There was one present left in the corner. Remus and Sirius had opened
theirs, being now in fit state to do so. But this one present in the corner
was huge, and no one seemed to be able to work out who it was addressed to.
"Hang on, one sec... Graham! It's for you!" Dumbledore said, eying the fading writing along with the "Fragile! This Way Up!" and the arrow pointing towards the floor.
Graham opened the top and pulled out some human feet with a complementing body attached, before groaning and dropping the person on her head.
"Not you!" He whimpered. The girl grinned manically and brushed herself off. Everyone else was just staring, like some sort of conjuring trick had taken place, though instead of a bunny out of a hat, Graham had pulled the author out of the box.
"So nice of you." She sneered sarcastically.
"Who is this?" Remus asked.
"Some fan girl slash stalker. I think. She keeps writing to me and sending me weird thinks like cakes called Otis Spunkmeyer. She calls herself Pixie. Gods know why."
"Well, I used to call myself Spunkz to him, but he asked me if I was really that desperate so I changed it to my school nickname, Pixie. See?" the author said, as though it was the most blatantly obvious thing in the world. Which it was. Duh.
"Spare me the thought." Graham moaned.
"Shut up. Anyhow, what were you guys doing? Having an orgy?"
"You should know. You're the author." Quirrell pointed out.
"I know but I have a short term memory. Argh! Who the fuck are you?" Pixie asked hysterically. Severus had loomed in front of her vision in his own special way.
"Professor Severus Snape." He said stoically.
"Charmed. Did you know there's a book called "Cuss Control?" They have all sorts of funny alternatives to swearing."
"Like what?" Snape asked wearily, interested despite himself.
"Try: 'I don't think that's feasible,' instead of: 'No fucking way!' And try: 'I'll stay up late and get this done' instead of: 'When the fuck do you want me to do this?' My personal favourite is try: 'I wasn't involved with that project' instead of: 'it's not my fucking problem!'"
Minerva had had enough.
"I have chew toys." She said simply. Pixie grinned.
"Wheeeeeeee!"
Dumbledore stepped forward.
"Lets play truth or dare again. I'm bored and I have a hangover and also vague recollections of kissing Graham."
Pixie turned an enraged eye on the man.
"you kissed THAT???"
"Shut up." Said Dumbledore, rubbing his head. "Severus, truth or dare?"
"Dare." Was the emotionless answer.
"Pay a ten pound fine or take a chance." Dumbledore said. Severus blinked.
"Pardon?"
"Sorry, wrong game. I dare you to take the lucky dip of 99.9%-death-or-at- least-certain-misery"
Snape's brain worked out what had just been said.
"And if I don't?"
"I'll set Graham on you."
Graham frowned.
"What am I now, some sort of dog?"
"Shut up, Lassie." Dumbledore said offhandedly as he conjured up the fabled lucky dip. Snape plunged his hand in, pulling out a slip of paper.
" ' hahahahahahahah get drenched you bastard'?" He read. "Sometimes I worry about you, Albus."
Harry grinned at Severus.
"You were lucky, sir. I've seen some of the things in there and they aren't as nice."
There was no time for any more conversation as Dumbledore threw a bucket of water over Snape. Graham, who was opposite Albus, shouted "NO!" but, because the mere fear of humans was not enough to stop gravity, apart from in some rare cases in the far east where people levitate to avoid the Curse of the Angry Wife, the water soaked him anyway.
"I didn't really work out the projectory of that water, did?" He asked. "I thought 'he's throwing it over him. It'll never reach me!"
Unfortunately, it had done.
"Pixie, truth or dare?" Severus asked the new comer.
"Truth. I can remember some of the dares I gave you. I'm not giving you a chance for revenge!"
Severus seethed inwardly, though appearing like a cucumber on the outside. Not green and a dodgy shape, but cool and calm, because it is not physically possible for a cucumber, or any organically grown product to feel frustrated, although there has been the odd case where a tomato has launched itself out of a catapult to break a window or a nose purely out of spite and revenge for the cannibal like eating of its cousins.
