Graham found himself running wildly, trying to escape the amazingly pissed
off werewolf chasing him. The thoughts that maybe the gym wasn't so useless
after all rose unbidden into his head.
"Bugger off!" He snapped at them.
Hermione was trying to subdue Remus with her silver necklace, not realising that it was cheap, tacky pewter. Graham tried reasoning with his pursuer.
"Look, I didn't bugger up the stew on purpose! I can tell you, you are impressing no one with this type of behaviour! Don't just stand there laughing, you arsehole! Do something!"
Draco, the one addressed by Graham, conjured up a deckchair and sat watching.
"I didn't mean that!" Graham groaned. Minerva, who was getting bored, shone an indiscreet silver...thing at Remus, who whined and sat next to Sirius. Graham flopped, panting, on a chair.
Dumbledore, who had sought of the affects of enchanted sleep, woke up and began rubbing his head.
"Oww!! How much did I drink?" He moaned. "What on earth was I doing last night and who was I doing it with?"
There was an awkward silence.
"I'll explain later." Minerva said, not wanting to break to Dumbledore that he had been made to kiss a gay man.
Ron and Harry were doubled up in fits of hysterical laughter.
"How shall we fend for our fine food when our Food Feed has been filched by a furtive fury fiend, Crab of Ineffable Wisdom?" Harry asked Ron.
"Follow the furtive fury fiend and face so you force him to forsake the Food Feed for the fine Food we fend for." Ron answered jokingly. Both of them burst into insane creepy giggles. Dumbledore glanced at them.
"Just...what?" Hermione asked.
"Fancy a game of Quidditch, Harry?" Ron asked his friend.
"Your mother sucks dogs in hell, Professor Gibbigong!" Harry growled, making a face like a vampire. Both of them giggled again.
"Oh, grow up!" Severus snapped.
"Mr Snape is very cross." Ron pointed out.
"Indeed." Harry admitted.
"What d'you reckon happens to naughty students gone astray?" Ron asked.
"Uncle Sev fries them alive with his Hex Vision!" Harry answered, collapsing into another bout of giggles with Ron.
"Um...right." Said Minerva uncertainly, turning away from the now hiccupping couple.
"Can I put my shirt back on now, I'm cold!" Quirrell complained.
"No you can not!" Ginny cried, before blushing madly and wandering off towards the other end of the table, where Sirius and Hermione were turning Draco into a Potato and back.
"How the hell can you get cold, you're a ghost!" Minerva snapped.
"Don't remind me."
"Oh, it's Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve, I'm out of my mind!" Sirius said happily.
"Graham...?" Dumbledore asked, smirking in a way that would have made Slytherin himself proud.
"No! I refuse to dress up as a leprechaun tomorrow!" Graham shook his head.
"You did for Dolly Parton." Dumbledore reminded him.
"Well, she was dressed as a reindeer. Anyway, she's Dolly Parton. You don't say no to Dolly Parton!" Graham protested.
"Well, I'm Albus Dumbledore and you don't say no to me either." Snapped Dumbledore, making a very threatening gesture with his wand at a certain body part Graham would very much like to keep intact at the moment.
"But they poke me with a stick; they make me." Graham answered, trying one last feeble protest.
"I'm making you too, and trust me, if this stick pokes you then you will be in a considerable amount of pain and you will have to change your name to Greta." Dumbledore threatened, indicating his wand, which was still pointed at Graham's nether regions.
Graham buried his head in his hands as defeat before he noticed the time.
"Good god, it's half ten!" He whispered, amazed. "We should all go to bed now!"
Dumbledore conjured up some purple sleeping bags and Graham placed his next to the students' instead of the adults, being as he was feeling threatened by not only Remus but also Dumbledore as well, and that Quirrell bloke looked very dodgy.
And, by the expression on Snap's face, he was more than capable of child- murder, so the students needed someone to protect them. Graham tried this reasoning and it sounded good enough to let him sleep by the children.
"Merry Christmas Eve everyone!" Someone shouted. About thirteen different hexes hit the person and he/she fell silent.
Graham had to endure Ron and Draco, who had somehow become quite friendly and were talking about Quidditch.
"D'you remember, Ron, Cork Camels? They won the Fenchinius Lana cup! Fenchinius Lana... thing is, he looked like a cup! Great big ears, like handles." Draco chuckled. Ron answered.
"Yeah, I remember him. Didn't he have a mate, Gasgon Thea? He looked like a wand had exploded in his face, great big red blotches and puffy fish lips bigger than the rest of his head.
"Yeah, old trout pout."
Graham wondered if he would be able to go the night without causing one of them serious injury or perhaps death. By apoplexy. Even ulcer could be fatal.
Ah, well, better give it a try.
Here goes...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you want to see a picture of Graham Norton dressed up as a leprechaun with Dolly Parton, then just email me at voregan@whsmithnet.co.uk and I'll be happy to send you one (or two)!
