Well, this chapter is quite depressing, there honestly really isn't any
happiness in it at all, but I promise there will be happiness in this
story! I've decided that I don't want to do slash, I think it could be
cute but I just don't think I have it in me. Also, when I said I was even
considering slash, I never meant graphic slash. A lot of reviewers seemed
to take it that way. I don't think I'd ever write a sex scene in a fanfic,
I blush too easily ;) Cute friendship is how it's going to be and I hope no
one has a problem with that.
Rainbowdust: Thanks for reviewing. I honestly couldn't tell what you wanted me to write based on your review, but it was obvious that you didn't want graphic slash, which I wouldn't have written to begin with . It would have been what one reviewer called shounen-ai, but I'm not going to. It'll just be boys a little more in touch with their feelings than most. That's cool though right?
Carry: Thanks for reviewing!
Mentosa: No worries I've decided against slash. While I don't agree that it's disgusting, I think this story is better off without it. Thanks for reviewing!
Polaris: Slash isn't going to happen, don't worry. I think I'm definitely better at writing friendship fics, even though I really tend to overdo it. As long as you guys don't mind though it's all good right?
Queen Vampyre Akasha: James was a meanie but he won't be throughout the story, worry not. He's just a little sensitive sometimes. I'm glad you like it so much!
Eizoku: LOL, I love reviews like yours where you just kind of have a conversation with yourself that you send to me. Makes me laugh. And yes, Sirius does have a problem with a certain word that begins with F and ends with K, perhaps that's a sign that I do too. And actually, I do know someone who washed there kids mouth with soap! My friends mom did it to her little brother who has a far worse potty mouth than Sirius does in this story. I can't imagine having that done though. Ewww!
Destiny Bunny: I agree I would never have put full out slash in this. I don't really like that very much and imagine I would suck at writing it. Shounen-ai is what I guess I like, but it wont' be in this story, though it will probably be extremely close because of how my mind works. Hope you keep reading!
Sexy Black: I'm glad you liked chapter 2, hope you like this one too. And of course I don't want to disappoint you, you've read and reviewed like all my stories! You and several others I simply could not disappoint like that :)
Jemma Blackwell: Awww, I'm sorry about that guy you dated, that sucks a lot. But it's good that you got past it, as I'm having Remus do. It must be hard. Me, I've never had a really serious relationship so I'm kind of just guessing and following what I've seen with friends and stuff, glad it's pretty accurate. And yah James is kind of focusing on himself, which I kind of expect him to do, but don't worry he's a good guy underneath it all. And I'm also so happy that you like the way I have their relationship, and they will get closer still but I won't do any slash...sound good? Oh and thanks for pointing out the typo, spell check can't help me with titles, lol.
LeilaRose: LOL, I like to see them in pain too, makes my heart skip a beat, but it's all good cuz usually, and in this story it'll be so, it ends happily. So thus, you're not evil! And neither am I *wink* And I think I'd be ticked off at Remus and Sirius too if they kept that a secret.
Katie: I don't mind that you didn't review. A few people have said that they miss my writing style, but I don't even know what that is. You're right, I do want to stay away from sex, though I think it is possible, you know to end it before it gets to that point, but I just want to stay away from it anyway. It'll just be a sweet very close friendship fix. And I honestly would not ever write gay sex...I stay away from that lol. Now I'm updating, you should too!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kicking Trees
Sirius sat for a few minutes with Remus who remained silent after James outburst. He then pulled the pillow off of Remus's head and tried to roll him over.
"Remus..."
He saw Remus shudder involuntarily and put his hand on his back. Leaning close to Remus's ear Sirius said, "I'm going to go find James and talk to him. Will you be okay?"
He didn't answer but nodded his head. Sirius ruffled his friend's hair and got off the bed with a sigh.
Down in the common room Sirius found Peter sitting alone in front of the fire trying to write an essay. There were only two sentences on the paper.
"Hey Pete have you seen James?"
