** PECHAN OWNS NOTHING!!
(the pain's almost over!! I'm gonna wrap this up already. If everyone noticed I bash on EVERYBODY. Only to be fair, of course!! So if your mad because I make Misao or Sano an idiot, well, it's because they are. HAH!! And besides, this fic's not meant to be taken seriously.)
~ the Trial ~
Kenshin: (in a pink apron) Aoshi better be a damn good lawyer, that he better.
Sano: I can't wait to see Saito!! I'mma challenge him again, and I'm gonna WIN this time!! (cracks knuckles)
Megumi: Yeah. WHATEVER moron.
Misao: (waves to Aoshi) HEY, LORD AOSHI!! LOOK, LOOK!! I became the stenographer so that we may be closer together!! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!
Aoshi: (shudders) ......... like a little parasite...
Usui: Order in the courts, ORDER IN THE COURT!! (pounds gavel) Now, are there any questions before we begin?
Sano: Yeah. How the hell did you become the judge? Wasn't Saito supposed to be the judge? And didn't he kill you yesterday?
Saito: (shrugs) I say lots of things.
Kaoru: Why IS he the judge, anyways?! Anji makes a better judge than him!!
Anji: You think so, wouldn't you? Yet, Buddha will never forgive my sins, as I have killed so many lives. (sniffle) All those children are covered in blood!! WAAA-(and the giant ton of muscle and steroids breaks down into heartrending sobs about the children. God, what a wuss)
Everyone: .............
Kaoru: On second thought, maybe not.
Megumi: Usui's still an idiot!! Why's he the judge, again?
Shishio: Cuuuuuuuuuuz justice is blind!!? DUH!! Stupid broad.
Megumi: HEY!!!!
Yumi: (rubs up against Shishio) Oh Shishio, I WANT YOU NOW!!!
Shishio: Hell yeah, you KNOW IT!!
Usui: Hey!! (pounds gavel) I SAID ORDER!! ORDER DAMMIT!! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE GIVE ME AN ORDER?!!
Saito: We've been quiet for the passed few seconds, dumb@$$. Just say the Battousai's guilty so I can get back home to slam with my wife.
Usui: Oh, okay. The court hereby grants Shishio-
Kaoru: Hey, it can't end like this!!! Defense, DEFENSE!!
Usui: Okay okay, calm down, psycho. (nods to Shinomori) Alright man, try and prove he's innocent.
Aoshi: (clears throat) As you can see-
Misao: WHOOOOOOOOOO!!! GO LORD AOSHI!! WOOT!! W00T, I SAY!!
Aoshi: (glares) Anyways, back to my-
Misao: OH OH, START THE CASE BY SAYING HOW HOT YOU ARE!! PLEASE, LORD AOSHI-
(and in just a matter of seconds, Misao was chucked out of the nearest window)
Saito: Wow. Nice toss, Shinomori.
Aoshi: Thank you. (clears throat) As I was saying, the evidence that Mr. Saito has provided with the court is entirely false, and done on Photoshop on his very own computer.
Saito: Preposterous!!
Usui: Really?
Saito: Yeah, I used Paint!! The hell makes you think I got the money for Photoshop?!!
Shishio: (slaps his own face in frustion) Nice going, d!ckhole.
Audience: Oooooooooh.
Saito: At least I still have mine since it wasn't melted off.
Everyone: OOOOOOH!!
Shishio: Hey, I almost killed you in our last fight!! Shut the hell up!
Saito: With that attitude, I think I'll quit.
Shishio: Fine, it'll give me a reason to kill you.
Usui: Hey, ORDER, DAMMIT!!! ORDER NOW!!! (pounds) ORRRRRRRDERRRRR-
Houji: We ARE in order. We're not even moving.
Usui: Uhh, right. Well, continue please.
Aoshi: Well, I would like to pull out my first surprise witness................... YUTARO!!!
Everyone: (gasp)
Yutaro: You can't pull a jury member onto the stand, jerk wad!!
