Title: Spill the Beans

Author: Kuroi Tenshi [kuroi_22@hotmail.com]

Pairings: SenKosh, MitKo, RuHana

Warnings: Semi-Yaoi alert! Weird Internet junkies, even weirder advice columnist and the weirdest of them all, the writer herself. ^_^ This is kinda AU, TWT also applies since well… I dunno, just don't think too much of the fic's plot and all that stuff since this will be more on humor [at least that's what it's supposed to be ^^;;]. Basketball's not that much of an issue in this fic so you can forget about that too.

Notes: Um, I'm aware that this format is kinda confusing but just try to guess who's who (it's not that hard, you'll see). Think of it this way, the ones asking Kate's advice are the SD charas using different SNs. The events are happening and told in their POV. Got it? Thanks. ^_^

            Oh, and I'm aware "Super Rookie" is turning more and more like a hentai sex-maniac (isn't that a bit too much? Hehe) but… let's just say he's showy about that stuff, okay? Besides, I really think he's the type to go all seme anyway. ^_^  If you don't think you can handle him or any of the characters acting that way… Lookie, lookie! The Back Button! Feel free to click it and say bye-bye, Kuroi. I didn't put this under R just for the hell of it. ::shrug::

Disclaimers: you know the drill by now. Not mine, no money, don't sue. Btw, the addresses and URL of the site [gotguts.org] isn't real. ^_^

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Part 3

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ATTENTION:

This part of the site where announcements and posts from Kate (and others) will now be called the BulBoard. Announcements and whatnots will be placed here, as well as notes and letters from Kate (again, as well as those from the others) will be found here.

Is it just me or are we getting a lot of hits since the site opened? ~grin~ Yup, yup, we're garnering about fifty hits per day. Isn't that amazing? We hope you will continue to support us and remember—if you need help in anything (as long as it's not money)—you can count on us to do our best for you! ~insert sappy BMG~

~*~*~*~

Dear Kate,

            Will I be condemned to the deepest pit of hell if I were to say that I'm about to kill a stupid, insensitive, idiotic bastard by pounding him to death using a baseball bat?

            Here's the thing. ~deep breath~ I've come to terms to me liking Pervy. And I realized that you're right, I need to stop living in my little world of denial. So here I am, ready to confess to him just how I feel. Guess what he does?

            He ignores me and chases after the "cute" baseball player who passed by us while I was trying to tell him about my so-called feelings—of which is currently called hatred.

            I really thought I was making progress, you know?

            But he just had to go open his mouth and say, "Isn't he such a saucy little tart?" and BAM! I suddenly find myself with this urge to grab a bat and use his head as the ball. I can practically see myself gripping the bat, more than ready to strike him. Feeling euphoria rushing through my veins as I hear the muted thud as it make contact with his body as I continually slug him mercilessly. Is murder against the law?

            I swear, what had I been thinking? Me? Falling for him—of all people? Why couldn't I have fallen for the gardener, anyone but him! He's nothing but trouble. That's it. I give up. I take back what I said before.

            I am NOT in love with that stupid smiling baka. Nope, I'm not. I have no feelings whatsoever for him, no matter how remote or dormant they are. None, zero, nada. I am unfeeling when it comes to him.

Is going to delete all his saved fics,

Virgin Shorty

Dear Virgin Shorty,

            I see you're encountering some problems with regards to love of your life. ~sigh~ Why do I have the feeling that no matter what I say, you won't listen to me? Well, here's my two cents on the issue anyway.

            You having no feelings whatsoever for Pervy is a complete lie. Hah! The fact that you're out for blood because he seemed interested in that baseball player is evidence enough that you're very much in love with him. To the point of murder. ~shudder~ You haven't been hanging around Super Rookie, have you? Please say you have no idea who I'm talking about, please say you don't…

            Maybe you haven't been sending the right signals. You're best friends, right? So maybe it's just normal for him that you're acting… more intimate than usual? You didn't exactly describe in detail how you were getting ready to tell him so that's all I can say about the matter. You described how you were going to kill him. And it's scary. Seek counseling.

