Chapter Four
Buffy woke up with a hell of a hangover the next morning. Once they'd killed the beer Sheila had brought they'd started on a bottle of Johnny Red. Buffy had stumbled home around three in the morning and had been sorely tempted to just lay down in the yard outside rather then climb the tree outside her window. She knew she'd be busted and grounded if she did that though.
The alarm went off again at ear busting volume. Buffy slammed the alarm hard and it shattered into little more then plastic and wires.
"Shit," she grumbled and pulled the pillow over her head to block out the weak light that filtered through the blinds.
"Buffy, you better get up if you're going to make it to school on time," her mom yelled up the stairs.
Buffy groaned and rolled out of bed. The world spun as her feet hit the floor and it occurred to her maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. She felt better after a hot shower but not much. She had to remember to grab her book bag out of the bushes on her way to school. She'd forgotten it when she'd come in last night.
Buffy walked up to the school. She was late for her meeting with Giles and she felt like crap. She trudged into the library and tossed her book bag on the table. She winced as it hit the hard surface. Giles looked up from his text.
"You're late," he said.
Buffy groaned. "Not feeling like a lecture today, Giles. I patrolled last night there was nothing out. Let's leave it at that."
"You're ill?" Giles asked. He looked at her rather alarmed.
Buffy felt a guilty blush creep up her neck. "It's nothing. I'll be better by the afternoon I'm sure, just kind of didn't get enough sleep icky feeling. I'll be at full slayer strength by patrol time I'm sure."
"If you're ill perhaps you should take a night off, get some rest," Giles suggested.
Buffy shook her head. "I'll be fine, I'm sure but thanks."
"Of course, I can't have you out there when you're not at 100 percent. It's not efficient," Giles said.
"And we'd hate to be inefficient. God forbid you actually care that I'm sick," Buffy snapped.
"Of course I care, I just-I must think about your duties-"Giles stammered.
"Don't worry about it. I get it. I gotta go to class," Buffy grumped and picked up her back pack. "I think I will forgo the training session after school, get some of that rest and relaxation before patrol."
"Of course," Giles said but Buffy was already gone.
By lunchtime Buffy was feeling much better maybe Slayer healing also had the added benefit of quick to get rid of hangovers, Buffy thought. She was sitting with Willow and Xander at lunch when Sheila came up and tapped her on the shoulder. She jerked her head toward the quad outside and started to walk that way.
"Hey guys, I'll be back in just a minute. Shelia wants to talk to me about something," Buffy said pushing her chair back.
"Kay," Willow said.
"I really hope it's not piercings," Xander said.
Buffy grinned and walked out to the quad. Shelia was leaning up against a tree on the far edge away from everyone.
"Hey," Buffy said walking up.
"Hey, how you feeling this morning, Tinkerbell?" Sheila asked.
Buffy shrugged. "I've been better," she confessed.
Sheila nodded and dug a joint out of her pocket. She looked around and lit it. She passed it to Buffy, "It'll make you feel better."
Buffy chewed on her bottom lip. "I don't know,"
Sheila shrugged, "Your business then. There's a party tonight at 1100 Oak if you want to come. I'm gonna be there, along with some of my friends."
"I gotta do pa-uhm parental stuff," Buffy said.
Sheila nodded. "That's a drag. It'll last most the night if you get out of the parental stuff early. My boyfriend's got a friend that would be totally psyched to meet you."
Buffy pondered what Sheila had said. If Sheila was any indication of the rest of her friends, they might not be able to take a vamp but they wouldn't be bait like Owen either. Maybe she could actually have a boyfriend and slay. "I'll think about it, after Mom goes to bed," Buffy said.
Sheila grinned and took a puff off her joint. "Cool, see you later then." She turned and started walking off the campus.
"Uhm Sheila, few more hours of school..." Buffy trailed off.
"Hell no, I'm going to sleep this shit off. See you tonight," Sheila waved.
Buffy contemplated taking a cue from Sheila and skipping the afternoon. Joyce wouldn't be home until much later. Buffy sighed. If she skipped Giles would know and he'd be all over her, not because he cared that she went to school but because it was irresponsible and it would get her grounded and then she wouldn't be able to patrol and didn't she know she had to save the world.