"What is the thing you want most in the world?" He asked. Pixie seemed to meditate on the question for a while.
"A male gay best friend and a scythe."
"What hell?" Severus asked, unable to stop himself.
"Well, gay people are cool, everyone knows that" (in the corner Graham glowed with pride) "and I've always wanted to look like the grim reaper to scare the tax collector away."
Everyone nodded. It seemed like a good strategy.
"Do you pay tax, then?" Draco asked suddenly.
"Oh, I live in Birmingham. Everyone pays tax." Pixie stated flatly. "It's pay tax or get shot. In the head. With a silver bullet. Even if you aren't a werewolf."
"Ouch!" Remus shuddered. "Nasty treatment."
"Thank God for the lovely Government and their lovely anti-crime laws. It's really stopped all of the murders in the world, hasn't it?" Ron asked.
"Don't be sarcastic." Harry snapped.
"Why?" Ron asked.
"It's my job." Harry snapped. (It's supposed to be repetitive on the adjectives part, by the way)
Severus just raised an eyebrow.
Kids these days. They take everything for granted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right, this is where I need your help. I need you guys to take a vote, and this will affect the story in the later chapters.
Rules: Vote once. Not once for each category, just... once. And give a reason. Even if it's only "he's fun", I want a reason.
Vote for your favourite person based on my characterisations of them in this story. To make it easier for you I have split them up in to three categories. YOU MAY ONLY PICK ONE!
ADULTS-
Professor Severus Snape
Professor Remus Lupin
Professor Albus Dumbledore
Professor Minerva McGonagall
Professor Slatero Quirrell
Sirius Black
ADOLESCENTS-
Harry Potter
Ron Weasley
Ginny Weasley
Hermione Granger
Draco Malfoy
GUEST STARS-
Graham Norton
Pixie
Thank you very much. This is really important because I will be using the results as a plot device. Please take the time to vote using the review button down there *points*
"Hang on, one sec... Graham! It's for you!" Dumbledore said, eying the fading writing along with the "Fragile! This Way Up!" and the arrow pointing towards the floor.
Graham opened the top and pulled out some human feet with a complementing body attached, before groaning and dropping the person on her head.
"Not you!" He whimpered. The girl grinned manically and brushed herself off. Everyone else was just staring, like some sort of conjuring trick had taken place, though instead of a bunny out of a hat, Graham had pulled the author out of the box.
"So nice of you." She sneered sarcastically.
"Who is this?" Remus asked.
"Some fan girl slash stalker. I think. She keeps writing to me and sending me weird thinks like cakes called Otis Spunkmeyer. She calls herself Pixie. Gods know why."
"Well, I used to call myself Spunkz to him, but he asked me if I was really that desperate so I changed it to my school nickname, Pixie. See?" the author said, as though it was the most blatantly obvious thing in the world. Which it was. Duh.
"Spare me the thought." Graham moaned.
"Shut up. Anyhow, what were you guys doing? Having an orgy?"
"You should know. You're the author." Quirrell pointed out.
"I know but I have a short term memory. Argh! Who the fuck are you?" Pixie asked hysterically. Severus had loomed in front of her vision in his own special way.
"Professor Severus Snape." He said stoically.
"Charmed. Did you know there's a book called "Cuss Control?" They have all sorts of funny alternatives to swearing."
"Like what?" Snape asked wearily, interested despite himself.
"Try: 'I don't think that's feasible,' instead of: 'No fucking way!' And try: 'I'll stay up late and get this done' instead of: 'When the fuck do you want me to do this?' My personal favourite is try: 'I wasn't involved with that project' instead of: 'it's not my fucking problem!'"
Minerva had had enough.
"I have chew toys." She said simply. Pixie grinned.
"Wheeeeeeee!"
