THE MOST RANDOM TORTURE FIC EVER
By Evil Yuki, Mai, & (sometimes) Snea
Author notes: This is a bunch of random stuff with all sorts of crap. This mostly revolves around Mai trying to ruin Kenshin's life. But there are some other anime characters in this too.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but myself. (Myself as in the one and only Mai!) (Snea: Yeah, and I own myself & Mi is Mai's lil sis.)
Chapter 1: Kenshin Bashing! Literally!
Let's go!
I'm searching through my book called, "Who will I torture today?"
Mai: I think I'll torment Kenshin today. This'll be easy!
Later, at Kagome's house.
Kagome is shampooing her hair viciously.
Kagome: I can't believe that girl dyed my hair 'green'! MAI!!! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Inuyasha is banging on the bathroom door.
Inuyasha: For the love of Kikyo, get out of the d@^^|\| bathroom!
Kagome stomped out of the bathroom with still green (but shiny) hair, glaring.
Kagome: I'm going to get her if it's the last thing I do!
Inuyasha: Not this again.
Leaving Kagome and her place.
Kaoru is sweeping just outside the dojo.
Mai: 'I don't like Kori. I'll just do something evil to her!' Hi Kori!
Kaoru: Well, if it isn't Mai. How are you?
Mai: I'm looking for Kenshin. Have you seen him?
Kaoru: No, why?
Mai: No special reason.
I begin to walk away when.
Mysterious voice: AYA!!! ATTACK!!!
Mai: Eeeeeppp!!!
Scary smoke affects.
Mysterious voice: I have come from the underworld itself! Prepare to die!!
Mai: You're not scaring anyone Akane.
Akane: Whatever!!! I'm still gonna get you back for putting ants in my noodles I made for breakfast yesterday!
Mai: So what? No one was gonna eat it anyway! And who puts bagels and starbursts in noodles?
Akane: I've had enough!
She was going to charge when someone put a hand on her shoulder.
Brock: Oh, what a lovely image! I'm Brock, what's your name? I see you take lessons in martial arts!
Misty pulls him away by the ear.
Misty: I'm gonna teach you a lesson!
Everyone sweat drops.
Mai: Ugh. I feel sick!
Kagome: There you are! Inuyasha! Sick em' boy!
Inuyasha: I'm not a little hunting dog you know!
Kagome: .SIT BOY!!!!
Inuyasha: (crashes to the ground) AAAAHHHAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Mai: Ouch!
Kaoru: What are you anyway? (Reaches down and rubs Inuyasha's ears.)
Akane: Wow! I wanna touch em' too!
Both Kaoru and Akane are rubbing Inuyasha's ears.
Inuyasha: Its times like these that make me want to be human!
Mai spots Kenshin.
Mai sneaks away from the 'I wanna touch Inuyasha's ears!' club, unaware that another being was creeping in the shadows.
Mai: Kenshin!
Kenshin turns around: (Blushes) Oh no! Get away from me!!
Mai: (Looks confused) Is he saying I look ugly?! Scary even?!! (Takes out a frying pan) Kenshin, get your sword fighting butt over here!!
Kaoru: Hey! No girl can have Kenshin but me!
Kaoru chases me with a bamboo sword and I chase Kenshin with a frying pan.
Kagome: Hey! I want revenge!
Gets her bow and arrow and joins the chase.
Kenshin is cornered.
Mai: (Pants.) Huh. I got you. why are you running away from me!?
Kenshin looks terrified.
Kenshin: I'm not running from you, I'm running from. HER!!!!!!! (Points at the shadows and out comes a woman!)
Urd: Kenshin, darling, why are you running away from me?
Kenshin: Leave me alone!!
Mai: Oh. Better go ruin someone else's life for now.
I turn around to have my face buried in something fluffy, and what do you know? It was Fluffy!!
Mai: FLUFFY!!!!
Sesshoumaru: I'm not Fluffy! (Sees Urd) Whoa! She's cute!!
Mai: ....... KILL FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The frying pan finds itself resting on a bump on Sesshoumaru's head.
Sesshoumaru: I'll kill you later.
