~This chapter is dedicated to both djcati and dawniky, as they both
answered the question right. Question: What TV Series is Dumbledore's rant
paraphrased from? Answer: FATHER TED!~
Graham held some sort of electric-zappy-thing and was poking Snape in the back of the neck with it. Every so often Snape would jump and emit little squeaky noises like air being let slowly out of a hydrogen balloon. Finally, Graham stopped.
"Ok, that should do it. Severus, truth or dare?" He said.
"But it was my go!" Sirius protested. Graham shook his head.
"Shut up. This is a test."
"Truth." Severus answered, blinking and staring at perfectly normal things, like the chandeliers with the pixies on.
"What was the stupidest thing you've ever said?"
"Well, um...once I told a bush 'You're far too bushy. Look at you. You're just too fucking bushy.'"
Harry felt his jaw drop.
"You said that to a BUSH???" He yelled in disbelief. Severus nodded blankly and smiled at the beer glass that had concussed Harry.
"Well done, beer glass. You seem to have made Potter more intelligent."
Harry just snarled.
"Ok, um. Quirrell, truth or dare?" Sirius asked. Quirrell came out of his daze.
"Finally, someone asked me! Dare."
"I dare you to go through the rest of the game topless!" Sirius said, snickering. Suddenly, he stopped, and kissed Minerva just to prove he wasn't gay.
"I resent that, Sirius." Mumbled Minerva, wiping her mouth on the napkin. Sirius grinned.
Graham watched with interest as the ghost took his shirt off (Random Author A/N: Phwoar!!!) and blinked in mild surprise at the tattoo that was on his chest.
"Erm... why do you have a tattoo of a dragon on your chest?" Hermione asked sceptically.
"Because I like dragons! Comprendez?" Quirrell snapped. He obviously had not taken lightly to being shirtless.
Suddenly, Graham collapsed face down in the beer keg. Ron started.
"Hey, shouldn't we get him out?" He asked uncertainly.
"Relax." Draco said. "He's just drinking!"
Two minutes passed.
"...or maybe he does need our help" Draco concluded miserably. Unwilling hands lifted Graham carefully out of the beer keg, and he surfaced spitting and struggling.
"Thanks a lot you bastards, just leave me in there to drown in beer why don't you?" He snarled at them.
The sad thing is they didn't know whether he was being sarcastic or not.
Quirrell poked Dumbledore by accident and woke him up.
"DRINK! FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!" Dumbledore started yelling. Harry slowly shook his head as he watched the man he respected most being drugged back to sleep by a convict, a werewolf and a gay.
The three of them had become inseparable, obviously. Indeedly so.
"Well so. Olé!" Shouted Graham for no particular reason.
"...Should we not be getting back to the game?" Ginny asked. Someone nodded and she shrugged, asking Graham.
"Truth or Dare?"
"Um... dare, methinks I am partially suicidal at this moment in time." Graham said, his Irish accent more pronounced than usual.
Probably because he was faking it.
"I dare you to... open-mouth kiss Snape!" (Random Author AN: I only added this because you lot were all begging me for gay action - and I have a gay, what more do I need?)
Severus' mouth made a kind of 's' shape as he looked decidedly unhappy.
"Why is it always me you centre this gay business on? Look, Dumbledore made me do that weekend fling with McG - surely you don't need more proof that I'm straight?"
Ginny smiled nastily.
"Ok, change that dare to make Se-Professor Snape feel more comfortable, I mean, we wouldn't want him to break again, would we?"
Severus gave her his famous Basilisk-Stare.
"I dare Graham to kiss everyone in the whole room!" She said, dramatically throwing her arms wide and suspiciously reminding everyone of a Magic Roundabout flick.
Graham's eyes were like little brown lakes of argh.
"No... please? I'm gay, is that not punisshhment enough?" He asked, slurring slightly under the effects of alcohol.
Hermione suddenly and quite randomly interrupted the flow of conversation.
"It's like those Master Card commercials, isn't it? Hogwarts books: 20 Galleons; Firewhiskey: 10 Sickles; Playing "Truth or Dare" and "I've Never" with your freaky friends, a psychopathic Transfiguration professor, a horny headmaster, a bath-hating lunatic, a reincarnated professor, a gay talk show host, an escaped convict, and a werewolf while you are all drunk: Priceless..."
The assorted Magical People just looked at her.
"Hermione" said Harry. "I hasten to remind you that no one here has a donkey's back arse what you're on about except Graham and he's too pissed for it to register properly."
"Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot..." Hermone said looking sheepish. "Just forget I ever said anything, Graham, do your dare."
Everyone continued staring at her for a bit more before finally pestering Graham to do his dare.
