Ok so last chapter I didn't get too many reviews. I'm not really sure what
to think of this. Did people just not read it or did they just not review?
I'm worried that my changing the summary might be the cause, but I don't
know. Could also be because last chapter wasn't that great. I think this
one was much better and hope you all like it! And just a warning for those
who actually read author notes, this chapter's a little severe at one
point. I don't think I wrote it too graphically though, so everyone should
be fine, but it's not necessarily for the faint of heart.
HP-Azn: I'm really glad you like this fic, and no there will not be any slash! Thanks for reviewing this and my other fic!
Jemma Blackwell: I'm actually rather like James in that charmed life where nothings gone wrong, but I get that not everyone's so lucky, and I'm trying to have James get that too. I also like how you analyzed Remus's being scared. I didn't know if wrote it so it made since that Remus was scared, glad you got it! I hope everyone else did too. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
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About Jack
That Friday morning flew by at a record speed. For once all the boys paid full attention in their classes as an escape from the thoughts that were now plaguing their minds. Not only did they go the day without getting a single detention or losing one house point, but they all learned very useful things about a potion similar to veritaserum. What it did was allow a person to tell others a painful memory of their past as though it didn't affect them at all. Remus couldn't help but notice how intrigued Sirius was with the concept, and knew it had to do with whatever his nightmare had been about.
"Too bad Sirius," Remus thought. The potions teacher said the recipe was so difficult he himself couldn't make it. It was very rare to find a potions-master skilled enough to brew it. In the past it had been used on aurors who had been taken as POW's and were tortured. Their stories were important to tell. After the professor had moved onto the next topic Sirius remained studious in appearance, but Remus noted that his gaze seemed to have gazed over slightly.
Sirius was quiet for the rest of that day, even Peter noticed the severe mood change. At dinner Sirius sat staring at his full plate of food and occasionally moving things around. James being James had to ask, "Sirius what is wrong with you today?"
His head snapping up Sirius looked intently at James for a moment and then looked back down, muttering, "Nothing's wrong. I'm just feeling a little off."
"Something's bugging you, you're acting like..." He was about to say Remus, but caught a sad look from the werewolf before he got to it and switched to, "like you're really depressed...or something."
"I'm fine."
"Padfoot..."
"I said I'm fine!" he yelled throwing down his fork. Sirius then pushed back his chair and left the table.
There was a moment of silence where the others didn't quite know what to do. Peter sighed and said, "Well, I hope he's okay, anyone want to go upstairs and play chess?"
James punched him in the shoulder and glared. "Why don't you go play chess with yourself Pete...Let us know if you lose, alright?" He then turned to Remus, "Let's go find him."
Remus nodded and they both rose and left the table. Peter was still sitting at the table looking quite confused at what James had said.
"Do you think he went upstairs?" James asked.
"I doubt it. He's probably somewhere on the grounds."
"Maybe we should get the map?"
"Why don't you go get it, I'll start looking outside. Come get me first when you find the map, alright?"
James nodded and headed for the stairs. Remus walked outside and headed towards the quidditch pitch. He didn't expect to find Sirius immediately, but hoped he could find him before James got back with the map.
He wasn't at the pitch so Remus went down by the lake instead. He walked almost all the way around the lake, until he saw Sirius sitting on a thick branch half way up a tree.
"Hey," he said casually.
"Hi," Sirius responded quietly.
"Is there room up there for two?"
Sirius nodded and shuffled sideways to make room. He then reached down and helped pull Remus onto the branch.
"James is coming," Remus stated, not sure what kind of reaction he'd get.
Scowling, Sirius muttered, "Stupid bastard."
"He's just worried and so am I."
"Nothings wrong that won't be better tomorrow. Everyone just needs to drop it."
"Like if you had dropped it yesterday and didn't come after me?"
"This is different Rem. I've been dealing with this for a long, long time."
"Well, you don't have to tell anyone, but I wish you would tell me."
"After yesterday, the last thing you need is more depressing news."
"What happened yesterday was a mistake! I'm sorry I did it and just want to get past it!" Remus yelled almost hysterically.
Sirius looked up surprised and then mumbled an apology. Remus sighed and the two sat in silence.
With a shaky breath Sirius began to speak. "I was about seven when it happened. Every day I would play with this muggle boy named Jack who lived down the street. He was a great kid. You actually remind me of him...I think that's why we're such good friends."
Remus smiled slightly.