Buffy slumped back down in her chair beside Willow and Xander.
"So what did freak girl want?" Xander asked.
Buffy glared at him. "Don't call her that. She's not a freak."
Xander held his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, didn't know you two were close personal friends."
"It's-we're not but- I don't know. She's dealing with some stuff and she could use someone to talk to sometimes," Buffy said. Besides she understands how life can suck so much it hurts Buffy thought.
*
Buffy walked through the cemetery. She had worn a pair of faded, low rise jeans and a cute tank in case she decided to go to Sheila's party later. She pulled her baby blue vinyl jacket closer. The cemetery had a marginally eerie feel to it tonight. A shiver went up her spine and the breeze whirled around her. She caught a whiff of leather and outdoors and another unique and wonderful smell. She took a deep breath and smiled. A feeling of safety and love settled around her and Buffy wallowed in it. Safety and love hadn't actually been in abundance since the slayer gig started. Buffy closed her eyes and continued walked. She giggled, drunk on the feeling.
She stopped in front of a crypt. "Angel," she whispered and opened her eyes. She cast her glance up and her eyes swept over a marble statue of an angel. The moonlight made the marble glow and it seemed almost alive. The angel knelt on top of the crypt, one hand out stretched. One wing was perfect and towered at least twice the height of the kneeling angel. The other wing lay at his feet on top of the crypt, shattered.
Buffy stood on the bench and brushed her fingers against the outstretched hand of the marble angel. "Poor broken angel," she whispered. "I guess we're all broken in some way, it's just not always visible."
Buffy hopped on top of the crypt and sat down amid the shattered remains of the angel's wing. She glanced up at the profile of the angel. It was definitely a masculine angel. "I bet you've seen a lot of things in all the years you've been here. You've probably watched me dust some of the vamps. Maybe you even watched other slayers dust vamps. I figured it out you know? It's not the vamps or the demons or the apocalypses that kill slayers. It's living. We're expected to save the world and everyone's life but we're not allowed to have lives ourselves. We're not allowed to be part of the world we're saving. "
Buffy sighed and leaned up against the marble angel. She had expected the marble to be colder and harder but somehow it was comfortable. There was a little niche where his wing had broken off that seemed carved to fit her body.
"And you know why we follow all these rules? Because some stuffy old guys in England say we have too. I mean I get it, I guess, the alone thing anyway. I mean if Will or Xander were to go with me on patrol or even knew about my secret life, they'd be in danger, as if living on the Hellmouth isn't dangerous enough. People actually raise kids here. Anyway, so I get it. It's just so lonely and so hard and there's no one to talk too. Giles is so British I think he'd go into cardiac arrest if I mentioned having trouble dealing with the destiny. And I'm tired and I'm lonely and God I just want to feel like a normal girl for a little while, barring that numb would be good." Buffy glanced up at the angel and smiled. "And now I'm insano girl talking to statues. Speaking of numb I'm gonna go get numb. Thanks for the talk Angel, I'll be back," Buffy said as she hopped down to the ground.
The music blared out of a garage apartment behind a shabby little house on Oak Street. Buffy checked the address again. 1100 Oak, she nodded and walked back toward the garage apartment. She paused at the door and almost turned around to go home but she knew what waited there. Her mom would still be awake at this hour and she'd be in for more of the "Let's pretend Happy Daughter" routine. She was already pulling the perfect slayer gig, she really couldn't handle both so she knocked on the door.
She wasn't sure anyone had heard her at first. Then the door flew open and she was left staring up at a tall, gangly guy with black hair and an eyebrow ring.
"Whoa," he uttered looking down at Buffy.
"Uhm, I'm Buffy, I-uh-"Buffy stared.
"I invited her, Derek. She's cool," Sheila said from somewhere deeper in the apartment.
Derek stepped aside and let Buffy in. The place reeked of pot and beer. It was crammed with people. Buffy tugged on her black tank. Suddenly she felt like she really didn't fit in.
"You look fine. Don't let all the leather scare you," a deep voice said behind her.