Aoshi: (slowly pulls out double kodachi's from the big single sheathe)
Yutaro: (jumps into the witness stand)
Usui: Alright. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Yutaro: So long as the psycho keeps his knives away.
Aoshi: Very well. Now, please describe in your own words.............. have you ever seen Battousai over there do any illegal acts of any kind?
Yurato: Well, no actually. Oh, but this one time, I saw Yahiko naked!! Can I sue him for that?!
Aoshi: Sue for whatever you like. But the point is, Battousai's a real nice-
Yahiko: Hey, YOU WERE THE ONE BARGING INTO THE BATHROOM, RETARD!!
Yutaro: I didn't see you make an attempt to cover yourself up, pervert!!
Yahiko: (pulls out Kendo stick) Ya want me to bust your other arm, LEFTY?!!
Yutaro: (busts out kendo stick as well) BRING IT ON!!
Saito: Woo hooo!! CRIPPLE FIGHT!!
(everyone placed various bets on which ever)
Usui: ORDER!! ORDER!! (everyone settles) How does this in anyway help the case?
Yutaro: I dunno. Alls I know is I'm richer than all of you people put together. (points to Tsubame) Now go get me something to drink, wench!!!
Usui: (rubs head) I think I'll call a brief recess. I so need a drink badly. This is gonna take a while.
~~ Recess!! In the bathroom, Saito is relieving himself on the urinal ~~
Saito: (whistling "He Works Hard for the Money")
Sano: (bangs open the door) HEY, YOU JERK!!
Saito: Oh great.
Sano: (comes over) I hope you're ready to lose!! Cuz we're gonna win!! (unzips, starts to go in the urinal next to Saito)
Saito: (glares) Do you HAVE to use the stall closest to me!?
Sano: (ignores) You just better hope you have a better surprise witness than Aoshi did!! You guys have no chance of winning!!
Saito: All that happened was a cripple fight, you retard. Now leave me alone!! I can't pee if someone's watching me.
Sano: Oh, I'll be watching you CLOSELY, so you don't try to trick us again!! (tries to stare at him intimidatingly, but ends up looking cock- eyed)
Saito: ......................... okay, that's just creepy. Now get lost, I'm trying to pee here!!
Kamatari: (skips in) Ohhhh, urinal gossip!! (stands next to Saito) Cool, I'm in!!
Saito and Sano: (zip up, and leave)
Kamatari: Aww, shucks.........
Chou: (whistling "Milkshake", carrying a Mad magazine, notices Kamatari) Oh, you're here. (turns, leaves)
Kamatari: (sigh) The price of being a distrustful homo..........
~~ Recess is over!! Back in the court rooms!! ~~
Kaoru: Yayeee, Kenshin!! Round two belongs to us!!
Kenshin: I suppose it does, that it does, doesn't it, that it-
Megumi: Please stop talking like that.
Kenshin; Oh, okay. Degozarun.
Kaoru and Megumi: (shakes head dismissively)
Shishio: (passing by, holding his neck in pain) Ooowwwwwwwwww, hope you brought all your cash for my medical bills, Battousai!!
Kenshin: I have no money and you know it, that you-
Kaoru: (clamps hand over Kenshin's mouth)
Shishio: BAA HAHA AAA!! That's what makes it so perfect!! If you can't pay up front right now, you get to be my slave!! All of you!!! (notices Sano) Except you, retard.
Sano: Hey, I'm not retarded!! I MASTERED FUTAENOKIWAMI WITH ONE HAND IN ONE WEEK!!
Shishio: Big deal. ONE HAND. Oooooooooh, SCARY!!
Yumi: (smiles) Lord Shishio is DA BOMB!! (snuggles) Squeeze me!!
Shishio: Later, ho. (turns back to Kenshin) Bwaaahah ahaha aahaaaa........ good luck, Battousai!! You'll need it!! Saito's got hard core evidence!!! KYA HAHA AHA AHAAAAAA......