            Here's the thing. You have to remember that because of his well…rather impious ways (for lack of better term), you've got to be more lenient with him and his tendencies to…wander. If you guys do end up together, then I'm sure it'll take him some time to get used to being tied down (the term not to be taken negatively—NOR in the S&M light) to a monogamous relationship. It'd take time. But you have to meet each other half way.

P.S. delete the fics, which you have back up copies on a diskette, right? ^__^

P.P.S. Yes, murder is against the law. Think carefully before you grab a baseball bat, okay?

Kate

Dear Kate,

            I have a problem. I think the guy I like knows exactly how I feel and he doesn't seem to be reacting positively.

            Just this afternoon at practice when I went to him to help him with the warm-ups as I usually do, he just froze for a while when I smiled at him as I knelt down behind him. Then bolted right up and murmured a hasty excuse (which seemed vaguely like something about visiting a dentist—but I'm not sure since it was almost inaudible).

            Am I coming on too strong? All I did was walk up to him and help him with the warm up. Nothing's even out of the ordinary with that. I've done that all the time before. Do you think… that since he knows he thinks I'm using that as an excuse to touch him?

            …He is right, you know. But what's a guy's option when that's all the excuse he has to be able to touch the one he loves for about thirty minutes without being too obvious?

            I know for a fact that a certain fox uses "fights" to grope the one he likes. At least I don't cause minor injuries to the one I love when I touch him.

            Is it just me and my paranoia or is he making fun of me and my feelings behind his back? He doesn't even acknowledge my presence when we pass by each other on the hall like he used to! Do you think I scared him off?

Nearing a nervous breakdown,

Deputy Guy

Dear Deputy Guy,

            The way I see it, he's having problems of his own. What they are, I'm not entirely sure. But there's a big chance he's not laughing at you and your feelings.

            And yes, it's just your paranoia on overdrive. Do you think there are chances of you seeking a somewhat professional help for that? I can only do so much in dealing with paranoia. Maybe you can talk to a shrink. I'm not saying you're in dire need of one (like someone I know…~grumbles about psychotic Super Rookie~) but I'm positive it can help you with your paranoia-complex better.

            Back to your problem, maybe you ought to lie low for a while? I'm not saying that you should back down completely but I think you should give it a little more time. Go back to the way you've been acting. But if that doesn't work, since you said his reactions are still the same when you do things that aren't even out of the ordinary, try distancing yourself from him for a while. I'm not telling you to avoid him or anything but don't make it a point to pass by his classroom five times in an hour just to see him. Is that okay with you? Do you think you can do that?

            He may be acting this way because things are going too quick for him, know what I mean? Maybe he's being overwhelmed by the whole situation. Give him some time. And space. You might end up scaring the living daylights out of him if you turn out to be a stalker… Just a question, you don't know who I'm talking about when I say Super Rookie, do you? No? That's good… are you sure? Thank God, I was afraid you knew him… positive? No idea who the hell I'm talking about?

Slowly losing it,

Kate

Dear Kate,

            This is the genius here… again. I have a question. But remember that this is just a question, okay? It doesn't mean it happened to me or that I'm asking it for myself making it seem like I'm asking for someone else. This has nothing to do with me, okay? OKAY?

            What do you say if while you're showering late at night after practice, someone sneaks up to you and kisses you breathless? Said person is known to be enemy, archenemies and most hated rival on earth? Kinda like… I don't know. The guy with the red hair and that raven-haired boy in the anime I saw that was about basketball. Hmm... It seems a bit familiar… oh, well.

            Going back on topic, what if your rival kisses you then walks away? And when he does, you almost catch pneumonia due to standing under the shower for more than forty minutes bare-naked? BUT still feeling fire burn within your very core? Is that even possible? It's like… the kiss totally blew you away. One word: WOW.

            So after the mind-blowing kiss, he acts like nothing happened—which causes me—err, this person I know—to feel both annoyed and relieved. He's relieved because he thinks everything's happening too fast and he has no idea what to do next. But annoyed because… that's it? Kiss and walk away? What the hell is his problem? Was it just a kiss to him then?

