As strange as it may sound seeing so many happy people, in a place that is named the "Happy Hotel", was actually surprising to its founder. Charlie of course wanted to show that inside every demon is a rainbow, but she figured it would take months if not YEARS before that ever happened. But as she watched in splendid glee as everyone was gathered in the dining area, to discuss what their contributions would be to both the hotel and their new plan of reforming Hell entirely, it honestly felt like a dream come true.
"Alright everyone." Lucifer spoke to begin the meeting, as she was far too excited and jittery to do so herself, "If we're going to have even a chance of making this plan of ours work we're going to have to dedicate jobs to everyone, that way we're doing as much as we possibly can at any given moment." He explained.
"Will we be getting paid for this?" Blitzo asked as he raised his hand.
"Hmm, seeing as how you're the one responsible for nearly killing my daughter, how about my payment to you be that I don't rip that head of yours, spine and all, straight from your torso?" He suggested.
"Hey! He just threatened me!" Blitzo exclaimed with a point whilst looking to the Slayer, who was the only one currently standing.
"Considering you did nearly kill miss Charlie, he is rather justified in his anger I'm afraid." Vega informed him as the Slayer cracked his knuckles, "Unless of course you'd like to continue with your objection?" He asked.
Even with his backstory now known to all of them, and they having their perceptions slightly changed as a result, there was still no denying that one needed to be careful about angering the Slayer, and even Blitzo in his thick headed ways knew this. So with crossed arms and a huff he fell silent and slumped in his seat, causing Lucifer to smile.
"Thank you Vega." He said to the AI before continuing, "As I was saying, we all need to do our part to make sure this doesn't burn down in a terrible horrible fashion." He told them.
"Like the Hindenburg!" Angel Dust exclaimed with a grin.
"Yes Angel Dust, like the Hindenburg..." Lucifer replied with an eye roll, "Anyway, I believe that in order for us to work as efficiently as possible we need to give everyone a position that they're best suited for, now some of you are obvious such as Katie who can handle PR almost singlehandedly, and you also have my wife Lilith who, besides being the queen, is a famous performer and thus can use her fanbase and her general standing in the community to our benefit, but then there are some of you I don't know what you can do, so we'll be sorting you out first." He explained.
"Oh!" Angel Dust sounded while raising his hand. "Yes?" Lucifer responded.
"How bout, and stay with me here, I go around and give people free head so long as they agree to come check out the hotel?" He suggested.
Upon hearing that nearly everyone's jaw dropped, except for Cherri who just burst out into
laughter, and Alastor who...honestly looked traumatized for a moment.
"I...appreciate your enthusiasm Angel, but I don't think you blowing random people will send the right message." Lucifer said.
"You'd be surprised, especially with all the things I can do with my tongue, why-" Before he could go any further Alastor immediately covered his mouth with his hand. "Please, I am begging you, do not say anymore." He requested.
"Well then what do you suggest I do huh? Cause the only two things I'm good at are shooting and fucking, and I clearly can't do the first one." Angel Dust replied as the other moved his hand away.
"How about you simply patrol the streets, you are a prostitute are you not?" Alastor inquired.
"Yeah? But what good does that do us if I'm not getting people to hear me out with sex?" He questioned.
"You know how to get people to listen to you, yes it is normally with your body, but perhaps you could convince them to hear you out if you promise them sex here at the hotel, which you of course won't actually deliver on." Alastor explained.
"So you want me to just lie to'em?...yeah, I can do that." He assured. "Lying would ALSO not send a good message Alastor..." Lucifer told him.
"Don't worry Luci, I know just how we can keep them here when Angel sends them our way, that is, if you trust me?" Alastor replied.
Taking in a deep breath because he knew this moment would come, with tightened eyes and gritted teeth Lucifer mustered up the willpower to say:
"FINE...do what you need to."
With those words finally spoken the radio demon's smile became a fang filled grin, which immediately made every fiber of the devil's being fill with regret. Standing from his seat he with a newfound pep to his step walked over to the Slayer.
"Before I get started, I would like to inform you that I must use my powers, can I be certain that as I do so you won't try to murder me?" He asked.
"So long as what comes from it doesn't try to kill the Slayer or anyone else here, there will be no issue." Vega answered.
"Well that's good, still you out of everyone here should brace yourself." He replied as he took a few steps away,
Unsure as to what he meant by that the Slayer didn't think too much of it. Even as the deer demon snapped his fingers and a fire erupted in an unoccupied portion of the room, he saw no reason why he should be on guard. But as a strange black mass came to form in the flame, and he without lighting himself on fire reached in to pull it out, he did feel a little uneasy as a single bright orange eye opened up.