"One day Regulus followed me to the park where we played and went back and told my parents. They forbade me from ever playing with him again and put up wards that wouldn't allow me out of the yard without my mother or father nearby. One day I guess Jack missed playing with me enough that he came and knocked on the door of my house. I still can't believe I'd made the mistake of telling him where I live. He never would have known the house was there if I hadn't pointed it out to him," Sirius's voice cracked as he spoke the last sentence. He put his hands over his face and just sat quietly.
Remus watched him sadly and then saw James coming toward them. He knew that Sirius would stop the story the moment he saw James. Feeling quite bad about it, Remus gestured back to the castle and mouthed, "Later!" James shook his head mouthing, "What?" Again Remus pointed from James to the castle and this time James got the hint. He turned back just as Sirius took his hands from his eyes. Remus saw James shoulders slump in resignation and genuinely felt bad, but there was nothing he could do about that at the moment.
Remus returned his focus to Sirius and saw that his eyes were alight with tears. "My mother opened the door. Imagine her disgust at the sight of a muggle on the doorstep. But she put up a friendly front. She let him in and called me downstairs in the most sickly-sweet voice you've ever heard," Sirius let out a dry sob.
""So this is Jack?" she said, "Oh we've heard so many wonderful things about you!" I remember how he smiled. He thought he was in for a fun and cheerful visit. He couldn't have been more mistaken. My mother got him far enough into the house and then showed her true colors. She grabbed him roughly by the arms and dragged him to the bathroom upstairs. I begged her to let him go, I told him to fight, but nothing worked. No one can go up against my mother and win."
A single tear fell down Sirius's cheek as he continued speaking. "She did some spells on him...the poor kid didn't even know magic existed before that day. I don't know exactly what she did, but he ended up hanging by his arms from the shower rod over the bathtub. I tried to run, there was no way I could save him by sitting there and watching. I wanted to get to the neighbors or maybe even my dad, he wouldn't have just let her do that, but she—she stopped me and bound my arms over my head with rope and the same for my legs. That's why I freaked out this morning when you were holding me down...I couldn't move from the wall right across from the scene. I tried to close my eyes, but she saw and put some other spell on me...I couldn't even blink Rem. I remember she said to me, "It's your fault he's here, you're going to see all of this!" I remember I was sobbing and so was he."
More tears fell down Sirius's face and Remus grabbed both of his hands, holding them tightly, comfortingly.
"With a flick of her wand she removed all of his clothes but his underwear. She began with the cruciatus curse. It looked awful, Remus...the poor kid hanging there, swinging back and forth in pain. But that wasn't the worst of it. I still don't know how she did it, but there was some spell that basically turned her wand into a—into a knife. Slowly...painstakingly slowly she cut him, so deeply, right down his chest. He howled in pain, but there was nothing he could do. She cut him more...and you can imagine the rest. After twenty minutes he stopped moving...I don't know if it was the pain or the bleeding. My mother then left the room, I was still stuck to the wall, watching my friend hanging there dripping blood."
Sirius didn't speak anymore and simply let his head fall forward as he cried. Remus pulled him into a tight hug which was difficult because they were still up a tree, but he found a comfortable and safe position where Sirius could cry onto his shoulder. After a few minutes Sirius pulled away harshly and jumped down from the tree. Remus followed and rubbed Sirius's back as he retched into a nearby shrub.
Looking up at Remus sadly, Sirius said, "Is that what you wanted to hear Rem?"
Remus shook his head sadly, "No, but I'm glad you told me. Doesn't it feel at least a little bit better now that I know?"
Sirius shrugged and then nodded. "You just need to keep it quiet Remus. If this gets anywhere near the ministry or even Dumbledore I'm as good as dead!"
"Of course I'll keep it quiet...but you should probably tell James."
Sirius rubbed roughly at his eyes and nodded. "Maybe you could help me with that?"
"Absolutely."
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Padfoot."
The sun was going down so Remus put an arm around his friends shoulder and steered him up to the castle. Before they were too close Remus asked, "So in your nightmare do you just relive that dream?"
Sirius shook his head and bit his lip.
"What else?"
"First I see that...then I see it happening to one of you guys. And it's even harder. That's why I've always been so adamant about you guys never coming over on holidays and such. She wouldn't have the nerve to do it to a known visitor...but any surprises-" Sirius trailed off, his voice catching in his throat.
As they walked into the castle, Remus said, "So do you just want to go to bed early tonight?"
Sirius looked up sharply and shook his head. "I need something to take my mind off of this shit."
"What do you want to do?"
"Well I guess we should talk to James...I really don't want Peter to know, maybe we can send him on a food mission or something. And then why don't we just play gobstones and exploding snap for the rest of the night?"
"Sounds like a plan. But are you sure you want to tell James tonight?"