Buffy whirled on her heel and nearly collided with a broad chest clad in a white wife beater tank and torn jeans. She raised her eyes and looked up into a pair of twinkling blue eyes. He had sandy blond hair that was a little too long and sleep mussed. He had a small silver eyebrow ring but other then that he appeared piercing free. He stuck out a hand.
Buffy shook his hand and managed to stutter out, "Hi, I'm Buffy."
"I'm Brandon. Sheila told me you might be stopping by," he said.
"Oh, God, I hope I'm up to the pressure," Buffy said.
Brandon laughed. "No pressure. You want something to drink? We've got beer and someone opened up a bottle of tequila in the kitchen."
"I'll-uhm-I'll have whatever your having," Buffy said.
Brandon grinned and handed her a cold bottle of beer. Buffy took a swig and squashed the little voice inside of her that sounded like Giles.
Brandon was funny and laid-back almost to the point of comatose. He made everyone around him relax a notch or two merely because of his attitude. Buffy was having fun she was surprised to find.
"Alright, everyone in here, the tequila shots will commence," Derek yelled.
Buffy laughed as Brandon stood and offered his hand. He pulled her to her feet and dragged her into the kitchen.
"I've never done tequila shots before," Buffy confessed in a whisper to him.
"First time for everything," Brandon said with a wink.
Everyone took their shots like pros. She watched as they sprinkled salt on their wrists and held a lime in the same hand. They licked the salt, shot the tequila and bit the lime. Buffy gulped when the shot glass was passed around to her, filled with golden liquid. She took it and glanced at Brandon with nervous eyes. He grinned at her.
"Just toss it back, try to get it past your tongue," he advised.
She licked her salt-covered wrist nervously and then tossed the glass back. She made a face. It burned going down and made her mouth tingle. She bite into the lime and sucked on it. That prompted another face.
Brandon leaned over and whispered in her ear, "You make the cutest faces."
Buffy stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed. She liked the sound of his laugh.
She lost count of the number of tequila shots they'd done. They'd moved into the living room and she was half lying on the couch, half on Brandon. She giggled and looked up at him. She clacked her teeth together and whispered "I can't feel my teeth."
He grinned at her. "Can you normally?"
"Well, when I do this I can," she clacked her teeth together again to demonstrate.
He chuckled. "Maybe that's enough tequila for you tonight."
Buffy pouted.
"God, you have the most adorable pout," Brandon said and touched his finger to her lips, "definitely no more tequila for you tonight."
"Oh, God what time is it?" Buffy asked.
Brandon glanced up at the clock. "Five AM"
Buffy sat up and then swayed. "I gotta get home."
"I'll walk you. Let me just tell Sheila and Derek I'm going," Brandon said.
Buffy nodded and went to stand by the door. She ended up leaning against the wall because the world refused to quit tilting on its side. She grinned to herself. She felt numb and tingly and perfect. There was no pain, no hurt and the big piece of her that was missing was filled up with numby, tingly goodness. She decided drunk and tequila was nice.
Brandon emerged from the other room and held out his hand. Buffy took it and they walked back to her house. Or rather he walked, she mostly leaned, staggered and practically let him carry her. The cool night hair helped steady her but she was pleasantly surprised to find it didn't take away the numb, tingly feeling she liked so much.
"Right here," Buffy said when they reached her house. She turned to Brandon, "I had a lot of fun tonight, tell Sheila thanks and you know for once in a long time I felt like a real girl instead of a superhero."
Brandon chuckled. "That's the first time I've ever heard that. Usually tequila turns you into a super hero, not the other way around."
"I'm not like normal girls," Buffy said.
"I'm beginning to see that," Brandon said.
He watched with amused interest as Buffy climbed the oak tree in front of her house amid many curses. He waited until she stood in the window and waved down at him.
Buffy fell into bed and closed her eyes. She knew she was going to pay for this in the morning but right now she didn't care. She wondered briefly if she could spend the rest of her existence feeling like this. It'd make the slaying easier. Her mind shifted to Brandon. He was nice. He won't survive more then twenty four hours in my world. He's not Angel she thought and then drifted off to sleep.