"Allow me to introduce to all of you the first of the hotel's staff!" Alastor exclaimed as he set it down on the ground, even when standing on two legs it was practically the size of a plush toy,
"This little bundle of energy is Nifty!" He revealed.
"Bundle of energy? What do you-" Lucifer tried to question, only to be cutoff by the newly present demon.
"HELLO!" She shouted in excitement, followed by a quick little shake to get all the soot and ash off of her person, "My name's Nifty! It's sooooooo nice to see so many new people! It's been a while since-" She was saying until she stopped midway, as her eye fell onto the Slayer, "A MAN!" She exclaimed.
Within the blink of an eye the pint sized woman was all over the Slayer, first at his feet, then at his arms, before finally arriving at his head.
"Look at those muscles! Look how tall you are! Look at all this cool stuff!" She said in a rapid fire fashion, before letting out a high pitched squeal, "YOU'RE A WALKING DREAMBOAT!" She shouted in delight as she hugged his helmet tightly.
"Told you." Alastor said smugly as he looked to the others, "Nifty here is an unrivaled housekeeper, she can cook, clean, sew, and whatever else we'll need! And she's got the speed to do all of these things at once!" He explained.
"Are you sure? This place is freaking huge and she's so...tiny." Vagatha mentioned. "Don't believe me do you? Very well, Nifty." He said to get her attention.
Unfortunately the small demon was far too lost in bliss to hear him, no longer just hugging the Slayer's helmet but also nuzzling it, to the displeasure of Angel and Cherri. This in turn forced him to walk over and pull her off the Slayer by her dress, much to her dismay.
"Alastor!" She whined with the saddest possible frown on her face.
"Show everyone how quickly you can clean this room, THEN you can nuzzle him some more." He told her.
Carrying out that order immediately she would disappear from his grasp at a blinding speed, going around the room tidying up the place with a remarkable efficiency. Anything that could be seen as a spot, stain, crumb, or spec of dust was taken care of, and it was all finished in under ten seconds.
"There done!" She exclaimed as she came to a stop in front of him.
"Impeccable work as always my dear, you may continue your nuzzling." He said causing her once again to squeal out of joy.
"Wow...I had no idea how filthy this place was..." Charlie said a slight bit embarrassed, as the room around them was quite literally sparkling now.
"Alright, so far I'm actually not regretting this." Lucifer admitted before crossing his arms, "But I'm guessing you've got more staff at the ready correct?" He asked.
"But of course! There's one more fellow I have in mind, and I promise he won't try to hug you." Alastor replied addressing the Slayer with that last part, as Nifty was back on his shoulders.
Just as before Alastor would walk over to a fairly vacant part of the room to do the summoning, this time stomping his cane on the ground instead of snapping his fingers. And in place of a fire suddenly igniting what appeared was...honestly rather depressing. Slumped in a recliner with
several different bottles of liquor filling the seat with him, was a demon who resembled some kind of hybrid creature, that appeared to be a mix of a cat and bird. This was mostly indicated by the two feathered wings that slumped over the sides of the chair, which for some reason had card suits on them.
Unlike Nifty however he was not awake, actually he barely looked to be alive, if it weren't for the snoring everyone, due to the overwhelming stench of booze, might've thought he was dead. Yet this didn't seem to bother Alastor at all, in fact he walked right up next to the slumbering creature, tapped lightly at the microphone on the top of his cane, before then breathing in deeply and greeting him with:
"HELLO HUSKER!"
The sheer volume that was spoken with shook the nearby furniture, so you can imagine for the unfortunate demon who had it right in his ear, it was god awful. So awful in fact, that the very moment it went out into the air he thrashed in his chair so much it vaulted him from his seat, face first right onto the floor in front of him. Groaning for two reasons, the first because he was hungover, the second because he'd nearly been made deaf, the sunken eyed Husk slowly looked up at his tormentor.
"...You..." He said in such a guttural dry way, that every letter felt like it wanted to kill the red clad static speaker.
"Me." Alastor replied cheekily as Husk pushed himself up from the floor.
"Why...the fuck...am I here...why the FUCK did you shout in my ear...and why should I NOT strangle you right now..." He asked though very groggily with several grunts.