"Bugger off!" He snapped at them.
Hermione was trying to subdue Remus with her silver necklace, not realising that it was cheap, tacky pewter. Graham tried reasoning with his pursuer.
"Look, I didn't bugger up the stew on purpose! I can tell you, you are impressing no one with this type of behaviour! Don't just stand there laughing, you arsehole! Do something!"
Draco, the one addressed by Graham, conjured up a deckchair and sat watching.
"I didn't mean that!" Graham groaned. Minerva, who was getting bored, shone an indiscreet silver...thing at Remus, who whined and sat next to Sirius. Graham flopped, panting, on a chair.
Dumbledore, who had sought of the affects of enchanted sleep, woke up and began rubbing his head.
"Oww!! How much did I drink?" He moaned. "What on earth was I doing last night and who was I doing it with?"
There was an awkward silence.
"I'll explain later." Minerva said, not wanting to break to Dumbledore that he had been made to kiss a gay man.
Ron and Harry were doubled up in fits of hysterical laughter.
"How shall we fend for our fine food when our Food Feed has been filched by a furtive fury fiend, Crab of Ineffable Wisdom?" Harry asked Ron.
"Follow the furtive fury fiend and face so you force him to forsake the Food Feed for the fine Food we fend for." Ron answered jokingly. Both of them burst into insane creepy giggles. Dumbledore glanced at them.
"Just...what?" Hermione asked.
"Fancy a game of Quidditch, Harry?" Ron asked his friend.
"Your mother sucks dogs in hell, Professor Gibbigong!" Harry growled, making a face like a vampire. Both of them giggled again.
"Oh, grow up!" Severus snapped.
"Mr Snape is very cross." Ron pointed out.
"Indeed." Harry admitted.
"What d'you reckon happens to naughty students gone astray?" Ron asked.
"Uncle Sev fries them alive with his Hex Vision!" Harry answered, collapsing into another bout of giggles with Ron.
"Um...right." Said Minerva uncertainly, turning away from the now hiccupping couple.
"Can I put my shirt back on now, I'm cold!" Quirrell complained.
"No you can not!" Ginny cried, before blushing madly and wandering off towards the other end of the table, where Sirius and Hermione were turning Draco into a Potato and back.
"How the hell can you get cold, you're a ghost!" Minerva snapped.
"Don't remind me."
"Oh, it's Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve, I'm out of my mind!" Sirius said happily.
"Graham...?" Dumbledore asked, smirking in a way that would have made Slytherin himself proud.
"No! I refuse to dress up as a leprechaun tomorrow!" Graham shook his head.
"You did for Dolly Parton." Dumbledore reminded him.
"Well, she was dressed as a reindeer. Anyway, she's Dolly Parton. You don't say no to Dolly Parton!" Graham protested.
"Well, I'm Albus Dumbledore and you don't say no to me either." Snapped Dumbledore, making a very threatening gesture with his wand at a certain body part Graham would very much like to keep intact at the moment.
"But they poke me with a stick; they make me." Graham answered, trying one last feeble protest.
"I'm making you too, and trust me, if this stick pokes you then you will be in a considerable amount of pain and you will have to change your name to Greta." Dumbledore threatened, indicating his wand, which was still pointed at Graham's nether regions.
Graham buried his head in his hands as defeat before he noticed the time.
"Good god, it's half ten!" He whispered, amazed. "We should all go to bed now!"
Dumbledore conjured up some purple sleeping bags and Graham placed his next to the students' instead of the adults, being as he was feeling threatened by not only Remus but also Dumbledore as well, and that Quirrell bloke looked very dodgy.
And, by the expression on Snap's face, he was more than capable of child- murder, so the students needed someone to protect them. Graham tried this reasoning and it sounded good enough to let him sleep by the children.
"Merry Christmas Eve everyone!" Someone shouted. About thirteen different hexes hit the person and he/she fell silent.
Graham had to endure Ron and Draco, who had somehow become quite friendly and were talking about Quidditch.
"D'you remember, Ron, Cork Camels? They won the Fenchinius Lana cup! Fenchinius Lana... thing is, he looked like a cup! Great big ears, like handles." Draco chuckled. Ron answered.
"Yeah, I remember him. Didn't he have a mate, Gasgon Thea? He looked like a wand had exploded in his face, great big red blotches and puffy fish lips bigger than the rest of his head.
"Yeah, old trout pout."
Graham wondered if he would be able to go the night without causing one of them serious injury or perhaps death. By apoplexy. Even ulcer could be fatal.
Ah, well, better give it a try.
Here goes...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If you want to see a picture of Graham Norton dressed up as a leprechaun with Dolly Parton, then just email me at voregan@whsmithnet.co.uk and I'll be happy to send you one (or two)!