"Yeah, he just came charging through here. I asked him to come help me, but he didn't say a word. He left through the portrait hole...probably down by the lake or something," Peter said distractedly. "What's Remus doing? Think he can tell me how puberty affects a werewolf?"
"Better leave Remus alone tonight. Stay down here as long as you can okay?"
Peter sighed helplessly and nodded his head.
"I have to find James now, Pete. If I get back early enough I'll help you with that paper."
"Thanks Sirius."
"No problem. I'll see you later."
Peter waved as Sirius left through the portrait hole.
Sirius made his way outside and walked towards the lake. James always went to the lake when he wanted to think, to just get away from it all. Sure enough that's where Sirius found him.
James was taking his aggression out on a tree, kicking it with all his might until finally Sirius watched him slump down against the tree and put his head in his hands. Sirius knew James wasn't really angry, just hurt. He didn't like secrets and couldn't understand why Remus was such a closed up person. This was because nothing in James's life had ever gone wrong.
Sirius approached James slowly. He saw James look up discreetly and then pretend he didn't know Sirius was there.
"I know you saw me Prongs," he said loudly. James smiled sheepishly and looked up.
"You know I would have told you if he didn't make me promise not to."
James nodded sadly. "I just don't understand why he doesn't trust anyone."
"It's because of how he grew up. James no one in your life has ever turned on you. But for Remus, life has been tough. Every time one of Remus's little secret's got out people he thought cared began to hate him. I think he knows you and Peter, and even me would never do that, but he just doesn't want to take the risk. Can you even begin to understand that?"
"Maybe..."
"It's nothing personal James, you know that. You can't flip out whenever you find him being this way. It makes it so much harder on him."
James nodded, "I know, I'm sorry. So what exactly happened?"
Sirius cringed and took a deep breath. "When I followed him upstairs I couldn't find him in the dorm so I went to the bathroom to find an overflowing bathtub. He had already gone unconscious when I found him. But I got him out of there and he coughed up all the water. He was so upset, James. And...it broke my heart to see him like that. I felt like there was nothing I could do—nothing any of us could do to make his life better. I've never felt so bad for another person in my life."
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
"As long as we're there for him and show him that we support and love him...yeah he'll be fine," Sirius replied, looking pointedly at his friend.
"I really didn't help much did I?"
"That you did not James...but it's not too late, you know?"
James nodded. "It's just that...I...ah...you know."
"You're hurt that he didn't talk to you about it."
James nodded.
"Well if you had just tried to end your life would you go telling everyone about it?"
"..." James mouth opened but no words came out.
"See...he's embarrassed about it."
James sighed. "Okay, I get it."
"Lets go see him....and just don't tell Pete okay. If Remus wants him to know he'll tell him."
James nodded and both boys got to their feet, trudging back to the castle.
When they reached the common room Peter was still slaving over his essays. Sirius couldn't help but glance at it and saw that there were now three full sentences on the parchment. "I'll be down in a bit to help you with that Pete...keep working." Peter nodded miserably.
When James and Sirius reached their dorm they saw Remus lying on his bed facedown, as Sirius left him. He was shaking with sobs. Sirius walked up to him and this time successfully rolled him over.
"Hey," he whispered pulling him up into an embrace. Remus cried into his shoulder. "James wants to talk to you Rem." Sirius felt Remus nod but he didn't otherwise act as though he heard.
James stepped forward and said quietly, "I'm sorry I overreacted, Remus. It just hurt that you didn't feel you could tell me about it. I shouldn't have gotten so mad."
Remus lifted himself from Sirius and turned to James. Both Sirius and James's hearts constricted when they saw the look of pure pain on Remus's tear-streaked face.
"Rem I'm really sorry. Please don't be so upset anymore."
"Everything's just—falling apart," Remus sobbed. "I'm sorry James...I'm sorry I'm so weak."
James put his arm around Remus's shoulders and said, "You aren't weak Remus. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. You've done nothing wrong, mate."
Remus wiped his face roughly with his sleeve and sniffed. He didn't say a word but the boys were all glad he had stopped crying.
