Date: Christmas Day
Time: 6.30 am
Everyone was woken up by Severus' awful cries of rage, indignation and promises to murder the Gryffindors. He had woken up to find his hair had, somehow, been changed so instead of it's usually black, it was Gryffindor colours. Sirius and Remus had, for some reason, moved their sleeping bags away from him and towards Graham and the students.
Graham had managed to get through the night without causing serious injury to the infuriating little pricks surrounding him. He was having a nice dream about sexy men in leather pants when a roar suitable of a lion woke him up as Severus noticed his hair colour.
Sleepy - eyed students and yawning teachers crowded round the irate man, leaving him with quite a wide space between them. Minerva tried reasoning with him.
"Come on, Severus, it doesn't look that bad! It kind of suits you, actually....." She said pleadingly.
"WELL, YOU WOULD SAY THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? IT'S YOUR FECKIN HOUSE THAT I'VE BEEN FECKIN CURSED WITH!!!" Severus yelled at her, not in the least bit calmed. Her sentence had made him even angrier, if that was clinically possible. His dark, emotionless eyes were misting over, filling with emotions that not even Satan could behold. The students nearest him whimpered. Graham wrote an RIP for himself.
Luckily, Severus' wrath was deflected from the innocent and driven towards the guilty. Namely, Sirius and Remus, who was still in wolf - form as the moon was still up.
"CHANGE IT BACK YOU WANKERS!" Severus yelled at Sirius, who was helpless with fits of giggles.
"I can't. It's permanent." Sirius managed through the laughs. Severus' face contorted more, again seen as impossible by the psychologists.
"WHAT???" Severus almost screamed in fury. Sirius looked Severus in the face and saw a promise of suffering in the black eyes that made even him want to piss his pants. He gave a kind of horrified half-giggle.
"H'hee. No, it'll wear off by tonight, it's just our Festmas christations, I - I mean our Christmas Festations."
"You. Have. A. Tree." Severus pointed out icily.
"No... yes, I mean, well... ok, we just don't like you..." Sirius concluded lamely. Severus waved his wand and succeeded in turned Sirius in to a caterpillar.
The caterpillar immediately started weaving a cocoon in the knowledge that instead of hatching as a butterfly, he would hatch as a Sirius.
Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly in such a scarily good impression of Professor Umbridge (who had gone back to the Ministry of Magic for Christmas... look, don't ask, it's not Canon! it's a fanfic, leave me alone!) that many students a) looked round in shock and b) wondered why the hell Dumbledore sounded like a woman and liked snogging men.
Hmmm...
"Hem hem! I think that the... invigorating... Truth or Dare game be postponed..." Dumbledore began, to multiple groans from the students which soon turned to cheers as he finished his sentence. "...while we open presents, eat, open more presents, eat more, get on the festive fun and eat again!"
And Dumbledore transfigured Graham, who was trying to crawl out of the door unnoticed, into his lovely leprechaun outfit from Dollywood.
"Oi!" Ron shouted, annoyed with the distractions. "Oi! Boozer! Presents now!"
"Yes, indeed, oh Crab of Ineffable Wisdom." Harry said, bowing down. Quirrell gave a yell of surprise.
"Look! I have presents! I have presents! Someone actually forgot I died!" He cried, in some sort of ecstasy. Severus rolled his eyes, turning to his own pile which were all wrapped in Slytherin colours and contrasted nastily with his bright Gryffindor hair.
Graham looked miserably at everyone's present piles. Even Sirius and Remus had a pile each for when they recovered from their...encounters with nature. Because no one in the Muggle world knew where he had disappeared to, no one in the Muggle world had sent in presents.
No one in the MUGGLE world.
"Hey, Graham!" Hermione called. "Your pile's over here!"
"I have prezzies?" Graham asked in astonishment, rushing over to see them. The first one, from Severus, was a bit of a letdown. It was a Muggle-Poison potion. Graham screwed his face up at it and threw it in the bin, deciding it would be much safer not to approach the annoyed Potions Master while he had red and gold hair.
Severus had received, against popular expectation, quite a few presents, though most of them were from fellow Death Eaters.
