Hey All!!! Sorry it's been so long since an update. I've had this chapter
done for like a week now but I wanted to get review reviews out...but I've
had the busiest past two weeks of my life, so I didn't get around to them,
and I didn't want to keep you all waiting any longer. I just didn't have
the time to write out thank yous to everyone, but I really appreciate all
the great reviews!
This is the last chapter, I hope you all enjoy!
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Moving On
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After breakfast Sirius and Remus took a hike through the forest that was Remus's backyard. All the while, Remus pointed out places where he had played as a child. As they got deeper into the forest Remus got more and more subdued. Sirius wondered why.
"We can head back if you want Rem...you don't look so good."
"I'm fine. I just want to show you one more place."
"Are you sure?"
Remus nodded. They walked on in silence until Remus stopped by an old oak tree and sat down beside it, resting his back on the trunk. Sirius did the same and noticed old carvings in it, they were random lines, as though done by an animal. It took Sirius mere seconds to understand where they were.
"This is where you got bit?"
Remus bit his lip and nodded. "You know my dad's a muggle, right?"
Sirius nodded.
"Well we were out here, and he was hunting. It was the first time he had allowed me to come along. We were right here and my dad spotted a fox. It got away because it heard me walking. So my Dad told me to stay here, this is exactly where I sat and waited while he followed the fox. About five minutes after he left me...I heard a growl and looked over there," he pointed towards a large group of bushes. "I saw the glowing eyes of the wolf staring right at me. Before I could even get to my feet to run he was on me. I screamed so loud when it bit me. My Dad was there in no time and shot the wolf. It would have killed me otherwise."
The boys sat in silence for a minute. Remus brought his hand up and traced the old claw marks in the tree. "It missed me a few times," he said quietly.
"You never told me how old you were when it happened."
Remus looked up with a slight glimmer in his eyes, "I was almost five."
"Wow," Sirius said sadly.
Remus nodded. "I remember how guilty my dad felt. He figured if he hadn't left me alone nothing would have happened. If he hadn't, we probably both would have been cursed. It wasn't his fault at all."
Sirius shook his head. "My Dad probably would have let it kill me...then he'd have shot it, or rather cursed it. You're lucky you have him."
"I know. And my parents are so cool about it, you know. I just feel like there's something I could have done. Something I SHOULD have done. I just sat there and let the thing attack me."
"You were five years old Rem! If you fought against it, it would have all been in vain. There's nothing you could have done."
Remus shrugged and leaned his head back against the tree.
Sirius shook with a sudden chill. After finding out what had happened there he did not want to sit there any longer. He stood up and stepped in front of Remus. "Let's go back to your house," he said and pulled Remus to his feet.
Together they walked away from the tree. Remus turned back after several steps and looked at the tree. He sighed and continued on.
"You okay, mate?" Sirius asked.
Remus nodded and stared at the ground as he continued on.
"Did you know that when a werewolf is killed in wolf form it returns to its human form?"
"No, I didn't."
"After my dad shot the wolf it turned back. It was Mr. Jones from down the street. He used to baby-sit me sometimes." He continued to look at the ground as he walked on.
Sirius stopped walking and waited for Remus to do the same. When he did Sirius stepped closer and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Remus," he muttered.
Remus took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry too."
Sirius heard him Remus sniff several times and hugged him tighter. They both clung to each other as though their lives depended on it.
Remus eventually pulled away. Sirius looked at his friend and asked, "Do you go back there often?"
"No," Remus said quietly. "That was the first time I've been there since that night."
"Why'd you do it today?"
Remus looked up with the most serious expression Sirius had ever seen and said, "Because you're with me."
Sirius smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around Remus's shoulder and began leading him back through the forest.
"Did it help?" Sirius asked as they went.
"I think so, Sirius," he muttered. "I think so."
Sirius sighed and said, "Well...what's done is done, right? I guess you just have to move on...just like me."
"I wish we didn't have to...I wish we could take away the past."
"Me too, but we can't."
Remus shook his head. They walked the rest of the way back to the house in silence.
Once back inside they washed up and ate lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. Remus's parents sensed that something was wrong.
"Are you boys okay?" Mr. Lupin asked after cracking several jokes and not getting so much as a snicker.
"We're fine dad."
"Why do you seem so down. You seemed fine at breakfast."
Sirius looked at Remus, who was staring in annoyance at his plate.
"It's nothing Dad."
"I haven't seen you like this in a long time Remus...did you boys have a fight or something?"
"NO!"
"Remus, please do not talk like that to your father," Mrs. Lupin said sternly.
Remus sighed and looked helplessly at Sirius.
"We went for a walk in the forest," Sirius stated, as if that told all.
Mr. Lupin looked from Remus to Sirius and back again. "You didn't go..."
"Yeah I did. I had to go there again."
"Why would you do that to yourself?"
Remus sighed. "I just had to do it Dad...to go back again. I don't know why."
"Well did it do anything other than make you sad?"
Looking down at his plate Remus mumbled a feeble "yes."
"And what's that?"
"It made me realize that I didn't deserve it!"
All eyes were on Remus as he said this.
"You thought you deserved that?" Sirius asked, shocked.
"Well...yeah. I always just felt so stupid for letting it happen. But seeing where I was again...seeing what happened to the tree, all of it. I guess it made me realize that it wasn't my fault."
"It was never your fault Remus. It was my fault."
"No it wasn't!" Remus yelled. "It wasn't your fault Dad! I was the one who always begged you to take me with you. I made you feel guilty for not taking me. So you did and I got in the way. It was my own fault!"
"Remus..."
"I just want to be alone," Remus said and pushed his chair back, storming to his room.
Sirius was left in an awkward silence between himself and Remus's parents.
"Maybe I should go see if he's okay," Sirius finally said.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Remus's mother replied. "He wants to be alone."
"You know what happened the last time Remus wanted to be alone...I think I need to go see him."
Mrs. Lupin sighed and nodded while Mr. Lupin just looked confused. Sirius pushed back his chair and slowly walked to Remus's room.
Remus was sitting on the edge of his bed, picking dry skin off his hand.
"Hey," Sirius said quietly.
"Hey. I'm really sorry about that. I just hate when my dad blames himself, you know? He didn't even know that werewolves existed..."
