Muggle Movies 2: The Chamber

Part Six: Tom Riddle's Hot Status

GINNY: (frown) That kid doesn't look like Justin Finch-Fletchley.

DRACO: No, you're right. Finch-Fletchley in real life looks much less like a fish than that person.

GINNY: (rolls eyes) Justin's a really nice bloke, you shouldn't say he looks like a fish.

DRACO: Didn't you hear me properly? I said JFF looks LESS like a fish than the bloke on screen. (haughty sniff)

HERMIONE: If you two will pay attention you'll notice that JFF, as you so dearly call him, has just yelled dramatically at Harry after Harry spoke Parseltongue to ward the snake off.

RON: (guffaws while pointing at screen) That face Harry just made was priceless!

HARRY: (snort) Yeah. (mimics his screen self) Yeah, I bet loads of people here can do it. (excessive nodding)

DRACO: (mimics) AHHHHHH! Potter's a parselmouth! AHHHHH! RUN FOR THE HILLS!

PANSY: (dimly) What hills? There are no hills here. And where the bloody hell is Wood, anyway?

DRACO: (angrily) He's probably out somewhere playing with his balls.

Pansy, Hermione and Ginny all stare daggers at him.

DRACO: Oh, stop it. I meant his QUIDDITCH balls. Like I'd talk about his----

DUMBLEDORE: That'll do, Mr. Malfoy. Thank you.

Everyone, surprisingly, watches the movie in silence for a bit, until Draco gets bored being good and turns to Harry to egg him on some more.

Library scene; everyone staring at Harry.

Harry: I'll see you back in the common room.

DRACO: I don't know why you complain so much about all the attention you get. You know you love it.

HARRY: Not the negative attention, thank you.

DRACO: You sound very wise, Potter. Have you become a monk?

HARRY: (scowling) No. You could, though, considering they have that vow of celibacy. You're already doing that, so you might as well be a monk whilst.

DRACO: I admire your try at insulting me, but that didn't even make much sense. (to Hermione) And I do wish your actress would stop enunciating so much. It's aggravating me.

HERMIONE: (blandly) I'll let her know.

DRACO: That's all I ask. Oh, dear God, is it that snake at it again? It's so repetitive. Eat, kill, etc.

HERMIONE: You're not supposed to know it's a snake yet.

DRACO: Why not? I knew all along.

GINNY: Oh shut it, you sound remarkably pompous.

RON: QUIET you lot! Nearly Headless Nick and Justin are petrified! (looks excitedly at the screen)

Filch: Caught in the act. I'll have you Potter.

Harry: No, Mr. Filch---you don't understand.

DRACO: Potter, your actor is horrible.

PANSY: Oh shut up, Draco, yours isn't much better. Wait, that's not true.

DRACO: It doesn't matter. I should try and be my own actor. I could do a hell of a lot better job.

RON: OOOOOH! DUMBLEDORE'S OFFICE!

DUMBLEDORE: I'm delighted you like my office so much, Mr. Weasley, but do try to keep your voice down.

Ron blushes and slides down into his seat.

DRACO: I don't like that hat. It's creepy.

HARRY: Yes, well. At least it didn't put YOU into Slytherin.

DRACO: Do you realize who you're talking to or has fame really gone to your head?

HARRY: (scowls) Whatever, Malfoy. Just watch the bloody movie.

GINNY: Stop being so brooding, Harry. It's very uncharacteristic. Not to mention annoying after a while.


DRACO: You used to love everything he did.

GINNY: Well, not anymore.

DRACO: Obviously you've seen sense.

GINNY: I don't know whether to thank you…or be offended.

HERMIONE: A little of both will do.

Ginny thanks Malfoy and then looks offensively back at the screen.

Harry: You don't think it was me, Professor?
Dumbledore: No, Harry. I do not think it was you. But I must ask you, is there something you wish to tell me?

Harry: No, sir.

DRACO: (loud, dramatic gasp) POTTER lying to a TEACHER!? Good heavens the world has ended!

RON: Oh, shut up. We always lie to teachers, it's no big deal.

DRACO: (Grins) You might not want to admit that while you're among your teachers.

McGonagall, Dumbledore and Snape, however, are all watching the movie and seemingly ignoring them.

RON: Those cupcakes look rather good. It's making me hungry.

DRACO: Look Weasley, Potter's just told you you're too much a dolt to perform a first year spell! HA HA!

HARRY: Only because his wand backfires all the time. It's nothing against him personally.

DRACO: No need to defend him, Potter. We all know the truth. God, Goyle and Crabbe are really not worthy of me, are they.

GINNY: No.

PANSY: Definitely not.

HERMIONE: That's the understatement of the year.

DRACO: (quietly laughing) Well, looks like Malfoy's won all the women's affections again. Oh, no, I hope Granger and Weasley don't throw up onscreen.

RON: I think they just like smashing the glasses. The sound is very believable.

DRACO: Oh yes, and that special effect, as those worms go all over Potter's body…that's quite cool. I should like to try the Polyjuice Potion when we get back to school.

SNAPE: I wouldn't if I were you. Even though these three get away with everything, I should think you wouldn't be so lucky. Even with your father having all the pull he has.

