Authors Note: I am going on holiday so there will be a pause in the
updates. Shot gun? What shot gun - *drops dead*
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Harry nervously waited for the photos to come out of the dark room and a little bouncy furby-type thing bounced up and said, in a squeaky voice not unlike Flitwicks',
"Much sorrys, the printer run out of ink has done. Photos you must wait until, tomorrow probably. Time we your thank for your..."
It bounced back off again.
Ron was still trying to work out what it had said when Harry asked him the dreaded question.
"Hey, Ron, truth or dare?"
Ron pondered this question for a while. Granted, it wasn't as hard as the Potions Essay Snape had set them a week back, but it was still quite tough.
"Erm, Truth, I'm allergic to rats anyhoo." He said finally. Harry sniggered.
"Okies... what is the must embarrassing thing you've ever done but never told any of your family?" Harry asked. Ron blushed.
"Erm, I - my - erm... my - erm... thingy..... it - erm - looks a bit like a vegetable - erm - turnip - and I used to - erm - hide in the - erm - grocery stall - erm - and - I - my ... scare the children..."
Severus fell off his chair laughing. Graham knelt down in front of Ron and clasped his hands together as though praying.
"Please can you come on my show? You're just the sort of random arsehole that makes it a success." He begged. Ron just stared.
"Um...ok..."
For the rest of the afternoon, someone just have to mention the word 'turnip' to sent everyone into fits of hysterics.
Ron, blushing, turned to Draco.
"Malfoy, truth or dare?"
"Dare, I don't want to embarrass myself by telling you all about my family traumas." Draco drawled. Ginny grinned.
"Nah, you'll just embarrass yourself by doing a stupid dare. This is a Weasley we're talking about."
"Ok, Malfoy, I dare you to do the bullfights." Said Ron, conjuring up a black bull and somehow turning Draco into a Matador."
"What in the name of holy arse?" Draco cried, waving his nice new red cloth about unwittingly.
The bull saw the flappy cloth and ran at Draco, who lost his nerve and ran round and round the hall being chased by the killer bull. Lupin saw the nametag on the bull's ear.
"You called your mad, wild killer bull Flopsy?" He asked Ron. Ron smiled happily and nodded.
"Yeah. From the Peter Rabbit books. I have five killer bulls called Peter, Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottentail and Benjamin Bunny."
Remus immediately wrote an owl to St Mungos.
Draco was still running from the bull, watched by the Gryffindors, Sirius, Severus and Graham. Graham was more into it than anyone else, shouting 'olé' and jumping about waving an Ireland flag.
"To tell you the truth, soccer isn't my world at all and all I know about boxing is that it's not 'someone may punch you' I mean, that's the whole point. Olé" He babbled pointlessly.
No one asked him what the hell he was on about. They just ignored him, putting it down to the alcohol. Little did they know he was always like this.
Flopsy the bull was tiring, as Draco's stamina was boosted because he was running to save himself being mangled. Flopsy suddenly keeled over, legs straight in the air, and gave a kind of squeak/roar as his energy-loss made him disapparate.
Draco gave a kind of ragged cheer, but his happiness soon turned to mild fear as he realised Ron was angry because Flopsy was hurt.
Ron, turning into a kind of possessed Hagrid obsessing over his pets, chased Draco round some more until Draco was sure that he had died of dizziness. There was a little worn through circle on the carpet where he had been running.
"Reparo." Severus said, sounding bored.
The bouncy furby thing bounced back, handing the photos to Graham, who bit his lip and snickered insanely before giving them to Harry.
They were nice, moving photos of the two very friendly rats, which had somehow discovered bondage.
Harry's mouth made the infamous 's' shape of um before he ritually burn - sacrificed the photos to Osiris.
Draco, having regained his breath, turned to Remus who had been getting off rather lightly on the dare front.
"Professor Lupin, truth or dare?" He asked. Remus paused and then answered
"Dare" in a very unsure nervous voice.
"I dare you to eat something cooked by Graham."
Graham froze and then said
"Are you sure you want to inflict this on the poor bugger? I'm Irish, you know, we cook things like potatoes. Anyway, the only thing I can cook is Irish Stew."
Everyone in the room shuddered.
