Unwanted
Chapter 2
Rated: Angst
Set: First Season
Author: nat-chan
E-mail: natia_99@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: standard
recommended songs of angst (if reading this just isn't enough angst
for ya!!)
flames - Vast
let that be enough - Switchfoot
butterfly mornings - mazzy star
saturate (forever) - breaking benjamin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Motoki cleaned the counters solemnly. His trademark smile
and good cheer noticably absent. His customers worried and tried
to brighten his unusually cloudy dimeaner but to no avail.
Motoki had left eight messages on Mamoru's phone. He'd
called him at work and found that Mamoru had not been in,
and they didn't know why. He'd pounded on Mamoru's door
for an hour the previous night but he refused to answer.
All he knew was that Usagi had seen him looking haggard
and found a flunked test in his hand.
Worry gripped Motoki. Mamoru had a very small life in
many ways. There were no loved ones to comfort him when
things were bad. Only his friends. But Mamoru was not
accustomed to leaning on anyone for support. His instinct
when hurting was to push everyone away.
But whatever was wrong, was bigger than Mamoru, and Motoki
was worried.
Usagi bustled in at her usual time--but with odangos twice
there normal size! She sat down with determination.
"He won't be able to resist Motoki--just look at them! I
can barely keep my head up!"
Motoki smiled wanely, "Usagi, I don't think he's coming in.
He won't answer my calls, he hasn't been at work, he won't
even come to his door!"
Usagi's face paled, "He hasn't even been to work? Motoki,"
She leaned over and whispered it quietly as a terrible fear
clutched her heart, "Do you think he might be sick?"
Motoki paled as well, "I don't know." He finally answered,
fear clutching his heart as well.
They sat a long time in the arcade, in silent horror.
Was Mamoru terribly ill? So ill he didn't want anyone to see
him? So ill....there might be no hope?
Usagi found herself so deeply bothered by the possibility that
she couldn't let it go. She had to find him. To find out....
She left Motoki and headed for Mamoru's apartment...
The girls might have thought her crazy considering the constant
banter between them...but Usagi still felt a connection to Mamoru.
She had shrugged it off in the beginning as merely a result of
seeing him so often. He was familiar, and she cared for everyone.
Even bakas.
But the connection pulled strongly now. As strongly as if he
were one of the scouts in danger--or her own family. She decided
then, that she must always know if Mamoru was doing alright. To
satisfy this deep feeling she could not place.
She passed the park and suddenly stopped, turning towards it.
Something, a feeling....
She headed in and walked to the bridge to find Mamoru sitting, his
long legs dangling over the side as he stared into the water.
He suddenly looked very young to Usagi and she remembered Motoki
telling her that he lived alone--his parents had died when he
was very young.
The thought of death clutched at her painfully. Mamoru couldn't
be ill! But he looked so thin and pale....she swallowed hard--was he?
She walked over quietly and sat down beside him. He didn't turn,
"Go away Usagi..."
His voice sounded dead and flat. Her eyes widened in horror.
"Mamoru, what's wrong? Please tell me?" The worry in her voice
was so strong that he actually turned, and his eyes couldn't help
but notice the double-sized odangos...
She smiled brightly, "How can you resist Mamoru? They're double
odangos! That's four for the price of two!"
And the faintest smile twitched the corners of his mouth. Usagi
cared. For all their teasing, he suspected they were friends--like
he and Motoki. But Usagi's heart was even bigger than his best friends.
He wondered if his heart might have had a chance if his parents had lived.
Now he knew, it would probably have been worse.
The smile faded away. Usagi's face became pinched with worry again.
"Mamoru--"
"Usagi, I appreciate your kindness--but there is nothing you can
do."
Now Usagi was convinced, tears welled up in her big blue eyes
and she threw her arms around the startled Mamoru,
"Oh Mamoru! I knew it!"
Mamoru looked down at the sobbing blond odangos suddenly in his
arms. In his entire life he had never been hugged. He was never
treated unkindly, but never with much affection either.
Now Usagi was wailing into his chest, "What will I do without you
Mamoru?"
He frowned, "Without me? Usa, what on earth--?"
"You're even calling me Usa!" She wailed. Oh, this must be
the end. What would she do if Mamoru died? What was this terrible
emptiness filling her from the inside at the thought?
She tried to calm herself and looked up into his eyes with
sincerity like a beautiful beacon shining through,
"Mamoru, I'll miss you--I-I don't know what I'll do without
you."
"Usa, where do you think I'm going?"
Hope blossomed, "You're not sick?"
He looked into her young face with surprise. It all hit him
at once.
~She thought I was sick--that I was going to die. She was sad,
now she looks ready to rejoice--why?~
He shook his head, unable to say a word as she once again crushed
him in a surprisingly strong hug.