"Dear Seviki missing you already love Crabbe" said Severus, reading a random note. "That's not right. In fact, that's just plain fucked up."
Harry got a dead woodlouse from the Dursleys, an all time low which was surprising as he hadn't done anything to piss them off since July, when he came home alive AGAIN.
Dumbledore was very happy with his presents. Harry had rallied round everyone in the school, telling them to send him socks. There were pink ones, blue ones, ones that bit your ankles (bet those were from Severus, the prick - Albus thought as the killer socks bit their way up his legs)
Possibly the most interesting present of the whole day belonged to Severus. It seemed a team of Death Eaters had got together with Voldemort himself and had sent him a virtual Death Eater as a Christmas present.
The Virtual Death Eater cursed virtual muggles and tortured virtual mudbloods on a viewing screen (like any normal Death Eater) but proved especially useful to Albus as revenge for the socks because it kept throwing out the odd Cruciatus curse or dangerous jinx at Snape.
The thing was also especially useful for the Order of the Phoenix, as Voldemort had foolishly put the time, date and whereabouts of all Death Eater meetings in the near future. Death Eaters weren't the only ones who would be going to those meetings now. There would be a full compliment of Aurors there also.
"Well, that's that!" Dumbledore said happily, waving his wand and sending everyone's presents up to their dormitories. "On with the celebrations!"
He pointed his wand threateningly at Graham's crotch area and Graham miserably walked up on stage.
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose! Like a lightbulb!
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed! LIKE A LIGHTBULB!" Graham sang sadly.
"All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. LIKE PINOCCHIO!
They wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!"
To Graham's utter delight, Hermione jumped up on stage dressed as a reindeer and took over for a couple of lines. Graham's confidence rose dramatically.
"Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to stay! (Ho Ho Ho)" Hermione sang. "Take it!"
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Graham answered. They finished in a nice duet.
"Then all the other reindeer laughed and shouted out with glee!
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, you'll go down in hii-stoor-ieee!" the concluded, and, to hearty clapping from Dumbledore, Graham kissed Hermione on the cheek. Hermione blushed.
"Crab of Ineffable Wisdom, who do you suggest goes next?" Ginny asked her brother.
"Quirrell, he hasn't had some punishment for a while."
"Oh, fine." Quirrell said sulkily, floating up to the stage.
"Casper, the friendly ghost, the friendliest ghost you know. La la la la lala la la la and children all love him so! He always says 'HELLO!' and he's really glad to meet you. Wherever you may go, he's kind to every living creature. Grown ups don't understand, but children love him the most. La la la lala la la la. Casper the friendly ghost!"
There was a stunned silence.
"Well, I don't see what it has to do with Christmas but I sure see the relevance to Quirrell." Harry managed. "Though I wouldn't exactly call him friendly."
"Oi!" Quirrell snapped. "I resent that!"
"I think that Ginny and Graham should sing Islands in the Stream duet!" Draco hollered, transfiguring Ginny so she was in a reindeer costume not unlike Hermione's, except maybe a bit more tightly fitting.
Ginny and Graham walked up on stage, Graham's self-confidence boosted dramatically because he wasn't the only one singing. Ginny started.
"Baby when I met you there was peace unknown
I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb
I was soft inside
There was something going on" She nodded at Graham, who took over in his (surprisingly) gruff singing voice. (Author A/N: Hey, if you ever heard Graham Norton speak you will know how surprising it is that his singing voice is gruff)
"You do something to me that I can't explain
Hold me closer and I feel no pain
Every beat of my heart
We got something going on"
Ginny and Graham sang together for the chorus.
"Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in between
How can we be wrong
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other , ah ha
From one lover to another , ah ha"
And, to wild applause, Graham kissed Ginny, who blushed like Hermione, on both cheeks, the two took a bow and the sun began to rise over the mountains...
...to be continued...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author Note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If anyone here has seen Graham goes to Dollywood, you will know that he did actually sing Islands in the Stream and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with Dolly Parton and his singing voice is actually remarkably low compared to his normal voice.
The wonders of Ireland, huh?