A little girl jumps at Sesshy's feet.
Mi: It's Sesshy!! You know Mai likes you, right?
Mai: I'll kill you, you little conspirator!
Mi: I ain't good at big words.
Kaoru: In other words, she means 'traitor'. I can explain everything to you-
Mai: DON'T!!
(Kaoru talks WAY too much when she explains something.)
Akane: Hey! Someone come eat my new recipe for onion donuts!! I think it should be good this time!
Urd: I'll eat some!
Mai: NO URD! DON'T! YOU DON'T KNOW THE DANGERS-
Urd: Mmm. This stuff is good!
Everyone stares in amazement.
Urd: Kenshin darling, here try some!
Kenshin: I'm not really hung-
Urd: Eat it or your life ends now and you get sent to oblivion!
Kenshin: Ok!
Kenshin eats the donut and faints.
Urd: DARLING!!!
Akane: Someone go get Dr. Tofu!
Mai: I can be a doctor!
Mi: You can?
Mai: Sure I can!
I banged Kenshin in the head with my frying pan.
Mai: WAKE UP STUPID!!!!
I was gonna give him another hard smack when Kaoru stopped me.
Kaoru: You call yourself a doctor?! You're going to kill my Kenshin!
Urd: YOUR Kenshin?! He's MY darling!!
Kaoru: NO HE'S MINE!!
Urd: MINE!!
Kaoru: MINE!!
Kenshin slowly wakes up.
Kenshin: What's going on hair?
Sesshoumaru: ....He's cute too!
Mai: ......... KILL FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!!
Inuyasha: Hey! I'm gonna kill him!! Get back here!!
Kagome: SIT BOY!!!
Inuyasha: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mi: Ouch!
Kagome: I want to kill that oni girl!
Inuyasha: You mean Kikyo?
Kagome: WRONG ANSWER FOOL!! SIT BOY!!!!!!
Inuyasha: NOOO- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Mai and Mi: Ouch!
Akane: Will you cut that out?!
Sesshoumaru: HELLLOOO!!! Are you forgetting something?
Mai: Oh yeah! KILL FLUFFY!!!!!!
Urd looks at her watch.
Urd: Sorry Kenshin darling! I have to go and send some kids who were run over by a car to heaven! Bye bye!!
Kenshin: Yay!
Kaoru: You've got some explaining to do Kenshin! Who was she?! And what do you have with Mai?!
Mai: (Looking rather upset) I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM!!!!!
Akane: That's right! You like 'Fluffy'!!
Mai: ......KILL AKANE!!!!!!
Akane: I can fight you-
Kagome: Too late!
My pan was sitting on quite a pleasant little bump.
Akane collapsed.
Everybody: Hurray!!!!!
Kaoru: To celebrate, I'm gonna cook dinner tonight!!
Everyone except Kori: ...NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Kaoru: Or I can take us to a restaurant!!!
Everyone: YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!
Mai: Today seemed to have been quite successful! I messed up everyone's day, just as I planned!
Everyone is staring at me.
Everyone: DIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mai: CRAP! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Kaoru: No free food for you!!!!!!!
Mai: Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Brock: I'll be more than happy to buy you dinner if you date- OW!!!
Misty: Don't worry Brock, you'll pay dearly. That I can assure you!
She drags him off by the ear for the second time!!
Everyone sweat drops.
Mai: Well, that's the end for now!
Kagome: Wait a second! I didn't get to kill you yet!
Mai: You can kill me in the next chapter!
Kagome: Yay!
The End!
Snea: Hold it!
Mai: Now what?
Snea: Where was I?
Mai: Uh.I forgot?
Snea: (yelling) YOU FORGOT!?!
Mai: Oh $#|+! RUN!
I start to run.
Snea: 'Fine. More fun for me!' GET BACK HERE YOU BAKAYARO!!!
Snea pulls out her Quake II model rocket launcher and chases me.
NOW it's the end.
