"I thought this was about William." She said, I couldn't read her tone. "
But it's not, is it? It's about Samantha."
I blinked, shocked. "How so?"
"Picking up a stray, wanting to give it a good home... That's what you wished happened to your sister, isn't it? Someone taking care of her, loving her, instead of what did happen to her."
"I wanted my sister to come home." I replied heavily.
"I know." Her voice was almost gentle. "But since she couldn't..."
"I would have preferred that than have her be tortured for someone's agenda, yes." Did I sound angry? I didn't think so, but my voice made Evie flinch, even though she'd long since fallen sleep.
Why were we talking about my sister? Was she trying to hurt me? I hadn't meant to hurt her, and I'd never known her to retaliate unintended harms with cruelty. God knows there'd been a lot of them over the years...
She surprised me by getting up and putting her hand on my shoulder. "I understand."
"You do?" I asked, looking up at her.
"Yes. I'll have to think about it."
"Think about what?" I asked stupidly. I felt like I'd missed half of a conversation. What did she have to think about? A voice in my head ordered me to shut up and listen, so I did.
"Whether or not she should have William and me too."
Before I could wrap my brain around that, she was out the door, promising that she'd give it serious consideration.
Sitting in stunned silence, I looked down at Evie. "Did she just say what I thought she said?"
The baby opened her eyes for a moment, but then closed them again. Obviously she didn't have any answers either.
Did Scully, was the real question. Was the reason I was so keen on keeping Evie and getting Scully to come around because I was projecting my own feelings about my sister's life after she was kidnapped onto to the baby? And if I was, did it even matter? I wished I could figure out if it mattered.
I spent the whole rest of the day pacing the hotel room, wondering what she was going to decide. Not knowing was killing me. Finally it got late enough to go to bed so I didn't have to think about it any more.
**
In the end her decision was no. I guess I sort of lost it then, but can't you understand why? She didn't want us to be a family. Some men have killed for that, and I don't think what I did was as bad as that. No one got hurt, anyway. Not physically. William's too young to remember anyway.
If she'd been thinking, she would have demanded that I return the key to her apartment when she came by to deliver the news. But she wasn't, or I was simply too erratic to guess what I'd do, so I kept the key.
She seemed sorry about it, which is what made me do what I did. If she'd been cold, I would have known that it was impossible, and there was no use, but that regret... that told me that maybe she could learn to love Evie, and relearn to love me again too. I know, you're thinking it's a flimsy defense, but just then it seemed like justification enough. We all do things based on misconstruing things, don't we?
I waited hours. Finally it seemed late enough, so I gathered up all my things, and checked out of the hotel room. We wouldn't be back, not there. Not where someone might have seen Scully either of the times she'd come to my room. It was so dark as I drove to Scully's apartment. There wasn't a star in the sky. That was comforting, the feeling that we moved in complete darkness.
Knowing Scully's habits served me well. The first thing I did was to check that her car was unlocked, which it was. That was a good thing, because it meant that I wasn't going to have to break a window to get in. All I had to do was swing one of the back doors open, and fiddle with the straps for a moment. I almost staggered when the car seat broke free suddenly, but I caught my footing before I fell.
Evie was still asleep as I strapped the other carseat in beside her. I knew it was a risk, taking that long to mess with a carseat, but William was only one, so he was too little to be without one. Once I was satisfied that it was safely in place, and that Will wouldn't be able to reach Evie since babies usually were jealous of each other, I closed the door to my car. There didn't seem to be any point to waking Evie up, so I just locked the car up and left her. It wouldn't take long anyway.
Letting myself in this time, I was much more careful not to make any sounds. I was counting on Scully being asleep, and I knew that things would go badly if she was awake. I'd already slipped the bottle and cloth out of my pocket by the time I reached the door to her bedroom.
I blinked, shocked. "How so?"
"Picking up a stray, wanting to give it a good home... That's what you wished happened to your sister, isn't it? Someone taking care of her, loving her, instead of what did happen to her."
"I wanted my sister to come home." I replied heavily.
"I know." Her voice was almost gentle. "But since she couldn't..."
"I would have preferred that than have her be tortured for someone's agenda, yes." Did I sound angry? I didn't think so, but my voice made Evie flinch, even though she'd long since fallen sleep.
Why were we talking about my sister? Was she trying to hurt me? I hadn't meant to hurt her, and I'd never known her to retaliate unintended harms with cruelty. God knows there'd been a lot of them over the years...
She surprised me by getting up and putting her hand on my shoulder. "I understand."
"You do?" I asked, looking up at her.
"Yes. I'll have to think about it."
"Think about what?" I asked stupidly. I felt like I'd missed half of a conversation. What did she have to think about? A voice in my head ordered me to shut up and listen, so I did.
"Whether or not she should have William and me too."
Before I could wrap my brain around that, she was out the door, promising that she'd give it serious consideration.
Sitting in stunned silence, I looked down at Evie. "Did she just say what I thought she said?"
The baby opened her eyes for a moment, but then closed them again. Obviously she didn't have any answers either.
Did Scully, was the real question. Was the reason I was so keen on keeping Evie and getting Scully to come around because I was projecting my own feelings about my sister's life after she was kidnapped onto to the baby? And if I was, did it even matter? I wished I could figure out if it mattered.
I spent the whole rest of the day pacing the hotel room, wondering what she was going to decide. Not knowing was killing me. Finally it got late enough to go to bed so I didn't have to think about it any more.
**
In the end her decision was no. I guess I sort of lost it then, but can't you understand why? She didn't want us to be a family. Some men have killed for that, and I don't think what I did was as bad as that. No one got hurt, anyway. Not physically. William's too young to remember anyway.
If she'd been thinking, she would have demanded that I return the key to her apartment when she came by to deliver the news. But she wasn't, or I was simply too erratic to guess what I'd do, so I kept the key.
She seemed sorry about it, which is what made me do what I did. If she'd been cold, I would have known that it was impossible, and there was no use, but that regret... that told me that maybe she could learn to love Evie, and relearn to love me again too. I know, you're thinking it's a flimsy defense, but just then it seemed like justification enough. We all do things based on misconstruing things, don't we?
I waited hours. Finally it seemed late enough, so I gathered up all my things, and checked out of the hotel room. We wouldn't be back, not there. Not where someone might have seen Scully either of the times she'd come to my room. It was so dark as I drove to Scully's apartment. There wasn't a star in the sky. That was comforting, the feeling that we moved in complete darkness.
Knowing Scully's habits served me well. The first thing I did was to check that her car was unlocked, which it was. That was a good thing, because it meant that I wasn't going to have to break a window to get in. All I had to do was swing one of the back doors open, and fiddle with the straps for a moment. I almost staggered when the car seat broke free suddenly, but I caught my footing before I fell.
Evie was still asleep as I strapped the other carseat in beside her. I knew it was a risk, taking that long to mess with a carseat, but William was only one, so he was too little to be without one. Once I was satisfied that it was safely in place, and that Will wouldn't be able to reach Evie since babies usually were jealous of each other, I closed the door to my car. There didn't seem to be any point to waking Evie up, so I just locked the car up and left her. It wouldn't take long anyway.
Letting myself in this time, I was much more careful not to make any sounds. I was counting on Scully being asleep, and I knew that things would go badly if she was awake. I'd already slipped the bottle and cloth out of my pocket by the time I reached the door to her bedroom.