Subtitled:- Severus Snape and the Alien Stroganoff that Nearly Killed Him.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own of this is the radioactive stroganoff.
It was the Christmas Holidays, and, as guessed, not many people were staying over at school. Everyone who was staying over was bored, to say the least. The Christmas Feast had ended, and many people were dozing or staring blankly at the ceiling. Indeed, Professor Severus Snape was so incredibly bored that he had fallen asleep face down in his stroganoff, which was glowing a funny green colour. Harry Potter was staring at it from the other side of the table, and he was sure it was radioactive. It was Professor Albus Dumbledore who came up with a solution to total boredom.
"Why not play truth or dare?" He asked, beaming. The teachers and students who were still alive looked at him like he had struck gold, opened a gold mine and given the profits to them. Professor Minerva McGonagall woke Professor Snape up. He was not really happy, for a number of different reasons.
"Who pushed me into this stroganoff?" He asked, scowling. He was not a morning person. "10points from Gryffindor, Potter, for laughing at me. Anyway, why the heck did you wake me up, Minerva?" Harry quickly wiped the amused grin off his face. It was hard, because the sight of the most unpopular teacher in the school, the most intimidating teacher in the school, with a radioactive green face was absolutely hilarious.
"We are playing truth or dare, Severus. And if I were you, I would go and wash your face and . er . hair before we start. That stroganoff seems to be discolouring them." Indeed, the Professor's normally greasy black hair had turned an attractive shade of pink.
"I. Don't. Do. Pink." Grumbled the unfortunate teacher as he went down to his little dungeon hideaway to change himself back to his original colour. "Pink hair and green face do NOT go."
Ten minutes later, Severus was back, and there was no evidence on his face or hair to suggest that an alien stroganoff had ever disturbed its normal colouring. The people in the hall were waiting impatiently for him. As he sat down at the table, Ron Weasley piped up with an actually very clever question:
"Who's starting?"
Dumbledore smiled.
"I think you have just volunteered, Mr. Weasley."
Ron grinned. He was expecting a lot from this decision. Life or death, as a matter of fact.
"Professor Snape, truth or dare?" he asked. Severus groaned. These people were so immature. He had been hoping no one would pick him.
"Dare." He mumbled angrily. Ron's grin grew wider, if at all possible.
"I dare you to eat that stroganoff." He said, barely keeping himself from bursting out laughing. Severus glared at him, even more annoyed than he ever had been in a Gryffindor/Slytherin Double Potions lesson where they were concentrating on Love Potions and Neville Longbottom had somehow got Draco Malfoy to turn into a highly feminine Britney Speares look-alike obsessed with alcohol and. yes, doing 'that' with him.
"50points from Gryffindor, Weasley, for even thinking about it." He snarled. However, the other teachers would not let him change his choice, and he was flat out not going to argue with his employer, Dumbledore, so he wearily picked up a fork and hastily dropped it again, deciding to get it over and done with the quick way.
"Screw this." He muttered to himself, as he swallowed the spoonful. The TABLEspoonfull. He loaded up the spoon with more of the glowing stroganoff, gagging at the out-of-this-world flavour and colour of the stuff. Unfortunately, however, he was in so much of a hurry to finish the stroganoff and get it over with so he could die in peace, that he accidentally swallowed the spoon as well. The students by now were in fits of hysterics as small choking noises followed the swallowing of the spoon.
"I *cough* need a drink *cough cough* of *cough* water!" he managed. The students were rolling around helplessly on the floor, clutching stitches in their sides. It was comical to see him choking, or in the minds of the students it was. Professor McGonagall gave Severus a goblet of water, and Severus drank it as though he was suddenly called Rubeus Hagrid and someone had locked him in a room containing nothing but Fire Whisky. It stopped the choking, but it didn't improve his mood. He was as foul as ever, increasingly angry because now the teachers were laughing as well.
"Ms. Granger, truth or dare?" He growled threateningly. The laughing quickly subsided. People were either curious to see what he was thinking up for the hapless student, or just plain petrified by the expression on his face. Hermione blanched.
"Truth." She said, just to be on the safe side. She really didn't want to swallow a spoon just yet.
"Why is it, Ms. Granger, that whenever you have finished the assignment in class, you are staring non stop at Mr. Weasley with a blank expression on your face that is completely uncharacteristic for you?" Severus asked, smirking slightly. He could already guess the answer. His suspicions were fulfilled as Hermione gave her reply.
"Because I. I have a. I have a crush on him." She stammered out. Severus smiled cruelly. At least now he wasn't the one humiliated. What happened next, though, changed his mind completely. Ron, upon hearing this, grabbed Hermione's hand and gave her a swift peck on the cheek. Hermione started giggling insanely.