Sirius nodded. "I just want to get it all behind me and continue to try and get over it. I don't want to ever talk about it again. I really wish I had that potion we were learning about today."
"I could tell that that interested you."
"It would make life so much easier. I almost wish that someone could memory charm the image of Jack out of my mind, but then it would be hard to hate my mother so much...and no one should show that woman love." Again Remus saw tears well in his friends eyes and he squeezed his arm supportively.
Once they reached the common room they saw James and Peter playing chess, James looked pretty sad. When he saw the solemn looks on his friends faces his expression changed to curiosity.
"Hey, Pete, want to go on a mission?" Remus asked.
"What's the mission?"
"We want to have a game night and need some food. I need to talk to James about something and Sirius isn't feeling up to it. That leaves you. What do you say?" Remus said slyly.
"Absolutely!" Peter exclaimed, happy to have his friends relying on him for something.
He began to head out, but before he did, Remus called, "And take your time, my talk with James may take a while. Get as much as you want."
Peter nodded excitedly and left. Sirius rolled his eyes and then turned to James and said in a strong voice, "James do you want to go upstairs and talk with Remus and me? You asked earlier what was wrong, and I'm ready to tell you...or at least try. I just told Rem, and he may need to help me."
James looked nothing but concerned and nodded his head quite willingly. "Are you alright now Sirius?"
"I don't know James...I don't think I ever really was."
"Come on guys," Remus said and headed towards the staircase.
Once in the privacy of their dorm room with a powerful locking spell on the door, the three boys gathered on Remus's bed.
Sirius opened his mouth to begin but couldn't get the words out. He looked apologetically at James who didn't seem to be mad, though he appeared quite worried.
"Whatever it is Padfoot, you know you can tell me, right?"
"It's not the fact that it's you James. I know I can trust you with this shit...but it's just...Remus can you tell him what happened?"
Remus again wrapped his arm around Sirius comfortingly and nodded.
"When Sirius was younger he had a muggle friend who his parents found out about and forbade him from seeing. The boy, Jack right? Yah Jack, came to the door one day and Mrs. Black let him in and proceeded to tie him up in the bathroom. She tortured him to death and made Sirius watch the whole thing. It was pretty gruesome from the sounds of it."
Sirius nodded, not looking up at either of his friends and biting his lip hard.
"Oh my God," James muttered.
"Yah," Remus added, "And he's been having recurring nightmares about it. Seeing the same thing happen to us afterwards. He's been silencing those dreams."
James crawled forward on his knees and pulled Sirius to him in a tight embrace. With this sudden action Sirius lost all his reserves and again began sobbing, this time into the arms of his other best friend.
"That's horrible Sirius, no person should ever have to see that. I'm writing to my parents first thing tomorrow and asking if you can come stay with me!"
"No James!" Sirius yelled pulling away. "You can't tell your parents about this! You can't tell anyone."
"Sirius, someone has to know! Someone needs to help you."
"James you don't understand!" Sirius wailed. "If my mother finds out I've told ANYONE, she'll kill me too. You can't tell them!"
"Well I'm still going to ask if you can come live with us," James said firmly. "I'm not letting you go back there. Who's to say they wouldn't do that to you anyway?!"
"They'd get caught if they killed me," Sirius mumbled.
"Do you want to get out of there?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded earnestly.
"Then why won't you let James do this?"
"They'll ask questions."
"Sirius, I can deal with my parents trust me. Your secret will be safe with me."
"Thanks James."
"Anytime mate."
"And Sirius, next time you have that nightmare, come get me alright? It'll help you," Remus said.
Sirius nodded and dried his eyes, yet again. "Peter will be back up soon, why don't we head back down to the common room."
"Are you sure you're alright?" Remus asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's go," Sirius said firmly standing up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the night passed with games and food for all, everyone's spirits lightened and at the wee morning hours they returned to their dorm and slept until the afternoon.
Remus was the first to wake up. He sat up groggily in his bed and looked around. Seeing everyone else asleep, Remus lay back down and stared at the ceiling, playing with the edge of his blanket as he did so. He thought about the previous day and realized how glad he was that he wasn't the only person who had constant nightmares about things beyond his control. It made him happy to realize that he had a companion in misery, as terrible as he knew that seemed.
He was shaken from his thoughts when he heard a low growl from the next bed over. "I feel like I have a hangover and I didn't even drink! What the fuck?"
Remus laughed and sat up looking over at his friend.
"S'not funny Moony," Sirius mumbled sitting up as well.
"Oh if you only knew," Remus replied through his laughter. Sirius's hair was mussed up worse than James and he had pillow lines on his face.