Buffy woke up with a hell of a hangover the next morning. Once they'd killed the beer Sheila had brought they'd started on a bottle of Johnny Red. Buffy had stumbled home around three in the morning and had been sorely tempted to just lay down in the yard outside rather then climb the tree outside her window. She knew she'd be busted and grounded if she did that though.
The alarm went off again at ear busting volume. Buffy slammed the alarm hard and it shattered into little more then plastic and wires.
"Shit," she grumbled and pulled the pillow over her head to block out the weak light that filtered through the blinds.
"Buffy, you better get up if you're going to make it to school on time," her mom yelled up the stairs.
Buffy groaned and rolled out of bed. The world spun as her feet hit the floor and it occurred to her maybe this hadn't been such a good idea. She felt better after a hot shower but not much. She had to remember to grab her book bag out of the bushes on her way to school. She'd forgotten it when she'd come in last night.
Buffy walked up to the school. She was late for her meeting with Giles and she felt like crap. She trudged into the library and tossed her book bag on the table. She winced as it hit the hard surface. Giles looked up from his text.
"You're late," he said.
Buffy groaned. "Not feeling like a lecture today, Giles. I patrolled last night there was nothing out. Let's leave it at that."
"You're ill?" Giles asked. He looked at her rather alarmed.
Buffy felt a guilty blush creep up her neck. "It's nothing. I'll be better by the afternoon I'm sure, just kind of didn't get enough sleep icky feeling. I'll be at full slayer strength by patrol time I'm sure."
"If you're ill perhaps you should take a night off, get some rest," Giles suggested.
Buffy shook her head. "I'll be fine, I'm sure but thanks."
"Of course, I can't have you out there when you're not at 100 percent. It's not efficient," Giles said.
"And we'd hate to be inefficient. God forbid you actually care that I'm sick," Buffy snapped.
"Of course I care, I just-I must think about your duties-"Giles stammered.
"Don't worry about it. I get it. I gotta go to class," Buffy grumped and picked up her back pack. "I think I will forgo the training session after school, get some of that rest and relaxation before patrol."
"Of course," Giles said but Buffy was already gone.
By lunchtime Buffy was feeling much better maybe Slayer healing also had the added benefit of quick to get rid of hangovers, Buffy thought. She was sitting with Willow and Xander at lunch when Sheila came up and tapped her on the shoulder. She jerked her head toward the quad outside and started to walk that way.
"Hey guys, I'll be back in just a minute. Shelia wants to talk to me about something," Buffy said pushing her chair back.
"Kay," Willow said.
"I really hope it's not piercings," Xander said.
Buffy grinned and walked out to the quad. Shelia was leaning up against a tree on the far edge away from everyone.
"Hey," Buffy said walking up.
"Hey, how you feeling this morning, Tinkerbell?" Sheila asked.
Buffy shrugged. "I've been better," she confessed.
Sheila nodded and dug a joint out of her pocket. She looked around and lit it. She passed it to Buffy, "It'll make you feel better."
Buffy chewed on her bottom lip. "I don't know,"
Sheila shrugged, "Your business then. There's a party tonight at 1100 Oak if you want to come. I'm gonna be there, along with some of my friends."
"I gotta do pa-uhm parental stuff," Buffy said.
Sheila nodded. "That's a drag. It'll last most the night if you get out of the parental stuff early. My boyfriend's got a friend that would be totally psyched to meet you."
Buffy pondered what Sheila had said. If Sheila was any indication of the rest of her friends, they might not be able to take a vamp but they wouldn't be bait like Owen either. Maybe she could actually have a boyfriend and slay. "I'll think about it, after Mom goes to bed," Buffy said.
Sheila grinned and took a puff off her joint. "Cool, see you later then." She turned and started walking off the campus.
"Uhm Sheila, few more hours of school..." Buffy trailed off.
"Hell no, I'm going to sleep this shit off. See you tonight," Sheila waved.
Buffy contemplated taking a cue from Sheila and skipping the afternoon. Joyce wouldn't be home until much later. Buffy sighed. If she skipped Giles would know and he'd be all over her, not because he cared that she went to school but because it was irresponsible and it would get her grounded and then she wouldn't be able to patrol and didn't she know she had to save the world.