"We're going to help you through this Moony; me, Sirius and Peter too if you'll let him in. We'll never leave you mate. Understand?"
Remus nodded.
"Guys...? Remus mumbled.
"Yeah," they both replied.
"Can we do something fun this weekend?"
Sirius laughed and nodded.
"The Hogshead?" (I think this is the pub/bar other than the three broomsticks, but I don't have my books here in my dorm to check, so please correct me if I'm wrong)
"Yeah," Remus said sheepishly.
"Of course, but we'll be watching you carefully, Rem. You can't completely drown your problems in alcohol," Sirius said in mock seriousness.
Remus smiled at him. "Thanks guys."
Sirius yawned and mumbled, "No problem."
"You should go to bed Sirius," Remus said.
"I would love to but I need to go dictate an essay to Peter. That kid is hopeless." Sirius said with a short laugh. "You, however, should get some sleep. You've had a rough day."
"I think you're right, Padfoot."
"Come here," Sirius said and pulled Remus into another hug. "Good night. Wake me up later if you need me." Remus nodded and squeezed Sirius tightly, mentally thanking the lord for granting him such great friends.
"Night Sirius," Remus said and then let go of his friend. Sirius yawned again.
"Hey, Sirius, go to bed, I'll go help Peter. You need to sleep more than I do."
"Are you sure Prongs?"
James nodded.
"Thanks mate," Sirius said, grabbing James right hand in his own and wrapping his left arm around his back; the man hug. "Night Prongs."
"Night guys," James said and left the dorm.
Sirius walked to his bed and put his pajamas on. He then went to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He passed Remus on the way out of the bathroom. "Sleep tight, Rem. Remember what I told you."
Remus smiled at Sirius and said, "Night Sirius."
Pulling back his covers, Sirius flopped into bed with a sigh and immediately closed his eyes. He heard Remus crawl into his bed a few minutes later and began to drift into sleep.
He was almost fully asleep when he heard, "Sirius?"
"Yah Rem?"
"I—I'm scared." Sirius could actually hear the fearful tremor in his friend's voice.
"Come over here Rem."
After listening to the rustling of Remus moving out of his blankets, Sirius heard his bare feet padding across the floor. He pulled back his blankets and made room for Remus, who climbed right in with him.
"What are you scared of?"
"Everything."
Sirius waited for him to elaborate.
"I'm scared of what I could do to people on full moon nights. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared that I'll never find a girl who can know all my secrets and still love me. I'm so scared. I don't think I can do this, Sir, I really don't."
Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus and said soothingly, "Rem, I can't make any guarantees, but I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Your only fifteen mate, you can't expect to find true love at this age. And as for the moon, you're so careful. Nothing will ever happen."
Remus shook his head and said, "I'm not so sure."
"Well Prongs and I will be with you every time to keep you in check. You're safe, otherwise Dumbledore wouldn't have you here. And as for finding a little lady for yourself, I happen to know that there are a couple hundred girls in this school who would kill to so much as get a date with you! I bet at least half of them could deal with the fact that you are a werewolf, when you get around to telling them."
"I hope you're right Sirius, but in my head I just know it'll never be like that."
Sirius pulled Remus closer and said, "You have nothing to worry about Remus. Just trust me."
Remus yawned and said, "I'll try..."
"And I'll always be here for you."
"Do you want me to go back...?"
"Only if you want to."
Remus just nodded his head and stayed put. They were both sound asleep within minutes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Later that night, Remus found himself getting kicked brutally in the shins. Dodging an elbow to his head Remus sat up and the reason he was there flowed back to him. He looked at Sirius thrashing in his sleep and didn't have a clue what was wrong.
"Sirius! Sirius stop! Wake up!" He yelled but Sirius wouldn't wake up. So Remus maneuvered himself on top of Sirius. He sat on Sirius's legs so they couldn't kick and he held down Sirius's flying arms. The restriction sent Sirius into sheer panic and his eyes shot open with the most terrified scream Remus had ever heard emitted.