Five minutes later, Hermione got a control over herself enough to ask the dreaded question.
"Ginny, truth or dare?"
Ginny Weasley thought for a moment.
"Truth." She answered.
"Ok. name all your boyfriends from the least recent to your current one." Hermione said, before the giggling overtook her again and she had to have a drink to stop herself laughing.
"Um. lets see. there was that boy next-door." Ginny began. Ron interrupted.
"What? Oh my God, you fancied.?" He asked, wide eyed. Ginny grinned.
"Yup. Anyway, then there was the guy down the road, then the teenage rebel owner of the corner shop in some Muggle village, then Harry, then *coughcoughcough* now Harry again." She started fake coughing in mid sentence.
"I'm sorry Ginny, who was that after Harry but before Harry?" asked Dumbledore. Ginny blushed very deeply, and said in a barely audible whisper
"Professor Snape."
Ron's face went white, and he gasped.
"I. I think I need to go praise the. er. porcelain gods, and Osiris. I'm sure I left his altar somewhere." He ran out of the room. The other students were too shocked to speak, the teachers were whispering excitedly together and Severus was bashing his head against the table, screaming.
"WHY ME GOD??? AAAAAAH!!!! WHY ME??? TAKE MY SOUL, SATAN, JUST STOP THIS MADNESS!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!! I DO NOT WISH TO BE A STUDENT - GIRL MAGNET!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Presently, after an agonising quart hour in which Professor Snape just about regained his composure and reluctantly discontinued whacking his head against the table and demanding the murder or Ginny, Ron came back in, shaking.
"Please tell me you were joking, Ginny. Just tell me you were joking, and then we can all sigh in relief." He pleaded slowly.
"I'm not joking. I really did have a crush on him." Ginny said in a very small voice. Severus took liberty of the silence afterwards to resume smashing his head on anything solid, including students who got in his way, and walls, which were there anyway. He soon stopped this, though, as repeatedly hitting your head hard against solid things leads to unconsciousness, which he found out the hard way. When he awoke, he would have a bad migraine. If he awoke. The mass vote was that they game should be postponed until the now REALLY pissed off Professor regained consciousness.
In other words, you people will just have to wait until the next chapter for more. Ner ner. =P I hold the future of this story in my immortal hands, and. ok, ok, I'll shut up and you can have the next chapter. Spoilsports.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own of this is the radioactive stroganoff.
It was the Christmas Holidays, and, as guessed, not many people were staying over at school. Everyone who was staying over was bored, to say the least. The Christmas Feast had ended, and many people were dozing or staring blankly at the ceiling. Indeed, Professor Severus Snape was so incredibly bored that he had fallen asleep face down in his stroganoff, which was glowing a funny green colour. Harry Potter was staring at it from the other side of the table, and he was sure it was radioactive. It was Professor Albus Dumbledore who came up with a solution to total boredom.
"Why not play truth or dare?" He asked, beaming. The teachers and students who were still alive looked at him like he had struck gold, opened a gold mine and given the profits to them. Professor Minerva McGonagall woke Professor Snape up. He was not really happy, for a number of different reasons.
"Who pushed me into this stroganoff?" He asked, scowling. He was not a morning person. "10points from Gryffindor, Potter, for laughing at me. Anyway, why the heck did you wake me up, Minerva?" Harry quickly wiped the amused grin off his face. It was hard, because the sight of the most unpopular teacher in the school, the most intimidating teacher in the school, with a radioactive green face was absolutely hilarious.
"We are playing truth or dare, Severus. And if I were you, I would go and wash your face and . er . hair before we start. That stroganoff seems to be discolouring them." Indeed, the Professor's normally greasy black hair had turned an attractive shade of pink.
"I. Don't. Do. Pink." Grumbled the unfortunate teacher as he went down to his little dungeon hideaway to change himself back to his original colour. "Pink hair and green face do NOT go."
Ten minutes later, Severus was back, and there was no evidence on his face or hair to suggest that an alien stroganoff had ever disturbed its normal colouring. The people in the hall were waiting impatiently for him. As he sat down at the table, Ron Weasley piped up with an actually very clever question:
"Who's starting?"
Dumbledore smiled.
"I think you have just volunteered, Mr. Weasley."
Ron grinned. He was expecting a lot from this decision. Life or death, as a matter of fact.
"Professor Snape, truth or dare?" he asked. Severus groaned. These people were so immature. He had been hoping no one would pick him.
"Dare." He mumbled angrily. Ron's grin grew wider, if at all possible.