Yahiko: (after Shishio's left) ........... so, what do you think Saito's evidence is?
Sano: Probably more gay porn with Kenshin's face on it.
Kenshin: Orororo.....
~~ Back in court ~~
Usui: Alrighty!! Everyone have a nice recess?
Saito: I would, if some idiot wasn't watching me go in the bath-
Sano: Ah shaddup. I'm probably the only living thing that's checked you out in years. NOT THAT I WAS!! I was just psyching you out!!
Saito: Yeah, way ta go, moron. (stands up, clears throat) Alright. For MY witness...... I call upon Chou, the Sword Hunter!!
Soujiro: Kinda sounds like a Yu-Gi-Oh card, don't it?
Anji: YUGIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Shishio: (smacks him upside the head) Not now, wuss!!
Anji: .................. (sniff sniff)
Chou: Well, shoot!! Here I was all reckonin' I'm just gonna go russle me up some cattle-
Saito: Just get in the stand, Chou.
Chou: Alright, ya'll!! (I'm sorry to any southerners out there. He just had an accent, and I bring out accents a lot)
Saito: Now then Chou. Tell the court just how badly Battousai-
Kenshin: The least you people could do is call me by name, that you could-
Saito: I could also give a cr@p, but I don't. (turns back to Chou) Anywho, can you point to the court exactly WHERE Battousai touched you?
Everyone: NANI?!!
Chou: (sniffles all fakey like, points to various 'no no' areas) Here.... and here, .. and oh, ESPECIALLY there....
Kaoru: THAT'S CRAZY!! KENSHIN ISN'T GAY!!
Chou: I know, he's a PERVERT!! He touched me there after I told him I had a rash!!
Kenshin: I was just seeing how severe his condition was!! I didn't want Chou to get hurt or anything, that I didn't!!
Saito: (turns to Kenshin) Oh sure, I bet you were checking out how SEVERE his red, naked BODY WAS TO YOU, PERVERT!! (points to Chou) You've emotionally scarred this man!! And you must be HANGED for it!!
Chou: Uh actually, I kinda liked it.
Everyone: ..........
Saito: ........................ get out of the damn chair, you stupid f-ckin' ahou.
Usui: Uhh, I don't get it. Does this mean court is adjourned?
Shishio: GAH!! This is taking longer than necessary!! The moron who said justice is blind never knew Usui!!
Usui: Hey!! (is blind, and therefore can't see he's yelling at Shishio in the wrong direction) I resent that!!
Tae: Can we take another potty break?
Usui: No. I've been drinking sake non-stop, and I'm surprised my liver hasn't exploded yet, but you don't see ME complaining for the potty!!
Tae: But it's a ....... feminine problem!!
Usui: So? Hold it in!!
Saito: (rolls eyes, mumbled to Usui)
Usui: (eyes pop out so big, you could see them behind the blindfold) AAAHH!!! FINE FINE, GET OUT OF HERE!!
Tae: Thank you!! (skips out)
Houji: Geez, what'd you tell Usui?
Saito: I told him she was bleeding from down there. He didn't understand, so I told him her vagina was eating her from the inside out. Rare disease, highly contagious.
Chou: YA RECKON?!!
Saito: No, you IDIOT!! I just said it to- ahh, what's the use explaining it to you?!!
Chou: (sniffle) You didn't gotta say it all mean like, ya'll....
Yutaro: Hey, I got a feminine problem too!! Can I go?
Everyone: (looks at him)
Usui: (pounds gavel) Everyone get out of my sight for ten minutes, then get back in!! If I gotta spend another two hours STRAIGHT with you psychos, I'm gonna go nuts.
Megumi: You're already nuts. You drink snake/women's blood.
Sano: And you're blind. We're already gone from your sight-
Usui: (pounds gavel) GET!!