"Please don't make me eat the Irish Stew..." Remus begged. Draco smirked.
"Just cook it, Graham."
Everyone had to wait for a while as Graham cooked the Irish Stew the muggle way, being as (drum roll) he is a muggle. Then Severus and Drac tied Remus to a chair and spoon fed him the stew.
Remus was protesting violently as Graham watched, not without a feeling of impending dread.
"You *cough* you - you - *hack hack* will - you - kill - *retch* full - moon *choke* you - kill - spoon - *urgh urgh* shitehole!"
Even in the drama of the moment, Graham couldn't help wondering.
"Shitehole? What fresh hell?"
Minerva suddenly and very randomly poked Quirrell and asked him to help her read a strange word.
"Cwm - byr - Llaffrywn?" Quirrell read. "What in the name of pink bananas is Cwn - byr Llaffrywn?"
"Don't look at me, that's Welsh." Graham said , shaking his head.
"You know, I heard on the Muggle radio one time that there was no such thing as the Welsh." Harry said conversationally. "It said the Welsh were just Scottish and English that couldn't spell, and though they called themselves Welsh, everywhere else in the world they were called dyslexic."
"Oi!" Hermione snarled, being part Welsh.
"Hey, I never said it was true! I just heard it on the radio!"
Hermione had her wand whipped out and pointed at Harry but she suddenly realised the time and the date on the Lunar Chart before looking at the figure in the chair surrounded by Irish Stew.
"Holy shit!" She cried. Remus was no longer Remus but a big hairy canine creature with bad breath and a worse temper.
"Run, Graham! Run!"
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Way - hey! I just got back from Wales (the torture)
Thank you to all my reviewers! Thank you to all people who have given me ideas and comments, I love you all.
Look, it's Graham Norton himself come to say hi!
GN: Yeah, Spunkz raided my house and forced me to come be her pet for the next however many years. So she forced me in this story and I must say. You people must have really really sad lives if you have nothing to do apart from read this shi -
Me: Yes, well, enough said there. Graham's still a bit bitter about the whole Dumbledore thing.
GN: Too Godsdamn right!
Me: Shut up now Graham, we have to go write the next chapter!
Both: *leave*
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Harry nervously waited for the photos to come out of the dark room and a little bouncy furby-type thing bounced up and said, in a squeaky voice not unlike Flitwicks',
"Much sorrys, the printer run out of ink has done. Photos you must wait until, tomorrow probably. Time we your thank for your..."
It bounced back off again.
Ron was still trying to work out what it had said when Harry asked him the dreaded question.
"Hey, Ron, truth or dare?"
Ron pondered this question for a while. Granted, it wasn't as hard as the Potions Essay Snape had set them a week back, but it was still quite tough.
"Erm, Truth, I'm allergic to rats anyhoo." He said finally. Harry sniggered.
"Okies... what is the must embarrassing thing you've ever done but never told any of your family?" Harry asked. Ron blushed.
"Erm, I - my - erm... my - erm... thingy..... it - erm - looks a bit like a vegetable - erm - turnip - and I used to - erm - hide in the - erm - grocery stall - erm - and - I - my ... scare the children..."
Severus fell off his chair laughing. Graham knelt down in front of Ron and clasped his hands together as though praying.
"Please can you come on my show? You're just the sort of random arsehole that makes it a success." He begged. Ron just stared.
"Um...ok..."
For the rest of the afternoon, someone just have to mention the word 'turnip' to sent everyone into fits of hysterics.
Ron, blushing, turned to Draco.
"Malfoy, truth or dare?"
"Dare, I don't want to embarrass myself by telling you all about my family traumas." Draco drawled. Ginny grinned.
"Nah, you'll just embarrass yourself by doing a stupid dare. This is a Weasley we're talking about."
"Ok, Malfoy, I dare you to do the bullfights." Said Ron, conjuring up a black bull and somehow turning Draco into a Matador."
"What in the name of holy arse?" Draco cried, waving his nice new red cloth about unwittingly.
The bull saw the flappy cloth and ran at Draco, who lost his nerve and ran round and round the hall being chased by the killer bull. Lupin saw the nametag on the bull's ear.
"You called your mad, wild killer bull Flopsy?" He asked Ron. Ron smiled happily and nodded.