"I dare you to eat that stroganoff." He said, barely keeping himself from bursting out laughing. Severus glared at him, even more annoyed than he ever had been in a Gryffindor/Slytherin Double Potions lesson where they were concentrating on Love Potions and Neville Longbottom had somehow got Draco Malfoy to turn into a highly feminine Britney Speares look-alike obsessed with alcohol and. yes, doing 'that' with him.
"50points from Gryffindor, Weasley, for even thinking about it." He snarled. However, the other teachers would not let him change his choice, and he was flat out not going to argue with his employer, Dumbledore, so he wearily picked up a fork and hastily dropped it again, deciding to get it over and done with the quick way.
"Screw this." He muttered to himself, as he swallowed the spoonful. The TABLEspoonfull. He loaded up the spoon with more of the glowing stroganoff, gagging at the out-of-this-world flavour and colour of the stuff. Unfortunately, however, he was in so much of a hurry to finish the stroganoff and get it over with so he could die in peace, that he accidentally swallowed the spoon as well. The students by now were in fits of hysterics as small choking noises followed the swallowing of the spoon.
"I *cough* need a drink *cough cough* of *cough* water!" he managed. The students were rolling around helplessly on the floor, clutching stitches in their sides. It was comical to see him choking, or in the minds of the students it was. Professor McGonagall gave Severus a goblet of water, and Severus drank it as though he was suddenly called Rubeus Hagrid and someone had locked him in a room containing nothing but Fire Whisky. It stopped the choking, but it didn't improve his mood. He was as foul as ever, increasingly angry because now the teachers were laughing as well.
"Ms. Granger, truth or dare?" He growled threateningly. The laughing quickly subsided. People were either curious to see what he was thinking up for the hapless student, or just plain petrified by the expression on his face. Hermione blanched.
"Truth." She said, just to be on the safe side. She really didn't want to swallow a spoon just yet.
"Why is it, Ms. Granger, that whenever you have finished the assignment in class, you are staring non stop at Mr. Weasley with a blank expression on your face that is completely uncharacteristic for you?" Severus asked, smirking slightly. He could already guess the answer. His suspicions were fulfilled as Hermione gave her reply.
"Because I. I have a. I have a crush on him." She stammered out. Severus smiled cruelly. At least now he wasn't the one humiliated. What happened next, though, changed his mind completely. Ron, upon hearing this, grabbed Hermione's hand and gave her a swift peck on the cheek. Hermione started giggling insanely.
Five minutes later, Hermione got a control over herself enough to ask the dreaded question.
"Ginny, truth or dare?"
Ginny Weasley thought for a moment.
"Truth." She answered.
"Ok. name all your boyfriends from the least recent to your current one." Hermione said, before the giggling overtook her again and she had to have a drink to stop herself laughing.
"Um. lets see. there was that boy next-door." Ginny began. Ron interrupted.
"What? Oh my God, you fancied.?" He asked, wide eyed. Ginny grinned.
"Yup. Anyway, then there was the guy down the road, then the teenage rebel owner of the corner shop in some Muggle village, then Harry, then *coughcoughcough* now Harry again." She started fake coughing in mid sentence.
"I'm sorry Ginny, who was that after Harry but before Harry?" asked Dumbledore. Ginny blushed very deeply, and said in a barely audible whisper
"Professor Snape."
Ron's face went white, and he gasped.
"I. I think I need to go praise the. er. porcelain gods, and Osiris. I'm sure I left his altar somewhere." He ran out of the room. The other students were too shocked to speak, the teachers were whispering excitedly together and Severus was bashing his head against the table, screaming.
"WHY ME GOD??? AAAAAAH!!!! WHY ME??? TAKE MY SOUL, SATAN, JUST STOP THIS MADNESS!!! AAAAAAAAAAH!!! I DO NOT WISH TO BE A STUDENT - GIRL MAGNET!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!"
Presently, after an agonising quart hour in which Professor Snape just about regained his composure and reluctantly discontinued whacking his head against the table and demanding the murder or Ginny, Ron came back in, shaking.
"Please tell me you were joking, Ginny. Just tell me you were joking, and then we can all sigh in relief." He pleaded slowly.
"I'm not joking. I really did have a crush on him." Ginny said in a very small voice. Severus took liberty of the silence afterwards to resume smashing his head on anything solid, including students who got in his way, and walls, which were there anyway. He soon stopped this, though, as repeatedly hitting your head hard against solid things leads to unconsciousness, which he found out the hard way. When he awoke, he would have a bad migraine. If he awoke. The mass vote was that they game should be postponed until the now REALLY pissed off Professor regained consciousness.
In other words, you people will just have to wait until the next chapter for more. Ner ner. =P I hold the future of this story in my immortal hands, and. ok, ok, I'll shut up and you can have the next chapter. Spoilsports.