"Hey stop laughing at me!"
Remus didn't stop, he always laughed too much in the morning. For whatever reason, everything seemed to be so much funnier if it happened in the morning. Sirius climbed out of bed and walked over to where Remus was now laying on his stomach laughing. Plopping himself down on Remus's lower- back Sirius yawned loudly.
"Get off!" Remus yelled choking on his laughter.
"No until you stop laughing at me."
"I'm not laughing at you anymore!" Remus yelled in one breath. He heaved and added, "I'm laughing cause you're sitting on my ass!" Sirius hopped off and sat cross-legged on Remus's bed instead. Remus scrambled up, still laughing lightly and Sirius grinned at him.
"You're so goofy in the morning," Sirius said laughing as well. "How do you do it?"
"First, it's not morning; second, I think it's because my heads not clear yet," Remus stated.
"You're weird."
"I know," Remus said his laughter finally tapering off.
"Did you sleep well?" Sirius asked.
Remus nodded, "How about you? Anymore nightmares?"
"Nope," Sirius said with a sigh. "It probably won't happen again for awhile."
"Good."
Sirius nodded but the mention of that issue made his shoulders slump slightly. Remus ruffled his friend's hair and then pushed him over so he was laying sideways on his bed.
"I'm going to go take a shower," Remus stated. Sirius looked up at him suspiciously, still lying across Remus's bed. "Sirius, don't do this every time I want to get clean!" His demeanor had changed completely.
Sirius looked remorseful and muttered an apology. Remus nodded and walked away towards the bathroom.
Rolling over to his back Sirius stretched out on the bed. As Remus had done earlier Sirius just lay there staring up at the ceiling. He proceeded to fall back asleep there in Remus's bed.
The other boys were waking up when Remus stepped back out of the bathroom, fully cleaned and dressed.
"Remus why is Sirius in your bed? Did he...?"
"No, he's just being a dumb-ass," Remus said with a smirk. "You guys go wash up I'll deal with him." They obeyed and both headed toward the bathroom. Remus sat heavily on the edge of his bed causing Sirius's sleeping form to bounce up and down several times. He didn't so much as stir. Remus leaned in close and yelled, "Padfoot!!!!"
Sirius shot up, nearly colliding heads with Remus.
"OH my fucking GOD!!!" Sirius yelled, clutching his heart and glaring at Remus. "What the hell was that for?!"
"You're in my bed, I want to make it, you need to leave."
Sirius threw himself back down and closed his eyes, smiling, "But your bed is SOO comfortable. Mine's like sleeping on a rock."
"You're full of it Padfoot."
"Full of what exactly?"
Remus couldn't help but laugh at his friend.
"Are we still up for the Hogshead tonight?"
"More so now than before, wouldn't you say?" Remus asked.
"Definitely," Sirius responded smiling, a hint of sadness in his eyes.
"Are you going to take a shower?"
"Eh...I don't think so. I'm not smelly yet!"
"While I don't think that should be your shower requirements, I'm glad. Lets go get something to eat."
Sirius scrambled out of Remus's bed and pulled a muggle sweatshirt out of his trunk. He loved weekends where he could dress however he wanted. "Lets go!"
Remus laughed and the two made their way down to the great hall.
Breakfast was spent with Sirius telling Remus jokes that wouldn't have usually been all that funny, but had the two dying with laughter. They were actually making quite a scene in the great hall.
When Peter and James joined them the jokes continued but the laughter was still emitted from Sirius and Remus alone. In fact, they were getting weird looks from the other two marauders as well as the others in the hall.
Sirius told another one and was about to laugh at himself when he caught a glimpse of the Slytherin table where a very familiar girl was sitting beside Severus Snape. Brianna Jones was sitting at the Slytherin table with Snape!
Once Remus noticed he was the only one laughing at Sirius's dumb joke he stopped and was about to turn in the direction Sirius was staring. To save his friend from a sight that he knew would kill him inside, Sirius started laughing hysterically. Remus turned back to his friend confused, but was in such a good mood he didn't mind that he didn't know what was going on and started laughing again.
Sirius complimented himself on the save and then focused on keeping Remus's attention on himself until he saw the two leave the great hall.
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Sad chapter huh? I thought I needed to lighten it up at the end, hope it worked. Next chapter will be fun for the most part, but I will not leave my good friend drama out of it. But would you really want me to?
By the way, I hope the scene I created wasn't too graphic, I honestly don't know where in my head that idea came from, I just tried to think of the most horrific thing he could have to see and that's what my mind came up with.