"Look, I'm famous, I shouldn't have to do this." Graham protested. Severus very kindly explained that no one in the wizard world had heard of him and his dare was one kiss per capita. If per capita was a problem then decapita could be arranged.
"Oh, fine, but I want compensation, you sick bastards." Graham grumbled.
"Oooh, look who's talking!" Ginny whispered to Draco.
Graham, miserably watched by McGonagall, who was making very threatening gestures with her wand, kissed all the females in the room very quickly, barely touching them at all.
Then he mooooooooooved (sorry, got carried away) on to the male students, then quickly just gave Dumbledore a bit of paper saying 'IOU' and paused, drinking more beer.
"Gods, only three to go." He muttered to himself, kissing Lupin and Sirius, who looked a bit scared, before moving on to Snape.
"Saved the best till last." He mumbled quickly before kissing Severus and going and sitting in the corner reading the assorted graffiti on the wall.
"Oh, hang on, little mad boy, over there..." He said, waving his hand vaguely to his left.
"Me?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, T or D?"
"D, I think, though if you make me kiss anyone then I will be forced to kill you."
"Fine, fine, I'm not as twisted as your excuse for a friend over there anyway. Um, I dare you to do the wossname flick from Pecker, you know, with the fucking rats."
Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"I used to have a friend who was a rat, they aren't that bad!"
"No, but in Pecker they literally are fucking!" Graham said. Harry groaned.
"You mean I have to make the rats fuck?" He asked.
"No, no, just take pictures."
"Yeah, like hell you aren't sick and twisted." Said Harry unhappily, conjuring some horny rats and a camera.
He took the photos and sent the camera off to the Dark Room, a little insignificant room where the cameras are kept and undisciplined children are sold as slaves to work in the film processing.
Now they just had to wait for the results...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author's Note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
right, I can't be bothered to do review replies at the moment because it take too long and you lot don't seem too patient for this chapter. If I took longer you'd have my head on a stake for sure.
Also, it has come to my attention that someone, not mentioning any names *coughRASTACHICKcough* has been using reviews for this story as plugs for someone else's story.
Please please PLEASE do not do this, it takes up review space and it takes up my time reading and deleting the bloody thing.
If you want to make plugs then either do it on your own website, your own fanfiction page or just bugger off!
Muchas gracias, as our little Spanish Friends say
~Spunkz~
Graham held some sort of electric-zappy-thing and was poking Snape in the back of the neck with it. Every so often Snape would jump and emit little squeaky noises like air being let slowly out of a hydrogen balloon. Finally, Graham stopped.
"Ok, that should do it. Severus, truth or dare?" He said.
"But it was my go!" Sirius protested. Graham shook his head.
"Shut up. This is a test."
"Truth." Severus answered, blinking and staring at perfectly normal things, like the chandeliers with the pixies on.
"What was the stupidest thing you've ever said?"
"Well, um...once I told a bush 'You're far too bushy. Look at you. You're just too fucking bushy.'"
Harry felt his jaw drop.
"You said that to a BUSH???" He yelled in disbelief. Severus nodded blankly and smiled at the beer glass that had concussed Harry.
"Well done, beer glass. You seem to have made Potter more intelligent."
Harry just snarled.
"Ok, um. Quirrell, truth or dare?" Sirius asked. Quirrell came out of his daze.
"Finally, someone asked me! Dare."
"I dare you to go through the rest of the game topless!" Sirius said, snickering. Suddenly, he stopped, and kissed Minerva just to prove he wasn't gay.
"I resent that, Sirius." Mumbled Minerva, wiping her mouth on the napkin. Sirius grinned.
Graham watched with interest as the ghost took his shirt off (Random Author A/N: Phwoar!!!) and blinked in mild surprise at the tattoo that was on his chest.
"Erm... why do you have a tattoo of a dragon on your chest?" Hermione asked sceptically.
"Because I like dragons! Comprendez?" Quirrell snapped. He obviously had not taken lightly to being shirtless.
Suddenly, Graham collapsed face down in the beer keg. Ron started.
"Hey, shouldn't we get him out?" He asked uncertainly.
"Relax." Draco said. "He's just drinking!"
Two minutes passed.
"...or maybe he does need our help" Draco concluded miserably. Unwilling hands lifted Graham carefully out of the beer keg, and he surfaced spitting and struggling.
"Thanks a lot you bastards, just leave me in there to drown in beer why don't you?" He snarled at them.
The sad thing is they didn't know whether he was being sarcastic or not.
Quirrell poked Dumbledore by accident and woke him up.