"Because my well lubricated friend, we are in need of some assistance, and I thought to myself who would be the best person to ask? Why good old Husker of course!" Alastor answered.
Taking a moment to make sure he wouldn't be sick and that he could even stand, the wobbly legged demon got up from the floor so he could look the other in the eyes.
"Look here, you big toothed prick..." He slightly slurred as he was still coming to his senses, "You've been pulling my fucking chain for what feels like a fucking eternity, and I am so FUCKING tired of it, so can you please just leave me the hell out of whatever it is you're doing?..." He requested.
"Oh come now Husker old boy, you can't possibly tell me that you'd be satisfied spending the rest of your days either broke in a gambling house or drowned in liquor can you?" Alastor asked.
"...You literally just described my entire life in that sentence, so yeah I fucking can." He answered as he cracked his back, "Now you fucking send me back home along with my chair and my booze, or I swear I WILL beat you over the head with both." He threatened.
"Um, excuse me." Lucifer spoke gaining both of their attentions.
"Wait a second...is that?..." Husk tried to say, only to be ignored completely as Alastor spoke over him.
"Is there a problem Luci?" He asked.
"How exactly is this beer soaked cat supposed to help us? He looks like he hasn't been sober in years, no offense." Lucifer questioned.
"Nah, that's right on the dot...er uh...your highness." Husk replied, feeling he should at least be respectful to the king of Hell itself.
"Because Luci, the issue with Angel Dust bringing people in here with false promises of carnal satisfaction, is that there would be nothing to keep them in the door, but Husker here could do that no problem! He's wonderful with people!" Alastor claimed.
"I am?/He is?" Both men questioned at the same time.
"Well of course you are! Tell me how many times have you managed to talk your way back into a casino that put a death threat on you?" Alastor asked.
"I lost count after sixty." Husk answered.
"And how many times have you convinced a bar owner to forget your tab? After of course making the bet that you could drink their entire stock without going into kidney failure." He asked.
"Again, lost count after sixty." Husk repeated.
"See? His people skills are exceptional! Why if anyone can sweet talk a bunch of low life sinners to stay at the hotel it's him!" Alastor reasoned.
"I don't know..." Lucifer replied hesitantly, as this still seemed like a horrible idea.
"Mister Husker." Lilith spoke deciding to join in, "What would it take for you to serve at our check in desk?" She asked.
"Honestly, if you give me a bottle of anything that'll make me feel cold and lifeless, and maybe a TV or something for me to watch, then I'm good." He answered.
"We have the finest liquor selection here at the hotel, and there is already a television in the lobby that could be moved behind the desk for your eyes alone, if we also give you a comfortable chair to sit in while you work will that seal the deal?" She asked.
"...Alright, I'm in." He said catching everyone by surprise. "Really? That's all you want?" Lucifer asked in disbelief.
"Normally I'd have to be willing to get the shit beaten out of me if I want to taste something GOOD, but if you're willing to pay me with it, then I'd have to be a real brain dead dipshit not to say yes." He explained.
"Splendid! So now we have a housekeeper and a doorman! And because our doorman is so charming Angel can use his renown on the streets to get people in here!" Alastor exclaimed.
"I...suppose so..." Lucifer said, still shocked by how easy it was to convince the feathered feline, "But that still leaves Cherri Bomb, the two imps, the Hellhound, and the lanky bastard who nearly killed my daughter." He listed.
"I can work the streets with Angel, though while he's convincing guys who think with their second heads, I can have a talk with some of two bit thugs who think they're tough shit." Cherri said.
"Me and Moxxie could make some flyers! Then we could go around the city putting'em everywhere! Even over billboards and signs no one cares about!" Millie exclaimed volunteering both her and her husband at the same time.
"The most work I've ever done was as a receptionist, so maybe I should work the check in desk with him?" Loona suggested while pointing to Husk with her thumb.
"And I could supervise! Make sure everyone's doing what they need to do." Blitzo said. "Hmm, Yes, Yes, we'll see, and absolutely fucking not." Lucifer replied to each of them.
"Oh COME ON! How LONG are you going to hate me for accidentally almost killing your daughter? You act like NO ONE else in Hell has ever done that!" Blitzo protested.
"Because no one has you mentally short changed idiot, it's common knowledge that if someone even looked at her funny I'd have them skinned alive." Lucifer told him.
"Well you know we wouldn't have even been there if it wasn't for-" He tried to reply, only to notice halfway through the death glare being sent his way by Lilith, "...If...she wasn't such a bitch." He finished as he pointed to Katie.