"Yeah. From the Peter Rabbit books. I have five killer bulls called Peter, Flopsy, Mopsy, Cottentail and Benjamin Bunny."
Remus immediately wrote an owl to St Mungos.
Draco was still running from the bull, watched by the Gryffindors, Sirius, Severus and Graham. Graham was more into it than anyone else, shouting 'olé' and jumping about waving an Ireland flag.
"To tell you the truth, soccer isn't my world at all and all I know about boxing is that it's not 'someone may punch you' I mean, that's the whole point. Olé" He babbled pointlessly.
No one asked him what the hell he was on about. They just ignored him, putting it down to the alcohol. Little did they know he was always like this.
Flopsy the bull was tiring, as Draco's stamina was boosted because he was running to save himself being mangled. Flopsy suddenly keeled over, legs straight in the air, and gave a kind of squeak/roar as his energy-loss made him disapparate.
Draco gave a kind of ragged cheer, but his happiness soon turned to mild fear as he realised Ron was angry because Flopsy was hurt.
Ron, turning into a kind of possessed Hagrid obsessing over his pets, chased Draco round some more until Draco was sure that he had died of dizziness. There was a little worn through circle on the carpet where he had been running.
"Reparo." Severus said, sounding bored.
The bouncy furby thing bounced back, handing the photos to Graham, who bit his lip and snickered insanely before giving them to Harry.
They were nice, moving photos of the two very friendly rats, which had somehow discovered bondage.
Harry's mouth made the infamous 's' shape of um before he ritually burn - sacrificed the photos to Osiris.
Draco, having regained his breath, turned to Remus who had been getting off rather lightly on the dare front.
"Professor Lupin, truth or dare?" He asked. Remus paused and then answered
"Dare" in a very unsure nervous voice.
"I dare you to eat something cooked by Graham."
Graham froze and then said
"Are you sure you want to inflict this on the poor bugger? I'm Irish, you know, we cook things like potatoes. Anyway, the only thing I can cook is Irish Stew."
Everyone in the room shuddered.
"Please don't make me eat the Irish Stew..." Remus begged. Draco smirked.
"Just cook it, Graham."
Everyone had to wait for a while as Graham cooked the Irish Stew the muggle way, being as (drum roll) he is a muggle. Then Severus and Drac tied Remus to a chair and spoon fed him the stew.
Remus was protesting violently as Graham watched, not without a feeling of impending dread.
"You *cough* you - you - *hack hack* will - you - kill - *retch* full - moon *choke* you - kill - spoon - *urgh urgh* shitehole!"
Even in the drama of the moment, Graham couldn't help wondering.
"Shitehole? What fresh hell?"
Minerva suddenly and very randomly poked Quirrell and asked him to help her read a strange word.
"Cwm - byr - Llaffrywn?" Quirrell read. "What in the name of pink bananas is Cwn - byr Llaffrywn?"
"Don't look at me, that's Welsh." Graham said , shaking his head.
"You know, I heard on the Muggle radio one time that there was no such thing as the Welsh." Harry said conversationally. "It said the Welsh were just Scottish and English that couldn't spell, and though they called themselves Welsh, everywhere else in the world they were called dyslexic."
"Oi!" Hermione snarled, being part Welsh.
"Hey, I never said it was true! I just heard it on the radio!"
Hermione had her wand whipped out and pointed at Harry but she suddenly realised the time and the date on the Lunar Chart before looking at the figure in the chair surrounded by Irish Stew.
"Holy shit!" She cried. Remus was no longer Remus but a big hairy canine creature with bad breath and a worse temper.
"Run, Graham! Run!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Way - hey! I just got back from Wales (the torture)
Thank you to all my reviewers! Thank you to all people who have given me ideas and comments, I love you all.
Look, it's Graham Norton himself come to say hi!
GN: Yeah, Spunkz raided my house and forced me to come be her pet for the next however many years. So she forced me in this story and I must say. You people must have really really sad lives if you have nothing to do apart from read this shi -
Me: Yes, well, enough said there. Graham's still a bit bitter about the whole Dumbledore thing.
GN: Too Godsdamn right!
Me: Shut up now Graham, we have to go write the next chapter!
Both: *leave*