have to be one too then?"
"That's not what I meant."
"You know, I feel bloody sorry for you. Jesus, you'd think that after all this time and from first hand experience that you can always trust what I say. I was never the one to shy from the truth. And there's many shades of gray. I'm one of them. Always have been, always will be."
"I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Can we please just forget about it?"
"No. Don't feel much like cuddling anyway. Why should I? I don't have feelings after all."
"Spike wait. Spike!"
But he left anyway. I figured it was just to blow off some steam, and when he came back, I would apologize properly to him. Tell him I was wrong because I was. Spike has been atypical since we first met. And if he says he honestly loves me, then I believe him. When he first said it, he caught me off guard. Or maybe subconsciously I was picking a fight on purpose. On purpose because I know that I love him too (though I've said nothing to him or anyone), but I'm just afraid that somehow my love for him will be turned against me. But it doesn't matter. He didn't come back that night, and hasn't been back since.
Though I haven't seen Riley in awhile, I figured maybe the Initiative could help look for him. But then I came to my senses and decided to think of a better, less life threatening of Spike plan.
I asked Willow and Tara to do a locator spell , and it kept landing in this one spot close to the campus. But he obviously wasn't there.
"Well, maybe someone managed to get the ring off of him and dusted him there." Anya said. She thought she was helping! I couldn't stop crying for over an hour at that horrific thought. But then I surpassed the hormones and pulled myself together. Spike would never be so careless. He was still alive. I could feel it. But then why would...
"Willow, can you see on your computer just how far the Initiative spreads out?" Willow nodded her head in agreement.
"What are you thinking Buffy?" Giles asked.
"The locator spell. Maybe Spike is in that spot. But not above ground..."
Anyone who had a heart, Would look at me And know that I love you. Anyone whoever dreamed, Would look at me And know I dream of you... Knowing I love you so- Anyone who had a heart Would take me In her arms and love me too... ~Luther Vandross~
5 days earlier...
"That bloody bint! How could she even think that- of course I feel. Of course I meant it. Soddin' Angelus just had to ruin everything, doesn't he?! I wasn't the one with the sick mind games. Just cause he's a bastard doesn't mean that I'm one too.
Bollocks. It's not like I meant to fall for you! Why don't you jus' rip out my heart, Slay- Aaah!"
"Hostile is now incapacitated. We are now in position to move."
"Alright, let's bag and tag and move out."
Well, what can I say? I was piss drunk. Didn't hear those soldier boys creepin' up behind me; didn't know what the hell happened when they zapped me in the back. Wankers. Can't a bloke just mope about drunkenly bout his woman? If you're a vamp, guess not. Now I'm stuck in this bleeding cell. They sedated me, but I was still vaguely aware of what was happenin' to me. They kept trying to cut into me. But every time they tried, the cut would seal back up before you could say "bloody hell." They thought I was some sort of a "demon messiah." But then I got to thinkin', what if they strip me of everything? Then the open/close wound thing wouldn't work on me anymore and I'd be another lab rat. So as soon as they put me back, I swallowed the ring. It's not like they'd be able to cut me open long enough to get it out, even if they knew it existed. But it didn't matter, cause next time the fuckers opened the door, I was gonna escape. Wouldn't want to keep the little lady waiting.
I know, I know. But Buffy wouldn't be Buffy if she didn't have some sort of superficial prejudice against him. Oh and Riley and Faith have no knowledge of the gem.
And this is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
This is how, you remind me
Of what I really am
~Nickelback~
5 Days Later...
Two weeks ago, things were perfect. For the time being, spike stayed at our house (though Giles feared for our safety. He often had my mom stay over at his house, keeping her "busy" with things I so don't wanna know). Two days after I was released from the hospital, we became intimate again, and again, then intimate some more... Oh come on let's face it; he's totally hot and the pregnancy's made me all horny- but only for him. Up until five days ago, my life resembled close to a utopia. Well, for a slayer anyway.
Spike began helping the gang out on patrols and stuff. Then we started going over baby names. William Rupert Wordsworth if it's a boy ( yeah, Wordsworth I know. Sounds really uptight), or Joan Constance Summers if it's a girl ( Constance was his mother's name). But soon after, things went straight to hell all because I had to question him. It started out innocently enough but...
"So, how exactly do you curb your urges to go hunting?"
"Well, there's many answers to that pet. Helping your Scoobies out with slaying gets rid of all of the pent up energy to kill, especially with the more challenging demons. And I told you, I only go for the challenge. Killing weak, insipid humans day after day is in no way a challenge. 'Sides, I can get human blood when I nick blood bags from the hospital."