"Lucifer, dear." Lilith spoke so she could handle this before it got out of hand, "I know that he is being...difficult." She said trying to put it as nice as possible, "But remember he does have connections with Stolas, perhaps he could go speak with him and see if he could help." She suggested.
"That's right, despite all logic and reason you somehow are acquainted with Stolas, and he would be our best option to getting the support from the noble class, without threatening them that is." Lucifer agreed.
"Pardon the interruption, but what will the Slayer's role be in all of this?" Vega asked, which didn't seem to phase the extremely content Nifty.
"Actually, you will be working alongside Katie, with the documentary you've provided we will be able to show all of Hell who you are, however once the truth is out there things will get..." Lucifer trailed off, trying to think of the best way to put it.
"Batshit fuck nut crazy?" Angel Dust suggested.
"Yes that, so we are going to need to be on top of the media frenzy that will happen as a result, now Katie obviously has connections with channel six six six, she might need your help convincing them to trust her of course, but still where you will aid her in that affair, she will aid you in being...not so gut wrenchingly terrifying." He explained.
"Then what will you do?" Vega asked.
"I have the toughest job of all, calling another meeting with my staff who I haven't spoken to since this whole mess began, trust me when I say that is going to be an all day ordeal, and I'm doubtful they'll be supportive of what we're doing." He answered.
"Couldn't you just force them to do what you say? You are the king after all." Loona pointed out.
"I could, but even my staff are not totally immune from the temptation of trying to overthrow me, there have been a few attempts in the past, but if my first approach at getting their support is by force rather than persuasion, especially given the insane nature of our plan, it will not be met well." He explained.
"You COULD use the Slayer as incentive you know..." Charlie suggested while looking off to the side.
"Wow, I'm surprised you of all people would suggest that." Vagatha told her.
"I mean it worked for when we went to our interview with Katie right? And given that he's already the talk of Hell because of that and the turf war, there's no way they wouldn't listen if he was in the room." She reasoned.
"True, but right now it's important we focus on his public image rather than utilizing him as a means of aggressive negotiation, though I suppose I could schedule the meeting after that is taken care of, provided you would have no issue with that?" Lucifer suggested, to which he was responded with a simple shake of the Slayer's head.
"Well then, I think everything's settled, we all have our jobs and we know what to do, so unless there's anything else I say we can start getting to work." Lilith said.
Looking between themselves to see if anyone had anything more to say, they all gave a nod of their heads, minus Nifty and Husk who were still oblivious to what was going on, to show they were ready.
"Alright, then let's get started, oh and Alastor you should probably show those two the documentary." Lucifer advised.
"You've got it!" Alastor replied as he looked to the Slayer, "You still have that gizmo of yours correct?" He asked as the Slayer summoned it and held it up, "Excellent!" He exclaimed.
Hell and Heaven are meant to be opposite of each other, but not just in the obvious sense that one is light and one is dark, so on so forth. Take Urdak and Doom for example, the only order in Doom was simply obeying the Dark One's command, and any given by his appointed lords, apart from that it was true uncontrolled chaos and madness. Where as in the Maykrs' home they thrived on order, a beautifully maintained and managed system where everyone served their specific purpose, and whether you be a drone, angel, seraphim, or the Khan herself, you were valued and considered irreplaceable. So if you were to compare Lucifer's circle of Hell to the Heaven that governed it, the home of the exterminators and all other heavenly beings who were born there, it would honestly be very jarring.
Despite his and his wife's best efforts there was no denying that their Hell, specifically Pentagram City, was filled with all manner of filth and discord, with very few people giving two shits about anything other than themselves. But then you had their corresponding Heaven, and everything was essentially the same as it was for them, only a thousand times better in every way. The streets were clean, the people were nice and polite, everything was maintained and cared for, and in general everyone seemed to be as happy as they could be. Yet even with everyone in this realm of Heaven being so respectful and kind, they couldn't keep themselves from staring at the strange figure who had come to their home.
For the truth was very few people outside of the Heavenborn knew about the other portions of Heaven, and thus knew next to nothing about the existence of other kinds of angels and deities. So to see this mysterious hooded figure, who stood above almost everyone, floating through the city with only the tips of tendrils being visible from the bottom of their cloak, no one knew at all what to think. Now a person might wonder why Samur would choose to be so public about his arrival, instead of say opening a portal discretely to directly speak to the exterminators, and the answer to that was he was simply curious of what things were like here.