            Not only that. Few days after, this person finds this… thing inside his gym locker after practice. He's not exactly sure what it is. But his teammate (who shall remain anonymous for he shall soon die if he doesn't stop laughing) just burst out laughing and started patting him on the back (all the while laughing like a stupid hyena) saying something like he knew it from the start that the guy I'm telling you about was a classic bottom. What did he mean by that?

            AHEM. As much as I'd like to help my…uh, friend, I'm not that much of an expert when it comes to these things. So I thought I'd ask you. He has this feeling that what he saw waiting for him in his locker—whatever it is—was from said rival turned… kissing partner? What do you think should he do?

PS. Why the hell would anyone send Strawberry-flavored balloons anyway? And it wasn't even inflated. It even had this weird… long shape. Is this a new fad that I know nothing about? Is Trust a new brand of inflatable balloons?

The Tensai had been here,

Basketball Genius

Dear Basketball Genius,

            OH MY GOD!

            OhmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGodohmyGod!

            Oh. My. God.

            I may be overreacting but do forgive me. Please tell me you didn't just think that what he sent you—your friend—was an inflatable balloon. It's not. You thought…it was… inflatable balloon… Trust, new brand… ~burst out laughing~

            Sorry, just couldn't help it. But really, did he leave that in your friend's locker?

            I will choose not to comment as of now (since my brain has ceased functioning from shock). But maybe this person you're talking about is not only interested in simply kissing. Maybe he has something much, MUCH more in mind. Scratch that—not maybe—he DEFINITELY has something much, much more in mind. Oh, gods, I think I'm going to pass out…

            Okay, my brain is semi-functional again. Basing from what you told me, I can safely say that this does NOT stop with the kiss, expect more. ^_^

            A bit of reminder, unsolicited as it is, be VERY SURE how you feel before you do anything, okay?

            …Inflatable balloons… new fad… inflatable balloons…

Is still too shocked,

Kate

Dear Kate,

            I have a new problem. I confessed liking my best friend, right? And I think I'm ready to face the consequences of telling him that (meaning I'm already in my armor and I have an ambulance ready).

            BUT I think it's too late.

            We were walking to the gym after class this afternoon and I noticed he seemed to be having a bit of a problem. But whenever I ask him, he'd bite my head off. So I let it go. Kind of. But I have this suspicion I know what it is.

            I always see him with that goofy, far-away look on his face, the one those "who've been struck by Cupid's arrows" (quoting directly from a romance novel his sister lent me) wears. And I see him giving me this *look* lately then he would blush and look away. And I've seen a bunch of A's on his notebooks instead of notes about the Restoration period. I think I got it all figured out.

            He's in love with someone!

            And I just admitted it to myself that I have feelings for him. ~wails~

            And while we were walking to basketball practice, he suddenly stopped and looked outside the baseball field below. I think he was looking at whoever Mysterious A (A as in ASSHOLE, okay, so I've stooped down to name-calling but what's a guy to do when your jealousy's consuming you?).

            Then he turned to me and he looked…serious.

            Like he was going to confess something important.

            He was going to tell me who the stupid A is!

            I sort of panicked and tried to stall him. I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind before he had the chance to open his mouth and told him how cute the baseball player who walked past us was. It was true anyway. The guy was cute.

            But not as cute as *him.*

            He glared at me then stalked past me, angrily muttering about stupid idiots all the way. He's angry with me but I think I'll survive. At least I stalled him from telling me who the stupid Ass is.

            Now for my problem: do you think I have a chance?

            I thought I did but…now that he seems to be interested in someone, I'm not too sure myself anymore.

            ~sigh~ Maybe I ought to start looking for that A first. Then borrow a baseball bat from that cutie and slug him to death. That'll teach him to take my Ko-chan!