Buffy slumped back down in her chair beside Willow and Xander.
"So what did freak girl want?" Xander asked.
Buffy glared at him. "Don't call her that. She's not a freak."
Xander held his hands up in surrender. "Sorry, didn't know you two were close personal friends."
"It's-we're not but- I don't know. She's dealing with some stuff and she could use someone to talk to sometimes," Buffy said. Besides she understands how life can suck so much it hurts Buffy thought.
*
Buffy walked through the cemetery. She had worn a pair of faded, low rise jeans and a cute tank in case she decided to go to Sheila's party later. She pulled her baby blue vinyl jacket closer. The cemetery had a marginally eerie feel to it tonight. A shiver went up her spine and the breeze whirled around her. She caught a whiff of leather and outdoors and another unique and wonderful smell. She took a deep breath and smiled. A feeling of safety and love settled around her and Buffy wallowed in it. Safety and love hadn't actually been in abundance since the slayer gig started. Buffy closed her eyes and continued walked. She giggled, drunk on the feeling.
She stopped in front of a crypt. "Angel," she whispered and opened her eyes. She cast her glance up and her eyes swept over a marble statue of an angel. The moonlight made the marble glow and it seemed almost alive. The angel knelt on top of the crypt, one hand out stretched. One wing was perfect and towered at least twice the height of the kneeling angel. The other wing lay at his feet on top of the crypt, shattered.
Buffy stood on the bench and brushed her fingers against the outstretched hand of the marble angel. "Poor broken angel," she whispered. "I guess we're all broken in some way, it's just not always visible."
Buffy hopped on top of the crypt and sat down amid the shattered remains of the angel's wing. She glanced up at the profile of the angel. It was definitely a masculine angel. "I bet you've seen a lot of things in all the years you've been here. You've probably watched me dust some of the vamps. Maybe you even watched other slayers dust vamps. I figured it out you know? It's not the vamps or the demons or the apocalypses that kill slayers. It's living. We're expected to save the world and everyone's life but we're not allowed to have lives ourselves. We're not allowed to be part of the world we're saving. "
Buffy sighed and leaned up against the marble angel. She had expected the marble to be colder and harder but somehow it was comfortable. There was a little niche where his wing had broken off that seemed carved to fit her body.
"And you know why we follow all these rules? Because some stuffy old guys in England say we have too. I mean I get it, I guess, the alone thing anyway. I mean if Will or Xander were to go with me on patrol or even knew about my secret life, they'd be in danger, as if living on the Hellmouth isn't dangerous enough. People actually raise kids here. Anyway, so I get it. It's just so lonely and so hard and there's no one to talk too. Giles is so British I think he'd go into cardiac arrest if I mentioned having trouble dealing with the destiny. And I'm tired and I'm lonely and God I just want to feel like a normal girl for a little while, barring that numb would be good." Buffy glanced up at the angel and smiled. "And now I'm insano girl talking to statues. Speaking of numb I'm gonna go get numb. Thanks for the talk Angel, I'll be back," Buffy said as she hopped down to the ground.
The music blared out of a garage apartment behind a shabby little house on Oak Street. Buffy checked the address again. 1100 Oak, she nodded and walked back toward the garage apartment. She paused at the door and almost turned around to go home but she knew what waited there. Her mom would still be awake at this hour and she'd be in for more of the "Let's pretend Happy Daughter" routine. She was already pulling the perfect slayer gig, she really couldn't handle both so she knocked on the door.
She wasn't sure anyone had heard her at first. Then the door flew open and she was left staring up at a tall, gangly guy with black hair and an eyebrow ring.
"Whoa," he uttered looking down at Buffy.
"Uhm, I'm Buffy, I-uh-"Buffy stared.
"I invited her, Derek. She's cool," Sheila said from somewhere deeper in the apartment.
Derek stepped aside and let Buffy in. The place reeked of pot and beer. It was crammed with people. Buffy tugged on her black tank. Suddenly she felt like she really didn't fit in.
"You look fine. Don't let all the leather scare you," a deep voice said behind her.
