Graham woke blurry-eyed the morning after. He had a hangover, and his chest
was being crushed by something. He squinted at it. Something with black
hair. Something asleep. Something vaguely human-shaped.
"HOLY SHIT IN A CAN!!!!" He yelled, as the realisation hit him and he jumped up, throwing the sleeping Severus off him.
As expected, his cries woke just about everyone, and they wondered vaguely what the hell was going on. Dumbledore smirked in a way worthy of a Malfoy into his pillow. Everyone else made a circle around the two, Graham who was accusing and Severus, who was wide-eyed and shaking.
"You bastard!" Graham spat, pointing the finger of shame at Snape, who stared at it like it might explode.
"I didn't mean it!" He wailed. "I could have sworn I went to sleep over there!" He waved his hand somewhere in the direction where Dumbledore was sniggering.
"Oh, yes? And you sleepwalked and sleep-slept on top of me, did you?" Graham replayed this last sentence in his mind. It seemed to make sense, but, then again, he was still a bit tipsy.
"I don't know how it happened!" Severus insisted, close to tears. Graham just stared at him in disgust.
"I thought the magical community accepted gays, but now I learn that they just take advantage of them instead."
"That's not what I did..." Severus mumbled.
"Fine! I get the idea." Graham whispered dangerously. "I get the idea. I'm leaving."
And he stumbled in an almost-straight line out into the snow.
Dumbledore smacked himself in the forehead. Why was the muggle being difficult? It was time for Severus to come out and the Muggle was the key, but the arsehole had left instead of reasoning.
"Slap! Oi" He muttered. Severus stared in horror at the closed door. Everyone else was blank.
"Severus, what did you do?" Minerva asked curiously.
"I don't know!" Severus moaned, obviously distressed. "I just woke up and I was on top of him. I don't know how the fuck it happened either."
"How much did you drink last night?" Minerva questioned, matter of factly, to the assorted giggles of the students.
"Ah, he'll be back when the beer wears off." Sirius shrugged, answering an unasked question. "That's what he was like when we met him. He kept saying that he had to go and then he asked for another beer for the road and THEN he insisted that we weren't that bad and could he stay for a little longer please?"
This seemed perfectly reasonable to the hormone-induced students and completely pissed teachers.
"Quirrell, truth or dare?" Remus asked. The ghost was pinned to the wall, a little joke that Sirius had thought up half way through the night. Quirrell, for some reason, possibly because of the spell on the pin, couldn't move at all.
"Dare. I hate you. I hate you. I will kill you. I will roast your body over an open fire." Was the deadpan answer.
"I dare you to kiss... to kiss...um..." Sirius' face screwed up at the lack of girls in the room. "Hermione!"
"No bleeding way. Psychotic dead serial killer I may be, but I am not a paedophile!" Quirrell replied, trying in vain to move spectral muscles. "Anyway, she's dating Ron. And, before you ask, Ginny looks about to get it off with Draco. So there."
"McG! You have to kiss McGonagall!"
"Sirius." Minerva said. Quirrell's eyes went wide.
"NO WAY!"
"You have to. It's a dare."
"Sirius." Minerva repeated, with a bit more venom.
"GET THE HELL LOST!"
"No. You will do your dare!"
"SIRIUS!" Minerva yelled, finally succeeding in getting the man's attention. He turned to face her.
"What do you want?"
She whispered in his ear. He grinned evilly.
"I dare you, Slatero," he said, addressing Quirrell. Harry burst into insane creepy giggles at the sound of the hilarious first name.
"Call-me-Quirrell!" Quirrell muttered through metaphorically clenched teeth.
"I dare you to kiss Minerva's friend here." Sirius grinned evilly and then turned into a dog to be on the safe side.
There was a noticeable drop in metaphorical temperature.
And there was a reason.
"Meet Hepandojap." Minerva said happily, introducing the Dementor that had just walked in. "He's a friend of mine from school."
"HOLY HELL WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO WOMAN???" screamed Quirrell, who was currently hysterical.
Hepandojap glided towards the immobile ghost, whose translucent eyes glazed over and froze in an expression of fear as he was kissed and his soul sucked out through his mouth.
Quirrell fainted.
Hermione laughed and took off the Dementor mask. Sirius turned back, and rolled on the floor in hysterics. McGonagall congratulated Hermione on her superb acting skills and brought Quirrell round again.
"Hey, how come I can still think?" The spirit asked. Sirius, who was still incoherent with laughter, pointed at Hermione, who was wearing the long cloak of the Dementor. Quirrell's eyes narrowed.
"I will kill you, Mr Black." He growled.
"Mr Quirrell is very cross" Sirius choked through his laughter.
"Bon voyage, and don't forget to write!" Flitwick cheerily grunted, strolling out the door. Ron shook his head and rubbed his eyes.
"Ok, that was random."
Hermione hugged him.
"I actually think it was a mass hallucination."
Ron thought about this.