"It's strange seeing this Heaven resemble the mortal realm so closely, you'd think that they were jealous of how mortals live." He thought as he looked around, "I suppose I can't blame them
though, if there is one thing mortals are it is creative, many things that they have created very few would have the imagination to replicate." He admitted.
"Well well well, if it isn't Samur." A voice suddenly spoke from behind him.
Stopping in his tracks he just barely looked over his shoulder, finding just a few feet away one of the very angels he had come to speak with.
"Do I know you?" He asked not bothering to turn around to face them.
"No, but we know you, EVERYONE in EVERY Heaven is talking about you and your Khan, though it's kinda hard for us NOT to seeing as how you stepped on OUR toes." They replied, their voice neither too masculine or feminine but a perfect in between.
"Yes, I've come to speak about that matter, tell me how did you know I arrived?" He asked.
"You think especially after everything that's happened we wouldn't be on alert? You guys have a lot of nerve doing what you did, but even more to come here, alone." They told him.
Hearing the flutter of wings surround him Samur took a glance in all directions, finding that he was now in the center of a group of exterminators. As for any bystanders or potential spectators, they all seemed to make themselves scarce the moment the first had appeared.
"May I remind you that Gabriel demanded we be transparent with you now? Why are you so seemingly hostile?" He questioned.
"Because asshole WE do the killing around here, and we don't appreciate that psychotic lab rat you threw into OUR Hell." The same exterminator responded, clearly being the one elected to speak for them all.
"So far the Slayer has only killed three demons, one of whom has been returned in the hopes of redeeming their soul, are you truly so simple that such a small number would upset you?" He asked.
Responding to that in the form of a harpoon like spear being thrusted to the side of his head, the still hooded face of Samur though they couldn't see it, hadn't even flinched by such a display.
"It isn't about the demons, nor is it about him being there, it's the fact that we had no idea this shit was happening until the first meeting was held, when EVERYONE ELSE also learned about it, do you SERIOUSLY NOT understand that?!" They asked, having been the one to brandish the weapon.
Deciding now was the best time to reveal himself, as Samur slowly pulled down the hood of his cloak to reveal his face, the mood of the situation suddenly changed. Even though the Maykrs were a rather strange race of angels, more closely looking like aliens than heavenly beings, they still the Khan Maykr included did their best to be less startling. But Samur, even with his armor and clothes doing just that, still looked like he came from a very high budget sci-fi film. His head was designed in a very sculpture like way, unlike the Khan's which while just as polished and ornate, still managed to look fairly normal.
But his more so resembled what one would expect of a robot of some kind, further solidified by the single glowing blue optic that was in the center.
"We understand that perfectly, I know it may seem hard to believe, but we do respect your authority." He answered as he turned to look at them, "However we needed to do what we did, if
we had waited to try and convince you of our plan then things would have been complicated, or you could have informed our shared superiors of the meeting, which would have caused unnecessary complications." He explained.
"S-So instead you go behind our backs? That's how you show your respect?" They questioned a bit unsettled by his face.
"If we didn't respect you I would not be here, we would continue to ignore you even if it meant going against the archangel's command, but I am here and wish to explain everything to you, that is if you are willing to listen." He told them.
Falling silent for a moment as to consider what they should do, the other exterminators ultimately looked to their appointed leader to see what their decision was.
"...How do we know this isn't some trick, that you're just trying to get our guard down so you can do something else underhanded?" They asked.
"As I told you before we had to do what we did to avoid drawing attention, but now we have the highest authorities in Heaven, apart from our creator, watching our every move and going over every bit of information we have to offer, if we even dared to attempt such a thing now, it'd be no different than taking that spear of yours and impaling myself with it." He answered.
"He...does make a pretty good point." One of the other exterminators said, "I mean, if they were going to do something sneaky, why would the first thing he'd do be to stroll through the street in the middle of the day?" They asked.
"Exactly, so unless you plan to stab me with this weapon, or escort me out of your Heaven, I believe it would be best if we went back to your headquarters, and continue this conversation under more civil conditions." He suggested.
Though they were still angry and suspicious, the exterminator who served as their current leader couldn't deny that was a sound argument. So reluctantly they sent away their weapon and put their arms back to their sides, showing that they agreed.
"Fine, but if at any point you try something we will attack you, just saying." They warned. "As it would be in your right to do so, now, shall we?" He inquired.
Allowing them to take the lead so that he could follow them, the exterminators still surrounded him as they walked, just in case he did try to do something to them.