Time: 6.30 am
Everyone was woken up by Severus' awful cries of rage, indignation and promises to murder the Gryffindors. He had woken up to find his hair had, somehow, been changed so instead of it's usually black, it was Gryffindor colours. Sirius and Remus had, for some reason, moved their sleeping bags away from him and towards Graham and the students.
Graham had managed to get through the night without causing serious injury to the infuriating little pricks surrounding him. He was having a nice dream about sexy men in leather pants when a roar suitable of a lion woke him up as Severus noticed his hair colour.
Sleepy - eyed students and yawning teachers crowded round the irate man, leaving him with quite a wide space between them. Minerva tried reasoning with him.
"Come on, Severus, it doesn't look that bad! It kind of suits you, actually....." She said pleadingly.
"WELL, YOU WOULD SAY THAT, WOULDN'T YOU? IT'S YOUR FECKIN HOUSE THAT I'VE BEEN FECKIN CURSED WITH!!!" Severus yelled at her, not in the least bit calmed. Her sentence had made him even angrier, if that was clinically possible. His dark, emotionless eyes were misting over, filling with emotions that not even Satan could behold. The students nearest him whimpered. Graham wrote an RIP for himself.
Luckily, Severus' wrath was deflected from the innocent and driven towards the guilty. Namely, Sirius and Remus, who was still in wolf - form as the moon was still up.
"CHANGE IT BACK YOU WANKERS!" Severus yelled at Sirius, who was helpless with fits of giggles.
"I can't. It's permanent." Sirius managed through the laughs. Severus' face contorted more, again seen as impossible by the psychologists.
"WHAT???" Severus almost screamed in fury. Sirius looked Severus in the face and saw a promise of suffering in the black eyes that made even him want to piss his pants. He gave a kind of horrified half-giggle.
"H'hee. No, it'll wear off by tonight, it's just our Festmas christations, I - I mean our Christmas Festations."
"You. Have. A. Tree." Severus pointed out icily.
"No... yes, I mean, well... ok, we just don't like you..." Sirius concluded lamely. Severus waved his wand and succeeded in turned Sirius in to a caterpillar.
The caterpillar immediately started weaving a cocoon in the knowledge that instead of hatching as a butterfly, he would hatch as a Sirius.
Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly in such a scarily good impression of Professor Umbridge (who had gone back to the Ministry of Magic for Christmas... look, don't ask, it's not Canon! it's a fanfic, leave me alone!) that many students a) looked round in shock and b) wondered why the hell Dumbledore sounded like a woman and liked snogging men.
Hmmm...
"Hem hem! I think that the... invigorating... Truth or Dare game be postponed..." Dumbledore began, to multiple groans from the students which soon turned to cheers as he finished his sentence. "...while we open presents, eat, open more presents, eat more, get on the festive fun and eat again!"
And Dumbledore transfigured Graham, who was trying to crawl out of the door unnoticed, into his lovely leprechaun outfit from Dollywood.
"Oi!" Ron shouted, annoyed with the distractions. "Oi! Boozer! Presents now!"
"Yes, indeed, oh Crab of Ineffable Wisdom." Harry said, bowing down. Quirrell gave a yell of surprise.
"Look! I have presents! I have presents! Someone actually forgot I died!" He cried, in some sort of ecstasy. Severus rolled his eyes, turning to his own pile which were all wrapped in Slytherin colours and contrasted nastily with his bright Gryffindor hair.
Graham looked miserably at everyone's present piles. Even Sirius and Remus had a pile each for when they recovered from their...encounters with nature. Because no one in the Muggle world knew where he had disappeared to, no one in the Muggle world had sent in presents.
No one in the MUGGLE world.
"Hey, Graham!" Hermione called. "Your pile's over here!"
"I have prezzies?" Graham asked in astonishment, rushing over to see them. The first one, from Severus, was a bit of a letdown. It was a Muggle-Poison potion. Graham screwed his face up at it and threw it in the bin, deciding it would be much safer not to approach the annoyed Potions Master while he had red and gold hair.
Severus had received, against popular expectation, quite a few presents, though most of them were from fellow Death Eaters.
"Dear Seviki missing you already love Crabbe" said Severus, reading a random note. "That's not right. In fact, that's just plain fucked up."