"Fair enough."
Severus blinked. He had been very quiet, a miracle in itself. He was still feeling guilty about the Graham thing, though he had no idea how it had happened.
"I'm going to go and apologised to Gray..." He said, his voice hoarse. Draco raised an eyebrow as his stricken Potions Master wandered disjointedly out of the room.
"Since when has he been calling Graham 'Gray?' " He asked. Harry shrugged.
Dumbledore mentally patted himself on the back. Stage one of the operation was complete. Severus was using a cute abbreviation instead of the man's proper name.
Speaking of Severus...
Severus came back in, in a different state of horror. He was dragging Graham, who didn't look too healthy. It seemed like the idiot had tripped, fallen headfirst into a snowdrift and been unable to get up.
He was frozen, as was his expression. Dumbledore rolled his eyes. Why was the arse so stupid? He conjured up a fire and Severus carefully sat Graham next to it.
Ginny was shaking her head from side to side in amazement as Graham defrosted. The muggle shivered uncontrollably as he regained control of his facial muscles.
"I hurt my foot." He mumbled into his beer. Yes, indeed, some poor fool had given him another one.
Minerva peered at the man's foot. Poppy Pomfrey was inconveniently on holiday, and no one else knew much about healing charms. It was a pretty bad break.
Severus gave Graham a potion.
"Drink it. It'll help." He murmured.
Graham just glared at Severus, not trusting the man who had "slept" with him last night. Severus left the steaming hot drink on the table next to the comedian and retreated, hurt.
"Oh, don't be an idiot, Graham. Drink the Potion!" growled Dumbledore, forgetting himself for a moment.
"Meep!" Graham squeaked as the big scary resident 250-year-old man bore down on him, and he drank the concoction, which would, hopefully, heal his foot.
In the meantime, he couldn't run away. Severus looked concerned. Sirius and Remus glanced at each other.
Dumbledore rubbed his hands together in evil delight.
No one could limp that fast...
*********************************************************************
Right, you lot. I'm still taking votes on your favourite character. Don't stop sending in those votes, I need them!
And, I'm getting to that stage in my life where I choose a career path to go down. I'm thinking of comedy and I was wondering what you lot think. Do you think I should be a comedian?
If so, a stand up comedian or a scriptwriter? I need help with this. I'm keeping my options open, but if you lot reckon I can go into comedy then that's the kind of lifestyle I want.
Please help and enlighten me. Tell me what to do with the rest of my life. (In other words just tell me your answers to the above question.)
Thanks.
~Spunkz~
"HOLY SHIT IN A CAN!!!!" He yelled, as the realisation hit him and he jumped up, throwing the sleeping Severus off him.
As expected, his cries woke just about everyone, and they wondered vaguely what the hell was going on. Dumbledore smirked in a way worthy of a Malfoy into his pillow. Everyone else made a circle around the two, Graham who was accusing and Severus, who was wide-eyed and shaking.
"You bastard!" Graham spat, pointing the finger of shame at Snape, who stared at it like it might explode.
"I didn't mean it!" He wailed. "I could have sworn I went to sleep over there!" He waved his hand somewhere in the direction where Dumbledore was sniggering.
"Oh, yes? And you sleepwalked and sleep-slept on top of me, did you?" Graham replayed this last sentence in his mind. It seemed to make sense, but, then again, he was still a bit tipsy.
"I don't know how it happened!" Severus insisted, close to tears. Graham just stared at him in disgust.
"I thought the magical community accepted gays, but now I learn that they just take advantage of them instead."
"That's not what I did..." Severus mumbled.
"Fine! I get the idea." Graham whispered dangerously. "I get the idea. I'm leaving."
And he stumbled in an almost-straight line out into the snow.
Dumbledore smacked himself in the forehead. Why was the muggle being difficult? It was time for Severus to come out and the Muggle was the key, but the arsehole had left instead of reasoning.
"Slap! Oi" He muttered. Severus stared in horror at the closed door. Everyone else was blank.
"Severus, what did you do?" Minerva asked curiously.
"I don't know!" Severus moaned, obviously distressed. "I just woke up and I was on top of him. I don't know how the fuck it happened either."
"How much did you drink last night?" Minerva questioned, matter of factly, to the assorted giggles of the students.
"Ah, he'll be back when the beer wears off." Sirius shrugged, answering an unasked question. "That's what he was like when we met him. He kept saying that he had to go and then he asked for another beer for the road and THEN he insisted that we weren't that bad and could he stay for a little longer please?"
This seemed perfectly reasonable to the hormone-induced students and completely pissed teachers.
"Quirrell, truth or dare?" Remus asked. The ghost was pinned to the wall, a little joke that Sirius had thought up half way through the night. Quirrell, for some reason, possibly because of the spell on the pin, couldn't move at all.
"Dare. I hate you. I hate you. I will kill you. I will roast your body over an open fire." Was the deadpan answer.