P.S. Did I tell you about the fact that he's soooooo cute when he's angry? The way his beautiful brown eyes darken then you can feel your knees go weak. Then he would glare at you, which in effect will make you wonder if he's really going to kiss you. But then *you* will want to ravish him with kisses. Oh, god. I need a cold shower. Ciao.

In search of Mysterious A,

Ace Player

Dear Ace Player,

            I think I may well be on the road to becoming a criminal psychologist. But anyway, first, let me remind you that MURDER is against the law! I seem to be reminding everyone of this important, but highly overlooked fact. Committing so will land you in prison and that means you won't be able to spend time with your hopefully soon-to-be boyfriend. And to make you forget about the idea of slugging the Mysterious A altogether, visitation rights are restricted to hours. Oh, and can you really look forward to spending nights alone, or with cellmates rather than this person you like (love?)? What will that do to your nightly activities (don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about)?

            But I won't advice you not to look for this A-person if you like. However, it would be better if, rather than tracking him down, you concentrate your attention in winning for your best friend's affection. There's competition, so what? I'm confident you can make him fall for you without "eliminating" the enemy literally.

            You have a chance. You may think it's very small, like the chances of me getting a hundred on our Algebra exam, but it's still there. And it's exhilarating when you win with the odds against you. Very satisfying.

            AND you can use this as an opportunity to show him how serious you are with your intentions. Try courting him. I mean, yeah, you can probably confess and be over with it, but it'll be a lot more effective if you court him then tell him. Yeah, that's right. Court him. This is just a suggestion of course. But it might work. ~shrug~ Think about it.

            Good luck.

Kate

Dear Kate,

            I tried putting a stop on the soaps.

            I'm watching Barney now. Help me God.

            I didn't have a choice. My five-year old cousin is staying over for the week since his parents are off to a business trip. ~sigh~ I'll be babysitting him and as if that in itself wasn't already torturous enough, I'm being forced to watch the hideous purple freak sing with him. What did I ever do to deserve this much agony?

            I was only lusting after my best friend!

            Oops. I think that itself is enough to condemn me to twenty-four hours of Barney and Friends. It's not just the physical thing, you know—but what I would give to have a piece of that magnificent body—do you think Kami-sama will be willing to barter? All my cousin's Barney tapes for a night with him? Ahem. Other than the physical, I feel like we have connection that goes really deep. It's like…we're meant for each other.

            But you know what? I thought about what you've been saying and I realize I was using the teeth (or lack of, rather) issue to try to avoid my feelings for him. It's weird, I know but it's true. I think I'm a bit unwilling to commit. That's a bad thing, right? I know it is. And I feel bad.  I want him to be mine and mine alone yet I don't want to commit myself to him. Am I being selfish? No, don't answer that.

P.S. Do you think The Red Guy will let me have a week of sinful passion with HIM if I sell him the little brat's soul? I mean, just so I can have something to fall back on in case God doesn't take the Barney tapes. ~shrug~

Will soon be getting some action (hopefully),

Most Valuable Player

Dear MVP,

            Your chances with The Red Guy are better. God's getting a lousy bargain with the Barney tapes. If I were Him, I'd grant your every wish and desire if you'd keep the tapes away from me. Or punish you to live your life in a cloister for even attempting to bribe me. With Barney. I'm surprised you haven't been zapped by an errant lightning yet. ~grin~

            You didn't exactly have a question in your last mail, so I guess I'll just give you my opinion. I hope that's okay.

            It's good that you realized you're afraid to commit. A lot of people have the same problems, which is why Spill the Beans and the like are so popular. Sometimes it's really hard to bare your soul to someone with the risk of being rejected, but I think it's a risk we all have to take if we want to be happy. There will be countless rejections and agonizing tears before you find the person who'll like what you offer, but it'll be worth it because you'll be loved and respected and all that.

            And it's okay being selfish. Well, not okay, but understandable. You're human. And it stems from being apprehensive of being committed. It's not right, of course, because it's unfair for you to want him wholly to be yours, but he can't have any hold on you unless you allow it. Eehhnnnggg! That would be wrong. Relationships—you do want to have one with him, right?—don't work that way.

