A letter from nowhere
A dark forest at night is all black. I cannot see my legs on the ground. Leaves are falling from the trees, I hear them rustling softly under my feet. A light figure runs among the trees. It's… a stag. Or rather a silver ghost of a stag. It runs… escapes maybe… and it's gone. I go further. I've never been to that place, I doubt it even exists. The moon finally reveals itself from the clouds and it'a bit brighter now. Just a bit. But it doesn't change anything really. The trees' branches remind me curved arms of a hag. It's this atmosphere here, I can almost feel the fogg of magic, or something.
Where did that stag go? It was beautiful…
It's strange, that despite this scary scenery, I don't feel any fear. Just the butterflies in my stomach, as if I were excited.
And then, I see another figure. Or should I say – figures. A procession of faceless phantoms in large, ghostly-like black cloaks with hoods on their heads. They all are murmuring something unintelligable, some drills, prayers maybe. They pass me and form some kind of circle – it has empty spaces, larger and smaller. As for a missing person, or people.
Very slowly, they raise their hands…
There's no such thing as the Christmas spirit in my house. To be honest, I doubt there ever was some.
I wake up today only to find some money next to my head on the pillow. As usual. Couldn't expect more from her.
I wake up only to notice that there are tears in my eyes.
I wake up and go the bathroom mirror only to find that I must have had a blood flood from my nose.
This morning is already bad.
And then, I hear my mom saying from the kitchen "It's snowing, girls, you know". I look through the window, is it, really? I hoped it would for so long… I was afraid there would be no snow for Christmas…
It is snowing.
I grin. At last.
Christmas melancholy is the thing I hate most about Christmas.
But I like shopping :P
And of course I just have to go to the nearest mall and buy presents for family and friends – I wouldn't be myself if I didn't do that. And of course, I am fully aware that I won't do that – I'm too lazy, I will forget about it and spend the money for some Cola or snacks probably.
I think I don't like Christmas very much. It's a contrast – but Christmas should be spent with family which I haven't got, in Christmas sprit which I don't feel and and not thinking about problems which I've got too much.
So it is.
When I was going home from school today, I've been to some shops. I saw some noce things. I like especially a serpent-shaped candle stick. It was simply beautiful and… I had to buy it.
Funny thing that I thought that He would like it. It's so like him, I mean, this candlestick. It fits him.
What the hell I am thinking about, I will probably never see him again! You must stop acting like a stupid teen, honestly! You're almost adult! (that's what my mom always says when she's mad at me 'cause I've done something wrong…)
There was one thing that annerved me bery much. Christmas decoration. I hate the thing that whole Christmas advertisement campaign begins just after All Saints' Day. I saw some colourful lights and "Merry Christmas" neon then. I hate all the commercialization of Christmas – TV advertisements, neons, stupid slogans. It's not what Christmas is about. But I don't want to think about it. Yes. It's making me angry and I don't want to be angry.
It's getting childish.
And now I've put a candle in it, I'm sitting on the floor and reading. It's veeery unhealthy and I will go blind before I'm thirty.
I will have new bed tomorrow. And soon it will be Christmas.
Positive things about Christmas:
1) No school
2) Food better than usual
3) Some presents
4) A bit of rest after all those tests in school
5) Opportunity of sleeping to noon – I always do that when I have free day. Never have enough of sleep during school year
Negative things about Christmas:
1) Sadness
2) Melancholy
3) Necessity of being in the same room with my sister – sooner or late we WILL fight
4) School meeting in a week – Aaah! My grades! They're horrible! My mom's gonna kill me!
5) Mock school test. I'm not sure about my physics abilities. I will fail it. I know that.
The result: a tie.
The conclusion: call off the Christmas. I don't want them like this.
The snow of course melted the day after it appeared. Then it was a one-day pleasure. It only hurts more. I'm still dreaming of a white Christmas.
I'm lying on my mattress and writing.
I'm writning a letter. I just need to get some things out of my head. In any way.
My dear Stranger,
may I call you like that? It is nothing personal, you do not have to feel insulted. It would just seem a bit odd for me to call you by name. Or even by last name.
So be my Stranger, please.
It is already dark on the outside. I am very satisfied now that I am in warm place but still I miss this snow. A Christmas without snow is not a real Christmas. And the memory of snow when we met is only getting more painful. Have you got some remedy for that?
I cannot look through the window all the time. I must do something with myself. This is the only way to stop thinking about this melancholy. If you are busy, you do not think about it. Maybe it is the only way…
How do you spend your Christmas? Are you lonely? Do you stay at your school? I think so, I do not think you have some other place to go… but perhaps I am too impertinent. Forgive me that.
Sometimes I wish I would have something exciting in my life. It does not have to be happy, viable, just *interesting*. Exciting. Because I just want my life to be interesting, not happy-ended. Life is brutal.
It seems that I have become very melancholic last days. Monotony of life is killing me and my family as I watch my mother become more and more bitter. It scares me how she changes. I wish I could help her, make her happy, make her not worry about anything. I hate to say that I am completely powerless.
Would it be so much for a Christmas wish to have some more strength? Just to live through the rest of the days. I know nothing will happen. It is always the same.
Wishing you a Christmas Merrier than mine
Natalie S.
Sometimes I wish I could cry when I want to. But I can't. My eyes are hopelessly dry and I feel like I have something in my throat. My sister is asleep and so I try to. But I can't do that either. So I just lie and watch how the shadows dance on the ceiling.
And I don't notice when I indeed fall into Morpheus' arms.
I don't remember what I'm dreaming about.
MY LETTER IS GONE!!!
WHERE THE HELL IS IT?!
I woke up this mourning and it's gone! I am perfectly sure I left it next to my pillow! It has to be somewhere here!
Bloody hell, it must have been my damn animal, Balthasarus the Cat.* Once he teared my test which I had to give back to the teacher. Of course, he didn't believ my cat destroyed it and I got a bomb.
I will get my revenge! But now I have to help mom cleaning, they're coming with my bed today, she already started yelling at me because I slept too long.
At last! No more sleeping on a mattress! No more spine aches!
"Yes mom, I'm coming!…"
Natalie Stuart.
Where did it came from? I am sure it wasn't there the last time… Such a nice paper…
The adressee is me. It's a letter for me. Me!
Oh, oh, I feel my heart beats too fast. I must catch a breath before it starts to hurt. I cannot take any sedative tranquillizers because they made me almost pass out in a bus when I was going to school.
Open it. Just. Open. It. You'll see what's inside.
Dear Miss Stuart,
at first I apologize for my impertinency of taking the letter as I could not abstain. Overtaking, as I presume, your next question – yes, I have been in your house at night. I apologize for that too. You will be informed why in the next few days but it is not for me to tell you that.
I do not mind if you call me like that. Although it does not matter at all whatever you would call me, of course within limits of reason.
I do spend Christmas in Hogwarts, as usual. And yes, actually I do not have any other place to spend it nor I would like to. As for the other question, I do not feel obliged to answer that as it is generally thought to be personal.
May I pass a suggestion that your wish might become true sooner than you imagine? Although I seriously doubt it would become a blood-freezing adventure of your life, it will change for a while. But about this, later.
The power you need is inside you, you just have to discover it.
And be sure I will write you soon, or we will meet, not alone. You must meet someone, who is interested in you.
Wishing you Merry Christmas too
Severus Snape,
The Potions Master
The most important is not to scream. Nor faint.
I seriously love him for this letter.
A song for today: Bing Crosby "White Christmas"
* Sorry to Catty Elliott – the form is brilliant! How's Salazar the Rat going?