Disclaimer: I don't own. Leave me alone about it.
Chapter 8
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"I think I'm going to go back to my room. Take a bath and then get some sleep." Kel said, yawning loudly.
"I'll walk you." Dom said, standing.
"That's okay. I can manage." Kel answered a little too quickly.
"Nonsense. My room is that way, anyhow." Dom started towards the door. Kel cursed in her mind. She didn't want to walk anywhere with him. If anything, she wanted to stay far, far away from Dom.
"Fine." She muttered under her breath, picking up her pace as she hurried, trying to get to her room so she wouldn't have to be around his oppressing voice, body, scent. To keep herself from doing anything too drastic.
"Kel, what's wrong?" He asked, grabbing her arm.
"Nothing." She snapped pulling her arm from his grip and slamming the door to her room shut to keep him from getting to her. She leaned against the door and gave a ragged sob. She had seen the hurt on his face. How couldn't she have?
The gods were clearly playing a very big joke on her. There was no other explanation. It had to be the Trickster. No one else would screw with her like this. Her hands flew to her face as she slumped onto the ground, sobbing in her pathetic lack of will to live any longer.
She'd been this way for a while now. Completely incapable of feeling anything but despair. It was the war that did this to her. Ever since she'd killed that Nothing Man. As if the human side of her was completely gone. She could only hate and despise. She felt nothing. She was moving and living only out of respect for habits.
Then there was Dom. When she was with him, it was as if she'd come back to life again. She was a new person, lively and healthy with absolutely nothing wrong with her. So of course, he had to be in love with another woman. A beautiful, perfectly normal woman. And she, Kel, just had to be so lucky to be asked to be part of the wedding.
She wouldn't stay, though. Not through the honeymoon period for the newlyweds. No, she'd go to the King himself and beg to be sent back to the Scandran border, back to new Hope, where she, at least, knew exactly where she stood. Then, one day when her people no longer needed her, she'd disappear. Maybe to Summersea, where the culture was so alive. She'd find herself again. Maybe even meet someone and forget all about Dom.
But until she did, she just had to play the cold-hearted bitch to him and his soon-to-be bride. She couldn't get close to him. Not with the way she really felt. It wasn't right.
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"What's wrong with you?" Neal asked, plopping down next to Dom. Dom grimaced as Neal spread his lanky body all over the bench, taking up nearly all the room.
"Nothing." He stood as if to walk away. Suddenly he turned to face Neal again. "Does Kel seem any different to you? Cold, maybe?"
"Kel? No. Why?" Neal asked, concerned. He hadn't noticed anything different about Kel. But then again, he had been completely absorbed in Yuki.
"I dunno. She seemed—troubled." Dom finished lamely. He sighed, sitting down again, placing his face between his hands. "Its as if she's no longer the same person. As if she's been through so much that she's shut down completely. I can tell that she comes out of that catatonic state every so often, but most of the time, its as if she were a zombie or something. Like one of the war-hardened refugees that's lost everything. Or worst, one of those war-hardened teenage girls who were brutally raped as they watched their families die around them."
"That seems a little harsh, don't you think?" Neal asked. But Dom was right, of course. Kel had changed. But then again, they all had. The Scandran War was hard on all of them. And on Kel, who had to follow her refugee children deep into the heart of Scandra to hunt down a crazed mage and his pet. She alone was the reason why he was still alive today. Why hundreds of people were still alive.
"No. Its as if she'd not even there anymore. I'm worried about her, Neal. She's so—she's so, gods Neal, I don't even know anymore. I hate seeing her like this and I hate it even more that I can't help her fix it and I hate myself for being so happy when one of my greatest friends is so—broken."
"First off, Domitan, Keladry is not broken, so quit saying that. She's just still depressed over the War. It was hard on her and on everyone. She faced a lot of death, you know? Besides, it's Kel. She sees every death that occurs as a failure in herself to keep from protecting the 'small'."
"She shouldn't be so hard on herself. I don't know if you've noticed this, Neal, but the walls of this castle are quite thin in many places including where our rooms just happen to be. And I happen to be in the room next to Kel's and I hear her crying every night, late at night when most everyone is asleep and usually, her crying is for several hours, lasting from near midnight to past dawn. I know. I've stayed awake through most of those sessions wishing there was something I could do for her!"
"She's what?" Neal asked in disbelief. Kel would never cry. She was the strongest person he knew.
"She's broken, Neal. She's broken somewhere and I want to fix it!" Dom gave a bitter laugh. "I need to fix it. I can't marry Narumi until I know Kel will be all right. Don't you get it, Neal? I'm partially responsible for what happened to Kel. I led her on, making her think that we could have something after the war. I know it. The men have told me that's how Kel felt about me. I didn't even—didn't even know." Dom sobbed indignantly.
"Dom, I—"Neal approached his cousin cautiously.
"Forget it." Dom snapped, storming out of the courtyard. He'd solve this problem himself. He made it, he broke her, and he'd fix her. He just had to. She was depending of him.
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AN: COR! I've finally gotten around to working on this fic. It's been like a YEAR since I've updated, huh? I feel bad about that. I'm going to try to finish this off as quickly as possible, okay? I have a general idea of where it's going now. Its not going to be at all like what I thought it would be when I started writing more than a year ago.
Sorry it took so long. I just lost my muse.