Please Review and tell me what you think. I'd really appreciate it a lot!!! Even if you don't like it, tell me. I just want to know if people are reading this because if they're not I won't post it...I'll just save it to my hard drive...sad but true lol. Anyway just give me an ego boost and write me a little message! Please?
HP-Azn: I'm really glad you like this fic, and no there will not be any slash! Thanks for reviewing this and my other fic!
Jemma Blackwell: I'm actually rather like James in that charmed life where nothings gone wrong, but I get that not everyone's so lucky, and I'm trying to have James get that too. I also like how you analyzed Remus's being scared. I didn't know if wrote it so it made since that Remus was scared, glad you got it! I hope everyone else did too. I hope you enjoy this chapter!
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About Jack
That Friday morning flew by at a record speed. For once all the boys paid full attention in their classes as an escape from the thoughts that were now plaguing their minds. Not only did they go the day without getting a single detention or losing one house point, but they all learned very useful things about a potion similar to veritaserum. What it did was allow a person to tell others a painful memory of their past as though it didn't affect them at all. Remus couldn't help but notice how intrigued Sirius was with the concept, and knew it had to do with whatever his nightmare had been about.
"Too bad Sirius," Remus thought. The potions teacher said the recipe was so difficult he himself couldn't make it. It was very rare to find a potions-master skilled enough to brew it. In the past it had been used on aurors who had been taken as POW's and were tortured. Their stories were important to tell. After the professor had moved onto the next topic Sirius remained studious in appearance, but Remus noted that his gaze seemed to have gazed over slightly.
Sirius was quiet for the rest of that day, even Peter noticed the severe mood change. At dinner Sirius sat staring at his full plate of food and occasionally moving things around. James being James had to ask, "Sirius what is wrong with you today?"
His head snapping up Sirius looked intently at James for a moment and then looked back down, muttering, "Nothing's wrong. I'm just feeling a little off."
"Something's bugging you, you're acting like..." He was about to say Remus, but caught a sad look from the werewolf before he got to it and switched to, "like you're really depressed...or something."
"I'm fine."
"Padfoot..."
"I said I'm fine!" he yelled throwing down his fork. Sirius then pushed back his chair and left the table.
There was a moment of silence where the others didn't quite know what to do. Peter sighed and said, "Well, I hope he's okay, anyone want to go upstairs and play chess?"
James punched him in the shoulder and glared. "Why don't you go play chess with yourself Pete...Let us know if you lose, alright?" He then turned to Remus, "Let's go find him."
Remus nodded and they both rose and left the table. Peter was still sitting at the table looking quite confused at what James had said.
"Do you think he went upstairs?" James asked.
"I doubt it. He's probably somewhere on the grounds."
"Maybe we should get the map?"
"Why don't you go get it, I'll start looking outside. Come get me first when you find the map, alright?"
James nodded and headed for the stairs. Remus walked outside and headed towards the quidditch pitch. He didn't expect to find Sirius immediately, but hoped he could find him before James got back with the map.
He wasn't at the pitch so Remus went down by the lake instead. He walked almost all the way around the lake, until he saw Sirius sitting on a thick branch half way up a tree.
"Hey," he said casually.
"Hi," Sirius responded quietly.
"Is there room up there for two?"
Sirius nodded and shuffled sideways to make room. He then reached down and helped pull Remus onto the branch.
"James is coming," Remus stated, not sure what kind of reaction he'd get.
Scowling, Sirius muttered, "Stupid bastard."
"He's just worried and so am I."
"Nothings wrong that won't be better tomorrow. Everyone just needs to drop it."
"Like if you had dropped it yesterday and didn't come after me?"
"This is different Rem. I've been dealing with this for a long, long time."
"Well, you don't have to tell anyone, but I wish you would tell me."
"After yesterday, the last thing you need is more depressing news."
"What happened yesterday was a mistake! I'm sorry I did it and just want to get past it!" Remus yelled almost hysterically.
Sirius looked up surprised and then mumbled an apology. Remus sighed and the two sat in silence.
With a shaky breath Sirius began to speak. "I was about seven when it happened. Every day I would play with this muggle boy named Jack who lived down the street. He was a great kid. You actually remind me of him...I think that's why we're such good friends."
Remus smiled slightly.
"One day Regulus followed me to the park where we played and went back and told my parents. They forbade me from ever playing with him again and put up wards that wouldn't allow me out of the yard without my mother or father nearby. One day I guess Jack missed playing with me enough that he came and knocked on the door of my house. I still can't believe I'd made the mistake of telling him where I live. He never would have known the house was there if I hadn't pointed it out to him," Sirius's voice cracked as he spoke the last sentence. He put his hands over his face and just sat quietly.