*in background* Mai: (to Snea) Sede! Snea: (crashes to the ground) AAAAHHHHH!!!!*
By Evil Yuki, Mai, & (sometimes) Snea
Author notes: This is a bunch of random stuff with all sorts of crap. This mostly revolves around Mai trying to ruin Kenshin's life. But there are some other anime characters in this too.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but myself. (Myself as in the one and only Mai!) (Snea: Yeah, and I own myself & Mi is Mai's lil sis.)
Chapter 1: Kenshin Bashing! Literally!
Let's go!
I'm searching through my book called, "Who will I torture today?"
Mai: I think I'll torment Kenshin today. This'll be easy!
Later, at Kagome's house.
Kagome is shampooing her hair viciously.
Kagome: I can't believe that girl dyed my hair 'green'! MAI!!! YOU'RE GOING TO PAY FOR THIS!!!!!!!!!!
Inuyasha is banging on the bathroom door.
Inuyasha: For the love of Kikyo, get out of the d@^^|\| bathroom!
Kagome stomped out of the bathroom with still green (but shiny) hair, glaring.
Kagome: I'm going to get her if it's the last thing I do!
Inuyasha: Not this again.
Leaving Kagome and her place.
Kaoru is sweeping just outside the dojo.
Mai: 'I don't like Kori. I'll just do something evil to her!' Hi Kori!
Kaoru: Well, if it isn't Mai. How are you?
Mai: I'm looking for Kenshin. Have you seen him?
Kaoru: No, why?
Mai: No special reason.
I begin to walk away when.
Mysterious voice: AYA!!! ATTACK!!!
Mai: Eeeeeppp!!!
Scary smoke affects.
Mysterious voice: I have come from the underworld itself! Prepare to die!!
Mai: You're not scaring anyone Akane.
Akane: Whatever!!! I'm still gonna get you back for putting ants in my noodles I made for breakfast yesterday!
Mai: So what? No one was gonna eat it anyway! And who puts bagels and starbursts in noodles?
Akane: I've had enough!
She was going to charge when someone put a hand on her shoulder.
Brock: Oh, what a lovely image! I'm Brock, what's your name? I see you take lessons in martial arts!
Misty pulls him away by the ear.
Misty: I'm gonna teach you a lesson!
Everyone sweat drops.
Mai: Ugh. I feel sick!
Kagome: There you are! Inuyasha! Sick em' boy!
Inuyasha: I'm not a little hunting dog you know!
Kagome: .SIT BOY!!!!
Inuyasha: (crashes to the ground) AAAAHHHAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Mai: Ouch!
Kaoru: What are you anyway? (Reaches down and rubs Inuyasha's ears.)
Akane: Wow! I wanna touch em' too!
Both Kaoru and Akane are rubbing Inuyasha's ears.
Inuyasha: Its times like these that make me want to be human!
Mai spots Kenshin.
Mai sneaks away from the 'I wanna touch Inuyasha's ears!' club, unaware that another being was creeping in the shadows.
Mai: Kenshin!
Kenshin turns around: (Blushes) Oh no! Get away from me!!
Mai: (Looks confused) Is he saying I look ugly?! Scary even?!! (Takes out a frying pan) Kenshin, get your sword fighting butt over here!!
Kaoru: Hey! No girl can have Kenshin but me!
Kaoru chases me with a bamboo sword and I chase Kenshin with a frying pan.
Kagome: Hey! I want revenge!
Gets her bow and arrow and joins the chase.
Kenshin is cornered.
Mai: (Pants.) Huh. I got you. why are you running away from me!?
Kenshin looks terrified.
Kenshin: I'm not running from you, I'm running from. HER!!!!!!! (Points at the shadows and out comes a woman!)
Urd: Kenshin, darling, why are you running away from me?
Kenshin: Leave me alone!!
Mai: Oh. Better go ruin someone else's life for now.
I turn around to have my face buried in something fluffy, and what do you know? It was Fluffy!!
Mai: FLUFFY!!!!
Sesshoumaru: I'm not Fluffy! (Sees Urd) Whoa! She's cute!!
Mai: ....... KILL FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The frying pan finds itself resting on a bump on Sesshoumaru's head.
Sesshoumaru: I'll kill you later.
A little girl jumps at Sesshy's feet.