Sirius looked frantically side to side until his focus settled on Remus's face.
"Rem..." he muttered meekly. Remus released his arms and got off his legs.
"What the Hell just happened Sirius?"
He didn't answer right away. Covering his face with his hands, he took a few minutes to regain his breath and composure.
"Sirius...?"
"Just a nightmare Moony...nothing for you to worry about."
"I think it is something to worry about Sirius! I've never seen you like that before in my life. You were absolutely terrified."
Sirius blushed hard, though due to the darkness Remus couldn't tell.
"Please Remus, just drop it...I don't want to talk about it."
"But..."
"I mean it," Sirius pleaded. "Can we please just go back to sleep?"
Remus sighed and nodded. They both lay back down in Sirius's bed. Remus would have gone back to his own bed since he now felt better but he felt a sense of duty to Sirius. His friend was hurting and he didn't know why but he intended to find out.
Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep that night. He wanted Remus to fall back asleep and not worry about him. It was Remus who needed a shoulder to cry on, not him.
Currently, Remus was thinking the opposite; he wanted to be there for Sirius as he was there for him. He made his breathing as even as possible and pretended to fall right back asleep. Still focusing on his breathing he noticed Sirius snap his fingers in front of his face but showed no reaction to it. Remus then felt him lay back down with a deep sigh. He heard a few sniffles at first, which soon turned into sobs so strong that they shook the entire bed.
Sirius didn't notice when Remus sat up beside him, and he didn't notice him whisper his name. He did however notice that he was pulled into a warm embrace and his head was now resting on a very comfortable shoulder.
"Shhhhhh," Remus whispered soothingly, rubbing Sirius's back. He was trying to give Sirius the same comfort he had received earlier, at the same time noting the reversal of their roles and realizing how similar the two were.
After a while Sirius's sobs stopped but tears still coursed slowly down his face.
"What happened in the nightmare Sirius?"
Sirius just shook his head. "I can't—not right now. We'll talk later."
"Are you actually going to sleep this time?" Sirius nodded. "Do you want me to stay here?" Again Sirius nodded. "Okay."
Sirius hugged Remus close to him as they both lay back down. "Are you going to be okay, Sirius?"
With a nod Sirius murmured into Remus's shoulder, "Yah, Rem, I'll be fine...as long as you're here with me."
Remus smiled and rubbed Sirius's back and they both drifted back to sleep.
~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning both boys rose at the crack of dawn and made there way down to the common room to wait for the other boys. They sat in silence for a while, until Remus finally said, "So are you going to tell me about last night?"
Sirius looked at Remus, frowning slightly and said, "Not now Rem...you have enough of your own problems to deal with right now. I'm not going to burden you with my own. I'm sorry you had to see me like that last night. I should have been there for you, not vice versa."
"But," Remus began.
"No buts Rem...now's really not the time."
"If you tell me it'll help me get past my own problems...maybe make me feel less alone."
"The only thing it will make you feel is that there is nothing right in this world," Sirius said in a deadly powerful voice.
Remus gave up arguing and instead asked, "Do you dream about whatever it is a lot?"
Sirius swallowed hard and nodded his head. "Whenever something bad happens, like what happened with you yesterday, it comes back to me. Now and then I get them for no real reason other than the mere thought of it. Usually I sleep with a silencing spell up so I don't wake you guys with it."
"You shouldn't do that Sirius. You're doing exactly what you guys always tell me not to do...you're blocking us out."
Sirius grinned sadly and nodded his head, "You're right, it is. And you know firsthand how hard it is to let someone in. Just give me awhile, okay Remus?"
Remus nodded and then curled up at the end of the couch, gazing pensively out the window. He wondered what could possible be bringing up so much sadness and fear in Sirius. Remus knew for sure that it wasn't all because of his episode the previous day and he wanted to know what was going on. He turned and watched Sirius chewing roughly on his lip and asked himself, "What could possibly get to Sirius like this?"