Sirius just nodded and sat beside him.
"Sorry I just left you down there."
"It's fine Remus, really. Don't even worry about it."
"I mean you don't even know them really...I don't know why I did that..."
"Remus, it's alright."
"I'm so stupid," he muttered dropping his chin down to his chest.
"No you aren't Moony. You didn't do anything wrong."
Sirius saw his friends lip tremble. He sighed wondering why Remus had felt compelled to show Sirius the place he'd been attacked.
"It's alright Moony, come here," he whispered, pulling his friend close to him for the second time that day. Again, however, Remus refused to let himself cry.
"What did I do to deserve this curse? What did you do to deserve your family? I just wish I could understand..." Remus whispered in a heartbreaking voice.
"We didn't do anything Remus," Sirius muttered. "Maybe this is just how our lives were supposed to be. We don't deserve these things...we've done nothing wrong."
"I wish it felt like that."
"I do too, Moony," Sirius said, sighing.
Remus pulled away and looked around his room.
"I think I should go apologize to my Dad...he only tries to make me feel better."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"Sure," Remus said as he stood up, taking a deep breath.
They made their way down the stairs and through the living room. As they were about to enter the kitchen they heard a noise and turned to see a figure fall out of the fireplace. The figure was crying.
"James?!" Sirius asked incredulously. Neither he nor Remus had ever seen James cry. The boy really had nothing to cry about.
Sirius rushed over and pulled him to his feet, Remus close behind.
"What's wrong?!" Remus asked.
James looked sadly at Sirius and choked out, "Your parents came to my house looking for you...before they got inside my mum pushed me out of the room and told me to come here. I-I'm really scared."
"My parents...I'm so sorry James. This is all my fault! I have to go there. They won't hurt them if they get me!" Sirius lunged for the fireplace and threw in a handful of floo powder.
"NO!" James yelled and tackled Sirius to the floor. "That isn't going to help anything Sirius!"
Sirius was gaping at James as he had him pinned to the floor.
"What's going on in here?" Mr. Lupin asked as he and Mrs. Lupin entered the room.
"James's parents sent him here. Sirius's parents are trying to find him there," Remus stated and went over to help Sirius and James up.
"I have to go there. There is no telling what my parents could do to them!"
"None of you boys are going anywhere," Mr. Lupin said in a stern voice.
"Sirius, do your parents know who we are?" Mrs. Lupin asked.
Sirius shook his head. "They really only know that I'm friends with James."
"And James did they see...or rather hear you come here?"
"No they weren't in the house yet."
"Okay, I'm going to floo to the ministry for help. Jeff," she said turning to her husband, "Do not let any of these boys out of your sight!"
She disappeared moments later.
James collapsed into a nearby arm chair, tears still streaming down his face. Remus knelt down in front of him and said, "James your parents are both excellent wizards, they can fend for themselves."
"What if they can't?! What the Hell would I do without my parents. And I mean look what they've done to Sirius...to his friend!"
Mr. Lupin turned to Sirius ready to ask what the others were talking about but saw that he was nowhere in sight.
"Where'd Sirius go?" he asked, suddenly alarmed.
James and Remus's heads both snapped up and they looked around.
"You two don't move an inch!" he yelled and began searching the house. He wasn't in any of the rooms. He pulled open the back door and saw Sirius several yards away sitting in the grass.
Slowly he approached the troubled boy and sat beside him.
"Would you care to tell me why you're out here?"
Sirius looked up at Mr. Lupin. "I'm trying to figure out what to do."
"What do you mean?"
"Well I can't stay here! They'll come after you too. I may as well go back home and let them do what they want with me."
"That seems rather cowardly. Remus told me that Gryffindor's were supposed to be brave."
"It is brave Mr. Lupin! I'm not going to let anyone else get hurt because of me!"
"Nobody else will be hurt because of you. Bravery isn't about thinking of everyone but yourself. You have to do what's right for Sirius."
Sirius just shook his head. "James parents could be dead right now...for the simple reason that they know me!"
"And did James seem upset with you about that."
"No but he should have been..."
"Would you have been angry if the situation had been reversed?"
Sirius bit his lip shaking his head.
"Now I don't know what your parents have done in the past and I have a feeling you aren't going to tell me. But it's clear that it is not safe to go back there. So you're staying here as long as you want."
"Do you know what you're getting yourself in to?" Sirius asked sadly.
"Not really because you are the most secretive teenager I've ever met. But I'm willing to take this risk. I don't know what you've done because nobody tells me anything, but it's clear that you've been there for my son when he needs someone the most. Now it's his—our turn to do the same for you."
Sirius nodded his had sadly.
"Those boys are worried about you now too. So let's go back inside."
"Fine," Sirius muttered and stood up.
Mr. Lupin put a comforting arm around Sirius's shoulders as they walked back into the house.
When they returned to the living room, they saw that James had stopped crying. Remus was sitting on the arm of his chair trying to reassure him that everything would be alright.
"Sorry guys," Sirius muttered as he walked back in.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded and sat down. They all sat in relative silence for approximately thirty more minutes.
Everyone looked up as the fireplace roared and Mrs. Lupin came spinning out.
James immediately stood up, "What happened?! Are they okay?!"
Mrs. Lupin held up a finger and looked back at the fireplace. Everyone turned their attentions to the fireplace. Another figure came spinning out.
"Mum!" James called and ran up to her, hugging her tightly. "Thank God," he whispered.
She hugged back. "It's okay James," she whispered into his messy hair.
"Where's Dad?" he asked, pulling away and looking at his mothers face.
"St. Mungo's."
"What?!"
"He's fine, just got hit with a minor curse. He'll be fine in a few hours." She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.
"I'm so sorry, Julie," Sirius whispered quietly from where he was standing nearby.
"Oh Sirius," she said sadly, "It's not your fault honey."
Sirius stepped forward and hugged Mrs. Potter tightly and broke down in tears.
"Shhhh," she whispered, rubbing his back soothingly. "Sirius everything is going to be alright."
"What happened to my parents?"
"The ministry took them in. They'll probably get off, but I don't think they'll be coming by our house again."
"But they'll come after me again."
"Actually, we've got an idea about that. They can't try to get you if you're no longer under their care. Ever since James owled us about having you stay for the summer we've been working out a way to have you be ours. We've got the papers almost completely finished to get custody of you."
