Disclaimer: Don't own. Now leave me be.
A/N: My apologies for the extremely late update!!!
Warning: OOC-ness abound. But then again, I haven't come across a Yu-Gi-Oh humor fic that didn't make the characters out of character.
Pardon the stupidity of this chapter...
Chapter Five: Pizza's Are Deadly Weapons
"Pizza!" "Pizza!" "Pizza!" the little ones chanted as they pranced around the group doing their own made-up dance.
"Yes, we're getting pizza," Yugi sweat dropped, trying in vain to calm them down.
"I want pizza now!" Joey shouted in a brattish way as he stamped his foot and crossed his arms.
"Yeah, well...you'll have to wait now, won't you?" Kaiba drawled, rolling his eyes at the mini-teenager. "Oof!" he suddenly exclaimed as something latched onto his leg. He looked down and his eyes were met by two big brown ones.
"You're buying pizza, right Mr. Kitty?" Joey asked innocently, staring right back up at him.
"Yes..." Kaiba sighed heavily. "Now let go of my leg so we can walk to Pizza Hut," he moved his right leg forward but some force seemed to be preventing his other leg from moving. He glanced at his left leg and learned that Joey was now completely attached to it.
Yami snickered, earning a trademark glare from Kaiba. "Shut up, you!" Seto shouted.
"I see that Kaiba's really good with kids," Bakura smirked. Kaiba glared at him as well before turning to Yugi then promptly complaining.
"Yugi...He's your friend, not mine!" Kaiba cried, shaking his left leg. Joey giggled loudly as he swayed from the force, his grip not faltering.
Yugi shrugged. "True, but he seems to like you more than me right now."
"Oh my gosh! Isn't that the cutest little thing?!" a perky girl across the street suddenly screeched, making her way towards the group.
The teenaged girl turned to Kaiba then asked in her annoyingly high voice, "Is he yours?" she asked, pointing to Joey, who was still attached to Seto's leg.
Kaiba did a wonderful imitation of a goldfish as he stared, dumbfounded, at the girl.
Bakura decided to speak up for Seto. "Look here lady, Kaiba hasn't had a girlfriend since...ever. So what makes you think he'll actually have a kid?"
This successfully snapped Kaiba out of his goldfish state.
"Hey! It's not like you ever had a girlfriend!" Seto shot back, ever so politely ignoring the girl.
"So?" Bakura raised an eyebrow. "I don't need one. Girls are boring and useless."
"Care to explain all the porno magazines in your room then?" Kaiba countered with a smug look.
"Hey! Those are merely for my...uh...entertainment...yeah, that's it!"
Kaiba rolled his eyes, "You keep telling yourself that."
"Says the guy who doesn't have a life!"
"Well at least I'm alive!" Kaiba retorted, poking Bakura hard in the chest.
"SO!" The perky girl cut in, pushing the two away from each other. "Is he yours?" she asked again.
Seto started twitching violently at the stupidity of the repeated question whilst Yami smacked his forehead. /Sheesh! How dumb can this girl be?!/
//Maybe she's just "special"...?// Yugi replied.
"Are you deaf?" Ryou asked the poor dumb girl.
The girl tilted her head in thought...she's thinking...yes...still thinking... The dusty gears in her head slowly started turning. After a while of thinking, she finally replied, though hesitantly, "Uhm...no?"
"I see..." Malik nodded his head in sympathy. "So you're just simply stupid then?"
The gears started turning yet again...slowly turning...
Yugi felt a light tug at his shirt then he looked down.
"What's wrong with her?" Anzu asked him as she pointed to the teenaged girl who seemed to be deep in thought - or rather - trying to be.
"Yeah! What's wrong with the weird girl?" Tristan asked.
"Heh," Yugi sweat dropped. "Well, you see..."
"Hey hikari, what do you say we just leave her? I'm getting hungry..." Bakura suggested.
Ryou shrugged, "I don't see why not."
And so they went to Pizza Hut...
~*~*~*~*~
"That's my slice! Mine!" Joey whined, jabbing an accusing finger at the holder of his pizza slice.
"But I got it first!" Tristan shot back, sticking his tongue out.