Buffy whirled on her heel and nearly collided with a broad chest clad in a white wife beater tank and torn jeans. She raised her eyes and looked up into a pair of twinkling blue eyes. He had sandy blond hair that was a little too long and sleep mussed. He had a small silver eyebrow ring but other then that he appeared piercing free. He stuck out a hand.
Buffy shook his hand and managed to stutter out, "Hi, I'm Buffy."
"I'm Brandon. Sheila told me you might be stopping by," he said.
"Oh, God, I hope I'm up to the pressure," Buffy said.
Brandon laughed. "No pressure. You want something to drink? We've got beer and someone opened up a bottle of tequila in the kitchen."
"I'll-uhm-I'll have whatever your having," Buffy said.
Brandon grinned and handed her a cold bottle of beer. Buffy took a swig and squashed the little voice inside of her that sounded like Giles.
Brandon was funny and laid-back almost to the point of comatose. He made everyone around him relax a notch or two merely because of his attitude. Buffy was having fun she was surprised to find.
"Alright, everyone in here, the tequila shots will commence," Derek yelled.
Buffy laughed as Brandon stood and offered his hand. He pulled her to her feet and dragged her into the kitchen.
"I've never done tequila shots before," Buffy confessed in a whisper to him.
"First time for everything," Brandon said with a wink.
Everyone took their shots like pros. She watched as they sprinkled salt on their wrists and held a lime in the same hand. They licked the salt, shot the tequila and bit the lime. Buffy gulped when the shot glass was passed around to her, filled with golden liquid. She took it and glanced at Brandon with nervous eyes. He grinned at her.
"Just toss it back, try to get it past your tongue," he advised.
She licked her salt-covered wrist nervously and then tossed the glass back. She made a face. It burned going down and made her mouth tingle. She bite into the lime and sucked on it. That prompted another face.
Brandon leaned over and whispered in her ear, "You make the cutest faces."
Buffy stuck her tongue out at him and he laughed. She liked the sound of his laugh.
She lost count of the number of tequila shots they'd done. They'd moved into the living room and she was half lying on the couch, half on Brandon. She giggled and looked up at him. She clacked her teeth together and whispered "I can't feel my teeth."
He grinned at her. "Can you normally?"
"Well, when I do this I can," she clacked her teeth together again to demonstrate.
He chuckled. "Maybe that's enough tequila for you tonight."
Buffy pouted.
"God, you have the most adorable pout," Brandon said and touched his finger to her lips, "definitely no more tequila for you tonight."
"Oh, God what time is it?" Buffy asked.
Brandon glanced up at the clock. "Five AM"
Buffy sat up and then swayed. "I gotta get home."
"I'll walk you. Let me just tell Sheila and Derek I'm going," Brandon said.
Buffy nodded and went to stand by the door. She ended up leaning against the wall because the world refused to quit tilting on its side. She grinned to herself. She felt numb and tingly and perfect. There was no pain, no hurt and the big piece of her that was missing was filled up with numby, tingly goodness. She decided drunk and tequila was nice.
Brandon emerged from the other room and held out his hand. Buffy took it and they walked back to her house. Or rather he walked, she mostly leaned, staggered and practically let him carry her. The cool night hair helped steady her but she was pleasantly surprised to find it didn't take away the numb, tingly feeling she liked so much.
"Right here," Buffy said when they reached her house. She turned to Brandon, "I had a lot of fun tonight, tell Sheila thanks and you know for once in a long time I felt like a real girl instead of a superhero."
Brandon chuckled. "That's the first time I've ever heard that. Usually tequila turns you into a super hero, not the other way around."
"I'm not like normal girls," Buffy said.
"I'm beginning to see that," Brandon said.
He watched with amused interest as Buffy climbed the oak tree in front of her house amid many curses. He waited until she stood in the window and waved down at him.
Buffy fell into bed and closed her eyes. She knew she was going to pay for this in the morning but right now she didn't care. She wondered briefly if she could spend the rest of her existence feeling like this. It'd make the slaying easier. Her mind shifted to Brandon. He was nice. He won't survive more then twenty four hours in my world. He's not Angel she thought and then drifted off to sleep.