"DRINK! FECK! ARSE! GIRLS!" Dumbledore started yelling. Harry slowly shook his head as he watched the man he respected most being drugged back to sleep by a convict, a werewolf and a gay.
The three of them had become inseparable, obviously. Indeedly so.
"Well so. Olé!" Shouted Graham for no particular reason.
"...Should we not be getting back to the game?" Ginny asked. Someone nodded and she shrugged, asking Graham.
"Truth or Dare?"
"Um... dare, methinks I am partially suicidal at this moment in time." Graham said, his Irish accent more pronounced than usual.
Probably because he was faking it.
"I dare you to... open-mouth kiss Snape!" (Random Author AN: I only added this because you lot were all begging me for gay action - and I have a gay, what more do I need?)
Severus' mouth made a kind of 's' shape as he looked decidedly unhappy.
"Why is it always me you centre this gay business on? Look, Dumbledore made me do that weekend fling with McG - surely you don't need more proof that I'm straight?"
Ginny smiled nastily.
"Ok, change that dare to make Se-Professor Snape feel more comfortable, I mean, we wouldn't want him to break again, would we?"
Severus gave her his famous Basilisk-Stare.
"I dare Graham to kiss everyone in the whole room!" She said, dramatically throwing her arms wide and suspiciously reminding everyone of a Magic Roundabout flick.
Graham's eyes were like little brown lakes of argh.
"No... please? I'm gay, is that not punisshhment enough?" He asked, slurring slightly under the effects of alcohol.
Hermione suddenly and quite randomly interrupted the flow of conversation.
"It's like those Master Card commercials, isn't it? Hogwarts books: 20 Galleons; Firewhiskey: 10 Sickles; Playing "Truth or Dare" and "I've Never" with your freaky friends, a psychopathic Transfiguration professor, a horny headmaster, a bath-hating lunatic, a reincarnated professor, a gay talk show host, an escaped convict, and a werewolf while you are all drunk: Priceless..."
The assorted Magical People just looked at her.
"Hermione" said Harry. "I hasten to remind you that no one here has a donkey's back arse what you're on about except Graham and he's too pissed for it to register properly."
"Oh, yeah, sorry, I forgot..." Hermone said looking sheepish. "Just forget I ever said anything, Graham, do your dare."
Everyone continued staring at her for a bit more before finally pestering Graham to do his dare.
"Look, I'm famous, I shouldn't have to do this." Graham protested. Severus very kindly explained that no one in the wizard world had heard of him and his dare was one kiss per capita. If per capita was a problem then decapita could be arranged.
"Oh, fine, but I want compensation, you sick bastards." Graham grumbled.
"Oooh, look who's talking!" Ginny whispered to Draco.
Graham, miserably watched by McGonagall, who was making very threatening gestures with her wand, kissed all the females in the room very quickly, barely touching them at all.
Then he mooooooooooved (sorry, got carried away) on to the male students, then quickly just gave Dumbledore a bit of paper saying 'IOU' and paused, drinking more beer.
"Gods, only three to go." He muttered to himself, kissing Lupin and Sirius, who looked a bit scared, before moving on to Snape.
"Saved the best till last." He mumbled quickly before kissing Severus and going and sitting in the corner reading the assorted graffiti on the wall.
"Oh, hang on, little mad boy, over there..." He said, waving his hand vaguely to his left.
"Me?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, T or D?"
"D, I think, though if you make me kiss anyone then I will be forced to kill you."
"Fine, fine, I'm not as twisted as your excuse for a friend over there anyway. Um, I dare you to do the wossname flick from Pecker, you know, with the fucking rats."
Sirius raised an eyebrow.
"I used to have a friend who was a rat, they aren't that bad!"
"No, but in Pecker they literally are fucking!" Graham said. Harry groaned.
"You mean I have to make the rats fuck?" He asked.
"No, no, just take pictures."
"Yeah, like hell you aren't sick and twisted." Said Harry unhappily, conjuring some horny rats and a camera.
He took the photos and sent the camera off to the Dark Room, a little insignificant room where the cameras are kept and undisciplined children are sold as slaves to work in the film processing.
Now they just had to wait for the results...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Author's Note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
right, I can't be bothered to do review replies at the moment because it take too long and you lot don't seem too patient for this chapter. If I took longer you'd have my head on a stake for sure.
Also, it has come to my attention that someone, not mentioning any names *coughRASTACHICKcough* has been using reviews for this story as plugs for someone else's story.
Please please PLEASE do not do this, it takes up review space and it takes up my time reading and deleting the bloody thing.
If you want to make plugs then either do it on your own website, your own fanfiction page or just bugger off!
Muchas gracias, as our little Spanish Friends say
~Spunkz~