Then again, what did he know about hugs?
Finally, when the warmth of her snug little body in his arms
settled into something barely familiar, he got his voice back,
"I'm not sick Usagi, I just have a lot on my mind..."
Her face grew serious and for a moment looked so mature and
understanding he was taken aback.
"What kinds of things?" She asked, her focus on him so absolute
he struggled to think of a time someone's attention had been so
singularly on him.
For a moment their eyes held and he really believed he could tell her
and somehow she would help--though he couldn't say how. But he looked
to her hair, saw instead how young she was and turned away from
that moment.
He shrugged, "It's...nothing." He turned back to the water.
Her hands went self-consciously to her hair and she let the
enormous buns down, fixing them to their original size. Then she sat beside
him, legs dangling over too and said simply, "Is there anything I can
do to cheer you up?"
He shook his head.
"And you don't want to tell me what's wrong?"
He shook his head again.
She watched him quietly before deciding to leave him. Normally
she would have stayed--had it been one of the girls--and nagged
it out of them. But Mamoru was different. There was something
more to his problems--something that spoke of sorrow beyond all
else.
She wrote her phone number on a slip of paper and tucked it into
his hand, closing his palm over it.
"You can call me Mamoru--if you want to."
He looked at his hand and did not meet her eyes. And after she was
gone he slowly opened it and looked at the piece of paper.
He wasn't sure what to make of it. He hadn't expected any of that
from her. First she showed up at his school worried about him and now
this? She was the last person he expected to care whether he were
here or gone. Motoki might--he had always thought Motoki was the only one.
He thought of Usagi then, as he hadn't before, putting together all the
memories he had of her and trying to draw some kind of conclusion. She
was kind to everyone. And that was it, he thought, she was kind to everyone.
If she saw anyone suffering she would offer help. Her reaction was not specific
to him. And for some reason that bothered him. He felt a strange bitterness
and an unexpected pang. And he decided he didn't want her made to order comfort!
Let her help all the others! She didn't want him anymore than anyone else did.
He balled up the phone number to throw it in the water but stopped at the last
moment. He smoothed it out again and looked at her writing, the curly "u" she
made in Usagi and the inimitable girliness in the way she drew her numbers. And
he tucked it instead in his pocket. It had been an offer, if nothing else, and
he would keep it for what it was worth. He did not realize how important an
offer of care in writing had become to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Chapter 2
Rated: Angst
Set: First Season
Author: nat-chan
E-mail: natia_99@yahoo.com
Disclaimer: standard
recommended songs of angst (if reading this just isn't enough angst
for ya!!)
flames - Vast
let that be enough - Switchfoot
butterfly mornings - mazzy star
saturate (forever) - breaking benjamin
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Motoki cleaned the counters solemnly. His trademark smile
and good cheer noticably absent. His customers worried and tried
to brighten his unusually cloudy dimeaner but to no avail.
Motoki had left eight messages on Mamoru's phone. He'd
called him at work and found that Mamoru had not been in,
and they didn't know why. He'd pounded on Mamoru's door
for an hour the previous night but he refused to answer.
All he knew was that Usagi had seen him looking haggard
and found a flunked test in his hand.
Worry gripped Motoki. Mamoru had a very small life in
many ways. There were no loved ones to comfort him when
things were bad. Only his friends. But Mamoru was not
accustomed to leaning on anyone for support. His instinct
when hurting was to push everyone away.
But whatever was wrong, was bigger than Mamoru, and Motoki
was worried.
Usagi bustled in at her usual time--but with odangos twice
there normal size! She sat down with determination.
"He won't be able to resist Motoki--just look at them! I
can barely keep my head up!"
Motoki smiled wanely, "Usagi, I don't think he's coming in.
He won't answer my calls, he hasn't been at work, he won't
even come to his door!"
Usagi's face paled, "He hasn't even been to work? Motoki,"
She leaned over and whispered it quietly as a terrible fear
clutched her heart, "Do you think he might be sick?"
Motoki paled as well, "I don't know." He finally answered,
fear clutching his heart as well.
They sat a long time in the arcade, in silent horror.
Was Mamoru terribly ill? So ill he didn't want anyone to see
him? So ill....there might be no hope?
Usagi found herself so deeply bothered by the possibility that
she couldn't let it go. She had to find him. To find out....
She left Motoki and headed for Mamoru's apartment...
The girls might have thought her crazy considering the constant
banter between them...but Usagi still felt a connection to Mamoru.
She had shrugged it off in the beginning as merely a result of
seeing him so often. He was familiar, and she cared for everyone.
Even bakas.
But the connection pulled strongly now. As strongly as if he
were one of the scouts in danger--or her own family. She decided
then, that she must always know if Mamoru was doing alright. To
satisfy this deep feeling she could not place.