Dumbledore stepped forward.
"Lets play truth or dare again. I'm bored and I have a hangover and also vague recollections of kissing Graham."
Pixie turned an enraged eye on the man.
"you kissed THAT???"
"Shut up." Said Dumbledore, rubbing his head. "Severus, truth or dare?"
"Dare." Was the emotionless answer.
"Pay a ten pound fine or take a chance." Dumbledore said. Severus blinked.
"Pardon?"
"Sorry, wrong game. I dare you to take the lucky dip of 99.9%-death-or-at- least-certain-misery"
Snape's brain worked out what had just been said.
"And if I don't?"
"I'll set Graham on you."
Graham frowned.
"What am I now, some sort of dog?"
"Shut up, Lassie." Dumbledore said offhandedly as he conjured up the fabled lucky dip. Snape plunged his hand in, pulling out a slip of paper.
" ' hahahahahahahah get drenched you bastard'?" He read. "Sometimes I worry about you, Albus."
Harry grinned at Severus.
"You were lucky, sir. I've seen some of the things in there and they aren't as nice."
There was no time for any more conversation as Dumbledore threw a bucket of water over Snape. Graham, who was opposite Albus, shouted "NO!" but, because the mere fear of humans was not enough to stop gravity, apart from in some rare cases in the far east where people levitate to avoid the Curse of the Angry Wife, the water soaked him anyway.
"I didn't really work out the projectory of that water, did?" He asked. "I thought 'he's throwing it over him. It'll never reach me!"
Unfortunately, it had done.
"Pixie, truth or dare?" Severus asked the new comer.
"Truth. I can remember some of the dares I gave you. I'm not giving you a chance for revenge!"
Severus seethed inwardly, though appearing like a cucumber on the outside. Not green and a dodgy shape, but cool and calm, because it is not physically possible for a cucumber, or any organically grown product to feel frustrated, although there has been the odd case where a tomato has launched itself out of a catapult to break a window or a nose purely out of spite and revenge for the cannibal like eating of its cousins.
"What is the thing you want most in the world?" He asked. Pixie seemed to meditate on the question for a while.
"A male gay best friend and a scythe."
"What hell?" Severus asked, unable to stop himself.
"Well, gay people are cool, everyone knows that" (in the corner Graham glowed with pride) "and I've always wanted to look like the grim reaper to scare the tax collector away."
Everyone nodded. It seemed like a good strategy.
"Do you pay tax, then?" Draco asked suddenly.
"Oh, I live in Birmingham. Everyone pays tax." Pixie stated flatly. "It's pay tax or get shot. In the head. With a silver bullet. Even if you aren't a werewolf."
"Ouch!" Remus shuddered. "Nasty treatment."
"Thank God for the lovely Government and their lovely anti-crime laws. It's really stopped all of the murders in the world, hasn't it?" Ron asked.
"Don't be sarcastic." Harry snapped.
"Why?" Ron asked.
"It's my job." Harry snapped. (It's supposed to be repetitive on the adjectives part, by the way)
Severus just raised an eyebrow.
Kids these days. They take everything for granted.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Right, this is where I need your help. I need you guys to take a vote, and this will affect the story in the later chapters.
Rules: Vote once. Not once for each category, just... once. And give a reason. Even if it's only "he's fun", I want a reason.
Vote for your favourite person based on my characterisations of them in this story. To make it easier for you I have split them up in to three categories. YOU MAY ONLY PICK ONE!
ADULTS-
Professor Severus Snape
Professor Remus Lupin
Professor Albus Dumbledore
Professor Minerva McGonagall
Professor Slatero Quirrell
Sirius Black
ADOLESCENTS-
Harry Potter
Ron Weasley
Ginny Weasley
Hermione Granger
Draco Malfoy
GUEST STARS-
Graham Norton
Pixie
Thank you very much. This is really important because I will be using the results as a plot device. Please take the time to vote using the review button down there *points*