~~~~~~
Hope you all liked it! Please review and tell me what you thought! And remember I've decided on no slash for the story!
Rainbowdust: Thanks for reviewing. I honestly couldn't tell what you wanted me to write based on your review, but it was obvious that you didn't want graphic slash, which I wouldn't have written to begin with . It would have been what one reviewer called shounen-ai, but I'm not going to. It'll just be boys a little more in touch with their feelings than most. That's cool though right?
Carry: Thanks for reviewing!
Mentosa: No worries I've decided against slash. While I don't agree that it's disgusting, I think this story is better off without it. Thanks for reviewing!
Polaris: Slash isn't going to happen, don't worry. I think I'm definitely better at writing friendship fics, even though I really tend to overdo it. As long as you guys don't mind though it's all good right?
Queen Vampyre Akasha: James was a meanie but he won't be throughout the story, worry not. He's just a little sensitive sometimes. I'm glad you like it so much!
Eizoku: LOL, I love reviews like yours where you just kind of have a conversation with yourself that you send to me. Makes me laugh. And yes, Sirius does have a problem with a certain word that begins with F and ends with K, perhaps that's a sign that I do too. And actually, I do know someone who washed there kids mouth with soap! My friends mom did it to her little brother who has a far worse potty mouth than Sirius does in this story. I can't imagine having that done though. Ewww!
Destiny Bunny: I agree I would never have put full out slash in this. I don't really like that very much and imagine I would suck at writing it. Shounen-ai is what I guess I like, but it wont' be in this story, though it will probably be extremely close because of how my mind works. Hope you keep reading!
Sexy Black: I'm glad you liked chapter 2, hope you like this one too. And of course I don't want to disappoint you, you've read and reviewed like all my stories! You and several others I simply could not disappoint like that :)
Jemma Blackwell: Awww, I'm sorry about that guy you dated, that sucks a lot. But it's good that you got past it, as I'm having Remus do. It must be hard. Me, I've never had a really serious relationship so I'm kind of just guessing and following what I've seen with friends and stuff, glad it's pretty accurate. And yah James is kind of focusing on himself, which I kind of expect him to do, but don't worry he's a good guy underneath it all. And I'm also so happy that you like the way I have their relationship, and they will get closer still but I won't do any slash...sound good? Oh and thanks for pointing out the typo, spell check can't help me with titles, lol.
LeilaRose: LOL, I like to see them in pain too, makes my heart skip a beat, but it's all good cuz usually, and in this story it'll be so, it ends happily. So thus, you're not evil! And neither am I *wink* And I think I'd be ticked off at Remus and Sirius too if they kept that a secret.
Katie: I don't mind that you didn't review. A few people have said that they miss my writing style, but I don't even know what that is. You're right, I do want to stay away from sex, though I think it is possible, you know to end it before it gets to that point, but I just want to stay away from it anyway. It'll just be a sweet very close friendship fix. And I honestly would not ever write gay sex...I stay away from that lol. Now I'm updating, you should too!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~
Kicking Trees
Sirius sat for a few minutes with Remus who remained silent after James outburst. He then pulled the pillow off of Remus's head and tried to roll him over.
"Remus..."
He saw Remus shudder involuntarily and put his hand on his back. Leaning close to Remus's ear Sirius said, "I'm going to go find James and talk to him. Will you be okay?"
He didn't answer but nodded his head. Sirius ruffled his friend's hair and got off the bed with a sigh.
Down in the common room Sirius found Peter sitting alone in front of the fire trying to write an essay. There were only two sentences on the paper.
"Hey Pete have you seen James?"
"Yeah, he just came charging through here. I asked him to come help me, but he didn't say a word. He left through the portrait hole...probably down by the lake or something," Peter said distractedly. "What's Remus doing? Think he can tell me how puberty affects a werewolf?"
"Better leave Remus alone tonight. Stay down here as long as you can okay?"
Peter sighed helplessly and nodded his head.