"I dare you to kiss... to kiss...um..." Sirius' face screwed up at the lack of girls in the room. "Hermione!"
"No bleeding way. Psychotic dead serial killer I may be, but I am not a paedophile!" Quirrell replied, trying in vain to move spectral muscles. "Anyway, she's dating Ron. And, before you ask, Ginny looks about to get it off with Draco. So there."
"McG! You have to kiss McGonagall!"
"Sirius." Minerva said. Quirrell's eyes went wide.
"NO WAY!"
"You have to. It's a dare."
"Sirius." Minerva repeated, with a bit more venom.
"GET THE HELL LOST!"
"No. You will do your dare!"
"SIRIUS!" Minerva yelled, finally succeeding in getting the man's attention. He turned to face her.
"What do you want?"
She whispered in his ear. He grinned evilly.
"I dare you, Slatero," he said, addressing Quirrell. Harry burst into insane creepy giggles at the sound of the hilarious first name.
"Call-me-Quirrell!" Quirrell muttered through metaphorically clenched teeth.
"I dare you to kiss Minerva's friend here." Sirius grinned evilly and then turned into a dog to be on the safe side.
There was a noticeable drop in metaphorical temperature.
And there was a reason.
"Meet Hepandojap." Minerva said happily, introducing the Dementor that had just walked in. "He's a friend of mine from school."
"HOLY HELL WHAT KIND OF SCHOOL DID YOU GO TO WOMAN???" screamed Quirrell, who was currently hysterical.
Hepandojap glided towards the immobile ghost, whose translucent eyes glazed over and froze in an expression of fear as he was kissed and his soul sucked out through his mouth.
Quirrell fainted.
Hermione laughed and took off the Dementor mask. Sirius turned back, and rolled on the floor in hysterics. McGonagall congratulated Hermione on her superb acting skills and brought Quirrell round again.
"Hey, how come I can still think?" The spirit asked. Sirius, who was still incoherent with laughter, pointed at Hermione, who was wearing the long cloak of the Dementor. Quirrell's eyes narrowed.
"I will kill you, Mr Black." He growled.
"Mr Quirrell is very cross" Sirius choked through his laughter.
"Bon voyage, and don't forget to write!" Flitwick cheerily grunted, strolling out the door. Ron shook his head and rubbed his eyes.
"Ok, that was random."
Hermione hugged him.
"I actually think it was a mass hallucination."
Ron thought about this.
"Fair enough."
Severus blinked. He had been very quiet, a miracle in itself. He was still feeling guilty about the Graham thing, though he had no idea how it had happened.
"I'm going to go and apologised to Gray..." He said, his voice hoarse. Draco raised an eyebrow as his stricken Potions Master wandered disjointedly out of the room.
"Since when has he been calling Graham 'Gray?' " He asked. Harry shrugged.
Dumbledore mentally patted himself on the back. Stage one of the operation was complete. Severus was using a cute abbreviation instead of the man's proper name.
Speaking of Severus...
Severus came back in, in a different state of horror. He was dragging Graham, who didn't look too healthy. It seemed like the idiot had tripped, fallen headfirst into a snowdrift and been unable to get up.
He was frozen, as was his expression. Dumbledore rolled his eyes. Why was the arse so stupid? He conjured up a fire and Severus carefully sat Graham next to it.
Ginny was shaking her head from side to side in amazement as Graham defrosted. The muggle shivered uncontrollably as he regained control of his facial muscles.
"I hurt my foot." He mumbled into his beer. Yes, indeed, some poor fool had given him another one.
Minerva peered at the man's foot. Poppy Pomfrey was inconveniently on holiday, and no one else knew much about healing charms. It was a pretty bad break.
Severus gave Graham a potion.
"Drink it. It'll help." He murmured.
Graham just glared at Severus, not trusting the man who had "slept" with him last night. Severus left the steaming hot drink on the table next to the comedian and retreated, hurt.
"Oh, don't be an idiot, Graham. Drink the Potion!" growled Dumbledore, forgetting himself for a moment.
"Meep!" Graham squeaked as the big scary resident 250-year-old man bore down on him, and he drank the concoction, which would, hopefully, heal his foot.
In the meantime, he couldn't run away. Severus looked concerned. Sirius and Remus glanced at each other.
Dumbledore rubbed his hands together in evil delight.
No one could limp that fast...
*********************************************************************
Right, you lot. I'm still taking votes on your favourite character. Don't stop sending in those votes, I need them!
And, I'm getting to that stage in my life where I choose a career path to go down. I'm thinking of comedy and I was wondering what you lot think. Do you think I should be a comedian?
If so, a stand up comedian or a scriptwriter? I need help with this. I'm keeping my options open, but if you lot reckon I can go into comedy then that's the kind of lifestyle I want.
Please help and enlighten me. Tell me what to do with the rest of my life. (In other words just tell me your answers to the above question.)
Thanks.
~Spunkz~