Sirius backed up and gaped at Mrs. Potter. "Are-are you serious?!"
Mrs. Potter smiled and nodded. Sirius again embraced her. She hugged back tightly. "It's going to be about a month until it's official. You'll stay here until that time if that's what you want. It's probably safest that way."
"Thank you Julie...just are you sure it's okay? I mean, how do you know my parents won't do this again."
"Because...as James I'm sure would put it, we kicked their asses."
Sirius laughed and dried his tears.
Suddenly there was a weight on his back and arms across his chest.
"We're going to be brothers!" James cheered from where he hung from Sirius's shoulders.
Everyone laughed at them. James hopped down smiling. "Can we go see Dad?" he asked his mum. Mrs. Potter nodded.
James turned to Sirius and Remus, "I'll be back day after tomorrow to stay, okay?"
"Yup, see you then," Remus muttered. The Lupin's and Sirius watched James and his mum floo to St. Mungo's.
Sirius sighed deeply after watching them go. "I'm going to your room Remus."
"Are you alright?" Remus asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Remus watched him leave the room. He knew Sirius was happy with the news he'd received, but he also knew the guilt his friend was probably feeling as well. Sirius had always been willing to take the blame for everything, and there was no way that this situation would be any different.
Sighing Remus turned to his parents.
"It's time to talk Remus," his father said, sitting down in an armchair. His mother sat on the couch and Remus joined her.
"I'm really sorry about flipping out earlier, Dad. That's what I was coming down to tell you when James popped in."
"That's fine Remus. Don't even worry about it."
"Okay."
"Now we want to talk to you about two things. One, whatever it was that you told your mother last night. And two, what Sirius's parents have done in the past."
Remus sighed. He retold the story of Brie and his breakup to his father as quickly as he could without stirring up any old emotions.
"You really wanted to end your life?" Mr. Lupin asked, shocked.
"Yes...and I know how stupid it was. It was just a spur of the moment thing. I'll never ever consider it again, I swear."
"I just don't understand....you didn't think anyone loved you? What about your mother and me? What about your friends?"
Remus looked down blushing slightly, "At that point I was just thinking with my heart...I was thinking about that kind of love. Not the other kinds."
"Love is love, sweetie," Mrs. Lupin said simply.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"If you ever feel that way again I want you to send a letter immediately. Go find James or Sirius and tell them what's going on," Mr. Lupin instructed.
Remus was getting slightly annoyed. "I will Dad! And it won't be happening again!"
"Good," he said sternly.
"Now what's the issue with Sirius's parents?" Mrs. Lupin asked.
"They're evil...the whole family is. Sirius is like—the opposite of the black sheep of the family. White sheep? I don't know."
"What did they do to him?"
"I won't go into specific detail because Sirius would kill me, but they pretty much just tortured him, more mentally than physically. Then, this year at school we found out that his brother is one of those Dark Lord supporters. He attacked Sirius."
"Why do they do this to him?"
Remus shrugged, "Because he wants to be a good person I guess. None of us have ever met them, but we've known from the start that they were nothing but trouble. Sirius actually has nightmares about them."
"The poor kid. I'm glad he's out of there now," Mrs. Lupin said, shaking her head. "How anyone can be so cruel to such a sweet boy!"
Remus just shrugged. "I'm gonna go see what he's up to. Thanks for taking care of things mum."
Mrs. Lupin smiled and nodded as her son left the room.
"I can't believe he's been through so much...and he's only 16."
"Remus or Sirius?"
"Both, I guess...neither of them have exactly had the best of lives."
"They're doing better than can be expected, though, wouldn't you say?" Mrs. Lupin replied.
"Is trying to kill yourself better than expected?" Mr. Lupin asked bluntly.
"Jeffrey! He made a mistake and he's been fine since. He is doing very good!"
"I worry about him. The world is a cruel place...especially for a werewolf. It doesn't take a wizard to figure that one out."
"He'll be fine. As long as he has us and his friends he'll be just fine."
Mr. Lupin nodded and then left the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon reaching his room Remus found Sirius lying face down on his bed. He wasn't sure if his friend was asleep or not, so he flopped down beside him, also with his face down on the bed. He lay there for a while until he heard Sirius move. He looked up to find Sirius's head now turned towards him, a sad expression on his face.
"What if James hadn't come here? What if he hadn't gotten out in time?"
"He did get out and he did come here...everything's fine."
Sirius sighed and rolled onto his back staring at the ceiling. Remus didn't move.
"The entire Potter family could have been killed and it would have been entirely my fault," he mumbled, closing his eyes as he spoke.
"It wouldn't have been your fault Sirius! It would have been your parents."
"But inadversely...inadvertently...whatever that word is! It would have been my fault. If..."
"Why do you worry about the ifs?! Those things didn't happen and they won't. Every member of the Potter family is still alive. You're still here and you're going to be a member of that family! Stop worrying about what could have happened."
Sirius sighed deeply and rolled back to his stomach. "I don't even know what to feel anymore, Moony. Like I'm happy and sad and guilty and scared...and all these things. Why do our lives suck like this?"
Remus laughed lightly. "I don't know Padfoot...I don't know."
"You have such a nice family, Moony...do you realize how lucky you are?"
Remus nodded. "I love them to pieces. I wish you could have had the same kind of family."
"Me too," Sirius said sadly.
"But you're joining one now."
"It's still not the same. I can't thank them enough for doing all that for me though. I can't even believe it!" he laughed incredulously. Remus smiled back at him. "I just hope I don't cause any more trouble for them."
"You won't. Everything will work itself out." Remus smiled reassuringly and squeezed Sirius's shoulder.
"I hope you're right...I'm still worried about what my parents might do. I don't know why they can't just let me be. They don't want me! They just want to make me miserable...make me suffer."
"They got caught though, Sirius...do you think they're going to risk getting sent to Azkaban just so they can torture you?"
"No....I don't, but I can't be sure. They're sick people."
"I know," Remus whispered. Yawning he muttered, "I'm exhausted...you?"
Sirius nodded and buried his face back into the pillow. Remus curled up on his side, facing Sirius and both fell into a peaceful slumber.