Harry got a dead woodlouse from the Dursleys, an all time low which was surprising as he hadn't done anything to piss them off since July, when he came home alive AGAIN.
Dumbledore was very happy with his presents. Harry had rallied round everyone in the school, telling them to send him socks. There were pink ones, blue ones, ones that bit your ankles (bet those were from Severus, the prick - Albus thought as the killer socks bit their way up his legs)
Possibly the most interesting present of the whole day belonged to Severus. It seemed a team of Death Eaters had got together with Voldemort himself and had sent him a virtual Death Eater as a Christmas present.
The Virtual Death Eater cursed virtual muggles and tortured virtual mudbloods on a viewing screen (like any normal Death Eater) but proved especially useful to Albus as revenge for the socks because it kept throwing out the odd Cruciatus curse or dangerous jinx at Snape.
The thing was also especially useful for the Order of the Phoenix, as Voldemort had foolishly put the time, date and whereabouts of all Death Eater meetings in the near future. Death Eaters weren't the only ones who would be going to those meetings now. There would be a full compliment of Aurors there also.
"Well, that's that!" Dumbledore said happily, waving his wand and sending everyone's presents up to their dormitories. "On with the celebrations!"
He pointed his wand threateningly at Graham's crotch area and Graham miserably walked up on stage.
"Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a very shiny nose! Like a lightbulb!
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glowed! LIKE A LIGHTBULB!" Graham sang sadly.
"All of the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names. LIKE PINOCCHIO!
They wouldn't let poor Rudolph join in any reindeer games!"
To Graham's utter delight, Hermione jumped up on stage dressed as a reindeer and took over for a couple of lines. Graham's confidence rose dramatically.
"Then one foggy Christmas eve, Santa came to stay! (Ho Ho Ho)" Hermione sang. "Take it!"
"Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight?" Graham answered. They finished in a nice duet.
"Then all the other reindeer laughed and shouted out with glee!
Rudolph the red nosed reindeer, you'll go down in hii-stoor-ieee!" the concluded, and, to hearty clapping from Dumbledore, Graham kissed Hermione on the cheek. Hermione blushed.
"Crab of Ineffable Wisdom, who do you suggest goes next?" Ginny asked her brother.
"Quirrell, he hasn't had some punishment for a while."
"Oh, fine." Quirrell said sulkily, floating up to the stage.
"Casper, the friendly ghost, the friendliest ghost you know. La la la la lala la la la and children all love him so! He always says 'HELLO!' and he's really glad to meet you. Wherever you may go, he's kind to every living creature. Grown ups don't understand, but children love him the most. La la la lala la la la. Casper the friendly ghost!"
There was a stunned silence.
"Well, I don't see what it has to do with Christmas but I sure see the relevance to Quirrell." Harry managed. "Though I wouldn't exactly call him friendly."
"Oi!" Quirrell snapped. "I resent that!"
"I think that Ginny and Graham should sing Islands in the Stream duet!" Draco hollered, transfiguring Ginny so she was in a reindeer costume not unlike Hermione's, except maybe a bit more tightly fitting.
Ginny and Graham walked up on stage, Graham's self-confidence boosted dramatically because he wasn't the only one singing. Ginny started.
"Baby when I met you there was peace unknown
I set out to get you with a fine tooth comb
I was soft inside
There was something going on" She nodded at Graham, who took over in his (surprisingly) gruff singing voice. (Author A/N: Hey, if you ever heard Graham Norton speak you will know how surprising it is that his singing voice is gruff)
"You do something to me that I can't explain
Hold me closer and I feel no pain
Every beat of my heart
We got something going on"
Ginny and Graham sang together for the chorus.
"Islands in the stream
That is what we are
No one in between
How can we be wrong
Sail away with me
To another world
And we rely on each other , ah ha
From one lover to another , ah ha"
And, to wild applause, Graham kissed Ginny, who blushed like Hermione, on both cheeks, the two took a bow and the sun began to rise over the mountains...
...to be continued...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Author Note~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If anyone here has seen Graham goes to Dollywood, you will know that he did actually sing Islands in the Stream and Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer with Dolly Parton and his singing voice is actually remarkably low compared to his normal voice.
The wonders of Ireland, huh?