            But hey, you're getting there. Just get rid of your fear of the dreaded "ball and chain" (it's not like that, believe me, love doesn't suffocate or impede) and tell him how you feel. Go for it! And maybe your nightly fantasies will come true. ~winks~

Kate

Dear Kate,

            I tried giving him space, like you said.

            I didn't even try to kiss him again (and that took practically all my restraint—do you know how hard it is not to kiss him?). But I didn't want him to think that all I want with him goes nothing beyond physical. That's not true. Anymore.

            I admit it was the way he looked at first when he passed by our room on the first day of classes that got me interested but now that I've gotten to know him to some extent (and no, the fights we've had doesn't count here though they gave me a lot of opportunities to touch him).

            He's really nice. There's a childlike innocence in him that inevitably draws you in. And that fierce loyalty! Do you think he'll be as fierce in bed? Mmm… Sorry, got sidetracked. He can be pretty dense (and I'm being nice here) and he's clumsy in this adorable kind of way that makes you want to cuddle him and just hold him close to you.

            BUT he's very stupid when it comes to IDGI.

            She was watching practice again this afternoon and while he was with our manageress, I heard the idiot talking about her. Grr! Apparently, they somehow (seethe, growl, seethe) agreed to have lunch together tomorrow. They're going to meet by the garden so it'll be shaded and cozy.

            Ha! Good luck if they see a garden tomorrow. When practice is over, I'm racing home and "borrowing" my neighbor's tractor. Let me see them have lunch in acres of dust and dirt. But since I'm feeling benevolent, fine. I'll leave a twig or two standing. Let them have the illusion of being in a secluded glen. Damn. I remember that dream when HIM and me were together in a secluded glen. Real romantic. And erotic.

            Oh, by the way, since by the time you read this, the deed is done, I'll just ask for your opinion, not your advice. I left him a little present (gotta be careful, after all ~evil laughter~) after practice. It's you-know, for you-know-what. ~smirk~ Naughty, I know. You think he got the message? Or was it too much naughtiness? He's innocent as hell. It seemed to me our kiss was his first. Or at least the first of the kind we shared. ~naughty wriggling of eyebrows~ Like I said, innocent (but not for long!). And virginal. Virginal's sexy.

            Look at the time. Time for my evening ride. I always ride my bike after dinner. Around his neighborhood. If I hurry, I can make it in time before he showers. There's this tree close to his window and it has the greatest view. Not even the top of Mt. Fuji can compare.

Off sightseeing,

Super Rookie

Dear Super Rookie,

            There's a name for the kind of people who share your opinion of great views provided by trees. PEEPING TOMS! Knowing you, no amount of beseeching will make you curb your nightly sightseeing. So all I can say is be careful not to attract the attention of his neighbors. It's bad enough to be caught playing voyeur, adding branded as a burglar would just be the thing.

            As for my opinion, well, like you said, the deed's been done. What I think about it? You don't have tracking devices, right? I think you're going a bit too fast. I mean, yeah, we're in the twenty-first century and all, but don't you think it would be nice to court him a bit? And like I said, try walking him home. Stalking isn't considered romantic. It's pretty creepy.

            It's good you're able to see past the pleasurable activities you've no doubt played in your mind. Basing majority (if not all) of the relationship (if there will be one) on superficial—I'm not going to find myself run over by a bike, am I?—reasons will strain the relationship. After you've had your conquest, what now? From what you've written, he brings out a certain warmth in you. Admittedly, your baser passions outweigh the tender affections that ought to be there, but the fact that there's more than that is good. Very good.

            It means you may not be convicted of rape after all. ~nods happily~

            Also, thanks for heeding my advice. Let him have some time to take everything in and contemplate what will happen next. You can't force yourself on him, understand? Other than the possibility of a lawsuit, it just isn't right. Let him decide whether or not he wants to be with you. Though I'm pretty sure he'll want to in due time. Good luck COURTING him.