"Mr Kitty! Mr Kitty!" Joey called as he tugged at the sleeve of Kaiba's shirt, making the latter drop his slice.
Exasperated and twitching violently, the almighty CEO of Kaiba Corp replied in an annoyed tone, "What?!"
The little blonde kid pointed at his fellow teenager-turned-bratty-child as he answered, "He got my slice!"
"Just get another one," Kaiba coldly replied, harshly shaking the kid's hand off his arm.
"But it's mine!" Joey said, looking up at Seto as he furrowed his eyebrows and pouted.
"Nuh-uh!" Tristan retorted, sticking out his bottom lip and holding the pizza slice protectively.
"Yea-huh!"
"Nuh-uh!"
"Yea-huh!"
Wordlessly, Kaiba reached over between the two and cut the pizza slice in 2. The two arguing brats immediately shut up and turned to the CEO at the same time.
"Hey!!" the two complained, briefly glaring at the other for saying the same thing. "Unfair!"
Kaiba shrugged, "Live with it."
Joey glared at the tall teenager before glancing at sparring partner. Something passed between them and they smirked, trying to look as evil as their chubby little faces could make them.
The blonde boy pulled a small piece of ham from his half-slice of pizza then promptly flicked it towards the unsuspecting blown-haired boy.
If he were still a teenager, it would have been a perfect hit. But since he wasn't, the piece of meat went right passed Kaiba's left ear and landed with a "splat!" on Marik's cheek.
The yami paused halfway through his slice of pizza as something was apparently stuck to his face. He glanced down, realizing what it was, then grinned evilly, picking out a slice of bacon from his pizza. He glared at his suspect before throwing it at him, making it land smack dab in the middle of his forehead.
Malik shrieked like a girl. "My face!!!" he yelled, clawing at the offending piece of meat then rubbing a tissue paper vigorously over his forehead. He glared at Marik, throwing his entire pizza slice at his yami.
The pizza slice flew through the air and landed squarely on Bakura's face. It slowly slid down, landing on his plate with a "plop". He grabbed a chunk of grounded beef from Ryou's slice then threw it at Yami, who he thought was the suspect.
Yami twitched as he shot up onto his feet. "KAIBAAA!!!" he bellowed, yanking his hikari's pizza slice just as he was about to bite into it.
"Ow!" Yugi exclaimed. "My tongue! It's bleeding!" he cried. He angrily pulled a new pizza slice from the pan and shoved it into Yami's face.
The toddlers giggled at the funny "big people".
Yami's shout had attracted the attention of the majority of the other customers, who were considerably older than their lot. An old man had even muttered something about kids and getting high on drugs at such an early stage.
Yami roughly shook his head to rid himself of the offending thing. The slice flew from his face and fell on top of Ryou's white hair. Needless to say, it wasn't white anymore.
"Hey!" Ryou shouted accusingly, getting up on his feet. "Do you know how hard it is to wash white hair?!" he threw the remainder of his slice onto Yami's clothes.
Yami glared. "Leather is also hard to clean you know!!"
"Well no one's forcing you to wear them!"
"So?! No one's making you have white hair!!!" Yami shot back then spat out, "Grandpa!"
"What do you mean?! I was born with white hair!!! And who are you calling grandpa?! You're more than 4,000 years older than me!!!" Ryou retorted defensively. "Besides, you can buy leather! I can't buy hair!!"
"Psh! As if your fake hair is fooling anyone!!"
Ryou looked completely taken aback. "My hair is 100% real, thank you very much!!"
"Sure it is!" Yami scoffed.
"Agh!" Ryou exclaimed, irritated. "Why do I even bother?!" he gave up on putting some sense into the yami and dropped back onto his seat.
Bakura snickered amusedly as he plucked the pizza slice out of his hikari's hair, flicking it away from him. The pizza slice just happened to land on Kaiba's lap.
"Bakura!!!"
And the food fight resumed.
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Now, while you're waiting for me to update this story, I advice you to go and check my other fics. *cough* and maybe review! *cough* Man, how pathetic can I get? Anyway...
REVIEW PLEASE!!!