Everyone: (jumps up and leaves)
**so sorry, I'll finish this cr@p next chapter. I SWEAR!!**
(the pain's almost over!! I'm gonna wrap this up already. If everyone noticed I bash on EVERYBODY. Only to be fair, of course!! So if your mad because I make Misao or Sano an idiot, well, it's because they are. HAH!! And besides, this fic's not meant to be taken seriously.)
~ the Trial ~
Kenshin: (in a pink apron) Aoshi better be a damn good lawyer, that he better.
Sano: I can't wait to see Saito!! I'mma challenge him again, and I'm gonna WIN this time!! (cracks knuckles)
Megumi: Yeah. WHATEVER moron.
Misao: (waves to Aoshi) HEY, LORD AOSHI!! LOOK, LOOK!! I became the stenographer so that we may be closer together!! I LOOOOOOOOOOVE YOU!!
Aoshi: (shudders) ......... like a little parasite...
Usui: Order in the courts, ORDER IN THE COURT!! (pounds gavel) Now, are there any questions before we begin?
Sano: Yeah. How the hell did you become the judge? Wasn't Saito supposed to be the judge? And didn't he kill you yesterday?
Saito: (shrugs) I say lots of things.
Kaoru: Why IS he the judge, anyways?! Anji makes a better judge than him!!
Anji: You think so, wouldn't you? Yet, Buddha will never forgive my sins, as I have killed so many lives. (sniffle) All those children are covered in blood!! WAAA-(and the giant ton of muscle and steroids breaks down into heartrending sobs about the children. God, what a wuss)
Everyone: .............
Kaoru: On second thought, maybe not.
Megumi: Usui's still an idiot!! Why's he the judge, again?
Shishio: Cuuuuuuuuuuz justice is blind!!? DUH!! Stupid broad.
Megumi: HEY!!!!
Yumi: (rubs up against Shishio) Oh Shishio, I WANT YOU NOW!!!
Shishio: Hell yeah, you KNOW IT!!
Usui: Hey!! (pounds gavel) I SAID ORDER!! ORDER DAMMIT!! WHY WON'T YOU PEOPLE GIVE ME AN ORDER?!!
Saito: We've been quiet for the passed few seconds, dumb@$$. Just say the Battousai's guilty so I can get back home to slam with my wife.
Usui: Oh, okay. The court hereby grants Shishio-
Kaoru: Hey, it can't end like this!!! Defense, DEFENSE!!
Usui: Okay okay, calm down, psycho. (nods to Shinomori) Alright man, try and prove he's innocent.
Aoshi: (clears throat) As you can see-
Misao: WHOOOOOOOOOO!!! GO LORD AOSHI!! WOOT!! W00T, I SAY!!
Aoshi: (glares) Anyways, back to my-
Misao: OH OH, START THE CASE BY SAYING HOW HOT YOU ARE!! PLEASE, LORD AOSHI-
(and in just a matter of seconds, Misao was chucked out of the nearest window)
Saito: Wow. Nice toss, Shinomori.
Aoshi: Thank you. (clears throat) As I was saying, the evidence that Mr. Saito has provided with the court is entirely false, and done on Photoshop on his very own computer.
Saito: Preposterous!!
Usui: Really?
Saito: Yeah, I used Paint!! The hell makes you think I got the money for Photoshop?!!
Shishio: (slaps his own face in frustion) Nice going, d!ckhole.
Audience: Oooooooooh.
Saito: At least I still have mine since it wasn't melted off.
Everyone: OOOOOOH!!
Shishio: Hey, I almost killed you in our last fight!! Shut the hell up!
Saito: With that attitude, I think I'll quit.
Shishio: Fine, it'll give me a reason to kill you.
Usui: Hey, ORDER, DAMMIT!!! ORDER NOW!!! (pounds) ORRRRRRRDERRRRR-
Houji: We ARE in order. We're not even moving.
Usui: Uhh, right. Well, continue please.
Aoshi: Well, I would like to pull out my first surprise witness................... YUTARO!!!
Everyone: (gasp)
Yutaro: You can't pull a jury member onto the stand, jerk wad!!