A couple of hours later Sirius awoke to the setting sun. He rolled over and saw Remus next to him, still soundly sleeping. He smiled at the sight. Remus always looked about 10 years younger when he was sleeping. His hands were curled up under his chin, and he wore a peaceful smile. Sirius wished everything was as peaceful as that smile led on.
He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
He thought about how bad everything had been up until then. He really felt like a load had been lifted from his shoulders. Living with his parents, he really felt like he had to take care of himself, but now he had people who would take care of him. James and his parents were allowing him into their family. Remus and his family were doing the same. Sirius didn't think he could ever thank them enough.
He sighed deeply and then climbed out of the bed. Sitting down on the large window ledge, Sirius gazed out at the Lupin's peaceful backyard. The sky above was a beautiful mix of pink and orange hues that mesmerized Sirius. He was never a nature lover, but that day he found beauty in it.
He heard a yawn and looked back to the bed where Remus was waking up.
"Are you okay Sirius?"
Sirius smiled genuinely and nodded.
"What are you doing?"
Sirius just shrugged and looked back out the window, his smile didn't fade.
"What are you smiling about?"
Sirius again glanced at him but didn't say a word.
Remus laughed quietly and stood up. "Sirius? What is going on?"
Sirius didn't answer but his smile widened. "You prat...what is going on with you?!"
"We're going to be okay, Remus, you and I."
Remus stopped smiling back and looked curiously at his friend. "What makes you think that?"
"Well...it has to. And we've had enough shit wouldn't you say?"
Remus nodded.
"So it's time that things start to look up. If fate doesn't let us be happy...we'll make ourselves happy. Fuck fate!" He said smiling wildly.
Remus laughed. "I think I like where you're going with this."
"Good," Sirius said with a smile. "I think we just need to stop thinking in the past...you know?"
Remus nodded.
"We need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on making the future better. Think we can do it?"
"Yeah...we definitely can do it," he smiled and sat beside Sirius. "What made you come to this conclusion?"
Sirius shrugged and again looked wistfully out the window. "I think it's because I've reached the breaking point...If I don't move on, what is the rest of my life going to be like? It won't be fun."
"You're right," Remus said grinning.
Both boys were so happy and they couldn't really explain why. It was just an idea. They had yet to discover whether or not it would actually work, but it didn't matter.
"I'm not saying the future is going to be perfect...it could be worse than the past, but we can't look at it like that. We have to see it like everything is going to work out just fine. We can do it."
Remus nodded, "Together we can do it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey, Harry, how are you doing?" Remus asked as he sat in the boys room at number 4 Privet Drive.
"I'm fine," Harry replied his voice cracking.
Remus put his arm around Harry's shoulder. "Don't lie to me, Harry."
"It's all my fault Remus!" he yelled and nearly broke down in tears, burying his head against Remus's arm.
"No, Harry, it's not your fault. I don't blame you, your friends don't blame you, and Sirius certainly wouldn't blame you. You just did what you thought was right. You followed you heart."
"Yeah and look where that got everyone!" The tears then began to trickle down the boys cheeks.
"Harry everyone makes mistakes..."
"Yeah, but most people's mistakes don't cause their godfather to die," he whispered, trying to dry his eyes.
"It wasn't your fault...and you can't dwell on this as you are! You need to move on...get past it."
"Have you? Have you already forgotten your best friend?" Harry asked harshly.
Remus looked momentarily shocked and hurt, but he shook his head and replied, "Of course not, Harry. I could never forget Sirius, and I never want to. But I can't sit around every day of my life pitying myself. I've tried that, it doesn't work."
Harry didn't respond, but tried to wipe the hot tears off his cheeks.
"You know how terrible Sirius's childhood was, right?"
Harry nodded, his lip trembling. "He told me last summer...sounds like it was almost as bad as mine."
"You probably won't believe this but it was actually worse than yours...that is until he ran away. And my life, was just as bad....even though I had loving parents. It's not easy being a teenage werewolf."
Harry nodded sadly.
"We were both dwelling in the past so much that life just wasn't really doable anymore...so we made a pact to stop dwelling on what's happened in the past and focus on making the future better. That's what I did when your parents died Harry, and when Sirius was taken away...and I had to do it now too, when Sirius left us. You need to do it too Harry...you have to," he said in a quiet yet forceful voice.
Sniffling Harry shook his head and said, "I don't think I can do that Remus."
"Yes you can Harry...believe in it and you can. One day you and I will both be with Sirius again...but it's not our time yet. We need to live fully until that time comes."
Harry stared at Remus for a few minutes and then nodded.
"You're not going to get past this overnight, but slowly the pain will go away. You'll remember the good, albeit limited amount of time you got to spend with him...and it'll make you smile. Sirius wouldn't want your memory of him to be a sad one."
Harry again nodded and dried his face. "Thanks Remus," he mumbled and gave a watery smile.
Remus squeezed the back of Harry's neck and replied, "Your welcome. And if you ever need anything just owl me...alright?"
"Yeah," Harry whispered.
"Less then a month till you're back at Hogwarts...you can do it. I'll check in on in you again in a week or so, alright?"
"Okay. Bye Remus," Harry said and sat back against the pillows on his bed.
"Bye Harry," Remus mumbled and left the room. He walked past the wards surrounding the house and apparated to his home.
Sighing as he walked into his living room, he stepped up to the mantel of his fire place. He picked up a picture of him and Sirius, taken during Sirius's brief stay at his home.
"I miss you Sirius," he whispered, smiling sadly at the picture. It was right after they had taken up their new outlook on life. "I told you I could do it...when we were together. But now? I don't know if I can. But I guess I have to right? I promised I'd never attempt...that again. And I won't...but it's getting harder and harder not to live in the past...I wish you were here."
Remus sighed again and put the picture down. He walked to his bedroom and lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. As he lay there Remus couldn't help but wonder why he had been spared, and Sirius forced to go.
"There must be a reason," Remus murmured. And he planned on finding out what that reason was. It was the only way he could move on.
~~~~~~~~~~
The End!!!!
Please let me know what you thought of that chapter or the story as a whole! I enjoyed writing it and will hopefully be coming out with more in the future. My plans right now are to polish up In Need of Sirius Help; finish writing All for You; and start something fresh. If anyone out there has a fanfiction challenge let me know! I'd love to do one :)
Thanks for Reading!!!