Remus watched him sadly and then saw James coming toward them. He knew that Sirius would stop the story the moment he saw James. Feeling quite bad about it, Remus gestured back to the castle and mouthed, "Later!" James shook his head mouthing, "What?" Again Remus pointed from James to the castle and this time James got the hint. He turned back just as Sirius took his hands from his eyes. Remus saw James shoulders slump in resignation and genuinely felt bad, but there was nothing he could do about that at the moment.
Remus returned his focus to Sirius and saw that his eyes were alight with tears. "My mother opened the door. Imagine her disgust at the sight of a muggle on the doorstep. But she put up a friendly front. She let him in and called me downstairs in the most sickly-sweet voice you've ever heard," Sirius let out a dry sob.
""So this is Jack?" she said, "Oh we've heard so many wonderful things about you!" I remember how he smiled. He thought he was in for a fun and cheerful visit. He couldn't have been more mistaken. My mother got him far enough into the house and then showed her true colors. She grabbed him roughly by the arms and dragged him to the bathroom upstairs. I begged her to let him go, I told him to fight, but nothing worked. No one can go up against my mother and win."
A single tear fell down Sirius's cheek as he continued speaking. "She did some spells on him...the poor kid didn't even know magic existed before that day. I don't know exactly what she did, but he ended up hanging by his arms from the shower rod over the bathtub. I tried to run, there was no way I could save him by sitting there and watching. I wanted to get to the neighbors or maybe even my dad, he wouldn't have just let her do that, but she—she stopped me and bound my arms over my head with rope and the same for my legs. That's why I freaked out this morning when you were holding me down...I couldn't move from the wall right across from the scene. I tried to close my eyes, but she saw and put some other spell on me...I couldn't even blink Rem. I remember she said to me, "It's your fault he's here, you're going to see all of this!" I remember I was sobbing and so was he."
More tears fell down Sirius's face and Remus grabbed both of his hands, holding them tightly, comfortingly.
"With a flick of her wand she removed all of his clothes but his underwear. She began with the cruciatus curse. It looked awful, Remus...the poor kid hanging there, swinging back and forth in pain. But that wasn't the worst of it. I still don't know how she did it, but there was some spell that basically turned her wand into a—into a knife. Slowly...painstakingly slowly she cut him, so deeply, right down his chest. He howled in pain, but there was nothing he could do. She cut him more...and you can imagine the rest. After twenty minutes he stopped moving...I don't know if it was the pain or the bleeding. My mother then left the room, I was still stuck to the wall, watching my friend hanging there dripping blood."
Sirius didn't speak anymore and simply let his head fall forward as he cried. Remus pulled him into a tight hug which was difficult because they were still up a tree, but he found a comfortable and safe position where Sirius could cry onto his shoulder. After a few minutes Sirius pulled away harshly and jumped down from the tree. Remus followed and rubbed Sirius's back as he retched into a nearby shrub.
Looking up at Remus sadly, Sirius said, "Is that what you wanted to hear Rem?"
Remus shook his head sadly, "No, but I'm glad you told me. Doesn't it feel at least a little bit better now that I know?"
Sirius shrugged and then nodded. "You just need to keep it quiet Remus. If this gets anywhere near the ministry or even Dumbledore I'm as good as dead!"
"Of course I'll keep it quiet...but you should probably tell James."
Sirius rubbed roughly at his eyes and nodded. "Maybe you could help me with that?"
"Absolutely."
"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, Padfoot."
The sun was going down so Remus put an arm around his friends shoulder and steered him up to the castle. Before they were too close Remus asked, "So in your nightmare do you just relive that dream?"
Sirius shook his head and bit his lip.
"What else?"
"First I see that...then I see it happening to one of you guys. And it's even harder. That's why I've always been so adamant about you guys never coming over on holidays and such. She wouldn't have the nerve to do it to a known visitor...but any surprises-" Sirius trailed off, his voice catching in his throat.
As they walked into the castle, Remus said, "So do you just want to go to bed early tonight?"
Sirius looked up sharply and shook his head. "I need something to take my mind off of this shit."
"What do you want to do?"
"Well I guess we should talk to James...I really don't want Peter to know, maybe we can send him on a food mission or something. And then why don't we just play gobstones and exploding snap for the rest of the night?"
"Sounds like a plan. But are you sure you want to tell James tonight?"
Sirius nodded. "I just want to get it all behind me and continue to try and get over it. I don't want to ever talk about it again. I really wish I had that potion we were learning about today."
"I could tell that that interested you."