Aoshi: (slowly pulls out double kodachi's from the big single sheathe)
Yutaro: (jumps into the witness stand)
Usui: Alright. Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?
Yutaro: So long as the psycho keeps his knives away.
Aoshi: Very well. Now, please describe in your own words.............. have you ever seen Battousai over there do any illegal acts of any kind?
Yurato: Well, no actually. Oh, but this one time, I saw Yahiko naked!! Can I sue him for that?!
Aoshi: Sue for whatever you like. But the point is, Battousai's a real nice-
Yahiko: Hey, YOU WERE THE ONE BARGING INTO THE BATHROOM, RETARD!!
Yutaro: I didn't see you make an attempt to cover yourself up, pervert!!
Yahiko: (pulls out Kendo stick) Ya want me to bust your other arm, LEFTY?!!
Yutaro: (busts out kendo stick as well) BRING IT ON!!
Saito: Woo hooo!! CRIPPLE FIGHT!!
(everyone placed various bets on which ever)
Usui: ORDER!! ORDER!! (everyone settles) How does this in anyway help the case?
Yutaro: I dunno. Alls I know is I'm richer than all of you people put together. (points to Tsubame) Now go get me something to drink, wench!!!
Usui: (rubs head) I think I'll call a brief recess. I so need a drink badly. This is gonna take a while.
~~ Recess!! In the bathroom, Saito is relieving himself on the urinal ~~
Saito: (whistling "He Works Hard for the Money")
Sano: (bangs open the door) HEY, YOU JERK!!
Saito: Oh great.
Sano: (comes over) I hope you're ready to lose!! Cuz we're gonna win!! (unzips, starts to go in the urinal next to Saito)
Saito: (glares) Do you HAVE to use the stall closest to me!?
Sano: (ignores) You just better hope you have a better surprise witness than Aoshi did!! You guys have no chance of winning!!
Saito: All that happened was a cripple fight, you retard. Now leave me alone!! I can't pee if someone's watching me.
Sano: Oh, I'll be watching you CLOSELY, so you don't try to trick us again!! (tries to stare at him intimidatingly, but ends up looking cock- eyed)
Saito: ......................... okay, that's just creepy. Now get lost, I'm trying to pee here!!
Kamatari: (skips in) Ohhhh, urinal gossip!! (stands next to Saito) Cool, I'm in!!
Saito and Sano: (zip up, and leave)
Kamatari: Aww, shucks.........
Chou: (whistling "Milkshake", carrying a Mad magazine, notices Kamatari) Oh, you're here. (turns, leaves)
Kamatari: (sigh) The price of being a distrustful homo..........
~~ Recess is over!! Back in the court rooms!! ~~
Kaoru: Yayeee, Kenshin!! Round two belongs to us!!
Kenshin: I suppose it does, that it does, doesn't it, that it-
Megumi: Please stop talking like that.
Kenshin; Oh, okay. Degozarun.
Kaoru and Megumi: (shakes head dismissively)
Shishio: (passing by, holding his neck in pain) Ooowwwwwwwwww, hope you brought all your cash for my medical bills, Battousai!!
Kenshin: I have no money and you know it, that you-
Kaoru: (clamps hand over Kenshin's mouth)
Shishio: BAA HAHA AAA!! That's what makes it so perfect!! If you can't pay up front right now, you get to be my slave!! All of you!!! (notices Sano) Except you, retard.
Sano: Hey, I'm not retarded!! I MASTERED FUTAENOKIWAMI WITH ONE HAND IN ONE WEEK!!
Shishio: Big deal. ONE HAND. Oooooooooh, SCARY!!
Yumi: (smiles) Lord Shishio is DA BOMB!! (snuggles) Squeeze me!!
Shishio: Later, ho. (turns back to Kenshin) Bwaaahah ahaha aahaaaa........ good luck, Battousai!! You'll need it!! Saito's got hard core evidence!!! KYA HAHA AHA AHAAAAAA......