This is the last chapter, I hope you all enjoy!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Moving On
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After breakfast Sirius and Remus took a hike through the forest that was Remus's backyard. All the while, Remus pointed out places where he had played as a child. As they got deeper into the forest Remus got more and more subdued. Sirius wondered why.
"We can head back if you want Rem...you don't look so good."
"I'm fine. I just want to show you one more place."
"Are you sure?"
Remus nodded. They walked on in silence until Remus stopped by an old oak tree and sat down beside it, resting his back on the trunk. Sirius did the same and noticed old carvings in it, they were random lines, as though done by an animal. It took Sirius mere seconds to understand where they were.
"This is where you got bit?"
Remus bit his lip and nodded. "You know my dad's a muggle, right?"
Sirius nodded.
"Well we were out here, and he was hunting. It was the first time he had allowed me to come along. We were right here and my dad spotted a fox. It got away because it heard me walking. So my Dad told me to stay here, this is exactly where I sat and waited while he followed the fox. About five minutes after he left me...I heard a growl and looked over there," he pointed towards a large group of bushes. "I saw the glowing eyes of the wolf staring right at me. Before I could even get to my feet to run he was on me. I screamed so loud when it bit me. My Dad was there in no time and shot the wolf. It would have killed me otherwise."
The boys sat in silence for a minute. Remus brought his hand up and traced the old claw marks in the tree. "It missed me a few times," he said quietly.
"You never told me how old you were when it happened."
Remus looked up with a slight glimmer in his eyes, "I was almost five."
"Wow," Sirius said sadly.
Remus nodded. "I remember how guilty my dad felt. He figured if he hadn't left me alone nothing would have happened. If he hadn't, we probably both would have been cursed. It wasn't his fault at all."
Sirius shook his head. "My Dad probably would have let it kill me...then he'd have shot it, or rather cursed it. You're lucky you have him."
"I know. And my parents are so cool about it, you know. I just feel like there's something I could have done. Something I SHOULD have done. I just sat there and let the thing attack me."
"You were five years old Rem! If you fought against it, it would have all been in vain. There's nothing you could have done."
Remus shrugged and leaned his head back against the tree.
Sirius shook with a sudden chill. After finding out what had happened there he did not want to sit there any longer. He stood up and stepped in front of Remus. "Let's go back to your house," he said and pulled Remus to his feet.
Together they walked away from the tree. Remus turned back after several steps and looked at the tree. He sighed and continued on.
"You okay, mate?" Sirius asked.
Remus nodded and stared at the ground as he continued on.
"Did you know that when a werewolf is killed in wolf form it returns to its human form?"
"No, I didn't."
"After my dad shot the wolf it turned back. It was Mr. Jones from down the street. He used to baby-sit me sometimes." He continued to look at the ground as he walked on.
Sirius stopped walking and waited for Remus to do the same. When he did Sirius stepped closer and pulled him into a hug. "I'm so sorry, Remus," he muttered.
Remus took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry too."
Sirius heard him Remus sniff several times and hugged him tighter. They both clung to each other as though their lives depended on it.
Remus eventually pulled away. Sirius looked at his friend and asked, "Do you go back there often?"
"No," Remus said quietly. "That was the first time I've been there since that night."
"Why'd you do it today?"
Remus looked up with the most serious expression Sirius had ever seen and said, "Because you're with me."
Sirius smiled sadly and wrapped an arm around Remus's shoulder and began leading him back through the forest.
"Did it help?" Sirius asked as they went.
"I think so, Sirius," he muttered. "I think so."
Sirius sighed and said, "Well...what's done is done, right? I guess you just have to move on...just like me."
"I wish we didn't have to...I wish we could take away the past."
"Me too, but we can't."
Remus shook his head. They walked the rest of the way back to the house in silence.
Once back inside they washed up and ate lunch with Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. Remus's parents sensed that something was wrong.
"Are you boys okay?" Mr. Lupin asked after cracking several jokes and not getting so much as a snicker.
"We're fine dad."
"Why do you seem so down. You seemed fine at breakfast."
Sirius looked at Remus, who was staring in annoyance at his plate.
"It's nothing Dad."
"I haven't seen you like this in a long time Remus...did you boys have a fight or something?"
"NO!"
"Remus, please do not talk like that to your father," Mrs. Lupin said sternly.
Remus sighed and looked helplessly at Sirius.
"We went for a walk in the forest," Sirius stated, as if that told all.
Mr. Lupin looked from Remus to Sirius and back again. "You didn't go..."
"Yeah I did. I had to go there again."
"Why would you do that to yourself?"
Remus sighed. "I just had to do it Dad...to go back again. I don't know why."
"Well did it do anything other than make you sad?"
Looking down at his plate Remus mumbled a feeble "yes."
"And what's that?"
"It made me realize that I didn't deserve it!"
All eyes were on Remus as he said this.
"You thought you deserved that?" Sirius asked, shocked.
"Well...yeah. I always just felt so stupid for letting it happen. But seeing where I was again...seeing what happened to the tree, all of it. I guess it made me realize that it wasn't my fault."
"It was never your fault Remus. It was my fault."
"No it wasn't!" Remus yelled. "It wasn't your fault Dad! I was the one who always begged you to take me with you. I made you feel guilty for not taking me. So you did and I got in the way. It was my own fault!"
"Remus..."
"I just want to be alone," Remus said and pushed his chair back, storming to his room.
Sirius was left in an awkward silence between himself and Remus's parents.
"Maybe I should go see if he's okay," Sirius finally said.
"I don't think that's a good idea," Remus's mother replied. "He wants to be alone."
"You know what happened the last time Remus wanted to be alone...I think I need to go see him."
Mrs. Lupin sighed and nodded while Mr. Lupin just looked confused. Sirius pushed back his chair and slowly walked to Remus's room.
Remus was sitting on the edge of his bed, picking dry skin off his hand.
"Hey," Sirius said quietly.
"Hey. I'm really sorry about that. I just hate when my dad blames himself, you know? He didn't even know that werewolves existed..."
Sirius just nodded and sat beside him.
"Sorry I just left you down there."
"It's fine Remus, really. Don't even worry about it."
"I mean you don't even know them really...I don't know why I did that..."
"Remus, it's alright."
"I'm so stupid," he muttered dropping his chin down to his chest.