"I have to find James now, Pete. If I get back early enough I'll help you with that paper."
"Thanks Sirius."
"No problem. I'll see you later."
Peter waved as Sirius left through the portrait hole.
Sirius made his way outside and walked towards the lake. James always went to the lake when he wanted to think, to just get away from it all. Sure enough that's where Sirius found him.
James was taking his aggression out on a tree, kicking it with all his might until finally Sirius watched him slump down against the tree and put his head in his hands. Sirius knew James wasn't really angry, just hurt. He didn't like secrets and couldn't understand why Remus was such a closed up person. This was because nothing in James's life had ever gone wrong.
Sirius approached James slowly. He saw James look up discreetly and then pretend he didn't know Sirius was there.
"I know you saw me Prongs," he said loudly. James smiled sheepishly and looked up.
"You know I would have told you if he didn't make me promise not to."
James nodded sadly. "I just don't understand why he doesn't trust anyone."
"It's because of how he grew up. James no one in your life has ever turned on you. But for Remus, life has been tough. Every time one of Remus's little secret's got out people he thought cared began to hate him. I think he knows you and Peter, and even me would never do that, but he just doesn't want to take the risk. Can you even begin to understand that?"
"Maybe..."
"It's nothing personal James, you know that. You can't flip out whenever you find him being this way. It makes it so much harder on him."
James nodded, "I know, I'm sorry. So what exactly happened?"
Sirius cringed and took a deep breath. "When I followed him upstairs I couldn't find him in the dorm so I went to the bathroom to find an overflowing bathtub. He had already gone unconscious when I found him. But I got him out of there and he coughed up all the water. He was so upset, James. And...it broke my heart to see him like that. I felt like there was nothing I could do—nothing any of us could do to make his life better. I've never felt so bad for another person in my life."
"Do you think he'll be okay?"
"As long as we're there for him and show him that we support and love him...yeah he'll be fine," Sirius replied, looking pointedly at his friend.
"I really didn't help much did I?"
"That you did not James...but it's not too late, you know?"
James nodded. "It's just that...I...ah...you know."
"You're hurt that he didn't talk to you about it."
James nodded.
"Well if you had just tried to end your life would you go telling everyone about it?"
"..." James mouth opened but no words came out.
"See...he's embarrassed about it."
James sighed. "Okay, I get it."
"Lets go see him....and just don't tell Pete okay. If Remus wants him to know he'll tell him."
James nodded and both boys got to their feet, trudging back to the castle.
When they reached the common room Peter was still slaving over his essays. Sirius couldn't help but glance at it and saw that there were now three full sentences on the parchment. "I'll be down in a bit to help you with that Pete...keep working." Peter nodded miserably.
When James and Sirius reached their dorm they saw Remus lying on his bed facedown, as Sirius left him. He was shaking with sobs. Sirius walked up to him and this time successfully rolled him over.
"Hey," he whispered pulling him up into an embrace. Remus cried into his shoulder. "James wants to talk to you Rem." Sirius felt Remus nod but he didn't otherwise act as though he heard.
James stepped forward and said quietly, "I'm sorry I overreacted, Remus. It just hurt that you didn't feel you could tell me about it. I shouldn't have gotten so mad."
Remus lifted himself from Sirius and turned to James. Both Sirius and James's hearts constricted when they saw the look of pure pain on Remus's tear-streaked face.
"Rem I'm really sorry. Please don't be so upset anymore."
"Everything's just—falling apart," Remus sobbed. "I'm sorry James...I'm sorry I'm so weak."
James put his arm around Remus's shoulders and said, "You aren't weak Remus. I'm so sorry I made you feel that way. You've done nothing wrong, mate."
Remus wiped his face roughly with his sleeve and sniffed. He didn't say a word but the boys were all glad he had stopped crying.
"We're going to help you through this Moony; me, Sirius and Peter too if you'll let him in. We'll never leave you mate. Understand?"
Remus nodded.
"Guys...? Remus mumbled.