"It would make life so much easier. I almost wish that someone could memory charm the image of Jack out of my mind, but then it would be hard to hate my mother so much...and no one should show that woman love." Again Remus saw tears well in his friends eyes and he squeezed his arm supportively.
Once they reached the common room they saw James and Peter playing chess, James looked pretty sad. When he saw the solemn looks on his friends faces his expression changed to curiosity.
"Hey, Pete, want to go on a mission?" Remus asked.
"What's the mission?"
"We want to have a game night and need some food. I need to talk to James about something and Sirius isn't feeling up to it. That leaves you. What do you say?" Remus said slyly.
"Absolutely!" Peter exclaimed, happy to have his friends relying on him for something.
He began to head out, but before he did, Remus called, "And take your time, my talk with James may take a while. Get as much as you want."
Peter nodded excitedly and left. Sirius rolled his eyes and then turned to James and said in a strong voice, "James do you want to go upstairs and talk with Remus and me? You asked earlier what was wrong, and I'm ready to tell you...or at least try. I just told Rem, and he may need to help me."
James looked nothing but concerned and nodded his head quite willingly. "Are you alright now Sirius?"
"I don't know James...I don't think I ever really was."
"Come on guys," Remus said and headed towards the staircase.
Once in the privacy of their dorm room with a powerful locking spell on the door, the three boys gathered on Remus's bed.
Sirius opened his mouth to begin but couldn't get the words out. He looked apologetically at James who didn't seem to be mad, though he appeared quite worried.
"Whatever it is Padfoot, you know you can tell me, right?"
"It's not the fact that it's you James. I know I can trust you with this shit...but it's just...Remus can you tell him what happened?"
Remus again wrapped his arm around Sirius comfortingly and nodded.
"When Sirius was younger he had a muggle friend who his parents found out about and forbade him from seeing. The boy, Jack right? Yah Jack, came to the door one day and Mrs. Black let him in and proceeded to tie him up in the bathroom. She tortured him to death and made Sirius watch the whole thing. It was pretty gruesome from the sounds of it."
Sirius nodded, not looking up at either of his friends and biting his lip hard.
"Oh my God," James muttered.
"Yah," Remus added, "And he's been having recurring nightmares about it. Seeing the same thing happen to us afterwards. He's been silencing those dreams."
James crawled forward on his knees and pulled Sirius to him in a tight embrace. With this sudden action Sirius lost all his reserves and again began sobbing, this time into the arms of his other best friend.
"That's horrible Sirius, no person should ever have to see that. I'm writing to my parents first thing tomorrow and asking if you can come stay with me!"
"No James!" Sirius yelled pulling away. "You can't tell your parents about this! You can't tell anyone."
"Sirius, someone has to know! Someone needs to help you."
"James you don't understand!" Sirius wailed. "If my mother finds out I've told ANYONE, she'll kill me too. You can't tell them!"
"Well I'm still going to ask if you can come live with us," James said firmly. "I'm not letting you go back there. Who's to say they wouldn't do that to you anyway?!"
"They'd get caught if they killed me," Sirius mumbled.
"Do you want to get out of there?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded earnestly.
"Then why won't you let James do this?"
"They'll ask questions."
"Sirius, I can deal with my parents trust me. Your secret will be safe with me."
"Thanks James."
"Anytime mate."
"And Sirius, next time you have that nightmare, come get me alright? It'll help you," Remus said.
Sirius nodded and dried his eyes, yet again. "Peter will be back up soon, why don't we head back down to the common room."
"Are you sure you're alright?" Remus asked.
"Yeah, I'll be fine. Let's go," Sirius said firmly standing up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
As the night passed with games and food for all, everyone's spirits lightened and at the wee morning hours they returned to their dorm and slept until the afternoon.
Remus was the first to wake up. He sat up groggily in his bed and looked around. Seeing everyone else asleep, Remus lay back down and stared at the ceiling, playing with the edge of his blanket as he did so. He thought about the previous day and realized how glad he was that he wasn't the only person who had constant nightmares about things beyond his control. It made him happy to realize that he had a companion in misery, as terrible as he knew that seemed.
He was shaken from his thoughts when he heard a low growl from the next bed over. "I feel like I have a hangover and I didn't even drink! What the fuck?"
Remus laughed and sat up looking over at his friend.
"S'not funny Moony," Sirius mumbled sitting up as well.
"Oh if you only knew," Remus replied through his laughter. Sirius's hair was mussed up worse than James and he had pillow lines on his face.
"Hey stop laughing at me!"
Remus didn't stop, he always laughed too much in the morning. For whatever reason, everything seemed to be so much funnier if it happened in the morning. Sirius climbed out of bed and walked over to where Remus was now laying on his stomach laughing. Plopping himself down on Remus's lower- back Sirius yawned loudly.