Mi: It's Sesshy!! You know Mai likes you, right?
Mai: I'll kill you, you little conspirator!
Mi: I ain't good at big words.
Kaoru: In other words, she means 'traitor'. I can explain everything to you-
Mai: DON'T!!
(Kaoru talks WAY too much when she explains something.)
Akane: Hey! Someone come eat my new recipe for onion donuts!! I think it should be good this time!
Urd: I'll eat some!
Mai: NO URD! DON'T! YOU DON'T KNOW THE DANGERS-
Urd: Mmm. This stuff is good!
Everyone stares in amazement.
Urd: Kenshin darling, here try some!
Kenshin: I'm not really hung-
Urd: Eat it or your life ends now and you get sent to oblivion!
Kenshin: Ok!
Kenshin eats the donut and faints.
Urd: DARLING!!!
Akane: Someone go get Dr. Tofu!
Mai: I can be a doctor!
Mi: You can?
Mai: Sure I can!
I banged Kenshin in the head with my frying pan.
Mai: WAKE UP STUPID!!!!
I was gonna give him another hard smack when Kaoru stopped me.
Kaoru: You call yourself a doctor?! You're going to kill my Kenshin!
Urd: YOUR Kenshin?! He's MY darling!!
Kaoru: NO HE'S MINE!!
Urd: MINE!!
Kaoru: MINE!!
Kenshin slowly wakes up.
Kenshin: What's going on hair?
Sesshoumaru: ....He's cute too!
Mai: ......... KILL FLUFFY!!!!!!!!!!
Inuyasha: Hey! I'm gonna kill him!! Get back here!!
Kagome: SIT BOY!!!
Inuyasha: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mi: Ouch!
Kagome: I want to kill that oni girl!
Inuyasha: You mean Kikyo?
Kagome: WRONG ANSWER FOOL!! SIT BOY!!!!!!
Inuyasha: NOOO- AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!
Mai and Mi: Ouch!
Akane: Will you cut that out?!
Sesshoumaru: HELLLOOO!!! Are you forgetting something?
Mai: Oh yeah! KILL FLUFFY!!!!!!
Urd looks at her watch.
Urd: Sorry Kenshin darling! I have to go and send some kids who were run over by a car to heaven! Bye bye!!
Kenshin: Yay!
Kaoru: You've got some explaining to do Kenshin! Who was she?! And what do you have with Mai?!
Mai: (Looking rather upset) I AIN'T GOT NOTHING TO DO WITH HIM!!!!!
Akane: That's right! You like 'Fluffy'!!
Mai: ......KILL AKANE!!!!!!
Akane: I can fight you-
Kagome: Too late!
My pan was sitting on quite a pleasant little bump.
Akane collapsed.
Everybody: Hurray!!!!!
Kaoru: To celebrate, I'm gonna cook dinner tonight!!
Everyone except Kori: ...NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!
Kaoru: Or I can take us to a restaurant!!!
Everyone: YAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!
Mai: Today seemed to have been quite successful! I messed up everyone's day, just as I planned!
Everyone is staring at me.
Everyone: DIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Mai: CRAP! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!
Kaoru: No free food for you!!!!!!!
Mai: Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!
Brock: I'll be more than happy to buy you dinner if you date- OW!!!
Misty: Don't worry Brock, you'll pay dearly. That I can assure you!
She drags him off by the ear for the second time!!
Everyone sweat drops.
Mai: Well, that's the end for now!
Kagome: Wait a second! I didn't get to kill you yet!
Mai: You can kill me in the next chapter!
Kagome: Yay!
The End!
Snea: Hold it!
Mai: Now what?
Snea: Where was I?
Mai: Uh.I forgot?
Snea: (yelling) YOU FORGOT!?!
Mai: Oh $#|+! RUN!
I start to run.
Snea: 'Fine. More fun for me!' GET BACK HERE YOU BAKAYARO!!!
Snea pulls out her Quake II model rocket launcher and chases me.
NOW it's the end.
*in background* Mai: (to Snea) Sede! Snea: (crashes to the ground) AAAAHHHHH!!!!*