"Yeah," they both replied.
"Can we do something fun this weekend?"
Sirius laughed and nodded.
"The Hogshead?" (I think this is the pub/bar other than the three broomsticks, but I don't have my books here in my dorm to check, so please correct me if I'm wrong)
"Yeah," Remus said sheepishly.
"Of course, but we'll be watching you carefully, Rem. You can't completely drown your problems in alcohol," Sirius said in mock seriousness.
Remus smiled at him. "Thanks guys."
Sirius yawned and mumbled, "No problem."
"You should go to bed Sirius," Remus said.
"I would love to but I need to go dictate an essay to Peter. That kid is hopeless." Sirius said with a short laugh. "You, however, should get some sleep. You've had a rough day."
"I think you're right, Padfoot."
"Come here," Sirius said and pulled Remus into another hug. "Good night. Wake me up later if you need me." Remus nodded and squeezed Sirius tightly, mentally thanking the lord for granting him such great friends.
"Night Sirius," Remus said and then let go of his friend. Sirius yawned again.
"Hey, Sirius, go to bed, I'll go help Peter. You need to sleep more than I do."
"Are you sure Prongs?"
James nodded.
"Thanks mate," Sirius said, grabbing James right hand in his own and wrapping his left arm around his back; the man hug. "Night Prongs."
"Night guys," James said and left the dorm.
Sirius walked to his bed and put his pajamas on. He then went to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and washed his face. He passed Remus on the way out of the bathroom. "Sleep tight, Rem. Remember what I told you."
Remus smiled at Sirius and said, "Night Sirius."
Pulling back his covers, Sirius flopped into bed with a sigh and immediately closed his eyes. He heard Remus crawl into his bed a few minutes later and began to drift into sleep.
He was almost fully asleep when he heard, "Sirius?"
"Yah Rem?"
"I—I'm scared." Sirius could actually hear the fearful tremor in his friend's voice.
"Come over here Rem."
After listening to the rustling of Remus moving out of his blankets, Sirius heard his bare feet padding across the floor. He pulled back his blankets and made room for Remus, who climbed right in with him.
"What are you scared of?"
"Everything."
Sirius waited for him to elaborate.
"I'm scared of what I could do to people on full moon nights. I'm scared of the future. I'm scared that I'll never find a girl who can know all my secrets and still love me. I'm so scared. I don't think I can do this, Sir, I really don't."
Sirius wrapped his arm around Remus and said soothingly, "Rem, I can't make any guarantees, but I really don't think you have anything to worry about. Your only fifteen mate, you can't expect to find true love at this age. And as for the moon, you're so careful. Nothing will ever happen."
Remus shook his head and said, "I'm not so sure."
"Well Prongs and I will be with you every time to keep you in check. You're safe, otherwise Dumbledore wouldn't have you here. And as for finding a little lady for yourself, I happen to know that there are a couple hundred girls in this school who would kill to so much as get a date with you! I bet at least half of them could deal with the fact that you are a werewolf, when you get around to telling them."
"I hope you're right Sirius, but in my head I just know it'll never be like that."
Sirius pulled Remus closer and said, "You have nothing to worry about Remus. Just trust me."
Remus yawned and said, "I'll try..."
"And I'll always be here for you."
"Do you want me to go back...?"
"Only if you want to."
Remus just nodded his head and stayed put. They were both sound asleep within minutes.
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Later that night, Remus found himself getting kicked brutally in the shins. Dodging an elbow to his head Remus sat up and the reason he was there flowed back to him. He looked at Sirius thrashing in his sleep and didn't have a clue what was wrong.
"Sirius! Sirius stop! Wake up!" He yelled but Sirius wouldn't wake up. So Remus maneuvered himself on top of Sirius. He sat on Sirius's legs so they couldn't kick and he held down Sirius's flying arms. The restriction sent Sirius into sheer panic and his eyes shot open with the most terrified scream Remus had ever heard emitted.
Sirius looked frantically side to side until his focus settled on Remus's face.