P.S. I'm not sure you know, since you seem uninformed (or maybe plain unconcerned) of laws such as rape and murder, but destruction of school property is illegal. Remember our little equation? Let me refresh your memory. There's a slight alteration, but it's basically the same thing.

            WORLD – SCHOOL GARDEN = PRISON. PRISON = SUPER ROOKIE – HIM.

Beginning to consider becoming a law enforcer,

Kate

Excerpt From Spill the Beans' Tag Board (turned semi-chat room):

Kate: welcome to Spill the Beans!

VirginShorty: Ds s confidential, ryt?

miss_alexia: Yep. dnt get ur panties in a twist.

number1_in_kanagawa: Kainan rulz!

MonkeyChef: Nice site. Do u give cooking tips?

miss_alexia: number1_in_kanagaw, ur close to being banned for life. y? i just dnt

like u. Spill the Beans rulz!

o000o: Yuck! Der r sum entries with ppl liking sum1 from d same sex!

Kate: BIGOTS BANNED FOR LIFE.

AcePlayer: Fairies rule!

SuperRookie: track o000o down and burn his/her house!

AcePlayer: cool. with all d luv problems floating 'round, u shud change ur URL to

gotguts.ORGY add a 'y' --so much nicer. ;-p

Kate: sorry, no. il ask alex abt having a division centered on cooking if u like, but

im not promising anything.

MonkeyChef: Sendoh?!

inluv_wid_rukawa: hi guys. any1 from Shohoku? Freshman girl hir.

Ginger: so luv d lay-out!

ClosetNetJunkie: hey, ds s better than pachinko.

VirginShorty: hey! i dnt wear panties!

VirginShorty: wut?! sendoh?

AcePlayer: VS—so do u wear any underwear?

number1_in_kanagawa: hmph. il tell my friends ur site suck.

SuperRookie: inluv_wid_rukawa—every1 is gay. Convert. Now.

Kate: every1, be nice. im not gay. SuperRookie, do i have 2 convert?

miss_alexia: number1_in_kanagawa, say farewell 2 ur computer. it will soon be

infested with deadly viruses.

MonkeyChef: SENDOH! i know it's u—i dnt know any1 else as perverted!

VirginShorty: r u sendoh? uh…whoever sendoh is…?

madi: peter, u @$shoLe!

VirginShorty: I dnt care if u r. I dnt know who he..or she…is nway.

ClosetNetJunkie: ds is interesting. do we reveal names in d end?

SuperRookie: No, ur ok. SHE isn't.

catroina: Kate, u rock!

inluv_wid_rukawa: dinner time. bye. ur site is nice, btw.

Kate: dat wasn't very nice.

SuperRookie: i have an idea hu she is.

AcePlayer: hu s dis sendoh? i bet he's HOTTT! every1 s interested in him.

Kate: kinda figured dat out.

Sheng: hey guys! Missed Ya.

aya_luvs_me: yo.

number1_in_kanagaw: im suing.

MonkeyChef: i know it's u sendoh. ur dead come b-ball practice monday

afternoon.

VirginShorty: sendoh! wut sn r u using? tell me pls…

VirginShorty: not dat i care…jst curious. i dnt even know hu dis sendoh is…

Eleine: WOGY WUBZ!

Tbc

========

            Okay, so I know the update's sooooooooo overdue. But I lost inspiration (like in many of my other fics), but see? There's always hope. After a [long] while, I picked up the story and continued it. I hope people are still reading. ::looks hopeful::

            And I really don't know what the last part is all about (the tag board thing?) I was thinking of having another letter asking advice from a different person (not one of the constant six), but this is what came out since I wanted it to be a bit varied. The interjections that have nothing to do with the SD charas (ones using names—or something like that, note o000o) are there to make it seem like a real tagboard. I'm not sure if I'm going to have a tag board on the next part, but most probably I will. If you want a message to appear on it, I wouldn't mind posting it, just let me know and I will (keep in mind, however, that it has to have something to do with the fic in any way). Don't forget to give me the SN you want to appear and what you want to say. ^_^

            Hazard a guess who's who? ^_____________~