RON: He's quite right. (Stares, blinks, looks back at screen) Oh, look, there's my brother.

Draco: Why are you wearing glasses?
Goyle/Harry: Oh, um. Reading.

Draco: Reading? I didn't know you could read.

Ron, Draco and Harry all crack up hysterically while the girls giggle appreciatively.

RON: AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! That was GOOD!

PANSY: That was so marvelous, Draco!

DRACO: (beams) Thank you, thank you.

HARRY: You didn't say that in real life.

DRACO: So? I could have.

RON: You're a real twit, Malfoy. Stealing someone's present like that.

DRACO: (shrugs) Meh. Granger's got a tail.

HERMIONE: (blushes) I'm going to go and get some more snacks. Anyone want anything?

DRACO: I'll go with you.

Hermione, shocked, shrugs and starts to walk out, Draco following slowly.

DRACO: (whispering to Ron as he passes) Jot down some notes so I know what I've missed of myself.

RON: Will do.

Outside, in line at the concession stand.

DRACO: Do you remember what happened when we went off together the last time we were here?

Hermione pales and pretends not to have heard him.

DRACO: (moving to stand directly in front of her) There's no use pretending, you know. It's etched on my brain forever, and I shall not let you live it down.

HERMIONE: (looking at menu) Those Crunch bars things look lovely, perhaps I'll get some of those.

DRACO: Hermione.

HERMIONE: (angrily) What.

DRACO: Don't you love me?

Hermione and Draco, sometime later, sit back in their seats. Both of them look rather disheveled. No one seems to notice.

RON: (hands piece of paper to Draco) This is all you've missed of yourself.

DRACO: (Nodding) Thanks, Weasley. Wait, I stole someone's present?

RON: Yes, you're a trout.

HERMIONE: Twit.

RON: Right. Twit.

DRACO: More importantly, what was IN the present?

RON: How should I know? You put it in your pocket.

DRACO: (huffily) I don't need to steal presents. They've made me into some common burglar. Bugger them.

GINNY: Oh, God. I may throw up.

HERMIONE: (worriedly) Why?

GINNY: The diary. (points to the screen) I don't think I can watch this.

HARRY: Oh, come on, Gin. It's over and done with. It's not your fault all this happened.

GINNY: (aggravated look) Don't patronize me, Harry.

HERMIONE: (false happiness) But Oliver may come on screen. You don't want to leave and miss him, do you?

DRACO: (quiet chuckle) Potter, you're so daft. (mocking) Do----you----know----anything----------about----the Chamber---of----Secrets?

HARRY: (scowling) Shut up, Draco…I mean, Malfoy.

DRACO: (raised eyebrow) I was only making fun of how the actor posed that question. Oh, look. You just had a minor hissy fit.


HARRY: And you would know ALL about hissy fits. As they were invented for you.

DRACO: Yes, and in the dictionary, under the word 'hissy' is a picture of me. (rolls eyes) Get new material, Potter. Yours is getting old.

RON: WHOA! Shut up, you two. You've just missed Harry being sucked into the diary!!! (quiets down when he sees a woman in front of him scowling their way)

GINNY: (whispering) Tom…

HERMIONE: (apprehensive look) Ginny? Are you okay?

GINNY: (nods, while staring at screen) Oh, my God. That's Tom Riddle.

RON: Not the REAL Tom Riddle, surely.

DRACO: (Snicker) No, Weasley. Not the REAL Tom Riddle.

PANSY: I think he's rather handsome.

GINNY: Yes, he is.

PANSY: Maybe even more attractive than Draco's actor, Potter AND Weasleys put together.

GINNY: (still whispering) Yeah.

DRACO: Bloody Tom Riddle. He's not THAT attractive. Look! He's being mean to that great Oaf. Surely that brings his status down some?

PANSY: You make fun of Hagrid and your status isn't brought down.

DRACO: Bugger.

RON: OOOOOH! LOOK! Harry's yelling, 'HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGRID!' really slowly!

HERMIONE: It's called slow-motion. It's used a lot in films.

RON: It's neat!

GINNY: (suddenly) Where did Tom go!?

HARRY: (bitterly) He'll be back.

GINNY: (Standing) I'm going to go and get a drink. I'll be right back.

Ginny left the theatre, Hermione quickly trailing her 'just in case'.

RON: (sighing) Girls are truly weird.

A/N: Thanks so much to eedoe, without her weekly reminders I couldn't possibly have even finished this chapter!

And thanks to all the reviewers for being patient *cough* LOL. You guys are fantastic, seriously. Your reviews made me TRY to write faster. Unfortunately, the chapter was so horribly delayed because my brother was in the hospital for a month, and I was rather distraught. I am sorry that I couldn't get this out sooner, but it really couldn't be helped. I'll try desperately to get the next chapter out before there's a six month hiatus again, but I can't make any promises since I'm in college now, and it's a tad stressful at the moment. The only promise I can make is that I hope to have this story finished before POA comes out. *crosses fingers*

If any of you have ideas for what you'd like characters to say at particular parts in the movie, please leave them in a review. I can always use some help!

Thanks again for all the reviews and encouragement!