"Rem..." he muttered meekly. Remus released his arms and got off his legs.
"What the Hell just happened Sirius?"
He didn't answer right away. Covering his face with his hands, he took a few minutes to regain his breath and composure.
"Sirius...?"
"Just a nightmare Moony...nothing for you to worry about."
"I think it is something to worry about Sirius! I've never seen you like that before in my life. You were absolutely terrified."
Sirius blushed hard, though due to the darkness Remus couldn't tell.
"Please Remus, just drop it...I don't want to talk about it."
"But..."
"I mean it," Sirius pleaded. "Can we please just go back to sleep?"
Remus sighed and nodded. They both lay back down in Sirius's bed. Remus would have gone back to his own bed since he now felt better but he felt a sense of duty to Sirius. His friend was hurting and he didn't know why but he intended to find out.
Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to go back to sleep that night. He wanted Remus to fall back asleep and not worry about him. It was Remus who needed a shoulder to cry on, not him.
Currently, Remus was thinking the opposite; he wanted to be there for Sirius as he was there for him. He made his breathing as even as possible and pretended to fall right back asleep. Still focusing on his breathing he noticed Sirius snap his fingers in front of his face but showed no reaction to it. Remus then felt him lay back down with a deep sigh. He heard a few sniffles at first, which soon turned into sobs so strong that they shook the entire bed.
Sirius didn't notice when Remus sat up beside him, and he didn't notice him whisper his name. He did however notice that he was pulled into a warm embrace and his head was now resting on a very comfortable shoulder.
"Shhhhhh," Remus whispered soothingly, rubbing Sirius's back. He was trying to give Sirius the same comfort he had received earlier, at the same time noting the reversal of their roles and realizing how similar the two were.
After a while Sirius's sobs stopped but tears still coursed slowly down his face.
"What happened in the nightmare Sirius?"
Sirius just shook his head. "I can't—not right now. We'll talk later."
"Are you actually going to sleep this time?" Sirius nodded. "Do you want me to stay here?" Again Sirius nodded. "Okay."
Sirius hugged Remus close to him as they both lay back down. "Are you going to be okay, Sirius?"
With a nod Sirius murmured into Remus's shoulder, "Yah, Rem, I'll be fine...as long as you're here with me."
Remus smiled and rubbed Sirius's back and they both drifted back to sleep.
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The next morning both boys rose at the crack of dawn and made there way down to the common room to wait for the other boys. They sat in silence for a while, until Remus finally said, "So are you going to tell me about last night?"
Sirius looked at Remus, frowning slightly and said, "Not now Rem...you have enough of your own problems to deal with right now. I'm not going to burden you with my own. I'm sorry you had to see me like that last night. I should have been there for you, not vice versa."
"But," Remus began.
"No buts Rem...now's really not the time."
"If you tell me it'll help me get past my own problems...maybe make me feel less alone."
"The only thing it will make you feel is that there is nothing right in this world," Sirius said in a deadly powerful voice.
Remus gave up arguing and instead asked, "Do you dream about whatever it is a lot?"
Sirius swallowed hard and nodded his head. "Whenever something bad happens, like what happened with you yesterday, it comes back to me. Now and then I get them for no real reason other than the mere thought of it. Usually I sleep with a silencing spell up so I don't wake you guys with it."
"You shouldn't do that Sirius. You're doing exactly what you guys always tell me not to do...you're blocking us out."
Sirius grinned sadly and nodded his head, "You're right, it is. And you know firsthand how hard it is to let someone in. Just give me awhile, okay Remus?"
Remus nodded and then curled up at the end of the couch, gazing pensively out the window. He wondered what could possible be bringing up so much sadness and fear in Sirius. Remus knew for sure that it wasn't all because of his episode the previous day and he wanted to know what was going on. He turned and watched Sirius chewing roughly on his lip and asked himself, "What could possibly get to Sirius like this?"
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Hope you all liked it! Please review and tell me what you thought! And remember I've decided on no slash for the story!