"Well yea. But don't you just miss-"
"Hey, look at me." he said with his eyes full of... I couldn't tell. "'S not the only reason. Because of you I couldn't- I've known for a long time now that if I were to go back with the killing of innocents and what all, it would hurt you. Honestly I don't give a sod about bloody humans. Well, 'cept you obviously, and Joyce, the lil' bit and maybe Red... Anyways, I wouldn't hurt you 'cause I love you."
"What?" something I've been waiting to hear, but I still couldn't fully comprehend it. Seep down, I knew he cared, and that I could trust him with my life and the people around me. But I was too damned stuck on the "no soul" thing. I was a fool. I should have known better. I do now, but now may be too late.
"What what? 'Bout me loving you?"
"Spike, it's not possible."
"What? well 'scuse me. Am I not supposed to have real feelings just because I don't have a soul? Is that it then! Just because bloody Angelus was a crazy, psychotic bastard, I have to be one too then?"
"That's not what I meant."
"You know, I feel bloody sorry for you. Jesus, you'd think that after all this time and from first hand experience that you can always trust what I say. I was never the one to shy from the truth. And there's many shades of gray. I'm one of them. Always have been, always will be."
"I didn't mean for it to come out like that. Can we please just forget about it?"
"No. Don't feel much like cuddling anyway. Why should I? I don't have feelings after all."
"Spike wait. Spike!"
But he left anyway. I figured it was just to blow off some steam, and when he came back, I would apologize properly to him. Tell him I was wrong because I was. Spike has been atypical since we first met. And if he says he honestly loves me, then I believe him. When he first said it, he caught me off guard. Or maybe subconsciously I was picking a fight on purpose. On purpose because I know that I love him too (though I've said nothing to him or anyone), but I'm just afraid that somehow my love for him will be turned against me. But it doesn't matter. He didn't come back that night, and hasn't been back since.
Though I haven't seen Riley in awhile, I figured maybe the Initiative could help look for him. But then I came to my senses and decided to think of a better, less life threatening of Spike plan.
I asked Willow and Tara to do a locator spell , and it kept landing in this one spot close to the campus. But he obviously wasn't there.
"Well, maybe someone managed to get the ring off of him and dusted him there." Anya said. She thought she was helping! I couldn't stop crying for over an hour at that horrific thought. But then I surpassed the hormones and pulled myself together. Spike would never be so careless. He was still alive. I could feel it. But then why would...
"Willow, can you see on your computer just how far the Initiative spreads out?" Willow nodded her head in agreement.
"What are you thinking Buffy?" Giles asked.
"The locator spell. Maybe Spike is in that spot. But not above ground..."
Anyone who had a heart, Would look at me And know that I love you. Anyone whoever dreamed, Would look at me And know I dream of you... Knowing I love you so- Anyone who had a heart Would take me In her arms and love me too... ~Luther Vandross~
5 days earlier...
"That bloody bint! How could she even think that- of course I feel. Of course I meant it. Soddin' Angelus just had to ruin everything, doesn't he?! I wasn't the one with the sick mind games. Just cause he's a bastard doesn't mean that I'm one too.
Bollocks. It's not like I meant to fall for you! Why don't you jus' rip out my heart, Slay- Aaah!"
"Hostile is now incapacitated. We are now in position to move."
"Alright, let's bag and tag and move out."
Well, what can I say? I was piss drunk. Didn't hear those soldier boys creepin' up behind me; didn't know what the hell happened when they zapped me in the back. Wankers. Can't a bloke just mope about drunkenly bout his woman? If you're a vamp, guess not. Now I'm stuck in this bleeding cell. They sedated me, but I was still vaguely aware of what was happenin' to me. They kept trying to cut into me. But every time they tried, the cut would seal back up before you could say "bloody hell." They thought I was some sort of a "demon messiah." But then I got to thinkin', what if they strip me of everything? Then the open/close wound thing wouldn't work on me anymore and I'd be another lab rat. So as soon as they put me back, I swallowed the ring. It's not like they'd be able to cut me open long enough to get it out, even if they knew it existed. But it didn't matter, cause next time the fuckers opened the door, I was gonna escape. Wouldn't want to keep the little lady waiting.
I know, I know. But Buffy wouldn't be Buffy if she didn't have some sort of superficial prejudice against him. Oh and Riley and Faith have no knowledge of the gem.