Yahiko: (after Shishio's left) ........... so, what do you think Saito's evidence is?
Sano: Probably more gay porn with Kenshin's face on it.
Kenshin: Orororo.....
~~ Back in court ~~
Usui: Alrighty!! Everyone have a nice recess?
Saito: I would, if some idiot wasn't watching me go in the bath-
Sano: Ah shaddup. I'm probably the only living thing that's checked you out in years. NOT THAT I WAS!! I was just psyching you out!!
Saito: Yeah, way ta go, moron. (stands up, clears throat) Alright. For MY witness...... I call upon Chou, the Sword Hunter!!
Soujiro: Kinda sounds like a Yu-Gi-Oh card, don't it?
Anji: YUGIOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
Shishio: (smacks him upside the head) Not now, wuss!!
Anji: .................. (sniff sniff)
Chou: Well, shoot!! Here I was all reckonin' I'm just gonna go russle me up some cattle-
Saito: Just get in the stand, Chou.
Chou: Alright, ya'll!! (I'm sorry to any southerners out there. He just had an accent, and I bring out accents a lot)
Saito: Now then Chou. Tell the court just how badly Battousai-
Kenshin: The least you people could do is call me by name, that you could-
Saito: I could also give a cr@p, but I don't. (turns back to Chou) Anywho, can you point to the court exactly WHERE Battousai touched you?
Everyone: NANI?!!
Chou: (sniffles all fakey like, points to various 'no no' areas) Here.... and here, .. and oh, ESPECIALLY there....
Kaoru: THAT'S CRAZY!! KENSHIN ISN'T GAY!!
Chou: I know, he's a PERVERT!! He touched me there after I told him I had a rash!!
Kenshin: I was just seeing how severe his condition was!! I didn't want Chou to get hurt or anything, that I didn't!!
Saito: (turns to Kenshin) Oh sure, I bet you were checking out how SEVERE his red, naked BODY WAS TO YOU, PERVERT!! (points to Chou) You've emotionally scarred this man!! And you must be HANGED for it!!
Chou: Uh actually, I kinda liked it.
Everyone: ..........
Saito: ........................ get out of the damn chair, you stupid f-ckin' ahou.
Usui: Uhh, I don't get it. Does this mean court is adjourned?
Shishio: GAH!! This is taking longer than necessary!! The moron who said justice is blind never knew Usui!!
Usui: Hey!! (is blind, and therefore can't see he's yelling at Shishio in the wrong direction) I resent that!!
Tae: Can we take another potty break?
Usui: No. I've been drinking sake non-stop, and I'm surprised my liver hasn't exploded yet, but you don't see ME complaining for the potty!!
Tae: But it's a ....... feminine problem!!
Usui: So? Hold it in!!
Saito: (rolls eyes, mumbled to Usui)
Usui: (eyes pop out so big, you could see them behind the blindfold) AAAHH!!! FINE FINE, GET OUT OF HERE!!
Tae: Thank you!! (skips out)
Houji: Geez, what'd you tell Usui?
Saito: I told him she was bleeding from down there. He didn't understand, so I told him her vagina was eating her from the inside out. Rare disease, highly contagious.
Chou: YA RECKON?!!
Saito: No, you IDIOT!! I just said it to- ahh, what's the use explaining it to you?!!
Chou: (sniffle) You didn't gotta say it all mean like, ya'll....
Yutaro: Hey, I got a feminine problem too!! Can I go?
Everyone: (looks at him)
Usui: (pounds gavel) Everyone get out of my sight for ten minutes, then get back in!! If I gotta spend another two hours STRAIGHT with you psychos, I'm gonna go nuts.
Megumi: You're already nuts. You drink snake/women's blood.
Sano: And you're blind. We're already gone from your sight-
Usui: (pounds gavel) GET!!
Everyone: (jumps up and leaves)
**so sorry, I'll finish this cr@p next chapter. I SWEAR!!**