~Icebyrd67 (May 2, 2004)
Chapter 8
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"I think I'm going to go back to my room. Take a bath and then get some sleep." Kel said, yawning loudly.
"I'll walk you." Dom said, standing.
"That's okay. I can manage." Kel answered a little too quickly.
"Nonsense. My room is that way, anyhow." Dom started towards the door. Kel cursed in her mind. She didn't want to walk anywhere with him. If anything, she wanted to stay far, far away from Dom.
"Fine." She muttered under her breath, picking up her pace as she hurried, trying to get to her room so she wouldn't have to be around his oppressing voice, body, scent. To keep herself from doing anything too drastic.
"Kel, what's wrong?" He asked, grabbing her arm.
"Nothing." She snapped pulling her arm from his grip and slamming the door to her room shut to keep him from getting to her. She leaned against the door and gave a ragged sob. She had seen the hurt on his face. How couldn't she have?
The gods were clearly playing a very big joke on her. There was no other explanation. It had to be the Trickster. No one else would screw with her like this. Her hands flew to her face as she slumped onto the ground, sobbing in her pathetic lack of will to live any longer.
She'd been this way for a while now. Completely incapable of feeling anything but despair. It was the war that did this to her. Ever since she'd killed that Nothing Man. As if the human side of her was completely gone. She could only hate and despise. She felt nothing. She was moving and living only out of respect for habits.
Then there was Dom. When she was with him, it was as if she'd come back to life again. She was a new person, lively and healthy with absolutely nothing wrong with her. So of course, he had to be in love with another woman. A beautiful, perfectly normal woman. And she, Kel, just had to be so lucky to be asked to be part of the wedding.
She wouldn't stay, though. Not through the honeymoon period for the newlyweds. No, she'd go to the King himself and beg to be sent back to the Scandran border, back to new Hope, where she, at least, knew exactly where she stood. Then, one day when her people no longer needed her, she'd disappear. Maybe to Summersea, where the culture was so alive. She'd find herself again. Maybe even meet someone and forget all about Dom.
But until she did, she just had to play the cold-hearted bitch to him and his soon-to-be bride. She couldn't get close to him. Not with the way she really felt. It wasn't right.
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"What's wrong with you?" Neal asked, plopping down next to Dom. Dom grimaced as Neal spread his lanky body all over the bench, taking up nearly all the room.
"Nothing." He stood as if to walk away. Suddenly he turned to face Neal again. "Does Kel seem any different to you? Cold, maybe?"
"Kel? No. Why?" Neal asked, concerned. He hadn't noticed anything different about Kel. But then again, he had been completely absorbed in Yuki.
"I dunno. She seemed—troubled." Dom finished lamely. He sighed, sitting down again, placing his face between his hands. "Its as if she's no longer the same person. As if she's been through so much that she's shut down completely. I can tell that she comes out of that catatonic state every so often, but most of the time, its as if she were a zombie or something. Like one of the war-hardened refugees that's lost everything. Or worst, one of those war-hardened teenage girls who were brutally raped as they watched their families die around them."
"That seems a little harsh, don't you think?" Neal asked. But Dom was right, of course. Kel had changed. But then again, they all had. The Scandran War was hard on all of them. And on Kel, who had to follow her refugee children deep into the heart of Scandra to hunt down a crazed mage and his pet. She alone was the reason why he was still alive today. Why hundreds of people were still alive.
"No. Its as if she'd not even there anymore. I'm worried about her, Neal. She's so—she's so, gods Neal, I don't even know anymore. I hate seeing her like this and I hate it even more that I can't help her fix it and I hate myself for being so happy when one of my greatest friends is so—broken."
"First off, Domitan, Keladry is not broken, so quit saying that. She's just still depressed over the War. It was hard on her and on everyone. She faced a lot of death, you know? Besides, it's Kel. She sees every death that occurs as a failure in herself to keep from protecting the 'small'."
"She shouldn't be so hard on herself. I don't know if you've noticed this, Neal, but the walls of this castle are quite thin in many places including where our rooms just happen to be. And I happen to be in the room next to Kel's and I hear her crying every night, late at night when most everyone is asleep and usually, her crying is for several hours, lasting from near midnight to past dawn. I know. I've stayed awake through most of those sessions wishing there was something I could do for her!"
"She's what?" Neal asked in disbelief. Kel would never cry. She was the strongest person he knew.
"She's broken, Neal. She's broken somewhere and I want to fix it!" Dom gave a bitter laugh. "I need to fix it. I can't marry Narumi until I know Kel will be all right. Don't you get it, Neal? I'm partially responsible for what happened to Kel. I led her on, making her think that we could have something after the war. I know it. The men have told me that's how Kel felt about me. I didn't even—didn't even know." Dom sobbed indignantly.
"Dom, I—"Neal approached his cousin cautiously.
"Forget it." Dom snapped, storming out of the courtyard. He'd solve this problem himself. He made it, he broke her, and he'd fix her. He just had to. She was depending of him.
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AN: COR! I've finally gotten around to working on this fic. It's been like a YEAR since I've updated, huh? I feel bad about that. I'm going to try to finish this off as quickly as possible, okay? I have a general idea of where it's going now. Its not going to be at all like what I thought it would be when I started writing more than a year ago.
Sorry it took so long. I just lost my muse.
~Icebyrd67 (May 2, 2004)