"No you aren't Moony. You didn't do anything wrong."
Sirius saw his friends lip tremble. He sighed wondering why Remus had felt compelled to show Sirius the place he'd been attacked.
"It's alright Moony, come here," he whispered, pulling his friend close to him for the second time that day. Again, however, Remus refused to let himself cry.
"What did I do to deserve this curse? What did you do to deserve your family? I just wish I could understand..." Remus whispered in a heartbreaking voice.
"We didn't do anything Remus," Sirius muttered. "Maybe this is just how our lives were supposed to be. We don't deserve these things...we've done nothing wrong."
"I wish it felt like that."
"I do too, Moony," Sirius said, sighing.
Remus pulled away and looked around his room.
"I think I should go apologize to my Dad...he only tries to make me feel better."
"Do you want me to come with you?"
"Sure," Remus said as he stood up, taking a deep breath.
They made their way down the stairs and through the living room. As they were about to enter the kitchen they heard a noise and turned to see a figure fall out of the fireplace. The figure was crying.
"James?!" Sirius asked incredulously. Neither he nor Remus had ever seen James cry. The boy really had nothing to cry about.
Sirius rushed over and pulled him to his feet, Remus close behind.
"What's wrong?!" Remus asked.
James looked sadly at Sirius and choked out, "Your parents came to my house looking for you...before they got inside my mum pushed me out of the room and told me to come here. I-I'm really scared."
"My parents...I'm so sorry James. This is all my fault! I have to go there. They won't hurt them if they get me!" Sirius lunged for the fireplace and threw in a handful of floo powder.
"NO!" James yelled and tackled Sirius to the floor. "That isn't going to help anything Sirius!"
Sirius was gaping at James as he had him pinned to the floor.
"What's going on in here?" Mr. Lupin asked as he and Mrs. Lupin entered the room.
"James's parents sent him here. Sirius's parents are trying to find him there," Remus stated and went over to help Sirius and James up.
"I have to go there. There is no telling what my parents could do to them!"
"None of you boys are going anywhere," Mr. Lupin said in a stern voice.
"Sirius, do your parents know who we are?" Mrs. Lupin asked.
Sirius shook his head. "They really only know that I'm friends with James."
"And James did they see...or rather hear you come here?"
"No they weren't in the house yet."
"Okay, I'm going to floo to the ministry for help. Jeff," she said turning to her husband, "Do not let any of these boys out of your sight!"
She disappeared moments later.
James collapsed into a nearby arm chair, tears still streaming down his face. Remus knelt down in front of him and said, "James your parents are both excellent wizards, they can fend for themselves."
"What if they can't?! What the Hell would I do without my parents. And I mean look what they've done to Sirius...to his friend!"
Mr. Lupin turned to Sirius ready to ask what the others were talking about but saw that he was nowhere in sight.
"Where'd Sirius go?" he asked, suddenly alarmed.
James and Remus's heads both snapped up and they looked around.
"You two don't move an inch!" he yelled and began searching the house. He wasn't in any of the rooms. He pulled open the back door and saw Sirius several yards away sitting in the grass.
Slowly he approached the troubled boy and sat beside him.
"Would you care to tell me why you're out here?"
Sirius looked up at Mr. Lupin. "I'm trying to figure out what to do."
"What do you mean?"
"Well I can't stay here! They'll come after you too. I may as well go back home and let them do what they want with me."
"That seems rather cowardly. Remus told me that Gryffindor's were supposed to be brave."
"It is brave Mr. Lupin! I'm not going to let anyone else get hurt because of me!"
"Nobody else will be hurt because of you. Bravery isn't about thinking of everyone but yourself. You have to do what's right for Sirius."
Sirius just shook his head. "James parents could be dead right now...for the simple reason that they know me!"
"And did James seem upset with you about that."
"No but he should have been..."
"Would you have been angry if the situation had been reversed?"
Sirius bit his lip shaking his head.
"Now I don't know what your parents have done in the past and I have a feeling you aren't going to tell me. But it's clear that it is not safe to go back there. So you're staying here as long as you want."
"Do you know what you're getting yourself in to?" Sirius asked sadly.
"Not really because you are the most secretive teenager I've ever met. But I'm willing to take this risk. I don't know what you've done because nobody tells me anything, but it's clear that you've been there for my son when he needs someone the most. Now it's his—our turn to do the same for you."
Sirius nodded his had sadly.
"Those boys are worried about you now too. So let's go back inside."
"Fine," Sirius muttered and stood up.
Mr. Lupin put a comforting arm around Sirius's shoulders as they walked back into the house.
When they returned to the living room, they saw that James had stopped crying. Remus was sitting on the arm of his chair trying to reassure him that everything would be alright.
"Sorry guys," Sirius muttered as he walked back in.
"Are you okay?" Remus asked.
Sirius nodded and sat down. They all sat in relative silence for approximately thirty more minutes.
Everyone looked up as the fireplace roared and Mrs. Lupin came spinning out.
James immediately stood up, "What happened?! Are they okay?!"
Mrs. Lupin held up a finger and looked back at the fireplace. Everyone turned their attentions to the fireplace. Another figure came spinning out.
"Mum!" James called and ran up to her, hugging her tightly. "Thank God," he whispered.
She hugged back. "It's okay James," she whispered into his messy hair.
"Where's Dad?" he asked, pulling away and looking at his mothers face.
"St. Mungo's."
"What?!"
"He's fine, just got hit with a minor curse. He'll be fine in a few hours." She stroked his hair and kissed his forehead.
"I'm so sorry, Julie," Sirius whispered quietly from where he was standing nearby.
"Oh Sirius," she said sadly, "It's not your fault honey."
Sirius stepped forward and hugged Mrs. Potter tightly and broke down in tears.
"Shhhh," she whispered, rubbing his back soothingly. "Sirius everything is going to be alright."
"What happened to my parents?"
"The ministry took them in. They'll probably get off, but I don't think they'll be coming by our house again."
"But they'll come after me again."
"Actually, we've got an idea about that. They can't try to get you if you're no longer under their care. Ever since James owled us about having you stay for the summer we've been working out a way to have you be ours. We've got the papers almost completely finished to get custody of you."
Sirius backed up and gaped at Mrs. Potter. "Are-are you serious?!"
