*************MASSIVE MEGA WARNING**********************
This is a crossover with (you guessed it) Sex and the City. No actual sex, but lots and lots of foul language. I sure hope I don't get kicked off FF.net for this one, but I couldn't help myself....
************************************************************* Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even the foul language. Sigh...
Sex and the Sparrow By MsBrooklyn
"Jack! Wake up. Jack!"
Jack cracked open an eye, took in Will's worried expression and forced himself to toss the covers aside. So much for that dream with the mermaid. "What is it, whelp?"
For once, Will ignored the 'whelp'. "There's a....disturbance up on deck. You'd best hurry."
"That bad, eh?"
**************************
Jack heard the outraged female voices before he saw the source. Four women, surrounded by his crew. A redhead, a brunette and two blondes -- one with an appealing mass of curls.
"I demand to speak to whoever is in charge here," the blonde with the straight hair ordered, her voice rising authoritatively over the shouts of his crew.
"That'd be me, love." Jack elbowed his way past his crew and bowed slightly. "Captain Jack Sparrow, at your service."
"Samantha Jones," she replied, her voice purring seductively. "Of Samantha Jones Public Relations. We have a bit of a situation here, Captain."
"No kidding," the redhead put in, dryly. "I told you those mojitos tasted funny."
Samantha shot her companion a look and then she smiled brightly at Jack. "We're a little bit lost."
"We're supposed to be at fabulous party," the other, smaller curly-haired blonde put it. "With fabulous people and fabulous drinks. I think we've landed on the other side of fabulous, ladies. I think we're in fabu-less."
The brunette cleared her throat. "Where are we anyway?"
"On my ship." It occurred to Jack that between the four of them, they were wearing enough clothing for one properly-dressed woman. Not that he minded. "The Black Pearl."
"That's a good name for a perfume," the curly-haired one commented.
"Or a sex toy," Samantha agreed. "Think about it. Pearl necklaces, pearl thongs. Come to think of it, I've had a few black pearls in my time, if you know what I mean."
"That's disgusting," the brunette sniffed.
Samantha smiled conspiratorially at Jack. "Charlotte's just uptight because it's been three months since she's gotten laid --"
"Samantha!"
"It's true." Samantha looked over Jack's shoulder and her smile broadened. "Well, hello there, Errol Flynn."
"My name's Will Turner, not Errol Flynn, miss. I'm afraid you must have me confused with someone else --"
"No, you'll do." Sam grabbed Will by the arm and shoved him towards Charlotte. "Anything wrong with this one, Miss Priss?"
The curly-haired wench elbowed Jack and gestured towards Samantha. "Buccaneer, meet the F*ckaneer."
"Sure," the redhead sighed. "She picks the one man on the ship who knows what soap is."
Jack shot the redhead a withering look.
"Miranda Hobbes." She held out a hand to him and flashed him a small wistful smile. "I get seasick."
Jack turned to the curly-haired one. "You must be Carrie."
"How --"
He pointed to the necklace she was wearing. "I can read."
"Score one for you," Miranda told him. "If you can add and subtract, we may have found the next eligible bachelor on the ship."
"Miranda's cranky because she thinks her ass is fat," Sam commented, draping her arm around Jack's shoulders. "Speaking of asses, girls, did you see the good Captain's package? I don't care if he can add or subtract as long as he can raise his yardarm."
"I had a baby," Miranda told Jack. "It's baby fat. My ass is usually much better than this."
"I rather like it," Jack said. "Very womanly."
"Really?"
"Aye."
****************************************
As I watched my friends getting to know the pirates, I couldn't help but wonder, when had courting become the aggressive sport known as dating? And when did women become the hunters? Maybe Charlotte had the right idea and we all needed a set of rules.
This is a crossover with (you guessed it) Sex and the City. No actual sex, but lots and lots of foul language. I sure hope I don't get kicked off FF.net for this one, but I couldn't help myself....
************************************************************* Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Not even the foul language. Sigh...
Sex and the Sparrow By MsBrooklyn
"Jack! Wake up. Jack!"
Jack cracked open an eye, took in Will's worried expression and forced himself to toss the covers aside. So much for that dream with the mermaid. "What is it, whelp?"
For once, Will ignored the 'whelp'. "There's a....disturbance up on deck. You'd best hurry."
"That bad, eh?"
**************************
Jack heard the outraged female voices before he saw the source. Four women, surrounded by his crew. A redhead, a brunette and two blondes -- one with an appealing mass of curls.
"I demand to speak to whoever is in charge here," the blonde with the straight hair ordered, her voice rising authoritatively over the shouts of his crew.
"That'd be me, love." Jack elbowed his way past his crew and bowed slightly. "Captain Jack Sparrow, at your service."
"Samantha Jones," she replied, her voice purring seductively. "Of Samantha Jones Public Relations. We have a bit of a situation here, Captain."
"No kidding," the redhead put in, dryly. "I told you those mojitos tasted funny."
Samantha shot her companion a look and then she smiled brightly at Jack. "We're a little bit lost."
"We're supposed to be at fabulous party," the other, smaller curly-haired blonde put it. "With fabulous people and fabulous drinks. I think we've landed on the other side of fabulous, ladies. I think we're in fabu-less."
The brunette cleared her throat. "Where are we anyway?"
"On my ship." It occurred to Jack that between the four of them, they were wearing enough clothing for one properly-dressed woman. Not that he minded. "The Black Pearl."
"That's a good name for a perfume," the curly-haired one commented.
"Or a sex toy," Samantha agreed. "Think about it. Pearl necklaces, pearl thongs. Come to think of it, I've had a few black pearls in my time, if you know what I mean."
"That's disgusting," the brunette sniffed.
Samantha smiled conspiratorially at Jack. "Charlotte's just uptight because it's been three months since she's gotten laid --"
"Samantha!"
"It's true." Samantha looked over Jack's shoulder and her smile broadened. "Well, hello there, Errol Flynn."
"My name's Will Turner, not Errol Flynn, miss. I'm afraid you must have me confused with someone else --"
"No, you'll do." Sam grabbed Will by the arm and shoved him towards Charlotte. "Anything wrong with this one, Miss Priss?"
The curly-haired wench elbowed Jack and gestured towards Samantha. "Buccaneer, meet the F*ckaneer."
"Sure," the redhead sighed. "She picks the one man on the ship who knows what soap is."
Jack shot the redhead a withering look.
"Miranda Hobbes." She held out a hand to him and flashed him a small wistful smile. "I get seasick."
Jack turned to the curly-haired one. "You must be Carrie."
"How --"
He pointed to the necklace she was wearing. "I can read."
"Score one for you," Miranda told him. "If you can add and subtract, we may have found the next eligible bachelor on the ship."
"Miranda's cranky because she thinks her ass is fat," Sam commented, draping her arm around Jack's shoulders. "Speaking of asses, girls, did you see the good Captain's package? I don't care if he can add or subtract as long as he can raise his yardarm."
"I had a baby," Miranda told Jack. "It's baby fat. My ass is usually much better than this."
"I rather like it," Jack said. "Very womanly."
"Really?"
"Aye."
****************************************
As I watched my friends getting to know the pirates, I couldn't help but wonder, when had courting become the aggressive sport known as dating? And when did women become the hunters? Maybe Charlotte had the right idea and we all needed a set of rules.