She passed the park and suddenly stopped, turning towards it.
Something, a feeling....
She headed in and walked to the bridge to find Mamoru sitting, his
long legs dangling over the side as he stared into the water.
He suddenly looked very young to Usagi and she remembered Motoki
telling her that he lived alone--his parents had died when he
was very young.
The thought of death clutched at her painfully. Mamoru couldn't
be ill! But he looked so thin and pale....she swallowed hard--was he?
She walked over quietly and sat down beside him. He didn't turn,
"Go away Usagi..."
His voice sounded dead and flat. Her eyes widened in horror.
"Mamoru, what's wrong? Please tell me?" The worry in her voice
was so strong that he actually turned, and his eyes couldn't help
but notice the double-sized odangos...
She smiled brightly, "How can you resist Mamoru? They're double
odangos! That's four for the price of two!"
And the faintest smile twitched the corners of his mouth. Usagi
cared. For all their teasing, he suspected they were friends--like
he and Motoki. But Usagi's heart was even bigger than his best friends.
He wondered if his heart might have had a chance if his parents had lived.
Now he knew, it would probably have been worse.
The smile faded away. Usagi's face became pinched with worry again.
"Mamoru--"
"Usagi, I appreciate your kindness--but there is nothing you can
do."
Now Usagi was convinced, tears welled up in her big blue eyes
and she threw her arms around the startled Mamoru,
"Oh Mamoru! I knew it!"
Mamoru looked down at the sobbing blond odangos suddenly in his
arms. In his entire life he had never been hugged. He was never
treated unkindly, but never with much affection either.
Now Usagi was wailing into his chest, "What will I do without you
Mamoru?"
He frowned, "Without me? Usa, what on earth--?"
"You're even calling me Usa!" She wailed. Oh, this must be
the end. What would she do if Mamoru died? What was this terrible
emptiness filling her from the inside at the thought?
She tried to calm herself and looked up into his eyes with
sincerity like a beautiful beacon shining through,
"Mamoru, I'll miss you--I-I don't know what I'll do without
you."
"Usa, where do you think I'm going?"
Hope blossomed, "You're not sick?"
He looked into her young face with surprise. It all hit him
at once.
~She thought I was sick--that I was going to die. She was sad,
now she looks ready to rejoice--why?~
He shook his head, unable to say a word as she once again crushed
him in a surprisingly strong hug.
Then again, what did he know about hugs?
Finally, when the warmth of her snug little body in his arms
settled into something barely familiar, he got his voice back,
"I'm not sick Usagi, I just have a lot on my mind..."
Her face grew serious and for a moment looked so mature and
understanding he was taken aback.
"What kinds of things?" She asked, her focus on him so absolute
he struggled to think of a time someone's attention had been so
singularly on him.
For a moment their eyes held and he really believed he could tell her
and somehow she would help--though he couldn't say how. But he looked
to her hair, saw instead how young she was and turned away from
that moment.
He shrugged, "It's...nothing." He turned back to the water.
Her hands went self-consciously to her hair and she let the
enormous buns down, fixing them to their original size. Then she sat beside
him, legs dangling over too and said simply, "Is there anything I can
do to cheer you up?"
He shook his head.
"And you don't want to tell me what's wrong?"
He shook his head again.
She watched him quietly before deciding to leave him. Normally
she would have stayed--had it been one of the girls--and nagged
it out of them. But Mamoru was different. There was something
more to his problems--something that spoke of sorrow beyond all
else.
She wrote her phone number on a slip of paper and tucked it into
his hand, closing his palm over it.
"You can call me Mamoru--if you want to."
He looked at his hand and did not meet her eyes. And after she was
gone he slowly opened it and looked at the piece of paper.
He wasn't sure what to make of it. He hadn't expected any of that
from her. First she showed up at his school worried about him and now
this? She was the last person he expected to care whether he were
here or gone. Motoki might--he had always thought Motoki was the only one.
He thought of Usagi then, as he hadn't before, putting together all the
memories he had of her and trying to draw some kind of conclusion. She
was kind to everyone. And that was it, he thought, she was kind to everyone.
If she saw anyone suffering she would offer help. Her reaction was not specific
to him. And for some reason that bothered him. He felt a strange bitterness
and an unexpected pang. And he decided he didn't want her made to order comfort!
Let her help all the others! She didn't want him anymore than anyone else did.
He balled up the phone number to throw it in the water but stopped at the last
moment. He smoothed it out again and looked at her writing, the curly "u" she
made in Usagi and the inimitable girliness in the way she drew her numbers. And
he tucked it instead in his pocket. It had been an offer, if nothing else, and
he would keep it for what it was worth. He did not realize how important an
offer of care in writing had become to him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~