Mrs. Potter smiled and nodded. Sirius again embraced her. She hugged back tightly. "It's going to be about a month until it's official. You'll stay here until that time if that's what you want. It's probably safest that way."
"Thank you Julie...just are you sure it's okay? I mean, how do you know my parents won't do this again."
"Because...as James I'm sure would put it, we kicked their asses."
Sirius laughed and dried his tears.
Suddenly there was a weight on his back and arms across his chest.
"We're going to be brothers!" James cheered from where he hung from Sirius's shoulders.
Everyone laughed at them. James hopped down smiling. "Can we go see Dad?" he asked his mum. Mrs. Potter nodded.
James turned to Sirius and Remus, "I'll be back day after tomorrow to stay, okay?"
"Yup, see you then," Remus muttered. The Lupin's and Sirius watched James and his mum floo to St. Mungo's.
Sirius sighed deeply after watching them go. "I'm going to your room Remus."
"Are you alright?" Remus asked.
"Yeah, I'm fine."
Remus watched him leave the room. He knew Sirius was happy with the news he'd received, but he also knew the guilt his friend was probably feeling as well. Sirius had always been willing to take the blame for everything, and there was no way that this situation would be any different.
Sighing Remus turned to his parents.
"It's time to talk Remus," his father said, sitting down in an armchair. His mother sat on the couch and Remus joined her.
"I'm really sorry about flipping out earlier, Dad. That's what I was coming down to tell you when James popped in."
"That's fine Remus. Don't even worry about it."
"Okay."
"Now we want to talk to you about two things. One, whatever it was that you told your mother last night. And two, what Sirius's parents have done in the past."
Remus sighed. He retold the story of Brie and his breakup to his father as quickly as he could without stirring up any old emotions.
"You really wanted to end your life?" Mr. Lupin asked, shocked.
"Yes...and I know how stupid it was. It was just a spur of the moment thing. I'll never ever consider it again, I swear."
"I just don't understand....you didn't think anyone loved you? What about your mother and me? What about your friends?"
Remus looked down blushing slightly, "At that point I was just thinking with my heart...I was thinking about that kind of love. Not the other kinds."
"Love is love, sweetie," Mrs. Lupin said simply.
"I know. I'm sorry."
"If you ever feel that way again I want you to send a letter immediately. Go find James or Sirius and tell them what's going on," Mr. Lupin instructed.
Remus was getting slightly annoyed. "I will Dad! And it won't be happening again!"
"Good," he said sternly.
"Now what's the issue with Sirius's parents?" Mrs. Lupin asked.
"They're evil...the whole family is. Sirius is like—the opposite of the black sheep of the family. White sheep? I don't know."
"What did they do to him?"
"I won't go into specific detail because Sirius would kill me, but they pretty much just tortured him, more mentally than physically. Then, this year at school we found out that his brother is one of those Dark Lord supporters. He attacked Sirius."
"Why do they do this to him?"
Remus shrugged, "Because he wants to be a good person I guess. None of us have ever met them, but we've known from the start that they were nothing but trouble. Sirius actually has nightmares about them."
"The poor kid. I'm glad he's out of there now," Mrs. Lupin said, shaking her head. "How anyone can be so cruel to such a sweet boy!"
Remus just shrugged. "I'm gonna go see what he's up to. Thanks for taking care of things mum."
Mrs. Lupin smiled and nodded as her son left the room.
"I can't believe he's been through so much...and he's only 16."
"Remus or Sirius?"
"Both, I guess...neither of them have exactly had the best of lives."
"They're doing better than can be expected, though, wouldn't you say?" Mrs. Lupin replied.
"Is trying to kill yourself better than expected?" Mr. Lupin asked bluntly.
"Jeffrey! He made a mistake and he's been fine since. He is doing very good!"
"I worry about him. The world is a cruel place...especially for a werewolf. It doesn't take a wizard to figure that one out."
"He'll be fine. As long as he has us and his friends he'll be just fine."
Mr. Lupin nodded and then left the room.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Upon reaching his room Remus found Sirius lying face down on his bed. He wasn't sure if his friend was asleep or not, so he flopped down beside him, also with his face down on the bed. He lay there for a while until he heard Sirius move. He looked up to find Sirius's head now turned towards him, a sad expression on his face.
"What if James hadn't come here? What if he hadn't gotten out in time?"
"He did get out and he did come here...everything's fine."
Sirius sighed and rolled onto his back staring at the ceiling. Remus didn't move.
"The entire Potter family could have been killed and it would have been entirely my fault," he mumbled, closing his eyes as he spoke.
"It wouldn't have been your fault Sirius! It would have been your parents."
"But inadversely...inadvertently...whatever that word is! It would have been my fault. If..."
"Why do you worry about the ifs?! Those things didn't happen and they won't. Every member of the Potter family is still alive. You're still here and you're going to be a member of that family! Stop worrying about what could have happened."
Sirius sighed deeply and rolled back to his stomach. "I don't even know what to feel anymore, Moony. Like I'm happy and sad and guilty and scared...and all these things. Why do our lives suck like this?"
Remus laughed lightly. "I don't know Padfoot...I don't know."
"You have such a nice family, Moony...do you realize how lucky you are?"
Remus nodded. "I love them to pieces. I wish you could have had the same kind of family."
"Me too," Sirius said sadly.
"But you're joining one now."
"It's still not the same. I can't thank them enough for doing all that for me though. I can't even believe it!" he laughed incredulously. Remus smiled back at him. "I just hope I don't cause any more trouble for them."
"You won't. Everything will work itself out." Remus smiled reassuringly and squeezed Sirius's shoulder.
"I hope you're right...I'm still worried about what my parents might do. I don't know why they can't just let me be. They don't want me! They just want to make me miserable...make me suffer."
"They got caught though, Sirius...do you think they're going to risk getting sent to Azkaban just so they can torture you?"
"No....I don't, but I can't be sure. They're sick people."
"I know," Remus whispered. Yawning he muttered, "I'm exhausted...you?"
Sirius nodded and buried his face back into the pillow. Remus curled up on his side, facing Sirius and both fell into a peaceful slumber.