"Get off!" Remus yelled choking on his laughter.
"No until you stop laughing at me."
"I'm not laughing at you anymore!" Remus yelled in one breath. He heaved and added, "I'm laughing cause you're sitting on my ass!" Sirius hopped off and sat cross-legged on Remus's bed instead. Remus scrambled up, still laughing lightly and Sirius grinned at him.
"You're so goofy in the morning," Sirius said laughing as well. "How do you do it?"
"First, it's not morning; second, I think it's because my heads not clear yet," Remus stated.
"You're weird."
"I know," Remus said his laughter finally tapering off.
"Did you sleep well?" Sirius asked.
Remus nodded, "How about you? Anymore nightmares?"
"Nope," Sirius said with a sigh. "It probably won't happen again for awhile."
"Good."
Sirius nodded but the mention of that issue made his shoulders slump slightly. Remus ruffled his friend's hair and then pushed him over so he was laying sideways on his bed.
"I'm going to go take a shower," Remus stated. Sirius looked up at him suspiciously, still lying across Remus's bed. "Sirius, don't do this every time I want to get clean!" His demeanor had changed completely.
Sirius looked remorseful and muttered an apology. Remus nodded and walked away towards the bathroom.
Rolling over to his back Sirius stretched out on the bed. As Remus had done earlier Sirius just lay there staring up at the ceiling. He proceeded to fall back asleep there in Remus's bed.
The other boys were waking up when Remus stepped back out of the bathroom, fully cleaned and dressed.
"Remus why is Sirius in your bed? Did he...?"
"No, he's just being a dumb-ass," Remus said with a smirk. "You guys go wash up I'll deal with him." They obeyed and both headed toward the bathroom. Remus sat heavily on the edge of his bed causing Sirius's sleeping form to bounce up and down several times. He didn't so much as stir. Remus leaned in close and yelled, "Padfoot!!!!"
Sirius shot up, nearly colliding heads with Remus.
"OH my fucking GOD!!!" Sirius yelled, clutching his heart and glaring at Remus. "What the hell was that for?!"
"You're in my bed, I want to make it, you need to leave."
Sirius threw himself back down and closed his eyes, smiling, "But your bed is SOO comfortable. Mine's like sleeping on a rock."
"You're full of it Padfoot."
"Full of what exactly?"
Remus couldn't help but laugh at his friend.
"Are we still up for the Hogshead tonight?"
"More so now than before, wouldn't you say?" Remus asked.
"Definitely," Sirius responded smiling, a hint of sadness in his eyes.
"Are you going to take a shower?"
"Eh...I don't think so. I'm not smelly yet!"
"While I don't think that should be your shower requirements, I'm glad. Lets go get something to eat."
Sirius scrambled out of Remus's bed and pulled a muggle sweatshirt out of his trunk. He loved weekends where he could dress however he wanted. "Lets go!"
Remus laughed and the two made their way down to the great hall.
Breakfast was spent with Sirius telling Remus jokes that wouldn't have usually been all that funny, but had the two dying with laughter. They were actually making quite a scene in the great hall.
When Peter and James joined them the jokes continued but the laughter was still emitted from Sirius and Remus alone. In fact, they were getting weird looks from the other two marauders as well as the others in the hall.
Sirius told another one and was about to laugh at himself when he caught a glimpse of the Slytherin table where a very familiar girl was sitting beside Severus Snape. Brianna Jones was sitting at the Slytherin table with Snape!
Once Remus noticed he was the only one laughing at Sirius's dumb joke he stopped and was about to turn in the direction Sirius was staring. To save his friend from a sight that he knew would kill him inside, Sirius started laughing hysterically. Remus turned back to his friend confused, but was in such a good mood he didn't mind that he didn't know what was going on and started laughing again.
Sirius complimented himself on the save and then focused on keeping Remus's attention on himself until he saw the two leave the great hall.
~~~~~~~~~~
Sad chapter huh? I thought I needed to lighten it up at the end, hope it worked. Next chapter will be fun for the most part, but I will not leave my good friend drama out of it. But would you really want me to?
By the way, I hope the scene I created wasn't too graphic, I honestly don't know where in my head that idea came from, I just tried to think of the most horrific thing he could have to see and that's what my mind came up with.
Please Review and tell me what you think. I'd really appreciate it a lot!!! Even if you don't like it, tell me. I just want to know if people are reading this because if they're not I won't post it...I'll just save it to my hard drive...sad but true lol. Anyway just give me an ego boost and write me a little message! Please?