A couple of hours later Sirius awoke to the setting sun. He rolled over and saw Remus next to him, still soundly sleeping. He smiled at the sight. Remus always looked about 10 years younger when he was sleeping. His hands were curled up under his chin, and he wore a peaceful smile. Sirius wished everything was as peaceful as that smile led on.
He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling.
He thought about how bad everything had been up until then. He really felt like a load had been lifted from his shoulders. Living with his parents, he really felt like he had to take care of himself, but now he had people who would take care of him. James and his parents were allowing him into their family. Remus and his family were doing the same. Sirius didn't think he could ever thank them enough.
He sighed deeply and then climbed out of the bed. Sitting down on the large window ledge, Sirius gazed out at the Lupin's peaceful backyard. The sky above was a beautiful mix of pink and orange hues that mesmerized Sirius. He was never a nature lover, but that day he found beauty in it.
He heard a yawn and looked back to the bed where Remus was waking up.
"Are you okay Sirius?"
Sirius smiled genuinely and nodded.
"What are you doing?"
Sirius just shrugged and looked back out the window, his smile didn't fade.
"What are you smiling about?"
Sirius again glanced at him but didn't say a word.
Remus laughed quietly and stood up. "Sirius? What is going on?"
Sirius didn't answer but his smile widened. "You prat...what is going on with you?!"
"We're going to be okay, Remus, you and I."
Remus stopped smiling back and looked curiously at his friend. "What makes you think that?"
"Well...it has to. And we've had enough shit wouldn't you say?"
Remus nodded.
"So it's time that things start to look up. If fate doesn't let us be happy...we'll make ourselves happy. Fuck fate!" He said smiling wildly.
Remus laughed. "I think I like where you're going with this."
"Good," Sirius said with a smile. "I think we just need to stop thinking in the past...you know?"
Remus nodded.
"We need to stop dwelling on the past and focus on making the future better. Think we can do it?"
"Yeah...we definitely can do it," he smiled and sat beside Sirius. "What made you come to this conclusion?"
Sirius shrugged and again looked wistfully out the window. "I think it's because I've reached the breaking point...If I don't move on, what is the rest of my life going to be like? It won't be fun."
"You're right," Remus said grinning.
Both boys were so happy and they couldn't really explain why. It was just an idea. They had yet to discover whether or not it would actually work, but it didn't matter.
"I'm not saying the future is going to be perfect...it could be worse than the past, but we can't look at it like that. We have to see it like everything is going to work out just fine. We can do it."
Remus nodded, "Together we can do it."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Hey, Harry, how are you doing?" Remus asked as he sat in the boys room at number 4 Privet Drive.
"I'm fine," Harry replied his voice cracking.
Remus put his arm around Harry's shoulder. "Don't lie to me, Harry."
"It's all my fault Remus!" he yelled and nearly broke down in tears, burying his head against Remus's arm.
"No, Harry, it's not your fault. I don't blame you, your friends don't blame you, and Sirius certainly wouldn't blame you. You just did what you thought was right. You followed you heart."
"Yeah and look where that got everyone!" The tears then began to trickle down the boys cheeks.
"Harry everyone makes mistakes..."
"Yeah, but most people's mistakes don't cause their godfather to die," he whispered, trying to dry his eyes.
"It wasn't your fault...and you can't dwell on this as you are! You need to move on...get past it."
"Have you? Have you already forgotten your best friend?" Harry asked harshly.
Remus looked momentarily shocked and hurt, but he shook his head and replied, "Of course not, Harry. I could never forget Sirius, and I never want to. But I can't sit around every day of my life pitying myself. I've tried that, it doesn't work."
Harry didn't respond, but tried to wipe the hot tears off his cheeks.
"You know how terrible Sirius's childhood was, right?"
Harry nodded, his lip trembling. "He told me last summer...sounds like it was almost as bad as mine."
"You probably won't believe this but it was actually worse than yours...that is until he ran away. And my life, was just as bad....even though I had loving parents. It's not easy being a teenage werewolf."
Harry nodded sadly.
"We were both dwelling in the past so much that life just wasn't really doable anymore...so we made a pact to stop dwelling on what's happened in the past and focus on making the future better. That's what I did when your parents died Harry, and when Sirius was taken away...and I had to do it now too, when Sirius left us. You need to do it too Harry...you have to," he said in a quiet yet forceful voice.
Sniffling Harry shook his head and said, "I don't think I can do that Remus."
"Yes you can Harry...believe in it and you can. One day you and I will both be with Sirius again...but it's not our time yet. We need to live fully until that time comes."
Harry stared at Remus for a few minutes and then nodded.
"You're not going to get past this overnight, but slowly the pain will go away. You'll remember the good, albeit limited amount of time you got to spend with him...and it'll make you smile. Sirius wouldn't want your memory of him to be a sad one."
Harry again nodded and dried his face. "Thanks Remus," he mumbled and gave a watery smile.
Remus squeezed the back of Harry's neck and replied, "Your welcome. And if you ever need anything just owl me...alright?"
"Yeah," Harry whispered.
"Less then a month till you're back at Hogwarts...you can do it. I'll check in on in you again in a week or so, alright?"
"Okay. Bye Remus," Harry said and sat back against the pillows on his bed.
"Bye Harry," Remus mumbled and left the room. He walked past the wards surrounding the house and apparated to his home.
Sighing as he walked into his living room, he stepped up to the mantel of his fire place. He picked up a picture of him and Sirius, taken during Sirius's brief stay at his home.
"I miss you Sirius," he whispered, smiling sadly at the picture. It was right after they had taken up their new outlook on life. "I told you I could do it...when we were together. But now? I don't know if I can. But I guess I have to right? I promised I'd never attempt...that again. And I won't...but it's getting harder and harder not to live in the past...I wish you were here."
Remus sighed again and put the picture down. He walked to his bedroom and lay down on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. As he lay there Remus couldn't help but wonder why he had been spared, and Sirius forced to go.
"There must be a reason," Remus murmured. And he planned on finding out what that reason was. It was the only way he could move on.
~~~~~~~~~~
The End!!!!
Please let me know what you thought of that chapter or the story as a whole! I enjoyed writing it and will hopefully be coming out with more in the future. My plans right now are to polish up In Need of Sirius Help; finish writing All for You; and start something fresh. If anyone out there has a fanfiction challenge let me know! I'd love to do one :)
Thanks for Reading!!!